If You Can't Stand the Heat
by Clarry
Summary: Kendall Knight is the new kid in school.  On his first day he makes two friends and one enemy, and the mantra of his life becomes "I f%@!ing hate you, James Diamond."  But really all he wants to do is play hockey.  Eventual Cargan as well.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:** It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

If you've read my first BTR fic "Minnesota Wild", you might find this one similar in the beginning, but I promise it goes in a different direction. The pairings are the same and there's hockey involved, but the main difference is that this one is AU while the other one was strictly canon (at least what was canon at the time I wrote it). It doesn't take place in Minnesota, but in California. It was inspired by a picture that popped up on Tumblr one night, and I'd link you to the pic but of course FF does not allow that, so...I'll just say it was an old pic of James Maslow in high school, walking next to a dude and looking like his normal, pre-BTR gay self. Oh, what I'd give for video of him back then instead of just pics.

This fic has also been dubbed "The Brat Prince's Birthday Present", since she decided I must be writing this to satisfy her Kames craving. Yes, dear, that's the reason I wrote this. Just for you. It had nothing to do with the fact that Kendall was hounding me for days to give him James. So I'll dedicate this to you, because I do love you and while writing this I was reminded a lot of MW and of how you were such a huge help on that story, coaching me and making me a better writer. I will always cherish that time and credit you with getting me writing in this fandom. I love you, dude.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

* * *

><p>Being the new kid in school was never fun. Kendall had learned this from numerous students over the years who had transferred in from all over the country, and he'd always felt sorry for them in some capacity. While it wasn't in his nature to reach out to strangers, with new kids he'd always at least attempted a "Hello" or a "How's it going?" to try to make the transition easier for them.<p>

What he'd never expected was to find_ himself _in that situation, and the fact that he'd always been somewhat welcoming caused him to resent every single student he came into contact with on his first day at his new high school. Would it kill one of them to give a friendly nod or even a half-smile? A simple hello? How about a "You look lost, what class are you trying to find?" Kendall had been here two hours and the only person who had been nice enough to point him in the right direction was a security guard.

At least if he could've signed up for a hockey team like his mother had promised him he would have an automatic group of friends. Having been part of sports teams his entire life, Kendall knew that it afforded you a team of buddies who accepted you automatically as one of them, whether they hung out with you outside of sports activities or not. When his mom informed him that his new high school didn't even offer hockey, though, he'd gone through a sort of culture shock.

Hockey was the only thing Kendall wanted to do. It was his passion, his chosen life path, the one thing he was really good at and when people spoke to him, they knew him as "the hockey guy." Even adults knew him as such because in a city as small as the one he'd grown up in, when you're a star player everyone knows you—and loves you. You're the one who's "gonna make a name for himself someday" and "get out of this place and move on to better things."

Well, Kendall had certainly gotten out of that place, but much sooner than intended and by no fault of his own (or at least only in a dim way could it be blamed on him). His mother had needed a change, she said, now that Kendall's father moved back to Minnesota. He could've chosen any city, but he chose theirs. Kendall's little sister Katie had been excited, thinking this meant time with Daddy (she had fond memories of days spent at the park or the ice rink with him), but after he'd lived there two weeks and still made no effort to contact either of his children, Katie had fallen into a depression. Kendall could deal with his father treating _him_ like shit, but when Dad started upsetting Katie, there was no sitting around and taking it. He'd gone to see his father at work and mouthed off, causing Dad to later call Kendall's mom and instruct her to "put that kid on a leash."

Though his mother won't admit it, Kendall knows this is what led to her sudden desire to move; not only was Kendall unpredictable when it came to his father, but as it was the first time she'd spoken to him in over five years, it left her shaken. There were some abandonment issues Kendall hadn't picked up on when he was eleven, but at sixteen he was able to look back and see it, remember the way his mother had gone through major depression and only managed to come out of it for her children, who needed her more than ever since their daddy was no longer in the picture.

For this reason Kendall did not put up as huge of a fight as he could have over moving to California, though inside he was panicked and devastated. This place was all he'd ever known, these people who praised him the ones he'd been raised around and who took care of Katie and him if need be, because once Dad left, Mom had been forced to work a lot. Obviously as Kendall got older he was left in charge of Katie more and more, but there were times when a mother (or neighbor) was just necessary.

He'd held on to the promise of hockey, though—a new team, new people to "wow" who would see him skate and know what a great thing they'd had grace them. It wasn't that Kendall was conceited or full of himself, but hockey was his identity and in that one thing he knew he would always shine. It was his ticket out of "new kid" status and into "Hey, wanna join us for lunch?"

His mother had apparently not understood the fine line between a school hockey team and community hockey league, though. She'd promised there was ice hockey in San Diego; he'd assumed she meant as a school sport. Apparently there was indeed a community hockey league for teens, but as most of the team members attended schools other than Kendall's new one, it did him no good on a social level. He wouldn't even get to join until the weekend, and by then he'd be going crazy with no one to talk to and would probably drive everyone insane trying too hard to make friends.

This was all foreign to Kendall, who'd never had to worry about making friends. In fact, there were people who considered him a loner because he was perfectly happy to spend time alone rather than tag along to a movie or go out partying. Still, Kendall was never as content as he was holding court among a group of friends. He was the one they looked up to, the one who solved everyone's problems, and the truth was Kendall just plain liked being _needed_.

What he'd also never experienced was a bond so tight his friends were more like brothers. He'd seen it in movies and read it in books, where you'd be willing to die for your best buds, but somehow Kendall had never found guys who brought that out in him, the desire to sacrifice everything just to see someone smile. He ached for it, for that legendary friendship that made others wish they could be part of it. Instead he'd had buddies and plenty of acquaintances, but never quite fit tightly into anyone else's group or even formed his own. He thought that maybe this place would be different, maybe there was a group of guys just looking for someone to lead them, and hockey was the thing that could bring them together.

When he'd discovered there was no hockey team at his new high school (unless you counted the girls' field hockey team, and really you couldn't), he'd raged at his mother for so long she'd sent him to his room and grounded him until he was able to "talk about this calmly and rationally." Instead he'd laid in bed all night depressed and moping, and in a little bit of shock because getting grounded wasn't something he did often. It only made him sadder because he'd always dreamed of being grounded over some stupid stunt he pulled with his group of compadres—the ones he'd hoped to meet here in San Diego but now lost any dream of actually doing so. Yes, there could be awesome guys on the community team waiting for him, but he wanted buddies to hang out with at school and after, not just on the weekends or at practice.

And on his first day of high school here in San Diego, as a junior with nothing going for him to make him stand out, things weren't looking good. He was the freak. His mother had enrolled him in yearbook, for heaven's sake. _Yearbook._ "You need an elective and this will help you make friends." Somehow he didn't see it that way.

He found the right room finally and cringed when everything went quiet, all eyes staring in his direction. Of course he was late, but did it really warrant that much attention?

Kendall approached the desk and was greeted by the teacher, who nodded and checked off his name on the roster. "Perfect! Carlos, here. Now you have a partner of your own." Kendall was pointed toward the back of the classroom, where three students were gathered around a small table. One of them, a shorter kid who seemed to practically bounce on his feet, flagged him down.

"Hey! Come on over here!"

Eyes wide because Kendall was not used to such buoyancy from high school students, Kendall made his way to the empty table the Carlos boy had moved to. The rest of the class returned to whatever they'd been doing before he made his grand entrance, and Carlos held out a hand.

"Hi! I'm Carlos!"

"Hey. Kendall." Kendall lowered himself into the chair Carlos gestured at, setting down his backpack.

"You new this year?"

"Yeah. From Minnesota." _Go ahead, tell me I'm a freak._

"Minnesota! They have real snow there, don't they? I'm so jealous."

Kendall chuckled. "Yeah. Real snow. It's not as exciting as it sounds, especially when you have to shovel it."

"Still. You get to go sledding and make snowmen and have snowball fights...damn. We have to drive for hours to get that. And it's a big deal, not something you can do every day. Why would you move here?"

"It wasn't by choice, I promise." Though Carlos' enthusiasm was a tad intimidating, Kendall couldn't help liking the kid a little bit.

"Why'd you have to move here?" Carlos asked again.

Yeah, that was a bit forward to ask someone you'd just met, but Kendall sensed no judgement from Carlos so he answered it honestly. "Problems with my dad. Mom moved us out here."

"Brothers?"

"No, a sister. My grandparents live out here, so that's why Mom chose San Diego."

"San Diego's pretty cool. We got the beach. No snow, though."

"Sorry about that." Why he was apologizing, he didn't know; it wasn't his fault. Still, he felt like anything that made Carlos sad was not to be tolerated. "What sort of stuff do you do in yearbook?"

"Lots of things. We take pictures all year, put together spreads about school events, try to raise money and find advertisers. It's cool because you get to go to all the games and dances for free. Like a season pass for a football team. You like the Chargers?"

"I'm from Minnesota, remember? Vikings all the way."

"Vikings? Ugh. We shouldn't even be sitting at the same table. I think I need to go ask for a new partner." Carlos stood up and pretended to walk away, then grinned and sat back down. "Just kidding. I'll suffer for you. But you're going to a Chargers game with me next time I can get in."

What surprised Kendall was the momentary panic he'd felt at the idea of losing Carlos as a partner. Probably because he'd have to meet someone new all over again, but maybe also because he actually liked Carlos. "If they play the Vikings, you won't want to sit near me. I'll embarrass you."

"I'll pretend I don't know you."

"Good plan. So you got a season pass?"

"Might as well. Dad's a cop for the city, so he gets free tickets all the time. What are you doing Saturday? There's a home game and if you're not busy, you're going. I'll convert you."

"Saturday..." Kendall considered it. "I actually have plans."

"Just moved here and you already have plans? You don't waste any time. What's her name?"

"No," Kendall laughed. "Tryouts for the hockey team."

"Down at the rink? You play hockey?"

"I did in Minnesota. We actually had a school team."

"I wish we had that. I'd totally play."

"Why don't you anyway? Anyone can join, right? If they're good enough?"

"My mom wouldn't have time for that. She'd have to drive me all over and go to the games and I guess my dad could do it, but he works a lot so it would be hard."

"Dude, do you skate?"

"A little."

"Enough to play?"

"I don't know. Probably not."

"You should come with me. My mom would drive you to the games and stuff. We can go after school today if you want, I could see you skate and tell you if it's worth going."

"Man, I can't after school. I have tutoring and then have to watch my little brothers while my mom takes my sister to ballet."

Kendall's mind worked at the problem. He wanted Carlos to play hockey with him, wanted it badly. "How about tomorrow? Can we do it tomorrow?"

"I have tutoring every day."

"For what? Is there a subject you're bad at? We could go skating and I could tutor you after."

"Are you good at every subject? Because my tutor is, and that's what I need. Every subject. I have a tiny problem with my attention span," Carlos blushed. "It doesn't exist."

"Aww come on, just one day? _One day _you can't miss?"

"My mom would kill me. But maybe..." Carlos bit his lip, flexing his brain power. "Maybe I can convince Logan to come with me. If I promise to work extra hard on my math tonight and do double the work, he can't say anything about skipping tomorrow."

"Why would he need to come with you?"

"Because my mom pays him to tutor me and he would be pissed if he missed out on a day's worth. Plus, he's my best friend."

"So don't tell your mom."

"Kendall! I can't lie to my mom! She always knows when I'm lying." Carlos was scandalized just thinking about it.

"Well, what did you expect this guy to do, tutor you at the rink?"

"No, but if he's there, I won't have to lie about not being with him."

"Okay, fine. See what you can do. Tomorrow?"

"I'll try. But I'm not missing the Chargers game this weekend, so I can't try out anyway. Not Saturday. And you should come with me. Can't you do hockey next weekend?"

"Carlos, you don't understand. Hockey is my thing. It's what I do."

Carlos shrugged. "Football is what I do."

"Are you on the team here?"

"No. I have a hard enough time keeping my grades up as it is."

"Then we should make hockey your thing."

"Not gonna happen, dude."

"We'll see."

Carlos smirked at Kendall with a sidelong glance. "You're used to getting your way, aren't you?"

"Not really. But when it comes to hockey...I don't mess around."

"What if I suck?"

"Then you don't play."

"You wouldn't try to get me on the team anyway?" Carlos pouted.

"Not if you suck. I play to win."

Carlos laughed. "Yeah, I would, too."

The teacher stood up at that point and the class to order to update them on events they would be covering the following week, and while none of it sounded thrilling to Kendall, he was no longer dreading the class.

He had a friend.

* * *

><p>Sadly, Kendall did not share his next class with Carlos, so he waved a quick goodbye and figured he'd live until the next day. Two hours later, though, as he was making his way through the cafeteria in search of an empty table, he heard his name being called and grinned. Turning toward the sound, his smile widened when he saw Carlos once again flagging him down and waving him over.<p>

Carlos was sharing a table with a guy who immediately appeared to be his opposite. While Carlos was bouncy and full of energy, his companion moved at a more sedate pace and studied Kendall as if he was a math problem to be figured out. Carlos' skin was darker, his hair black and spiked without any sense of direction while Logan (at least Kendall assumed it was Logan) was pale with more carefully-spiked strands that made sense, if hair was able to do that. Carlos stood up and clapped Kendall on the back as he slid onto the bench next to him; Logan continued to stare, not shy about it in the slightest.

Kendall set his backpack on the table and unzipped it, wondering how to ask the other guy to knock off the staring without it sounding rude.

"This is Kendall, the hockey guy."

"I figured that out when you yelled his name across the cafeteria, Carlos."

"Hey," Kendall said in greeting, pulling out the lunch his mother had packed him. Seeing that both boys also had packed lunches, he felt a little better about his own.

"Hello. I'm Logan Mitchell. Carlos just told me you want to kidnap him tomorrow after school and take him skating?"

"That's not quite the situation, no." What had Carlos said to this guy? "I'd like to see if he has any skill on the ice because I think he'd be fun to play hockey with."

"He doesn't."

"Excuse me?" Kendall asked in surprise.

"Logan," Carlos whined, "you haven't seen me skate since fifth grade, dude! How do you know I'm not amazing now?"

Logan studied Carlos the same way he'd studied Kendall and then shook his head while pulling a sandwich out of his lunch bag. "I'll believe it when I see it."

"Perfect," Kendall piped up. "You can see it tomorrow when you and Carlos come down to the rink with me."

"We have a lot studying to do, Kendall. I don't think that's a good idea."

"Logan, loosen up! Why do you have to be such a nerd all the time?"

"If it wasn't for my nerdiness, you wouldn't be passing your classes, genius."

"One day isn't gonna kill us. And I swear I'll do double the work tonight. You can stay while my mom goes out with Maria to ballet."

"There is no way you can stay focused that long."

"Logan, please! Give it a chance, dude! I want to do this!"

Logan finished swallowing from his water bottle before asking, "Have you even skated once since fifth grade? At all?"

"I...well..." Carlos fidgeted with the foil around the cake his mother had packed.

Kendall glanced at him in disbelief. "You haven't?"

"Okay, not really, but I'm sure I'll be better now! We don't know until we try, right guys?"

With a sigh, Kendall dropped his head into his hand. Logan merely nodded as if he'd expected it. "And you wondered why I had my doubts? Because I know Carlos. I've known him all my life. He has big dreams but lacks the attention span to do anything with them. This week it's hockey? Next week it'll be..." Logan glanced around the cafeteria, gaze settling on a table full of obviously-popular kids. "...a fashion show. He'll want to be a model."

Kendall's eyes fell on the group of well-dressed students, but he wasn't really seeing them. He was too busy processing the fact that Logan had basically just dismissed him, telling him that by next week, he wouldn't even be an interest in Carlos' life, let alone a friend. Maybe that was the reason for Logan's immediate and unfair dislike of Kendall; maybe Logan was used to this, seeing Carlos parade new "friends" over each week.

_I still have him in yearbook, though, right? That's something. Maybe he won't be that do-or-die friend I've been searching for, but at least he can be a buddy like the guys back home. And at least he's not as ridiculous as those better-than-everyone rich kids who treat the rest of us like shit. Oh, here comes another one, who does this guy think he is?_

Kendall watched the tall brunette with the perfectly-styled hair slide onto the bench next to a chattering blonde, his movements almost effeminate. The blonde leaned over and whispered something before giggling, pretty much throwing herself at him, and Kendall had to snicker. _Give __it up, Blondie. If that guy is straight, I'm a ballerina. What is that, blush on his cheeks? He probably uses cover-up and prays no one notices. I wonder how long he spends on his hair each day. And how much money on hair-care products. I bet he even-_

"Kendall? Are you even listening to me?"

Shaking his head, Kendall returned his attention to Logan. "I'm sorry?"

"I was saying that I'm sorry if what I said sounded harsh, but it's the way Carlos is. Each week it's a new obsession, some crazy thing he's got to try."

Carlos had disappeared. When did that happen? "Where did he go?"

"Bathroom. Sometimes he eats so fast it makes him sick. I'm working on that."

Kendall laughed softly and asked with a hint of teasing, "What are you, his mom?"

"Feels like it sometimes, yeah."

It was the first smile Kendall had seen from the guy and it changed his entire face. His eyebrows lifted, the corners of his eyes crinkled, and his lips twisted into a sweetly crooked smile. Kendall grinned back, relaxing some. "So how did you end up being the mom to Carlos' little kid?"

Logan shrugged. "It's kind of always been my thing to look after him. Our moms are best friends, so it was natural for us to grow up together. He drives me crazy sometimes."

"But you'd be bored without him, I bet."

"Possibly. I'd get a lot more homework done, that's for sure."

"He keeps you from doing homework?"

"Not really, I guess. I do it when I get home at night, after dinner. I can't do it when I'm tutoring him, he requires constant focus or he's off and running after some butterfly or ghost he thought he heard."

"He believes in ghosts?" Kendall giggled.

"You have no idea. Someday maybe he'll tell you about the alien who showed up in his room one night."

That sounded good, it was a sign that Logan didn't expect Kendall to disappear completely out of Carlos' life. "So about this hockey thing."

"I'm telling you, he's horrible on skates."

"What if I got him practicing again? Is he coordinated at all?"

"He's...clumsy. But fast. And fierce. He'd make it to the net through sheer force of will. Why are you so determined to get him playing?"

"I don't know. I just didn't want to do it alone. I don't suppose _you're_ any good on skates."

"Not too bad on rollerblades," Logan shrugged. "But I wouldn't have time for a sport anyway. I do a lot of stuff for my mom on the weekends. Help her get houses ready to show. She's a realtor."

"Figures. On my own, it looks like."

"You played in Minnesota?"

"How'd you know I'm from there?"

"Carlos told me. He also says you're a Vikings fan, which makes you public enemy number one in his eyes. I have no idea why he tolerates you."

"Must be my charming smile," Kendall grinned.

"Where's Carlos?" a voice asked from above, and Kendall looked up to see Mr. Perfectly-Styled-Hair himself standing over them. His eyes widened as they roamed over the gorgeous face; it was not blush but natural flushing of his cheeks, and there wasn't a hint of make-up covering the flawless skin. His lips were almost pink and his eyes a mixture of green and brown that defied description—hazel didn't even come close to putting it into a word.

_Holy fuck, you really are beautiful. You've got to be a model._

"He'll be right back. What did you need, James?" Logan sounded annoyed.

"I need to know if he finished our science report. It's due today. Though I don't know why I'm telling you, it's not your business."

_Oh, you're a prick, too. Figures. The pretty ones always are._

"As a matter of fact, he did finish it, and I know that because I helped him. Which is actually_ your _job, being his lab partner and all."

"He said he'd do it. I'm not gonna argue."

"Well, don't worry, you'll get a passing grade on it. I know that's all you care about."

"Oh hey, James! I did our report last night!" Carlos smiled as he approached the table. Logan scowled.

"That's what I needed to know. See you in class."

Perfectly-Styled-Hair spun on his heel and sauntered back to his table. Kendall watched him until he was seated, and then muttered, "What a dick."

Carlos gasped but Logan busted up laughing. "My sentiments exactly."

"Is he always like that?"

"Every day," Logan nodded. "I don't talk to him unless I have to. Not like he'd pay me any attention anyway. Trust me, you're better off not dealing with him."

"Come on, Logan, he's not that bad. He's a lot of fun when you get him away from his group."

"Which is hardly ever, and I'll trust you on that," Logan replied. "I have no desire to know him better. I'm also shocked the two of you haven't blown up the school yet." To Kendall, he continued, "Those two are chemistry partners. Teacher has to be suicidal to set that up."

"Thanks for the tip. I have chemistry right after lunch, Carlos. Any chance we're in the same class?"

Carlos held up a hand for a high-five. "Only one chemistry class, buddy!"

Kendall slapped hands with him, relieved. "How about you, Logan?"

"I took chemistry freshman year."

"Yeah, he's in rocket science now," Carlos teased.

"It's not rocket science, it's advanced physics. So uh...close to rocket science, I guess."

Logan was proud and trying not to show it, and Kendall found himself liking the guy even more. "So you're pretty smart, huh?"

"Logan's a genius! I mean, an actual _genius_! He should be like...a college professor by now. I don't know why he's still in high school, he could've graduated last year if he took all the extra classes the counselor told him about."

Logan blushed but smiled at Carlos, and Kendall knew exactly why Logan was still in high school. The reason was sitting right next to Kendall, and a white hot flash of jealousy hit him hard-not so much for either of them, but for the friendship they shared. Logan had sacrificed something monumental to stay behind and help Carlos, to be with him and keep him on track. That was the kind of friend Kendall wanted, someone he felt such a deep connection with he would be willing to give up almost anything for that person.

_Why are you so desperate? Because they've known each other all their lives and can't imagine living without the other? Get over it, you're brand new here. You can't be part of this._

But there had been people Kendall had known all his life in Minnesota, too, and not one of them had shared that something special with him. No one had drawn him in, made him want to sink himself into a friendship so strong he couldn't bear to live without it.

A tug on his arm pulled Kendall back into the conversation. "But you can't be my partner in chem, Kendall. I'm sorry."

"Oh, it's cool. I'm sure the teacher will figure something out. I've always been fine to work on my own, anyway. I'm used to it."

Truer words had never been spoken.

* * *

><p>The good news was that Kendall was placed at a table behind Carlos, so at least he had a friend nearby. The move from Minnesota had reduced him to a desperate person, wanting to cling onto someone in an effort to not feel so alone, and it disgusted him. Never had Kendall Knight needed anyone, and he hated that it had come to this.<p>

Carlos glanced back at him occasionally throughout the period, offering smiles here and there, but James paid him no mind. This was fine with Kendall, who kept hearing Logan's words in his head. _Trust me, you're better off not dealing with him._

The problem was that because James was seated directly in front of him, Kendall couldn't help but "deal" with him. He stared at the teacher at the front of the room, but his eyes kept pulling just a hint to the left and getting stuck on shiny brown hair that brushed the collar of James' Abercrombie & Fitch shirt. He'd force them away only to be drawn back moments later to trail further down over the broadly-sculpted shoulders and muscled biceps. Was he drooling? Probably.

Kendall had never tried to deny the attraction he felt toward guys. He'd dated a few girls but found himself more comfortable with males, and there had been some he'd wanted to cross the line with over the years. It had happened once and while Kendall knew immediately it wouldn't work as more than friends, the physical aspect of it had been nice. He'd quite enjoyed the make-out session in the locker room and had since dreamed about it often, waking up hard and aching. A boyfriend wouldn't be a horrible thing, and maybe with this fresh start he could make that happen for once without being judged by the people who expected such great things from him.

And yet more than a boyfriend, he longed for that bond of brotherhood. He'd happily wait on the sex end of things if only he could have sleepovers where everyone tells their deepest, darkest secrets and whispers their impossible hopes and dreams in the dark, saying things they'd never admit to anyone else or even at any other time.

At the moment, though, it was the memory of rough lips on his that was captivating him as he stared at the head of glossy chestnut hair with his chin resting on a hand, and prick or not, he'd bet James knew how to kiss. Probably made a sport of it, wanting to be better than anyone else. _You could practice on me anytime, sexy._

Suddenly "Sexy" turned in his seat to pass back a set of papers, his eyes narrowing into a glare when he took in Kendall's expression. "You got a problem, new boy?"

Caught, Kendall sat up straight with his cheeks flaming. "No. Sorry. I was lost in..." _ Your hair. I was lost in your hair and fuck me, I need to knock this off before he takes a swing at me._

James rolled his eyes and dropped the papers in front of Kendall. "Take one and pass it back," he monotoned before facing forward again.

"Hey, Kendall's cool, James. Leave him alone."

"I wasn't the one staring," James informed Carlos. "Tell your new buddy to back off."

_Damn, you really are a prick._ "He doesn't need to tell me anything, I can hear just fine. And I wasn't staring, I was lost in thought. You're sitting right in front of me, of course that's where I was looking."

"Next time sit somewhere else. I don't appreciate being stared at."

_Oh bullshit, you thrive on it. Every move you make is with the express intention to draw focus to yourself._ "Gladly."

"Hey guys, let's not fight, okay? We can all be friends."

"I don't_ need_ friends," James argued.

"Good thing, because with that attitude you sure aren't gonna make any."

"You know what?" James spun around in his seat, ready to go off, but the teacher silenced him by calling out his name and reminding them they were supposed to be working with their partners on balancing chemical equations. James sighed and waved a hand as if Kendall wasn't worth his time anyway.

"Kendall, you can work with Maggie and Christine if you need help."

Two girls across the aisle from him smiled and waved, looking excited at the prospect of working with the hot new guy, but Kendall had no intention of joining them. "It's cool," he said to the teacher. "I'm used to working by myself."

Carlos frowned back at him, but Kendall ignored it. As usual, the words were true.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes:** It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

If you've read my first BTR fic "Minnesota Wild", you might find this one similar in the beginning, but I promise it goes in a different direction. The pairings are the same and there's hockey involved, but the main difference is that this one is AU while the other one was strictly canon (at least what was canon at the time I wrote it). It doesn't take place in Minnesota, but in California. It was inspired by a picture that popped up on Tumblr one night, and I'd link you to the pic but of course FF does not allow that, so...I'll just say it was an old pic of James Maslow in high school, walking next to a dude and looking like his normal, pre-BTR gay self. Oh, what I'd give for video of him back then instead of just pics.

This fic has also been dubbed "The Brat Prince's Birthday Present", since she decided I must be writing this to satisfy her Kames craving. Yes, dear, that's the reason I wrote this. Just for you. It had nothing to do with the fact that Kendall was hounding me for days to give him James. So I'll dedicate this to you, because I do love you and while writing this I was reminded a lot of MW and of how you were such a huge help on that story, coaching me and making me a better writer. I will always cherish that time and credit you with getting me writing in this fandom. I love you, dude.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

* * *

><p>The rest of the day passed without incident, Kendall not meeting anyone else he could consider even a prospective friend. When his mom asked about his day that evening, he told her about Carlos and Logan and that while he had no hopes for them joining the team, he thought he'd at least met some buddies to hang out with at school. She was relieved, still feeling guilty about the move, and appeared to feel even better when Katie relayed the adventures of her day; Katie was usually considered cool by her peers so this was no surprise to Kendall.<p>

The following day Kendall couldn't wait for Yearbook. He grinned when Carlos took his seat and they exchanged a bro handshake.

"So? You and Logan coming today or what?"

"Yes, but Logan told me to remind you not to expect a miracle. He's such a downer sometimes."

"Considering you haven't skated in at least five years, I'm inclined to agree with him. Why didn't you tell me that?"

"You never know, Kendall. I could be one of those prodigy things just waiting to spread my wings." Carlos extended his arms out as if doing just that, and Kendall laughed.

"I'm not holding my breath. Think we can get Logan on the ice?"

"Doubt it. Maybe _you_can, though. He likes you."

"Really? I wasn't sure."

"Logan's weird. He's crazy smart though and my best friend, so I put up with it." Carlos smiled and Kendall knew that no matter what he said, he would be lost without Logan.

There was another twinge of jealousy in his chest that Kendall tried to shove away before Carlos continued.

"You know, I didn't think about it until last night, but you should talk to James. He's on the team."

Kendall's eyebrows drew together. "What team?"

"The hockey team. He doesn't talk about it much with me, but I heard he's really good."

Kendall felt like he was being pranked. There was just no way that sashaying, stunning asshole was any good on the puck. "Bullshit."

"No, really! He's like...co-captain or something. I've never been to a game or anything but at least he's someone you could ask about the league."

The mere thought of sharing the ice with James, let alone discussing it with him, was daunting enough to turn his stomach. Kendall wasn't one to be easily intimidated, especially by uppity jerks like James, but something about that guy set him on edge.

_Probably because he's gorgeous. I bet most people lose their cool around him. Stunning asshole. _Kendall shook his head. "Not even worth messing with him. I'd rather go in blind."

"He's not that bad! I don't know why you and Logan won't give him a chance."

"Yeah, he was so nice to me yesterday. I wasn't even doing anything and he acted like I'd attacked him."

"Were you staring at him?" Carlos asked.

"He was sitting right in front of me! How was I supposed to _not _stare at him?"

Carlos smirked. "You were totally staring at him."

"I told you, I had no choice! And it's not like he doesn't enjoy being stared at. I don't care what he says."

Nodding, Carlos took out a notebook as the bell rang. "I used to stare at him, too. It's hard not to, you know?"

_Oh, really?_Kendall studied Carlos, wondering if it was his way of hinting at something, and Carlos smiled.

"Just saying. He puts a lot of effort into looking good, so you can't help it." Leaning in to whisper, Carlos pointed out a girl sitting near the front. "See the blonde in the pink shirt? That's his girlfriend. She's actually pretty nice."

"What? How does that guy have a girlfriend?" It didn't compute. Kendall had no doubt James was gay.

"A lot of the jocks think he's gay, but he's been with Heather since freshman year."

"Then he's in denial. I'm telling you, he's gay."

Carlos shrugged. "Tell that to his girlfriend."

As the teacher called the class to order, Kendall furtively watched Heather. She was like a Barbie doll, perfectly proportioned and with classic model looks. A perfect match for James. _Almost too perfect. He's probably never kissed a guy but when he does, he'll know. He'll never go back to chicks._

There was a part of Kendall that wanted to be that first kiss, that wanted to turn James just so he could lord it over him and wipe that asshole look off his face. And maybe a little bit because he sensed kissing James would be amazing, but mostly to shake him up.

A guy behind Heather sneezed and she immediately blessed him while digging in her purse for a tissue. He smiled and thanked her, Heather giving him a blinding smile in return. So she really _was_nice; the sneezer was obviously not someone in her immediate group of friends.

_You're beautiful and have a heart of gold. What the hell are you doing with James Diamond?_

* * *

><p>After confirming plans to meet up for lunch, Kendall left Carlos and rushed to his next class, which was of course across campus. He barreled around the last corner and almost knocked someone down, halting with a "Whoa!" and catching the smaller body in his arms, though her books went flying.<p>

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"

Getting her balance, the blonde giggled, and Kendall's stomach dropped. _Heather._

"Yeah, I'm good." She bent down to grab her books and Kendall helped. "Thanks."

"I'm not usually that clumsy, I just didn't want to be late again." He opened the door for Heather and she entered with a grateful smile.

"Thank you. Are you new? I've never seen you in this class."

"Yeah, yesterday was my first day."

"Oh, I wasn't here yesterday. That must be hard, being the new kid. I hope everyone welcomed you nicely?"

_Where were you when I needed a friendly face yesterday? _"It wasn't too bad. Made a couple friends. Only one asshole I had to deal with."

"Aww, people are mean. Don't let one guy get you down, he doesn't deserve your attention if he's gonna be a jerk. I'm Heather."

_Would you say that if you knew your boyfriend is the asshole? And again, how are you dating James Diamond?_Kendall shook her hand. "Kendall. Thanks."

"Anytime. And if you have any questions about the school or anything, just ask. If I don't know the answer, I'll know who will."

_How are you real? How are you with that asshole? _"I will." Kendall gave her a bright smile and moved to his seat, glad when she took the empty seat next to him after stopping to speak to the teacher briefly.

"We meet again," she joked, and really she had a beautiful smile. Any guy would be lucky to have her and it pissed him off that he'd still rather kiss James than her. What was wrong with him?_ That asshole doesn't deserve me, and he most certainly does not deserve her._

"We do! I wish you'd been here yesterday, it would've made my day so much nicer."

She laughed, and it was a sweet laugh that pulled his own lips into a smile. "Sorry, family emergency. I would've rather been here, trust me."

"I hope everything's okay."

"It will be, thanks for caring." Heather reached out and patted his hand. "You'll make lots of friends here, I can tell. You're a nice guy."

"No need to be an asshole when it's uncalled for, right?"

"How about never?"

Kendall considered that. "No, there are times when it's called for," he grinned, thinking of James.

"Nope. Never. It's never worth sinking to an asshole's level. Just walk away and don't give them the satisfaction of getting to you."

Kendall shook his head, once again wondering if this girl was real. Class was called to order and other than exchanging a few words about their lesson they didn't speak again, though she did smile at him occasionally. Kendall smiled back each time, wondering what James would think of his girlfriend being so friendly and sweet to someone he disliked so much.

At lunchtime Kendall made his way straight to the table he'd shared with Carlos and Logan the previous day, this time finding Logan there alone.

"Hey, where's Carlos?"

"He'll be here soon, probably had to stay after class for a few minutes. It happens a lot with him." Logan set out an apple, a sandwich, and a bottle of water, but when Kendall took out a bag of chips he licked his lips.

"Would you like some?" Kendall asked with a grin, tossing the bag to him.

"I don't eat these often. Barbecue are my favorite."

"Have the bag. I get them almost every day."

Logan thanked him and ripped into the chips. He froze with one halfway to his mouth, looking up in surprise. Kendall followed his gaze to see Heather standing next to the table.

"Hi, Kendall."

"Hey. Did you want to join us?"

"Oh, no, but thank you. I just wanted to say make sure you weren't stuck sitting alone. How's it going, Logan?"

"Fine. You two know each other?"

"Heather's in my math class, we just met today. I almost knocked her to the ground, poor thing."

Heather laughed. "It was no big deal. You apologized, that's what matters."

"Heather, hi!" Carlos clapped her on the back as he joined them. "What's up?"

"Just stopping by to say hi."

"Are you sure you don't want to join us?" Kendall asked again as Carlos took a seat next to him. He glanced over at James' table and was pleased to see the asshole livid and glaring at them.

"Thanks, but I have friends over there." She pointed toward the popular kids and smiled. "Not that you aren't friends, I just mean-"

"It's okay," Logan interrupted. "We know how it is. Chips?" he asked, holding up the bag and shaking it.

Carlos' mouth dropped. "I want some of those! Where did you get those?" He snatched them out of Logan's hand and tipped the bag to his open mouth.

"Carlos! That was so rude!"

"It's fine," Heather laughed again. "I'll see you guys later. Enjoy your chips, Carlos."

"Oh, I will." It was garbled because of course Carlos was crunching his way through a mouthful. "Want some?"

"No, it's cool. Kendall, see you tomorrow. Unless we have any more classes together?"

"I don't know, you weren't here yesterday. We could get lucky."

"You never know. Bye, guys."

"See ya," Kendall replied, watching her walk toward James' table, then meeting James' eyes and grinning at the death glare. He waved and James stood up, looking ready to kill, but then Heather arrived and greeted him with a kiss on the cheek and he seemed to settle down.

"Okay, what was that all about?" Logan had to know.

"Apparently Asshole doesn't like me talking to his girlfriend."

"Which of course means you're going to keep doing it, right?"

"You know it," Kendall answered.

Carlos chugged down a Coke. "Dude, you should've seen them in Chem yesterday. I thought they were gonna throw down."

"How'd you manage to piss him off?"

Kendall shrugged. "He thought I was staring at him." He bit into his own sandwich.

"He _was _staring, Logan."

"I didn't mean to."

"Still, you were staring. And he didn't like it."

"Did you guys talk about me at all after class?"

"No, I don't see him except for Chem; it's our only class together. But how did you meet Heather?"

"I have her in math. She's really nice and I don't understand how that asshole could possibly be dating her."

Logan rejoined the conversation. "They've been dating a long time, I think. I agree, Heather's too nice for him. She could do a lot better," he hinted meaningfully to Kendall.

"Oh, like I'm gonna go after that guy's girlfriend? He already hates me, why make it worse?"

"Because you thrive on it," Logan answered. "The way you waved at him? You want to piss him off. Why?"

"I don't know. He was a dick to me yesterday so any chance I have to be a dick back I'm gonna take it." _ It's never worth sinking to an asshole's level. Just walk away and don't give them the satisfaction of getting to you. _Heather's words came to mind and he felt a little guilty, but if James was going to be a dick he wasn't just going to sit there and take it.

"Kendall, there's no need to make him an enemy. I'm telling you guys, he's not that bad."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Carlos. He uses you for a grade, doesn't that bother you at all? That's probably the only reason he's nice to you."

Kendall nodded in agreement.

"So what? He's still nice to me. I mean, we're not friends or anything but we get along pretty good. Why pick a fight when you can avoid it?"

"He's the one who picked the fight," Kendall argued. "I'm not about to back down when someone attacks me."

"Okay, can we stop talking about James?" Logan interrupted. "Do you guys still want to go skating after school?"

"Yes!" Kendall answered, James all but forgotten. "And I already know not to expect anything, Logan."

"Yeah, we'll probably disappoint you. Sorry."

"It's cool, if nothing else I'll get to check the place out before Saturday and I don't have to do it alone. I only wish James wasn't gonna be there."

"Can I have just one chip, Carlos? Would that be too much to ask?" After Carlos passed him a few, Logan addressed Kendall. "Is he supposed to be there?"

"I meant Saturday. Carlos says he's on the team." Kendall made a mental note to sneak an extra bag of chips tomorrow.

"Is he? I don't even know, James Diamond isn't someone I care to keep tabs on."

"He's really good," Carlos offered. "He wouldn't be a captain if he wasn't, right?"

"I guess."

It was true, though, Kendall knew that much. He still didn't see how it was possible for that pretty boy to be any good on the ice, at least without wearing tights. He glanced over at their table again, noting that the blonde who had been all over James the day before was now at the other end of the table, Heather in her spot next to James. James felt the gaze on him and turned to lock eyes with Kendall again, the glare returning while he lifted an arm over Heather's shoulders possessively.

_Don't worry, I'm not after your precious girl. You are such a dick, I don't know how she puts up with you._

"So how are we doing this?" Logan asked. "Do we have a ride to the rink?"

"It's not far," Carlos stated. "We can walk. Just gotta be home by five, I told Mom we were staying after in the library to research some stuff."

"That's long enough for me to get an idea." Kendall finally tore his gaze away from James. _How are you so hot? How the hell am I not supposed to stare at you in class?_

"You should try to talk to James, Kendall. In a nice way. I bet he could make sure you get on the team."

Kendall almost laughed. "I don't need him, Carlos. I'll get on all by myself. And I think if he had a say, it would be to keep me off the team. So that wouldn't help."

"Still, it can't hurt to have him as a friend."

"I don't see that happening anytime soon, buddy."

"I don't either," Logan agreed. "He keeps glaring at you."

"He thinks I'm after his girlfriend."

"Are you?" Carlos asked.

"No. She's sweet, and definitely pretty, but not my type."

Logan picked up the apple. "What is your type?"

Kendall licked his lips and balled up his empty lunch sack, feeling Logan's direct gaze on him. "I don't really have a type. I like all kinds."

It wasn't the answer Logan was looking for, apparently; he frowned and bit into his apple, mulling that over.

"So neither of you have girlfriends, right?"

Carlos shook his head. "Nah. I don't get girls. I think they're pretty and some of them are nice, like Heather, but they don't make sense to me."

Kendall waited for Logan to contribute. Finally he said, "I don't have time for a girlfriend."

"Too busy with Carlos?"

Logan studied Kendall before answering, obviously trying to decide how much he wanted to say. "Something like that."

Kendall nodded. Carlos was definitely the reason Logan had stayed behind. "Got it."

"You just don't try, Logan. You could date if you wanted. There are some girls who talk to you."

"Yeah, the ones who want the answers to homework assignments. Or to be my partner in class so I'll do all the work and get them a good grade."

"Girls are stupid. You'd make a great boyfriend. See? This is why I don't date girls. They don't make sense."

_He has no idea Logan loves him. Totally clueless. And Logan probably thinks I want to steal him away. We'll have to talk about this._ "So where are we meeting after school?"

"By the flagpole?" Logan suggested, relieved at the subject change.

"Yeah, meet us there after school, Kendall. We can rent skates there, right?"

"Of course. I'll pay."

The bell rang and they all jumped up, gathering trash and bookbags. Feeling eyes on him again, Kendall turned to catch James glaring once more. _Get over it, asshole. I'm not after your girl._

He kept Heather close as they walked out, a hand gripping her wrist. She turned back to smile at Kendall, who grinned in return, wanting to rub it in James' face. James was in too big of a hurry to notice, though, rushing her out of the cafeteria.

"That guy is such a dick," Kendall said once again.

"James?" Logan asked. "Yeah. Carlos only sees the good in people, so he doesn't get it."

"Carlos is a good guy."

"The best."

They stopped to wait for Carlos, who was dumping their trash. "You two are pretty close, hmm?"

"Extremely."

It was a word of warning and Kendall smiled. "Don't worry," he leaned in to whisper to Logan. "He's not my type."

Carlos bounded up before Logan could react. "So, Kendall. You gonna stare at James all through class again?" he teased.

"I am not. I'll sit behind you instead, that way I'm staring at you and not him."

"So now _I'm_ gonna be the one kicking your ass?"

Kendall laughed. "I'll try not to drool."

"Better not. I think Caroline has a crush on me, she might get jealous."

"I'll keep that in mind." Kendall didn't miss the scowl on Logan's face and lifted a hand to squeeze his shoulder. Logan glanced back with a tiny smile of thanks for the gesture, and Kendall knew then that he and Logan were one step closer to a real friendship.

* * *

><p>This time Kendall took the seat directly behind Carlos at the empty table. When James approached Kendall continued to talk to Carlos as if James wasn't there, and that must've really pissed James off because after ten seconds he slammed his backpack down on the table, making them both jump. Carlos looked up with wide eyes, but James paid him no mind, still standing as he glared at Kendall.<p>

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he demanded in a low voice.

Kendall sat back as if not bothered in the slightest. "I decided to sit here so there wouldn't be any misunderstandings about who I'm staring at."

"I'm not talking about that and you know it. Are you trying to move in on my territory?"

"Oh, Heather? Yeah, I heard you were dating her. Really nice girl. No idea what she sees in you."

James took a step forward and Carlos stood up, rushing to stand between them. "Hey. Guys. Once again, we have a misunderstanding. Kendall already told me he's not interested in Heather. He was just being nice because Heather was nice to him."

"Also because she's pretty."

Why was he egging James on? It wasn't like Kendall to pick fights, but when James came at him like that it was instinct to fight back.

"You'd better back off. Heather is mine. We've been together for over two years and I'm not about to lose her to some asshole new kid who needs to prove himself by taking me down."

"Prove myself? This isn't about you, James. Heather is nice. She approached me, wanted to welcome me and make things easier on me if she could. It was a hell of a lot nicer welcome than _you_ gave me."

"Welcoming new students is not one of my duties. It _is_, however, one of Heather's. She does it for the principal. Don't start thinking you're all that, dude, because she does it for everyone. You're nobody special."

Kendall hadn't known that. Not that he was hurt, necessarily, but if he'd known that ahead of time he wouldn't have felt the need to lord it over James. "I never thought I was special. But here's a question." Leaning back slightly in his chair, Kendall asked, "If I'm nobody special, why does it bother you so much that she talks to me? It's not like you have anything to worry about, right?"

James' eyes widened and Kendall knew he wasn't used to being challenged like that—or at all. Maybe his social status gave him a pass on people standing up to him. Kendall wasn't about to let this guy think he could walk all over him, though. James opened his mouth to reply but Carlos jumped in.

"Guys, please. No fighting. Heather was just being nice and so was Kendall. No one's trying to steal anyone. Can we maybe sit down and talk like happy people?"

"I wasn't the one who started it," Kendall commented, knowing it wasn't helping the situation but for some reason unable to control himself. Why did James bring out the asshole in him?

"Boys! Can we sit down and learn something today, or do I have to separate you two?"

All three heads swung toward the front of the classroom while every other pair of eyes swung back to them. Kendall hadn't even heard the bell ring. James' face turned red and he stepped back, Carlos finally relaxing. "They'll be fine," he called out to the teacher, shoving James down into his seat.

There were a few more curious glances their way but eventually the focus turned to the teacher. The tension radiated off James in waves, though, and a minute later he turned back to hiss, "I'd better not catch you staring at me today."

Of course when he'd said that, Kendall had been staring. "In your dreams," he answered anyway.

And Kendall tried. He tried to keep his eyes off James but even from a different seat he was forced to see James somewhat because James was within his line of vision toward the front of the room. Every time James flipped his hair or ran a hand through it, Kendall's gaze followed, mesmerized.

_You and your stupid fucking shiny hair. The way it lays so perfectly against your collar should be illegal. And every time you move, those muscles. Why do you have to wear such a tight shirt? I think you just like fucking with me, your shirt wasn't that tight yesterday._

A finger lifted up and curled into James' hair, tugging on it absently, and then James licked his lips. Kendall bit his own bottom lip hard, forcing himself to look away. He turned back a few seconds later, cheeks red, to find James smirking at him.

_You motherfucking prick. You did that on purpose._

James lifted an eyebrow and then ran his tongue across his upper lip slowly, eyes smoldering in a way that had Kendall's body aching. "Fuck you," he muttered. When James waved and grinned smugly, Kendall stood up so fast his chair tipped back to the floor. Once again all eyes turned toward him, but this time he grabbed his backpack. "I'm going to the bathroom," he informed the teacher.

"Take the hall pass."

"I'm not coming back."

"Kendall, wait!" he heard Carlos call out, but he didn't stop. What he needed was to put as much distance as he could between himself and James Diamond.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes:** It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

If you've read my first BTR fic "Minnesota Wild", you might find this one similar in the beginning, but I promise it goes in a different direction. The pairings are the same and there's hockey involved, but the main difference is that this one is AU while the other one was strictly canon (at least what was canon at the time I wrote it). It doesn't take place in Minnesota, but in California. It was inspired by a picture that popped up on Tumblr one night, and I'd link you to the pic but of course FF does not allow that, so...I'll just say it was an old pic of James Maslow in high school, walking next to a dude and looking like his normal, pre-BTR gay self. Oh, what I'd give for video of him back then instead of just pics.

This fic has also been dubbed "The Brat Prince's Birthday Present", since she decided I must be writing this to satisfy her Kames craving. Yes, dear, that's the reason I wrote this. Just for you. It had nothing to do with the fact that Kendall was hounding me for days to give him James. So I'll dedicate this to you, because I do love you and while writing this I was reminded a lot of MW and of how you were such a huge help on that story, coaching me and making me a better writer. I will always cherish that time and credit you with getting me writing in this fandom. I love you, dude.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

I once again used Harry Potter in this fic, and if you're not a fan I apologize. I needed a bonding point for two characters and this worked. You don't need to know anything about HP, though, it's not necessary to follow the story here. I just needed something for them to bond over. Plus I love HP, so...yeah.

* * *

><p>Kendall watched Logan skate around on the ice, surprised to see that he wasn't too bad at it. He was certainly better than Carlos, who had pretty much stomped his way around and ended up on his ass more than a few times. There was no way either of them would be ready to join a team by the weekend, and maybe not ever, but he was glad they'd done this anyway. "He's better than you," he commented, hoping Carlos wouldn't be offended.<p>

"Yeah. Sorry my prodigy thing didn't work out."

"It's cool, Carlitos." Wrapping an arm around Carlos' shoulders, Kendall continued. "You've got other skills that come in handy."

"Like what? I'm definitely not good at breaking up fights. What's with you and James, man?"

_James._ That was the last thing Kendall wanted to talk about. "He's a dick."

Carlos sighed. "You keep saying that but you don't even know him. And what happened in class today? You were fine, and then suddenly you were gone. What did I miss?"

"Nothing. It's not worth talking about. But he started it."

"Of course he did. He always starts it, right, Kendall?"

"He did! I was sitting there minding my own business and he pulled his shit. Fuck that, I'm gonna work with those two girls next time. The farther away I am from that asshole, the better."

Logan started to lose his balance and Carlos was off the bench in a flash, though there was no way he could've made it in time to catch Logan. He stopped when Logan steadied himself. "I'm fine!"

"Okay, just making sure! Want me to skate with you?"

"No way! This is actually kind of fun!" Logan grinned and attempted a twirl, almost landing on his ass but once again catching himself.

"He's gonna kill himself out there," Carlos muttered fondly.

_You two are adorable._ "Why don't you go skate with him?"

"Nah, he wants to do it himself."

"I bet he wouldn't mind."

Carlos shook his head, suddenly shy.

_Interesting._ "So why _do_ you think Logan doesn't date?"

"Because he's an idiot. There's girls who talk to him. He's just shy, I guess. I keep telling him to go for it but he says he doesn't have time. Which is a lie, he has Friday and Saturday nights."

Carlos rejoined Kendall on the bench and they both watched Logan glide around for a bit before Kendall asked, "What does he do with his Friday and Saturday nights instead?"

"Hangs out at my house. Mostly we hang out at his. It's quieter at his house, but I think he likes the craziness at my place once in a while. It's just him and his mom, so I think he gets bored. It's never boring at my house, that's for sure."

"Have you tried to date at all?"

Carlos shrugged. "I went on two dates in my life. They were okay but girls confuse me. I never know what they're thinking."

"Newsflash, Carlos. That's the way life works. You don't know what anyone's thinking, guy or girl."

"I usually know what Logan's thinking. Like right now, he's proud of himself. He's surprised, didn't expect to have so much fun. I'm glad you moved here, Kendall."

"Yeah? Thanks." Kendall sat up straighter, heart expanding in his chest. "I'm starting to like it here."

"Can we talk about James some more?"

There went the warm fuzzy feeling. Kendall slumped slightly. "No."

"What did he do today?"

"Nothing. He's just an asshole, okay? Not worth talking about."

"If you're gonna be on the team with him, you have to learn to get along."

"I'm not the one who starts shit."

"You don't let it go, either. That's just as bad."

"It doesn't matter. Why are we even talking about him?"

"Because if you're gonna work together you need to-"

Logan skated up to them, leaning on the boards from the other side. "Don't look now, but trouble just showed up."

"Huh?" Kendall followed the direction Logan gestured toward and groaned. Here came James, strutting his way toward them with a bag over his shoulder, and fuck if he didn't look hotter than ever in a black tank and sweats.

"What's he doing here? He can't get out there and play when there's all those kids skating around," Carlos reasoned.

"There's another rink downstairs, I saw the sign when we came in. It's where the hockey players play. Back home we had to share with the figure skaters. It sucked. Come on, let's get out of here."

"Kendall, if you'd just talk to him-"

"Carlos, I'm leaving. Stay or go, I don't care. I'm not dealing with his shit right now."

"We can go." Logan came around to sit next to Kendall and the two of them worked their skates off, Kendall making sure to keep his head down. He wasn't afraid of James, he simply didn't want to get into anything at the moment, especially after James had embarrassed him earlier.

"Hey James!"

Both Kendall and Logan whipped their heads around to glare at Carlos. "Carlos, I said-" Kendall began.

"Well, I didn't expect to see you boys here. Hey, Kendall," James grinned with a flirty voice.

_You smug motherfucker, don't you dare smile at me like that._ "Fuck off, James."

"Aww, what happened? I thought you were warming up to me."

"We were just leaving," Logan replied. "Carlos, can you return my skates for me?"

"Yeah, fine. Kendall, play nice. See you later, James."

"Later, Carlos."

Once Carlos had walked away, Kendall stood up. "I'm not in the mood for your shit right now, Diamond."

"I only said hello. You're the one being a dick."

Oh, Kendall wanted to punch that smirk off James' face. "I'm leaving. Logan?"

Logan stood up, grabbing both his and Carlos' bags. They started to move past James but Kendall halted when James placed a hand on his shoulder. He stepped closer and said softly, "You're afraid of me."

"Really? You think you scare me?"

"I think I terrify you."

Kendall shook his head. "You think way too highly of yourself." He started to move away again, eyes on his buddies who had met up near the snack bar.

James' fingers tightened, keeping him in place. "You want me."

Shrugging him off, Kendall stepped away. "Keep dreaming, Diamond."

"Hey, Knight!"

Kendall kept walking.

"See you in class tomorrow!"

_Motherfucking arrogant prick, you get off on it, on people wanting you. Fuck you and your perfect white teeth and your luscious lips. _

He heard James laugh behind him and that pissed him off even more, so that by the time he reached Logan and Carlos he was ready to start swinging. Instead he walked right past them and they caught up outside.

"What happened?" Logan asked.

Kendall spun around. "Carlos, what the fuck? I told you I didn't want to talk to him, why did you call him over?"

Carlos' eyes were wide, but he stood his ground. "Because if you want to be on the team, you two need to get over this thing and learn to be friends."

"We're not ever gonna be more than friends, okay? It's not gonna happen, so just let it go!"

Carlos glanced at Logan, who pursed his lips. Kendall could see both were trying to fight off a smile.

"What the hell is wrong with you guys? I don't want anything to do with him, and Carlos needs to get that through his head because one more encounter like that and I'm gonna deck that asshole. And what the fuck is so funny?"

Logan turned away. Carlos said, "Well, I didn't say anything about being _more_ than friends. That was all you."

"I...what?" Stunned, Kendall replayed his own words in his head. He groaned and let out a frustrated noise. "I fucking hate that guy!"

Logan walked over to pat his back, a slight smirk at his lips. "Come on, let's get out of here, big guy." He wrapped an arm over Kendall's shoulders and started walking, pulling Kendall along.

"I do, though. I hate him."

Carlos took up at Kendall's other side, his own arm sliding around Kendall's waist. "It's okay if you're gay, you know," he said quietly. "You can still be our friend."

"It's not even that. It's...I fucking hate that guy."

"And his perfect hair, and his beautiful smile, and especially those hazel eyes, right?"

Kendall stopped walking and looked down at Logan. "Not you too?"

"Me? No. But he's gorgeous, I won't deny that. I think even Carlos can admit to that."

"Yeah, remember, Kendall? I used to stare, too. You kind of can't help it with him."

Kendall got them walking again. "Doesn't matter. Even if he didn't have a girlfriend and wanted me, he's a dick who doesn't deserve my attention."

"There you go," Logan agreed.

"But I don't get it, you guys. He's always nice to me. And he's never _not_ nice to you, Logan."

"Carlos, we don't interact enough for him to let his asshole out. I'm sure he would be a jerk to me like he is to Kendall. Besides, you've got that thing about you."

"What thing?"

"That thing where nobody could hate you. You're just too fun and sweet. Everybody likes you."

"Yeah?" Carlos beamed.

Kendall nodded. "He's right, I liked you the second you flagged me down in Yearbook and called me over. You scared me a little, but I liked your enthusiasm."

Laughing, Logan said, "Yeah, his enthusiasm can be a bit intimidating at times. But it's one of the things I love about him."

Carlos was walking on air, Kendall could feel it. "This is fun. You guys should say more nice things about me."

Grinning hugely, Kendall reached up to ruffle Carlos' hair before settling his arm over Carlos' shoulders. "Watch out, you might end up with a head as big as Diamond's."

"Nah, Logan would just knock me back to Earth if that happened."

"I would, too."

They all laughed again, Kendall's heart light as he forgot about the prick. _This _was what friendship was supposed to feel like.

* * *

><p>Kendall wasn't paying too much attention to where they were going, mind on the conversation (and a small part that he wouldn't acknowledge on James as well), so when Carlos and Logan stopped in front of a big yellow house he was confused for a moment.<p>

"You want to come in with us?" Carlos asked him.

"Oh, you live here." There were toys strewn about the yard and so many flowers the family could've made a business out of selling them. The house was old but had a sturdy look about it, as if it had weathered thousands of rambunctious children without giving in.

Logan shifted his backpack higher on his shoulder. "Actually, I'm not staying, Carlos."

"What? Since when?"

"You did twice the work last night so we could do this. I promised to let you slide today, and I keep my promises. I do expect today's homework to be done, or at least attempted, but you put in so much effort yesterday that you deserve a break. I'm proud of you."

"Really? I get to have fun tonight? Is it Christmas already and nobody told me?"

Kendall chuckled, the excitement on Carlos' face precious. Logan was right, nobody could hate this guy.

"Hey, I'm sure you have math homework at least, right?"

"Yeah. And some history. I'll do my best, okay? Make you proud again."

Seriously, these two were adorable. Kendall watched them with a huge smile, not even jealous anymore. Possibly because they made a point to include him now, but mostly because they were perfect together and he wouldn't dream of coming between what they shared.

"You'd better."

"Thanks for taking us with you, Kendall. Even if we can't do hockey together, we should go skating sometime. That was fun!"

_Yeah, until King of the Assholes showed up._ "We will. If you guys aren't doing anything tomorrow night, maybe we can do that."

"Or we can go to the movies! Logan, you said if I got at least a 'C' on that history test, we'd go. That was two weeks ago, you owe me!"

"I'll talk to my mom. Since it's a Friday, it should be fine, but we'll have to figure out a ride. Sometimes she works late."

Kendall jumped in. "My mom would drive us. She feels bad for making me move here, so she won't mind. Though we might have to put up with my little sister; she'll want to come along."

"How old?" Logan asked.

"Ten. She acts like she's fifteen, though. I'll tell Mom I need guy time, that'll work. She'll probably take Katie to a movie with her instead."

"See, Logan? It all works out. Movies tomorrow night."

"If our moms say yes. Hey, we need your number, Kendall."

"Oh!" They all pulled out their cell phones, Kendall grateful his mother had understood the need for him to have one in a new place, and exchanged numbers. "So call me tonight and let me know, and I'll ask my mom, okay?"

"Cool!"

"Sounds good. See you in the morning, Carlos."

"Later, Logan." They hugged, Kendall smiling again and wondering if they always hugged before leaving each other for the day. Most likely they did.

And then Kendall was wrapped in a hug, too. "See you tomorrow, big guy."

Grinning wider, Kendall hugged Carlos back. "You got it. Call me."

"I will."

They waited for Carlos to get inside before Logan led Kendall down the sidewalk. "So where do you live?"

"Actually, only a few blocks away. You?"

"Same. I live on Garcia."

Kendall busted up laughing.

"Yeah yeah, go ahead. It's hilarious. Carlos has been jealous all his life, saying we should switch houses."

"Just the way that came out. 'I live on Garcia.' Like he's some life-sustaining force you need to survive."

Silence fell between them, Logan biting his lip.

"He has no idea, does he?"

Logan shook his head. "He's clueless."

"You ever planning to tell him?"

"Maybe once he hits puberty. I mean, physically he's there, but mentally...he's like a big kid sometimes. Misses what's right in front of his face."

"He doesn't seem too into girls, that's gotta be something."

"Girls scare him. He likes them, though. He wants to date them, no matter what he says."

"And you? No interest in girls at all?"

"I don't know. Maybe if I took a second to look at one, there would be something. But I can't seem to do that."

"Yeah, I get that. Carlos is a full-time job, isn't he?"

"Not one I mind. And I think Heather's pretty, so I guess there's some hope for me."

"I think anyone would find Heather pretty, gay or straight. Kind of like James, you know? Gorgeous no matter what you're into."

"Can we talk about James or-"

"No."

"Okay." Logan turned a corner. "So you live near Garcia?"

"I think Garcia's like two streets from mine. I remember passing it on the way to school. I'm on Amarillo."

Logan chuckled. "Your Minnesota is showing."

"What?"

"It's pronounced Ah-mahd-ee-oh. You should've signed up for Spanish."

"Hey, the city in Texas is pronounced the way I said it."

"You're not in Texas, buddy. Welcome to San Diego."

They continued in a comfortable silence for a while, lost in their own thoughts. Logan broke with it with, "I'm sorry if I was rude at lunch yesterday. I'm not used to Carlos asking people to join us and it...I was a little scared."

"I totally get it. I'm not after him, though."

"No, I know that now. But he'd been talking about you non-stop since we met up at his locker and then he got so excited when he saw you and then when _I_ saw you...well. You're not exactly ugly."

"Aww, thanks, Logan. You're not exactly ugly yourself," Kendall grinned.

"I don't know, there's a part of me that's afraid of losing Carlos. It's gonna happen eventually when he gets a girlfriend anyway, but I'm not ready for that yet. I'm trying to enjoy the time I have with him before he doesn't need me anymore, but it's coming. One of these days girls are going to wake up and realize how hot he is and then it's over for me."

"Not if you tell him first. He doesn't seem averse to the idea of gay, Logan."

"No, but he's not ready for it himself. He can barely handle the idea of dating a girl."

"True. Maybe I can help with that. If I do end up finding a guy to date, maybe seeing that will open his eyes some."

Logan shrugged. "So you've dated guys before?"

"No. I'm ready to start, though. That's what's great about being someplace new. You can start fresh and not be judged by people who've known you all your life."

"Anyone caught your eye yet? Besides James, I mean," Logan smirked.

"Shut up. James Diamond doesn't deserve even half a thought from me."

"He is hot."

"The problem is he knows it. And then there's Heather. Explain that to me, Logan. How does a nice girl like her end up with a prick like that?"

"I don't know, dude. I've never understood it either. I don't know either of them well enough to figure it out, but it's real. I've seen them kiss and stuff, so..."

"But he's so obviously gay!"

"Oh, I agree with that."

"Right?"

"Maybe he's just in denial. Hasn't accepted it yet."

Kendall thought that over. "What kind of kisses? Real kisses or just pecks?"

"Just pecks, because it's not like you can totally make out in the halls. Well, I guess you could, I've seen that, too, but Heather wouldn't do that."

"James would. Probably just as I'm walking by, too, that arrogant prick."

They turned another corner and Logan smiled. "So he knows you want him?"

"I don't want him."

"Kendall, I'm a genius. Carlos said you were staring at him, and I can feel the tension between you two. What did he do that had you walking out of class?"

"Nothing."

"Kendall," Logan coaxed.

"Nothing, he just...he knows it, okay? I pissed him off and he got back at me, knew exactly how to and I fucking hate that, hate that he knows how to get to me. Hate that it worked."

"Did he say something?"

"No, he did this..._thing_. He knew I was staring at him and started like..." Kendall's face grew hot.

"What?"

"Played with his hair and licked his lips and...fuck, it was hot. I hate him for that. Because then he caught me staring and let me know he'd done it on purpose and like...gloated about it. Smug motherfucker."

"Oh wow. And what happened at the rink?"

"He said that he knows I want him. That he scares me. He doesn't scare me."

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure! He doesn't scare me, he just...makes me want to punch him. How in the hell am I supposed to play hockey with that guy? Especially with him calling the shots? God, I don't even want to think about the way he's going to rub that in my face, me having to do what he tells me. And he'll be all sweaty and focused and aggressive and _fuck_, I can't even talk about it without getting hard. I fucking hate him!"

Logan was quiet.

"It's okay, you can laugh. I know you're dying to."

"It's not funny, it's just that you get so worked up over him. You need to let him not bother you so much. Because the more he does, the harder it is to hide it and the more he's going to rub it in that he knows. And play it up. He obviously gets off on knowing you want him."

"He does."

"So don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you want him. Quit staring at him, ignore him when he's around. Find yourself a nice guy to date, get your focus off him. Like you said, he doesn't deserve your attention."

"You know what? You're right. Starting tomorrow, he doesn't exist. And Saturday when I have to see him on the ice, he's just one more guy on the team."

Logan stopped in front of a small, well-kept house. "You two might even end up being great friends."

"Logan, can you really see that happening?"

"Honestly? No. But it sounded good."

Kendall laughed, reaching out to hug Logan and relieved when Logan immediately hugged him back. "Thanks, dude. If it wasn't for you and Carlos, I would've gone crazy by now."

"Eh, that's what friends are for. So we'll call you tonight about the movies, okay?"

"Got it." Stepping back, Kendall smiled. "Someday he'll wake up, Logan. Be ready when he does."

"We'll see. For now I'm happy with what I have."

"Good. Because he adores you."

"I know."

"And I'm assuming he's the reason you haven't run off to college yet?"

"I can't leave him, Kendall. He'd flounder."

Kendall nodded. "He's lucky to have you."

"I know," Logan repeated with a tiny smile.

"See you tomorrow."

Logan lifted a hand. "Bye."

* * *

><p>Kendall met up with Logan the next morning and they picked Carlos up on the way to school, excited about their upcoming movie date. Carlos was allowed to choose the movie since it was for him they were going, and Kendall was glad he chose one all three of them would enjoy. Then again, Carlos being the peacemaker, he had probably taken that into consideration. While Carlos was in essence a big kid, as Logan had mentioned, Kendall sensed that there was a deeper side to Carlos few people ever saw.<p>

Heather greeted them as they walked into Yearbook, and they smiled back at her but otherwise Kendall spent his time talking to Carlos, who was thrilled that they'd been given a camera to use for the semester. Kendall reminded him not to use up all the film on "ridiculous" things or they'd have to start buying their own, and when Carlos' reply was to take a picture of Kendall, Kendall snatched the camera away. "Okay, I'm in charge of the camera and all picture-taking endeavors from this point forward." Carlos pouted, but cheered up when Kendall took his picture in an attempt to make him smile.

In math class Heather again took the seat next to him. "Hey, stranger!"

"Hi, how's it going?"

"Pretty good. Carlos seems like a lot of fun to hang out with."

"He's great. I am _very_ lucky to have met both him and Logan."

"Yeah, Logan's nice, too. I don't know him all that well, but he's always been sweet to me. Made any other new friends here?"

"Heather, I appreciate that you're doing your job and all, but you don't need to keep being nice to me just because I'm new. I can handle it."

Heather blinked at him. "You think I'm only being nice because you're new?"

"I know you do this with all the new students, and it's awesome because it helped me yesterday, but I'm good. You don't have to pretend to like me."

"But Kendall, I _do_ actually like you. Okay, it's true that I greet all the new kids, but that's not why I'm talking to you now. I'm sorry if I gave you that impression."

"Really? Because you don't have to sit by me-"

"This has always been my seat," Heather smiled. "But if you'd rather I moved-"

"No, of course not, I just...I'm making this worse. I wanted you to know that if you don't want to talk to me, you don't have to and I won't hold it against you."

"Talking to you is not a hardship. I promise."

"Well, then. Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"Good. Glad we got that out of the way. Now if I ask to see your homework because I got stuck on problem fourteen, is that okay or are you gonna think I'm using you for your brain?" she teased.

Kendall chuckled, blushing slightly. "Sorry. I really thought that's the only reason you were talking to me."

"It's not. You seem like a great guy."

He pulled out his homework sheet and passed it to Heather, who was still smiling. "Oh, see? I missed that step. I knew there was something—oh, that's pretty!"

"Hmm?" Kendall leaned over to see what she was looking at and his mouth dropped open. Up in the right corner above his name was a pencil drawing of a bright, sparkling diamond. _When the fuck did I do that? Oh my fucking god, I hate you, James Diamond. I fucking hate you._

"Is that a diamond? It's beautiful, look at the shading on that. Are you in art class?"

"It's just a doodle. I do that sometimes when I'm stuck on a problem. I don't even remember doing that one, to be honest." _ Fuck. A fucking diamond. _ Kendall willed his cheeks to cool, imagining his face must be on fire.

"It's pretty." The bell rang and she passed the paper back quickly, erasing her own homework to redo the problem. "There. Thanks, Kendall." She gave him that blinding smile, not missing that he was still embarrassed. "You know, when I get stuck, I doodle, too. Not pictures, though. Words." Pulling out her math book, she showed him that it was covered with song lyrics and quotes in a beautiful, femininely flowing hand.

"Wow. What's your favorite?"

"My favorite quote? Albus Dumbledore. 'It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.' I use that one on my boyfriend all the time. He tends to be a dreamer."

_Really._ James Diamond, a dreamer? "Is that wrong?"

"Of course not. The best ideas begin with dreams. And as long as you put in the time and effort to make them happen, it's healthy. But sometimes you're afraid to, because you think you'll fail, and so instead you spend all your time imagining what could be but never do anything to get there. And in the meantime, your life is passing you by and you're missing out on all the things you could have if you just opened your eyes. It works on a lot of levels, that quote."

Kendall blinked. A pretty face, a sweet personality, and the ability to think such deep thoughts? _How the fuck are you dating James Diamond? Is there a secret side to him nobody knows about? There has to be, because no way would she waste her time on a guy who's a prick all the time. Or maybe she never sees the prick. I bet he behaves around her._

"Kendall," Heather whispered, calling his attention back to class. She gestured at the teacher, who was speaking to him and waiting for his answer to the first homework question. Truly, he had to stop thinking about James Diamond.

* * *

><p>When lunchtime rolled around, Kendall was ready. He knew Logan was right, that he should simply ignore James, but when he walked past James' table and was met with that asshole smirk, he couldn't let it go. He backtracked a few steps and stopped next to the table, where James was sitting closest to him at the end of the bench, Heather on his other side. She glanced up and smiled. "Hey, Kendall!"<p>

"Hi. I've got one for you. My favorite."

"Okay?"

Now the glare was back in full force, the smirk nowhere to be found. Kendall could feel that James wanted to deck him and grinned. "'Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one-'"

"'—only remembers to turn on the light!'" Heather finished with him, then clapped. "I love that one, too! And it's so true, you just have to know where to look in your dark times, and you'll find the light."

"Exactly." Oh, the victory Kendall felt when James stepped hard on his foot. He refused to react.

"What's that?" James asked.

"It's Harry Potter!" Heather exclaimed. "I finally found a Harry Potter buddy! Or is it just that one quote you know?"

"No, I've read the books nine times each. Who's your favorite character?"

"Gosh, that's so hard! I love all of them so much! But Hagrid's great, such a big heart. And Luna, she's quirky but surprises you when she gets all deep, you know?"

"How about Dobby?"

"Oh no, don't talk about Dobby! I can't handle that." Heather shook her head, putting a hand up.

"Yeah, he was pretty awesome. I always thought Snape was cool, too."

"Oh, stop! Don't get me started on Snape. I could talk for hours."

"And we have plans for lunch, so let's not do that," James jumped in.

"We do?"

"We're supposed to go over my essay for English, remember?"

"Oh! Right! Sorry, James. You know how I get about Harry Potter. We'll talk more later, Kendall."

"Anytime. You know where to find me," he grinned again, loving the death glare from James. When he could make the death glare happen, that was a job well done. Kendall waved at both of them before moving on to his own table, wanting to fist pump the air but reining it in.

"What are you so happy about?" Carlos asked when he joined them.

"Oh, you know. Having a good day."

"Kendall," Logan sighed. "Didn't we agree you were going to ignore James instead of provoking him further?"

"I couldn't help it, Logan! He gave me that full-of-himself look again, I had to get rid of it!"

Carlos groaned. "Here we go. Are you gonna storm out of class again today? Because this time I'll go after you and make you come back."

"Nope, I'm good. I won't be sitting behind you guys, so I should be fine. No chance for me to accidentally stare at him and give him a reason to go off."

"Accidentally," Logan said under his breath, rolling his eyes.

"It's fine. I just got him good, he won't want anything to do with me, unless it's to punch me. And you know what I say to that? Bring it on. I'd love to ruin that pretty face."

"Kendall, come on! You're not a mean person, why do you hate James so much?"

"Let it go, Carlos," Logan urged. "They'll either kill each other or end up best friends, we just have to sit back and let it happen. I've tried talking to him."

"It'll be fine. I got my last dig in and now starts the ignoring. Nothing he says can bother me at this point."

"Really?" Carlos asked. "Because he keeps looking over here like he wants to kill you."

"Good. Means I got to him. Let him glare."

Logan shook his head. "This can't end well."

"Nope. Chem is going to be a nightmare."

* * *

><p>But of course both Logan and Carlos were overreacting, because James was late to class and didn't have time to start any shit with Kendall anyway. The fact that Kendall was across the room helped even more, and Kendall had no trouble ignoring him when he wasn't directly within sight.<p>

Ten minutes into class, though, the teacher stopped speaking and called on James. "Yes, James?"

"I'm sorry, but I've been having this problem with my neck and it hurts when I turn it to the right even a little bit. Would it be okay if I sat over there for today, just so it doesn't hurt when I copy stuff off the blackboard?"

_You wouldn't. You motherfucking asshole, you wouldn't._

Carlos rested his head in his hands, knowing where this was going.

"Fine, just make sure you're paying attention and not picking any fights with Kendall."

"Of course not! I just want to get a good grade, Mr. Young."

_You fucking piece of shit. I hate you, James Diamond. I hate you._

James picked up his textbook, binder, and backpack, then moved to the empty seat at Kendall's table. He dropped the bag on the floor to his left and scooted his chair closer to Kendall's in the guise of making himself comfortable. Kendall scooted his chair to the right, and James immediately scooted over to close the distance again. Trapped between James and the wall, Kendall started to stand but Carlos caught his eye. "Ignore him," Carlos mouthed, shaking his head.

Yeah, that was all well and good except James was impossible to ignore in this proximity. He smelled good, looked amazing, and his arm kept brushing Kendall (no doubt on purpose) when he moved to position his textbook and binder. "Much better," James said softly, ripping a blank page out of his binder and setting it on top of the notes he'd been half-heartedly taking.

Kendall forced himself to focus on the teacher, hating his racing heart and the way James got to him so easily. He wanted to both hit and kiss James at the same time. When James nudged him with an elbow, he ignored it. James did it again, and he continued to ignore it. The third time James kicked him under the table, hard enough that he bit his lip to keep from making a noise. When he finally gave James his attention, James used his pencil to tap the paper in front of him.

"_I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?"_

The writing was all in angry capital letters, and Kendall smirked. Yeah, it felt good that James was still pissed about it. Kendall pulled the paper toward him and wrote underneath James' words. _ "I can't help it if we both like the same books."_

"_Bullshit. You're after her."_

"_She is pretty." _

"_Stay away from her. She's mine."_

"_Maybe you should read a book sometime. Then you could impress her, too."_

"_FUCK YOU. I don't need to impress her. She cares about me."_

"_At least someone does."_

James was quiet for a minute and Kendall felt him fuming; it made Kendall smile. Then James started writing again.

"_Watch."_

Confused, Kendall glanced at his wrist and then up at James, and then he got it. James wanted him to_ watch._ He ran his fingers through his hair and tugged, letting out a tiny whine as if it turned him on. Kendall's eyes bugged out. "Fuck you," he whispered, gaze shooting straight down to the table.

James drew a happy face.

_Oh yeah? Let's see how straight you really are._ Kendall rested his elbow on the table, chin in his hands, and ran a finger over his lips. When he sensed that James was hypnotized, he slid the finger in, then slowly out.

There was a snapping sound next to him and the back half of the class turned to look. James cleared his throat and picked up the two pieces of the now-broken pencil, face red as a tomato.

_Fuck yes. Two can play that game, asshole._ Kendall grinned and winked at Carlos, who shook his head. He had no idea what was going on, only that Kendall had done something to push James.

"Need a pencil?" Kendall asked sweetly. "I have extras."

"Fuck you," James muttered. He used the half of his pencil with the lead to write another note. _"Knock it off, asshole."_

"_You started it."_

"_You're such a baby."_

"_Nope. I'm all man." _ Next to it Kendall drew a little devil face with horns.

James rolled his eyes, once again fuming.

Their attention returned to the teacher, and Kendall gloated. He'd had the last laugh once again, and it felt good.

A few minutes later James slid his arm across the table, the other end of the pencil falling into Kendall's lap. "Oops," he whispered, his hand beating Kendall's to grab it, fingers gliding along the inside of Kendall's thigh toward his crotch. Kendall gasped and shot backward, standing up as his chair once again fell crashing to the floor.

Mr. Young sighed. "That's it. Both of you. Up here. Now."

"Mr. Young, it was an accident-"

"Enough, James. Both of you get up here. No, bring your stuff. You're not coming back."

_Fuck._ "I fucking hate you," Kendall said under his breath.

"I hate you more," James answered.

"You're a dick," Kendall said softly.

"You like my dick."

"Fuck you!" Kendall yelled, past caring.

"Alright, that's _enough_! Get up here _now_!"

Mr. Young scribbled a quick note and passed it to a guy sitting up front. "John, accompany them to the principal's office and make sure they get there. I don't want to see either of you in my class again until you work out whatever the problem is. Now _go_!"

Kendall looked back apologetically at Carlos before stepping out of the class. Carlos once again shook his head.

* * *

><p>Neither would speak to the principal, maintaining that there was nothing wrong and it had been a misunderstanding. She didn't buy it for a moment, but realizing she wasn't going to get anywhere, she let them go with a warning that if she heard of any more problems between them at all, she would put them both in Saturday detention. When both started to argue that Saturday wasn't fair, <em>any day but Saturday<em>, the principal sweetly replied, "Then you'd both better behave, hadn't you?"

They glared at each other, blaming the other for all of this, and when they got back out into the hallway James started in. "You'd better not cost me my Saturdays. I play hockey that day and I'm the captain and the team needs me so you'd better just back the fuck off!"

"I'm not the one who keeps starting shit, asshole! If you'd stop trying to be all sexy and turn me on we wouldn't be in this situation!"

"If you'd stay the fuck away from my girlfriend, I wouldn't have to do that!"

A classroom door opened and a teacher poked her head out. "Boys! Quiet down or I'll send you to the office!"

"Oh, that would be great. Right back where we started, and Saturday detention. Thanks a lot, asshole."

"We're sorry," James said to the teacher, who disappeared again. "Quit blaming me. You started all this with your staring in class yesterday."

"I didn't mean to stare, James! You were in my line of vision; what was I supposed to do, look somewhere else?"

"You could've moved."

"Please. You love it when I stare at you."

"You love it when I tease you."

"Bullshit."

"Really?" Without warning, Kendall was pressed up against a locker, James' lips inches from his. "You telling me you don't want to kiss me right now?"

It had happened so fast, there was no time to prepare or to shut down his reaction. While he managed to not lean forward, Kendall couldn't hide the fact that he did indeed want to kiss James. "I hate you," he whispered.

"But you want me," James taunted softly, then licked lips, tongue dangerously close to Kendall's mouth.

"Back the fuck up." Voice low and deadly, Kendall's heart was slamming in his chest in direct contrast to it.

"What if I don't? You gonna kiss me, Knight? Take me down right here in the hall?"

Kendall shoved him away, hating him even more when he laughed. "What's your fucking problem?"

"I just like knowing I can do that to you. You want me so bad, and it kills you. It's hilarious."

"You're a dick."

"You like my-"

"Stop! God, you're so...ugh!" The bell rang and Kendall was relieved, as it gave him a place to go, somewhere that wasn't near James.

"See you Monday, Knight!"

_Oh, I'll see you sooner than that._ When Kendall pictured the look on James' face tomorrow at the sight of him showing up for the league team, he smiled. He couldn't wait to show James up on the ice.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes:** It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

If you've read my first BTR fic "Minnesota Wild", you might find this one similar in the beginning, but I promise it goes in a different direction. The pairings are the same and there's hockey involved, but the main difference is that this one is AU while the other one was strictly canon (at least what was canon at the time I wrote it). It doesn't take place in Minnesota, but in California. It was inspired by a picture that popped up on Tumblr one night, and I'd link you to the pic but of course FF does not allow that, so...I'll just say it was an old pic of James Maslow in high school, walking next to a dude and looking like his normal, pre-BTR gay self. Oh, what I'd give for video of him back then instead of just pics.

This fic has also been dubbed "The Brat Prince's Birthday Present", since she decided I must be writing this to satisfy her Kames craving. Yes, dear, that's the reason I wrote this. Just for you. It had nothing to do with the fact that Kendall was hounding me for days to give him James. So I'll dedicate this to you, because I do love you and while writing this I was reminded a lot of MW and of how you were such a huge help on that story, coaching me and making me a better writer. I will always cherish that time and credit you with getting me writing in this fandom. I love you, dude.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

So I used to be a huge hockey fan, went to games and watched it on TV (my team was the Ducks) and was pretty obsessed with it for a while. It's been a long time, though, and while writing this chapter I had to brush up on my hockey knowledge. If any of the hockey stuff sounds off or doesn't mesh, I apologize and ask your forgiveness. Hopefully I didn't screw it up too badly.

* * *

><p>"So can we have some popcorn, too, Carlos? Or are you just going to hog it all?"<p>

"Logan, I'm sitting right between you guys. Just reach in if you want some."

Kendall chuckled for about the hundredth time that night, still amazed that he'd found two amazing friends on his first day at school. It was only his third day and here he was, hanging out with them at the movies, having a blast. This was what he'd been looking for, guys he could have fun with doing nothing more than sitting around waiting for a movie to start.

Logan leaned around Carlos. "What are you laughing at?"

"You two. You're never boring. Like an old married couple."

Freezing in the act of reaching for popcorn, Logan begged Kendall with his eyes to be more careful in choosing his words. Rather than freaking out, though, Carlos laughed. "You're the wife, dude."

"Shut up, I am not the wife."

"You so are! You clean up my messes, you make sure my clothes match, you even help my mom cook sometimes! You're totally the wife."

Kendall snickered, almost feeling bad for starting this—almost.

"I'll have you know that husbands do those things, too. Haven't you ever heard of stay-at-home dads?"

"Not in my family. The wife does all that stuff."

"Well in _my_ family, the wife does everything. Even the dad stuff."

"That's because there _is _no dad, dork. If there was, he'd be doing the manly stuff."

While they continued to bicker, Kendall slid further down in the seat and made himself comfortable. He could listen to them for hours and never get bored. He wasn't sure what that said about him, but he really didn't care; they enjoyed his company, and he enjoyed theirs, and nothing else mattered.

Carlos had asked for a report of what happened in the principal's office; Kendall recounted the conversation in her office but said nothing of what happened after they left there. Nobody needed to know about that, and talking about it would only get him worked up all over again.

_Stupid asshole. Thinks he can shove me up against a locker and tease me. Can't wait to see his face tomorrow. Maybe I should bring Logan along with a video camera, just so I can watch it over and over. When I kick ass out there and blow him away, when I get the puck past him without even trying. I don't care how good he is, he's not as good as me._

"Oh, no. Kendall, please. I'm having a good time, don't ruin it."

"What?" Having no idea what Carlos was talking about, Kendall followed his gaze to the entrance of the movie theater, where James and Heather were looking around for a place to sit. "Oh fuck."

"I'm sure he won't want to sit up here, not if he has Heather with him," Logan started. "He'll see you and-"

But Heather saw them first. Her face lit up and she waved, then pulled James after her as she made her way toward them.

"Kendall, please just ignore him," Logan sighed.

_Fuck. No, Heather, don't bring him up here please don't not tonight I can't deal with-_ "Hey!" he greeted her, standing up for the hug she was apparently determined to get. _And who the hell hugs another guy when her boyfriend is standing right next to her? _

"Hi guys! Mind if we join you?"

Logan thought fast. "Uh, well, Kendall's sister might be coming in soon and-"

"Heather, you know I like to be closer to the front. Don't make me sit back here."

"Come on, James, it'll be fun!"

"You heard Logan, Kendall's sister is gonna be here soon, so there won't be room."

James' determination to get away from Kendall touched a chord in him, and before he could stop himself he said, "Actually, she and my mom went to a different movie. It's cool, James, you guys can sit right here." He patted the seat next to him with a smirk. It didn't matter which of them sat next to him, James would be pissed either way. He felt more than saw Carlos sigh, sensed Logan's rolling of the eyes, and though he knew if he kept this up he might piss them off enough to eventually "dump" him, he couldn't seem to help himself around James.

"Can we at least sit in this row?" James asked, gesturing to the seats in front of them. "I hate being so far back."

_Like one row is gonna make a difference, asshole? But that's fine. Sit in front of me. I dare you._

"Okay," Heather conceded. She climbed over the seat and slid down into it, leaving James to take the one directly in front of Kendall.

Kendall grinned.

"Please, Kendall. Please. Behave. For me."

"I'm not gonna do anything, Carlos," Kendall whispered. The lights went down and Kendall gave half his attention to the screen, the other half to James. He figured James would do something to provoke him and he was ready, still wanting revenge for James' manhandling of him earlier.

Other than being obviously tense, though, James showed no hint that he was even aware of Kendall behind him. It irked Kendall, even though he knew he needed to let it go. Twenty minutes into the movie he finally relaxed, realizing something he should've known all along.

_He won't do anything in front of Heather. She really doesn't know about his prick side. How does she miss it? Is she that blind? It's not right, he's totally got her blinded to his true nature, and she deserves so much better._

James lifted his arms up to stretch at one point and Kendall waited for him to do something provocative like twirl his hair and roll his shoulders or anything involving his body, really, because the truth was it didn't take much to get Kendall going and James knew that. Instead he settled back down and sipped from his soda, one arm returning to Heather's shoulders as it had been before the stretch.

_You fucking dick. Got her so snowed. She needs to see the real you._

Making sure Logan and Carlos were focused on the movie, Kendall slowly put his feet up against the seat in front of him, rocking it slightly. James shifted, trying not to react, so Kendall rocked it harder. The glare he received made him smile. "Sorry," he whispered.

"Don't start," James whispered back.

Kendall merely shrugged as if it had been his mistake, and when James returned his attention to the movie, Kendall gave him five minutes to relax before doing it again.

"Kendall, stop it," Carlos whispered. "He's gonna go off."

"Not in front of her, he won't. Watch."

A harder shove with his feet and James spun around with the death glare again. "Can you please not do that?" he asked quietly.

"Oops."

The thoughts were right there in James' eyes. _I'm warning you, you fucking dick. I'll get you for this later._

Kendall let his feet fall to the floor but he was grinning. Carlos relaxed, attention back to the movie. Finishing the last of his own soda, Kendall leaned forward to set it on the ground next to his feet, bringing his mouth close to James' ear. "Do you think of me when you kiss her?" he whispered. It didn't matter whether James did or not, he would now—every time.

"Motherfucking-" James started, but suddenly Heather stood up.

"I'll be right back." She grabbed her purse and squeezed James' knee before making her way to the exit, and the second she was gone James spun around completely.

"Knock it off," he hissed. "I don't want to get into it with you right now."

"Because Heather's here? What, she doesn't know you're such a dick? After two years, it's about time she found out."

"You don't know anything, so just shut the fuck up and-"

"Guys,_ please._"

There was the sound of people shushing them, and coupled with Carlos' plea, Kendall felt bad.

"Knight, I'm warning you. I will get revenge if you keep this shit up."

"Bring it."

"That's it." Surprisingly, it was Logan who stood up and dragged Kendall out of the theater. They passed Heather on the way, smiling as if nothing was wrong, and once he got Kendall outside their theater Logan faced Kendall with his arms crossed, expression thunderous. "Look. I get that you have a thing for James."

"I don't-"

"And I get that you're pissed off about it and hate him for it, and I don't really understand why you both get off on the whole hate thing but that's between you two."

"Logan, I don't get off on-"

"But tonight is about Carlos. We're here because he did good on a history test, and that's huge for him, and all he wanted was a night out with his friends. He doesn't need you and James getting us kicked out and even if you don't, he doesn't need to be worrying about the two of you when he deserves to enjoy himself. This is the equivalent of a date with him and I'm not going to let you screw it up for either of us."

_Ah fuck. Fuck._ "I'm sorry."

"I don't need an apology, I just need you to promise you'll knock it off. Because he's sitting in there right now fretting over this and that shouldn't happen. I don't want to hear about who started it-"

"It was me this time," Kendall sighed, ashamed.

"Then end it. Or I will take Carlos to the other side of the theater and leave you sitting there to stare at James with his girlfriend all night."

"Please don't, okay? I'm sorry. I really am. I don't know why I get like this with him, why I can't control myself."

"Because you want him. I can't figure out why, but to each his own and apparently he's what works for you. Or at least winds you up."

Kendall groaned in frustration, knowing everything Logan said was true. "I'm sorry. I'll behave. I swear."

"Because if you don't..."

"I know. I will. I promise."

"Okay. One more word passes between you two that isn't 'I'm sorry' and I'm taking Carlos and moving. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Good. Now come on, we're missing the movie."

"I'll be there in a minute. Go ahead."

Logan studied Kendall as if trying to figure out what he had planned, but finally walked away. After buying another bucket of popcorn and a fresh soda, Kendall returned to his seat. He set the bucket in Carlos' lap and passed him the soda. "My way of apologizing. I'm sorry."

Carlos smiled. "Thanks. It's okay, just chill. Watch the movie, that's what we came here for."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Have some popcorn."

Kendall grabbed a handful, relieved that he hadn't completely alienated his new friends, and sat back to enjoy what was left of the movie. James ignored him, and for once Kendall was fine with that.

* * *

><p>Kendall slept poorly that night, mind on the upcoming tryout. He'd never had to worry about his hockey skills, it was something that came naturally to him and once he'd shown his abilities, he was guaranteed a spot on the teams each year, no matter what age.<p>

What he'd realized on the way home from the movies, though, was that he had a legitimate obstacle this time. If James was indeed captain and held any sway with the coaches, he could easily block Kendall with a few words. Kendall was pretty confident that no matter what James said he would be allowed to try out at least, and once that happened he should be fine, but he remembered that his previous coach had taken his opinion into consideration often back in Minnesota. Had he given the thumbs down on any of the new players (and he had, in fact, a few times), there was a good chance the players wouldn't make the team.

_But that's because I'm good. Maybe James isn't that great.  
><em>_  
>He's captain. Of course he's great.<em>

Co-captain is what Carlos said.

What does Carlos know, though? He said James doesn't talk about hockey with him.

Still, if there are two captains, that solves my problem. Unless the other captain is one of his buddies. Then I'm screwed.

Kendall wished he'd gone down to the rink with his mother the day she signed him up, but she'd insisted he stay home with Katie, who at that time had still been depressed. At least if he could've talked to the coach, met some of the players, he would already have a feel for the dynamic.

_You might've met James. What would've happened if you met James there instead of at school? Would anything be different now?_

Maybe. Or maybe he's a prick no matter what.

Saturday morning he got his gear together, stopping twice to read texts while getting ready. One was from Logan, the other Carlos, each wishing him good luck (and Carlos adding the ever-present "Be nice"). Once again grateful he hadn't ruined his chances with them the night before, he thanked them and promised to be in touch later.

He was nervous as he walked into the center. Nervous over _hockey._ That should never happen, and he blamed James for all of it. _Just don't let him get to you. He'll try because he's gonna be pissed. You're after his girlfriend and now taking over his sport, because if he's anything like me, hockey is where he shines._

Of course Kendall wasn't after Heather, but James believed he was, and that made the difference.

_Don't let him get to you. Just think of the look on his face when he sees you._

Smiling now, Kendall made his way downstairs to the lower level rink. Most of the players were already on the ice warming up for practice. Kendall found James in a discussion with two men, nodding at whatever they were saying. He approached with a grin, assuming these were the coaches.

Instead of the shocked expression Kendall had been counting on, James only glared.

_Damn. He knew. How did he know?_

The wind knocked from his sails, Kendall introduced himself. One of the coaches, who introduced himself as Tom, called out to someone on the ice. "Brock!" He waved a kid over, Kendall groaning when he recognized one of the guys who sat with James at lunch.

_Great. They'll gang up on me. No way am I getting on this team._

"Guys, this is Kendall."

"Yeah, we know," Brock said.

"He goes to our school," James added at Tom's curious look.

The other coach jumped in. "Kendall, we called up your old coach in Minnesota. He had a lot of good things to say about you."

Kendall smiled, making a note to call and thank Coach Lumley later. "Hope I can live up to them."

"James and Brock are the co-captains. Go on and get changed up and we'll see what you can do. If we like you well enough, you can stay and play in today's game."

"Really? That would be awesome!" Of course he hadn't played in a few weeks and might be rusty, but even at half-skill Kendall was better than most; he wasn't worried about it.

Brock and James returned to the ice, calling everyone else out there and explaining that Kendall would be trying out. After donning his gear and skates, Kendall hit the ice, skating up to face James for the faceoff.

"You're going down," James growled.

"Oh, but you like that," Kendall replied sweetly, loving the anger that rose in James' eyes and distracted him from the puck. Kendall took control of it and mentally put himself in the zone, carrying it past the players who tried to block him and all the way to the net. He was stopped by the goalie, but that was okay; his skill was in getting there and setting up the shot.

He spun around to find the death glare on him and pumped his arm in victory. In this he had managed to get to James, who had obviously expected him to suck, or at least not show any real talent. He skated back to the center of the ice, again facing James and grinning. Just before the puck dropped, James licked his lips and let out a sound that could only be called sexual, just loud enough for Kendall to hear; Kendall gasped softly and James was gone, flying past him on the puck.

_Motherfucker, that was not fair. You _know _what that does to me!_

Kendall flew after James, not surprised to find he was fast. A few teammates tried to stop him but Kendall got past them, catching up just as James was about to take a shot. He stole the puck away and hit it as hard as he could in the other direction, James pissed off enough to check him with the stick. Kendall grinned before skating toward the other net, feeling James on his tail.

_Not taking me down, this is where I kill it_.

He practiced with the team for a half hour, proving his worth time and time again with James on him for most of it but only bettering him a few times. When the coaches called a halt, Kendall was waved over to the boards, James and Brock following.

"Do I even need to say it?" Tom asked the small gathering.

Brock spoke up. "I'm not sure he-"

James spoke over Brock. "He's amazing and should be on the team."

Brock's shocked expression told Kendall that James had prepped Brock to talk Kendall down no matter what; he was as surprised as Kendall.

"Thanks, James." True, it had been said grudgingly but still-James had said it.

James ignored him.

"Thirty minutes until game time. Get out there and run through some plays."

"I just need to call my mom and let her know I'm staying."

The coaches nodded and then walked away. Brock returned to the ice but James hissed, "I still hate you."

"Hate you more."

"Just make sure you play like that during the game."

"I always do."

Kendall made his way to the bag he'd brought along and left on the small gathering of bleachers, digging his phone out. His eyes followed James around the ice as he spoke to his mother, who was ecstatic for him and promised she and Katie would attend the next game. He called Carlos as well, thinking to find him at the Chargers game but Carlos picked up right away.

"Did you make it?"

"I did! Are your Chargers losing or what?"

"Ah, I didn't get tickets this time. We'll go next time."

"Wanna come see me play instead?"

"Heck yeah! Let me try to get Logan to go, he usually does stuff with his mom on the weekends. Proud of you, dude!"

A rush of emotion hit Kendall and he had to turn away from the ice. This was what he'd been looking for, friends who were like family and came out to support him as he would them. "Thanks, bro. That means a lot."

"I'll make sure we're there. When does it start?"

"Pretty soon. If you walk, you'll miss part of it, but that's fine."

"Kendall! Hi!"

He spun around in dread. There was Heather, crossing the bleachers to get to him. _Oh no._

"We'll get there as soon as we can, buddy. Go kick ass!"

"See you then." Kendall hung up, putting out his hands to stop the hug coming his way. "Sweaty hockey player here. You don't want to hug this."

Heather halted, laughing. "Okay, good point. I didn't know you were on the team!"

"I wasn't until about five minutes ago. You come to all the games?"

* * *

><p>"The home games, yes. I try to go to the away games, too, but I don't have my own car yet, so it's tough. And sometimes I even miss these if they need me at the senior home."<p>

"The senior home?"

"Oh, I volunteer down there when I have time, try to brighten up someone's day. It's sad how many elderly people don't have family to take care of them."

_Are you kidding me? Volunteer at a senior place?_ Kendall was speechless for a minute, again wondering how Heather was real.

"Congrats on making the team, Kendall!"

"Thanks." Feeling eyes on him, Kendall glanced toward the ice and met James' gaze. Instead of the glare he'd expected, James was staring at him in disbelief. There was also a hint of something there that Kendall didn't want to acknowledge.

_Hurt. He's hurt that after he did something that could almost be called nice for you, you're sitting here chatting up his girlfriend, doing what you know pisses him off the most. _

And this was new. Kendall actually felt guilty for upsetting James. "Listen, I need to get this stuff out of the way and get back on the ice, but it was nice seeing you again."

"Sure, good luck today! I'll be cheering for you."

_And James. You'll be cheering for your boyfriend too, right?_ And why was Kendall so irritated with her?

_Because she should be cheering_ him _on, hugging _him_, wishing _him_ luck on the ice. What is wrong with these people?_

Once Kendall returned to the team, he tried to shrug off thoughts of both Heather and James. Of course James was right there next to him, but Kendall was able to separate the James who consumed most of his thoughts at school from the James who was his captain. About two minutes before the game started he checked the seating area hoping to find Carlos and Logan, but instead was given a smile and wave from Heather.

_What the fuck? _ He glanced over at James, who was back to glaring. "Dude, I didn't do anything. She just waved at me, okay?"

"I'm not dealing with this right now. Just help us win the game, alright?"

"Fine."

And it would have been possible had James and Brock called different plays. While the team was good, Kendall could tell in the first ten minutes that they weren't going to win because the wrong people were doing the wrong things and there was a lack of cohesion. Didn't the coaches see that? James and Brock were talented players, but their strategies were nothing like what Kendall would have done, and by the close of the second period he was frustrated and ready to blow. They were down three goals and it didn't matter how hard Kendall played, without that cohesive unit it wasn't going to work.

The coaches gave their pep talk and instructions to the team, discussing plays that might work, and Kendall wanted to speak up but kept his mouth shut; he was not the captain this time and though it killed him to lose, he knew that as the new guy no one would listen to him.

_Maybe I can get through to James._ Before they returned to the ice, Kendall pulled James aside. "Hey. What if we put Brock out there as the right wing? He's a damn good blocker."

"What? Brock's always played left wing."

"James, put him out there as a right wing and he-"

"No. Don't even start telling me how to run my team. You're good, alright? I won't argue that. But the second you start trying to take over as captain, I'll find a way to get you out of here."

"I'm not trying to-"

"You do what I say. And don't even think about putting yourself out there as center."

"I wouldn't, it's obvious you're a better shot than me." And damn did Kendall hate admitting that. While it was true Kendall had played center for most of his life, he could admit it when he saw someone better in that position.

"Glad we got that cleared up." James hit the ice with the rest of the team, Kendall following in frustration. He was going to have to give this some thought, because he'd already made such an enemy of James that nothing he said would be taken into consideration.

_Great. I joined a team that sucks. No, they don't suck, but they could be so much better._

Kendall hated losing. Absolutely hated it. He loved a challenge, but only if there was a chance of winning. Angry because at this point it definitely wasn't going to happen, he looked over at the crowd of spectators and smiled when Logan gave him a thumbs up. Carlos let out a cheer for him, and he set his mind on that, on the prospect of maybe hanging out with them for a few hours after the game to unwind. Another bright smile caught his eye and he sighed.

_And then there's you. I don't get you. You've got the hottest guy alive as your boyfriend but instead you smile and wave at me._

Just then Heather did the same to James, though, and Kendall felt a little better. _Okay. So she's not completely crazy._

"Would you mind focusing on the game instead of my girlfriend, Knight? I'd like to win this thing."

Kendall sighed. It really wasn't going to happen.

* * *

><p>After a long talk from the coaches, the team was allowed to leave. Carlos and Logan had waited for Kendall, and that was something good to hold on to. He picked up his stuff and joined them, Carlos grabbing the stick to help while he threw his bag on his shoulder. "Hey, guys. Thanks for coming."<p>

"No problem, you're really good, dude!"

"Thanks, Carlos. I told you, it's what I do. Sucks we didn't win, though."

"Eh, you'll get 'em next time," Logan tossed out.

Kendall doubted it but smiled a thank you to Logan. "You guys wanna hang out for a while?"

"We can't, we promised Logan's mom we'd go help her after the game. It was the only way she let him come."

"Ah, okay. Still glad you came out, it means a lot." Trying not to let it get him down, Kendall started walking toward the exit, the other two on his heels.

"But you could come with us if you want," Logan offered. "It'll be boring, but we can always use another person to help us put the signs up."

"Yeah?" And of course it would be boring, and yet it wouldn't because he'd be with his friends, who could make anything fun. "Cool! Do we have enough time for me to run home and shower or...you know what? Mom should be home by now. If you guys don't mind, you can come home with me and then we'll go to your house? Mom will make us lunch."

Carlos nodded fast. "Yeah, I'm starving! Logan, call your mom and tell her we'll be there in like an hour."

Kendall pulled out his phone, too, and had a brief discussion with his mother. James walked by with Heather, his hand tight on hers, and Kendall was distracted by the sight of a sweaty, post-game James who somehow screamed sex. God help him if he was ever pulled off the ice and had to watch James play.

"Kendall? Did I lose you?"

"Sorry, Mom. So we'll see you in a few minutes?"

"About ten. And I'll feed the boys while you shower."

"Thanks." Hanging up, he waited for a nod from Logan. "Okay, she'll be here soon. Let's go wait outside."

He wanted to catch up to James and Heather, though he knew it was a bad idea. When they stepped outside Kendall caught sight of the two standing near a car while James loaded his gear in the trunk. _So he drives. Of course he has his own car. I bet he's a lot of fun at the drive-in._

"Kendall," Logan said softly behind him. "Quit staring."

Kendall turned back. "Sorry."

"I just don't want to start anything."

"I know. It's bad enough I pissed him off earlier."

"Just by showing up?" Carlos asked.

"No, by suggesting different strategies for the game. Now he thinks I want his captain position."

Carlos shrugged. "If your ideas are better-"

"Doesn't matter," Logan argued. "James is captain. What he says goes."

"And Brock is the other one, so...yeah. What James says goes, basically."

"That's stupid," Carlos commented. "I guess I get it, but it's stupid. How are you supposed to win a game if you don't listen to good ideas?"

"I think if the ideas weren't coming from me, James would take them better."

Logan nodded.

"That's still stupid. You and James need to just be friends already. Or uh...what was it, Kendall? _More_ than friends?"

"Shut up," Kendall chuckled, shoving Carlos lightly. "Obviously he has no intentions of leaving his girlfriend."

"But if he did," Logan said, "it would be for a guy. I think Kendall's right about that."

Kendall watched James open the door for Heather, saw her smile up at him through the window when he closed it. "Look at that. He _does _have manners."

"I keep telling you guys, he's not that bad."

Heather caught his eye and waved again, and all three of them waved in returned.

"She really is pretty," Carlos stated. "And nice."

Logan agreed. "She is both of those things."

"So what is she doing with that prick?"

A horn honked and Kendall looked over. "There's Mom. Come on." While waiting for Carlos and Logan to hop into the van, Kendall glanced back at James' car once. James was watching him over the roof of the car, hair plastered to his head and somehow still gorgeous. Even from a distance Kendall didn't miss the licking of his lips, the tugging of his hair, and in his head he could hear that whiny sex sound that he knew James was making right now.

Kendall's body reacted instantly, leaving him breathless as he stared with his mouth half-open and a little moan escaped his own mouth. _Fuck, how do you do this to me? One of these days I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna call your bluff and attack you and you won't know what hit you, you'll be begging for more._

But today James only grinned that stupid smug smile and winked at him, proud of himself for getting the desired reaction from Kendall. He stepped into his own car and Kendall did the same, hating himself for being so easy to manipulate.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

If you've read my first BTR fic "Minnesota Wild", you might find this one similar in the beginning, but I promise it goes in a different direction. The pairings are the same and there's hockey involved, but the main difference is that this one is AU while the other one was strictly canon (at least what was canon at the time I wrote it). It doesn't take place in Minnesota, but in California. It was inspired by a picture that popped up on Tumblr one night, and I'd link you to the pic but of course FF does not allow that, so...I'll just say it was an old pic of James Maslow in high school, walking next to a dude and looking like his normal, pre-BTR gay self. Oh, what I'd give for video of him back then instead of just pics.

This fic has also been dubbed "The Brat Prince's Birthday Present", since she decided I must be writing this to satisfy her Kames craving. Yes, dear, that's the reason I wrote this. Just for you. It had nothing to do with the fact that Kendall was hounding me for days to give him James. So I'll dedicate this to you, because I do love you and while writing this I was reminded a lot of MW and of how you were such a huge help on that story, coaching me and making me a better writer. I will always cherish that time and credit you with getting me writing in this fandom. I love you, dude.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

* * *

><p>Of course Mrs. Knight had no problem loaning Kendall out for the afternoon, wanting to help Kendall nurture his friendship with Carlos and Logan. He showered quickly and joined them in the kitchen, where she'd made them sandwiches. Kendall grinned when he saw Logan pigging out on the barbecue chips, though he was trying to be polite about it.<p>

"It's okay, Logan, we have another big bag. Eat as many as you want."

Logan blushed but grabbed another handful from the open bag on the table.

Katie was showing Carlos a few cheats on her latest video game. "No way! Logan, look! There's a back entrance to the castle!"

"I know."

"What? How come you never told me that?"

"Because cheats ruin the fun. It's more rewarding to succeed without them and know you beat the game on your own."

Carlos made a sound of disagreement.

"Katie, no video games at the dinner table."

"It's lunchtime, Mom."

"Katie," she warned.

"Okay, okay. Sorry, Carlos. Next time you come over I'll show you the hidden stash of ammo in the castle."

"Cool! Wish I could come back tomorrow."

"Why can't you?" Kendall asked. "I'm sure Mom wouldn't mind. Right, Mom?"

"Not at all. In fact, you boys are welcome to stay the night as long as you get to bed at a decent hour."

Kendall's face brightened. A sleepover only four days after meeting them? "Want to, guys?"

"Heck yeah! Except I don't know if Logan's mom will let him. She doesn't know you."

Logan nodded. "That's a problem. Though she'll know you after today, but...you know what? I'm gonna see if she'll pick us up here. That way she can meet you, Mrs. Knight."

"That'll totally work!" Carlos exclaimed. "And Kendall can have dinner with us at my house, that way Mom knows him."

Kendall couldn't believe this. They were including him in everything, and were even going to stay the night. "You guys are the best."

Carlos chuckled, throwing an arm over Logan's shoulders. "Yeah, we're pretty amazing."

"But if this happens, we're doing homework. I'm not letting you slack on that, Carlos."

Kendall agreed immediately. "At least two hours, promise."

"Oh, I like this," Mrs. Knight commented. "Logan, you can come over anytime."

Kendall rolled his eyes, but he was pleased.

Working with Logan's mom went by fast even though there was a lot of driving involved. Kendall managed to win her over easily, his natural charm and eagerness to please doing the job.

Dinner at the Garcia household was a bit chaotic, but Kendall noted right away how much Logan was considered part of the family. He helped Mrs. Garcia prepare dinner, aided Carlos' little sister with her science homework, and fixed Mr. Garcia's phone with a few adjustments to the settings. What Kendall found most adorable was the way Carlos had to practically fight for Logan's attention, and he knew then why they spent so much time at Logan's when they could-Carlos didn't like sharing Logan.

_I wonder why I was allowed in so easily. Even Logan put up a wall at first, thinking I was a threat, but Carlos took to me right away. Maybe it's because I hold my own and don't necessarily need Logan, at least not the way most people do._

With permission granted from all parents, the boys made their way back to the Knight home via Mrs. Knight, who stopped at the store on the way to pick up supplies to make ice cream sundaes; she won Carlos' undying devotion with that move.

By the time they got settled and ate their way through sundaes, it was getting late and Logan insisted they start on homework. With Kendall's help, Carlos talked him down to an hour as long as they promised to do another hour in the morning, or "at least until it's done."

They kicked Katie and Mrs. Knight out of the living room after homework, staking out the TV to play video games. At midnight Logan shut it down, having promised Mrs. Knight they'd be in bed by then.

"Logan, you're no fun. I'm sure Mrs. Knight's asleep, she won't know."

"I'd like to be invited over again sometime, Carlos. She needs to know she can trust us to do what she says. Besides, I didn't say we'd go to sleep, just to bed."

Kendall grinned, loving that Logan had a sneaky streak. They set up pillows and blankets on Kendall's floor, forming a star of sorts with their bodies as they put their heads together in the dark. Lying on their stomachs, they grinned at each other.

"Is this your first sleepover, Kendall?" Carlos teased. "You're all excited."

Kendall blushed and ducked his head. "Am I that obvious? I've been to a few but they were like...birthday parties. Tons of guys. Nothing like this, with real friends."

Logan rested his chin on his hands. "Come on, a guy like you? I'm sure you had plenty of friends back home."

"Not really. I knew lots of people but...I don't know. You guys are different."

"Maybe because we don't care that you're gay?" Carlos suggested.

"I don't know. I never told anyone back in Minnesota, so maybe," Kendall conceded. "I don't even know that I was positive about that until moving here. I mean, one make-out session with a guy doesn't prove anything."

Carlos gasped. "You made out with a guy? How was it?"

Glancing at Logan before answering, Kendall shrugged. "It was pretty cool, I guess. Have you kissed a girl, Carlos?"

"Once. Candy Davis kissed me in eighth grade after our date. It was neat, but I bet it would be even better now."

Logan remained quiet.

"You?" Kendall asked.

"Nope."

"Aww, sixteen and never been kissed," Carlos grinned. "We gotta get you a date, dude."

"Maybe girls aren't your thing," Kendall hinted, knowing Logan would probably kill him for it.

Sure enough, Logan glared at him, but Carlos frowned. "I never thought of that. Logan, are you gay?"

It was put so bluntly that Logan couldn't even form a response; he could only stare at Carlos with his mouth hanging slightly open.

"I mean, you could be and you wouldn't even know it yet. Kendall, how did you know?"

"Uh..."

Logan found his voice. "I'm going to guess that happened when James came into his life."

"Well, James had something to do with it, yeah," Kendall admitted grudgingly, "but I think it was more Heather than anything else."

"Heather?" Carlos questioned in surprise. "Why her?"

"Because she's gorgeous and I'd still rather kiss James. Or any guy, really."

"But not me, though, right?"

Kendall laughed and reached out for Carlos' hand. "Come closer, baby. Let me kiss you."

"Dude!" Carlos pulled his hand back but he was laughing. "No offense, but if I go for a guy it wouldn't be you."

"No? I'm heartbroken, Carlos. What sort of guy would you go for?"

"I don't know! Someone who knows how to play nice and not start fights, that's who. I can't stand fighting."

"You and Logan fight all the time, and he's your best friend."

"Nah. That's not fighting, we just argue a lot because he's a nerd. It's different."

Logan pursed his lips. "If you would just listen to me we wouldn't have to argue."

"You know you love it when I fight you on stuff. You get to use big words on me and prove me wrong."

Logan's response was a tiny smile along with, "Well, it's never boring, I'll give you that."

_You two are so in love. I will get you kissing by Christmas, vowing that right now._

And then his mind turned to James because he thought of kissing, and he sighed. It was ridiculous how badly he wanted to kiss James. Just shove him up against a locker the way James had done him and listen to James groan, maybe even make that whiny sound when Kendall pulled his hair-

"Earth to Kendall."

Carlos' voice pulled him back. "Sorry. Guys, can we talk about James for a minute?"

Logan and Carlos exchanged a surprised glance. "Sure," Logan replied.

"I just don't get him. Like...he's got a girlfriend but he's so obviously gay. I teased him in class yesterday, the way he teased me, and it worked; he got hot over it."

"Is that what happened?" Carlos asked. "He was teasing you in class somehow?"

"You didn't tell him?" Kendall asked Logan.

"It wasn't my place," Logan replied. "I wasn't sure if that was just between us."

"I appreciate that. A lot. But I'm good with Carlos knowing whatever you know."

Logan nodded. "Okay."

"So how was he teasing you, Kendall?"

"He was doing things he knew would turn me on. Just to see my reaction."

"Ohhhh. And I was sitting right there? How did I miss that?"

Logan snickered. "You always miss what's right in front of your face."

"I do not!"

"You do."

Kendall jumped in before they could get started again. "But yesterday I got him back and it worked, so well we ended up getting kicked out of class. Because we kept pushing it. And then he tried to kiss me in the hall."

"What?"

"Whoa," Logan commented. "You didn't tell me that, Kendall. And you didn't let him?"

"It wasn't like a real kiss, he was just testing me. I failed epically because there was no way I could hide that I wanted him to do it."

"You should've just let him," Carlos said. "You two might stop fighting then."

"Hello, he has a girlfriend!"

Logan smirked. "You're telling me if he actually tried to kiss you, you'd push him away? I've seen the way you look at him, Kendall. Not buying it."

"He's not gonna do it anyway, he's just a tease. There's no question I get him hot, though. My thing is, if that's the case, then why does he have a girlfriend? Why does he stay with her?"

"Maybe he's in denial, like Logan," Carlos said with a straight face.

"What?" Logan spluttered. "Carlos, where is this coming from?"

"Well, Kendall's got me thinking! Maybe that's why you never try to date girls. What if you're gay? I mean, I'd still be your friend if you are."

"Why do you keep pushing this? Do you _want_me to be gay? Is there something you want to tell me, Carlos?"

Kendall watched them, amused. He was definitely going to get them kissing, even if he had to wait until Christmas and resort to mistletoe to do it.

"I'm just saying, Logan. You're sixteen and you've never even been on a date. You're afraid of girls."

"I am not afraid of girls!" Logan argued.

"Okay, okay, guys. Let's just calm down," Kendall coaxed.

"I'm not afraid of girls," Logan repeated.

"Alright. Carlos, I'm sure there's a good reason he hasn't been on a date."

"I'm too busy-" Logan started.

"Bull."

"Can we get back to James?" Kendall tried in an attempt to change the subject.

"Please," Logan huffed.

"So okay. Even if James is in denial, that doesn't really explain Heather's behavior toward me."

Logan nodded. "Yeah, she is_ way_too friendly with you."

"Right?"

Carlos frowned. "She's just being nice."

"Dude, she hugged Kendall in front of her boyfriend. That's more than friendly."

"But we hug all the time and it doesn't mean anything."

Kendall's eyebrows rose and he had to bite his lip to keep his comments to himself, instead settling on, "But Heather's a girl. That makes it different. Right, Logan?

"Absolutely."

"How do you know girls, dude? You hardly talk to them."

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Carlos, can we focus for a minute? I'm trying to understand what Heather's angle is."

"Okay, fine. If she_ is_ too friendly, then she must like you."

"But she's dating James," Kendall argued.

"So? Maybe she's not happy with him. Maybe she saw something she likes and decided to go after it."

Logan was nodding. "Carlos is probably right. Nothing else makes sense, really. I mean, yeah, she's nice, and she greeted you because that's what she does, but the fact that she keeps approaching you and hugging you and stuff...was it more than just at the movies?"

"She tried to again at the game. Before you guys got there."

"Yeah, that's weird because James was there. Unless..."

"What?" Kendall and Carlos asked together.

"Unless she's trying to make James jealous. I don't know either of them too well, but if I was feeling ignored, I might try that."

Carlos shook his head. "I don't think she's the type to do that."

"I'm not so sure either," Kendall agreed, "but if that was the case, it's working. James goes ballistic when she talks to me."

"Maybe it's _her_ James is jealous of, not you."

Kendall's eyebrows rose at Logan's words. "Explain."

"Well, we know he wants you, right? Maybe it pisses him off because he wants you for himself."

"Hmm...I'd go for that except for the fact that he always like...has to touch her and mark his territory when I'm around. He's definitely sending me a signal that she belongs to him."

"Yeah, Logan. Kendall's right about that, he said that in class, too. That he's not going to lose her to Kendall."

"Okay, so that leaves James wanting you, Heather interested in you, and you wanting to attack James. Is that a fair statement?"

"You forgot the part about James hating me."

"He does hate you," Carlos agreed.

"And yet he helped me get on the team. I didn't tell you guys that, did I?"

"No way," Logan replied.

"He did. Told the coaches I'm amazing and should be on the team."

"Ha! See? He's not a bad guy, you guys!"

"Carlos, all that means is he wants to win. And that he wants to spend time with Kendall."

"Doubt that," Kendall said, shaking his head. "Right after that, he reminded me he still hates me."

Logan chuckled. "What a dick."

"Right? But damn, I want him. So fucking bad." Kendall rolled over onto his back in frustration. "He's gonna drive me insane. He pulled his shit again today. After you guys got in the car with Mom."

"Damn, with Heather right there and everything?"

"She couldn't see him," Kendall answered Carlos. "Did the hair thing and licked his lips. How is he so hot?"

"He's definitely good-looking," Carlos agreed. "Hey! Logan! That's how we know if you're gay! Do you think James is hot?"

"Oh my god, Carlos, will you just stop?"

"Dude, seriously! Is James hot?"

"You're the one who said he's good-looking."

Carlos gasped. "I did! Because he is! Guys, what if _I'm_ gay?"

Kendall couldn't help it; he laughed. He felt bad for Logan, knowing this entire conversation was torture for him, but Carlos was genuinely asking. "What if you are? Is that a horrible thing?"

"No, but I need to know. Guys, help me! I need to know!"

Logan sat up. "Okay, this is too much for me. I'll be back."

"Logan, wait, no! You have to-"

"I don't have to do anything." He stood and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

Kendall considered going after him, but realized he could help Logan better from right here. He sat up and said, "Carlos, seriously think about this. Have you ever had any gay thoughts at all? For anyone?"

"Not that I know of. I mean, I think James is hot, but like I said before—it's hard not to stare, you know?"

"True. What about Heather? Would you like to kiss her?"

"I don't know. She's so sweet. And pretty. But kissing her...maybe if she wasn't with James I would."

"So there's no guy you've ever wanted to kiss? What about a girl? Do you look at girls and think about kissing them?"

"Kendall," Carlos whispered suddenly, looking around as if Logan might walk in at any second. "Don't tell Logan I said this, but...I'm afraid of girls."

"Ah," Kendall replied, trying to keep a straight face. "Because you don't understand them."

"Yeah, I guess."

"You know what I think? You should kiss a guy. Just so you know."

Carlos sat up and lifted his pillow into his lap, Kendall recognizing it as a sign of nerves. "I kind of...yeah. Want to try that. Just so I know, you know?"

"I get it. Completely. And we know I'm not your type, so I think maybe Logan would be the obvious choice for you." Kendall waited, cringing slightly and praying Carlos didn't reject the idea immediately.

Instead he was silent, honestly considering it. Kendall gave him time, keeping his mouth shut, and a minute later Logan returned to the room. Once he was seated, he asked, "What did I miss?"

Carlos tilted his head, studying Logan as if for the first time. "Logan, I want to kiss you."

Even in the dark, Kendall witnessed the draining of color from Logan's face. His eyes went wide and he swallowed. "W-what?"

"I won't know if I like guys until I give one a try. As my best friend, you're the logical choice."

"Since when are you logical?"

Kendall almost groaned. _Come on, Logan, let it happen. This is what you've been dying for, don't push him away now that he actually wants it. _ "I'm gonna give you guys a few minutes to-"

"No, don't leave!" Carlos grabbed Kendall's wrist, pulling him back down. "You need to watch, get a feel for my reactions."

"Carlos, only you know what you're feeling. I'm not gonna be able to-"

"Who says I'm letting you kiss me?" Logan interrupted.

_Oh, Logan, you're terrified. _Not that Kendall could blame him, really, because this would change everything between them—hopefully for the better. He wished he could drag Logan out of here for a pep talk, but knew that wasn't possible. "Carlos is right, Logan. You're the logical choice, the one who uh...teaches him everything."

"How am I supposed to teach him something I've never done?"

"It's not that hard, just do it. You'll figure it out, I promise."

"Come on, Logan, please? I won't tell anyone. And if it's that horrible, there's mouthwash in my bag. You can get rid of the taste when we're done."

Kendall almost lost it but managed to turn his laughter into a cough. "See, Logan? He's got mouthwash. Problem solved."

The look Logan gave him was a mixture of annoyance, fear, and desperation.

"Logan," Kendall said softly. "Do it. Haven't _you_ ever wondered if maybe you're gay?" he hinted. "Opportunities like this..."

When Logan continued to hesitate, Carlos sighed. "Forget it. Kendall, come here, I'll just kiss you."

"Oh, like hell you will! Get over here, Carlos. Now."

Shocked, Carlos turned wide eyes on Logan. "Really?"

"Don't make me rethink this. It's now or never."

_Bullshit. You'd kiss him anytime._ Kendall again tried not to laugh. As Carlos moved closer to Logan, crawling on his knees, Kendall went to stand up but Logan grabbed his wrist this time. "It's okay. You can stay."

And Kendall saw how truly terrified Logan was, no matter how often he'd probably dreamed of this moment. "You can do this," he whispered.

"It's just me," Carlos said softly, drawing Logan's attention back to him and taking Logan's hand in his. "I'm not gonna laugh. But don't laugh at me either, okay?"

"I wouldn't."

Kendall scooted away some, finally feeling like he wasn't even in the room—as it should be. Focused on each other, Carlos and Logan leaned in, and Kendall's heart was beating so hard he might as well have been the one about to have his first kiss. While it was true Carlos had experienced a kiss, Kendall doubted it was anything more than a peck and it most certainly wasn't anything like this would be. Their lips touched and Kendall leaned forward slightly in anticipation, a grin stretching his lips.

Carlos pulled back for a second after the initial contact, licking his lips once, then he took a deep breath and dove into it, surprising a gasp out of Logan. Kendall was afraid Logan would back away, but he found the courage to kiss Carlos back just as hard, his hands coming up to frame Carlos' face and hold him there. Carlos didn't fight it, his own hand wrapping around Logan's neck as he licked gently at Logan's lips, forcing a soft groan out of Logan.

_Fuck yes. Now _this_ is a sleepover. I gotta get James over here._

Kendall held his breath when Carlos finally pulled back in a bit of a daze. _Please don't freak out, either of you. Please. You loved it, you both loved it, just relax and be okay with that._

Logan licked his lips and cleared his throat, and he too was afraid because what Carlos said or did next would set the course of their entire friendship from this point forward.

"Okay," Carlos said quietly. "I like kissing guys. At least now I know. Thanks, Logan."

Logan nodded slowly, biting his lip and still unsure.

"Now I just need to kiss a girl to compare."

_Carlos. No. Don't even_.

"I think..." Logan began, glancing over at Kendall. "I think you're right, Carlos. You should know for sure."

Kendall stared at them both, wanting to wring their necks. "What is wrong with you two? You both fucking_ loved_ that. Why in the hell would you want to try anything else?"

Carlos blushed. "It _was_ amazing, at least for me. It's not always like that?"

"No," Kendall replied, shaking his head. "It's hardly ever like that. If you need to kiss a girl to be sure, fine. But I'm telling you, you won't find that anywhere else."

They both waited for Logan to say something, but he remained silent, not meeting either gaze.

Carlos shrugged. "Okay. Guess I need to spend a little time with Caroline, see if I can get her to kiss me." He laid down and pulled the blanket over himself, settling the pillow more comfortably under his head. "But you can't lie, Logan. You liked that."

"I never said I didn't."

"Oh, you're freaking out right now because you realized you're gay, huh? It's okay, dude. We're here for you if you need to talk."

"Carlos, just..." Logan shook his head. "Shut up."

"Fine. But it's no big deal. I can admit I liked it."

An hour later Kendall was still awake, listening to Carlos snore and lost in thoughts of James. He heard Logan shift and turned over. "You okay?" he asked quietly.

"I'm...not sure."

"He liked it. That's good, right?"

"It's...I'm not sure."

"Logan, why the hell would you encourage him to kiss a girl after that?"

"Because he'll wonder. I know him. Sure, he kissed me and liked it, but the grass is always greener on the other side for him. He always wants to know what he's missing out on. So he has to find out. And then if he still wants me...I'll know he actually _wants_ me."

"Dude, I witnessed that kiss. He wants you."

"And Monday when he sees Caroline, he'll wonder what it would be like to kiss her. Trust me, Kendall. I know Carlos."

Kendall sighed. "But what you two have, it's real. It's rare. Why would you risk losing that?"

"I'd rather he comes to me because he wants to, because he loves me. Not because he was curious."

"He does love you, Logan. I knew that the day we met."

"Now we just need him to know it, too."

"I still say you're crazy. Shoving him into someone else's arms isn't the way to win him."

"I don't want to win him, Kendall. I want to earn him."

"I think you've put in enough time and effort over the years to do that."

"We'll see. If you love someone, set them free. If they come back..."

"You're a lucky fuck who got a second chance at what you should've held on to in the first place. I'd never push James away once I got him. That asshole is staying put."

Logan giggled, then covered his mouth to avoid waking Carlos. "I hope you do get him. You two are made for each other."

"Yeah? You trying to say I'm an asshole, too?"

"If the shoe fits..."

"Yeah, yeah. I love you, too."

Logan chuckled and rolled onto his back. "Goodnight, Kendall."

"Goodnight. Oh hey, guess what?"

"What?"

"You kissed Carlos."

A squeal erupted from Logan. "Shut up!" he whispered, face red and grinning.

"Yeah, he'll come back to you. If he doesn't, I'll kick his ass."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

If you've read my first BTR fic "Minnesota Wild", you might find this one similar in the beginning, but I promise it goes in a different direction. The pairings are the same and there's hockey involved, but the main difference is that this one is AU while the other one was strictly canon (at least what was canon at the time I wrote it). It doesn't take place in Minnesota, but in California. It was inspired by a picture that popped up on Tumblr one night, and I'd link you to the pic but of course FF does not allow that, so...I'll just say it was an old pic of James Maslow in high school, walking next to a dude and looking like his normal, pre-BTR gay self. Oh, what I'd give for video of him back then instead of just pics.

This fic has also been dubbed "The Brat Prince's Birthday Present", since she decided I must be writing this to satisfy her Kames craving. Yes, dear, that's the reason I wrote this. Just for you. It had nothing to do with the fact that Kendall was hounding me for days to give him James. So I'll dedicate this to you, because I do love you and while writing this I was reminded a lot of MW and of how you were such a huge help on that story, coaching me and making me a better writer. I will always cherish that time and credit you with getting me writing in this fandom. I love you, dude.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

I keep forgetting to mention that someone asked me if Heather was supposed to be Heather Fox from the BTSecrets ep. No! I keep accidentally choosing names that match up to characters on the show, and she is in no way meant to resemble that Heather; my inspiration for her came from someone else.

* * *

><p>Over the next few weeks, Kendall's life settled into a routine of sorts. There was school, and then there was time on the ice for practice, followed by dinner and homework and bed. In between all of that there was Carlos and Logan, whose friendship didn't seem to have suffered for the kiss; the only difference Kendall could detect was that Carlos walked a little closer to Logan and teased him a little less. There was also some staring involved that stopped the second Logan might've become aware of it.<p>

_Yeah, Carlos, you're falling in love. It's about time._

While he wanted to encourage Logan to nurture that, Kendall had to trust that Logan knew Carlos best and, more importantly, knew how to handle the situation. Logan actually went so far as to give Carlos advice on how to ask Caroline on a date, which boggled Kendall's mind, but again—he stepped back to let Logan handle it.

Heather was her bubbly, friendly self the first Monday, complimenting Kendall's skill on the ice and gushing about what a great team he and James made. Kendall smirked over that, imagining them forming a different sort of team, then felt guilty for having those thoughts about her boyfriend. _Have you no shame, Kendall? She's sitting right here. At least she didn't try to hug me again, though._

She stopped at their table in the cafeteria to say hello to Logan and Carlos, who Kendall had been pleased to see sitting next to each other rather than across the table. Kendall was polite, letting her rest a hand on his shoulder as she stood over him, but when he looked around her to see James staring at them in anger, he gently shook her hand off. What was this guilt he was feeling?

Fifteen minutes later he watched James lead Heather out of the cafeteria, frowning because lunch was only half over. "I'll be back," he told Logan and Carlos, not explaining his actions because they would only remind him he was being ridiculous anyway, and followed outside to see them having a heated discussion under a nearby tree.

_Oh wow. So they're fighting over me now. That's...that's..._

Kendall wanted to gloat, but he couldn't. If only James hadn't done something that could almost be considered _nice_ for him, then he could still hate James with every fiber of his being. Feeling even more guilty for spying, Kendall returned to the cafeteria; James and Heather never did.

James surprised him in Chem by pulling him aside after setting down his bag on the table, and Kendall hated that James tugging him roughly had such an effect on him. _What is it about you? You shove me around and I like it? More than like it, I want to-_

"Look," James began in a low voice. "We can't afford to lose our Saturdays, the team needs us. As much as I hate you and love fucking with your head, we need to call a truce. Can you behave so that we don't get kicked out again?"

"Me? You're the one who ran your hand up my thigh."

"And you loved it. But that's not important. What's important is the team and that we be there for them. So can I trust you to not stare at me?"

"Uh..."

James grinned that smug smile again. "Okay, let's try this. Why don't we switch seats? You can sit with Carlos and I'll sit behind you guys."

"Sure _you_ won't have a staring problem then?" Kendall teased, one eyebrow raised.

"Oh, please. The only staring problem I ever have is in a mirror."

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Why does that not surprise me?"

"So, deal?"

"Yeah. That's fine."

They moved their belongings around and then Kendall took James' seat, Carlos leaning in to whisper, "Everything okay?"

"Fine. I'm your partner now."

"Oh. Okay."

If Mr. Young noticed the change, he didn't call attention to it, probably because they were quiet and not disrupting class. The urge to tease James was almost impossible to resist, though, because Kendall kept feeling James' eyes on him. Finally halfway through class he turned back to whisper, "Got a problem, Diamond?" When James flushed, Kendall grinned.

"Get over yourself," James whispered back. "I'm not staring at you."

_Suuuuuure. _ Kendall continued to smile as he turned his attention to the lesson again, a bit more confident. _Oh yeah. You want me._

* * *

><p>After school Kendall hit the rink for practice, and he would be lying if he said he hoped not to run into James. Sure enough, James showed up about ten minutes after Kendall did, joining him and a few other players on the ice. Their only set practice day was Friday, but Kendall planned to come out every weekday and hoped James did the same. Once on the ice they let their aggression out, putting all of the day's frustrations into it and attempting to better each other. When everyone else left Kendall and James put in another hour one-on-one, not speaking much but playing hard and trying to take each other down. Kendall discovered that James liked to slam him up against the boards, and eventually Kendall started returning the favor, loving the heat in James' eyes every time he did it.<p>

_One of these days, Diamond. One of these days. You'll be begging me._

At school, though, things settled down. The result of the argument between James and Heather resulted in Heather cooling toward him a bit, though she was still friendly enough in class. When James was around she ignored Kendall, or at least stopped trying to initiate contact. In an attempt to keep the peace Kendall respected that and ignored her as well, and there were no more death glares or teasing in Chem.

On the ice, though, their war was more violent than ever, each of them going home with new bruises every night. Kendall decided he must be a masochist, because all he ever wanted to do was get back out there and let James beat him up some more.

Saturday's game wasn't any better than the first one had been, but this time when Kendall made a suggestion, James didn't completely shoot it down. He simply said they'd try it out at practice. "We need to try it _now_," Kendall argued, but James shook his head and reminded Kendall who was captain.

Heather sat with Carlos and Logan in the bleachers, smiling at both James and Kendall whenever they looked over. Kendall smiled each time in return, feeling James' annoyance but he ignored it; a smile didn't hurt anyone.

There was a repeat of the first sleepover, minus the kiss of course, though Kendall sensed it heavy on both their minds. He kept finding excuses to leave them alone, but it was in vain; neither seemed to want to make a move. It frustrated Kendall, but again—he knew he had to let Logan handle this his way.

By the second week without any fighting or teasing between himself and James, Kendall was going crazy. It shouldn't be like this, he should be happy they were getting along (somewhat) but as it meant a lack of communication between them, Kendall was bored. The truth was he _missed_ James, missed the teasing and the angry glares, missed the attention. James still stared at him in class, but Kendall was trying hard to behave because if one of them snapped, it could ruin hockey. They still shared their alone time on the ice every evening, Kendall dying for the clock to tick faster during the day, and in that the teasing was off the charts, but being in the same room with James during class and lunch was slowly driving him insane because he couldn't _do_ anything.

The Thursday of the second quiet week, Kendall snapped. It had been almost two weeks without any teasing at all during class, and thank God he hadn't had to sit behind James for that because he probably would've snapped a lot sooner. It was in his English class he got the idea, when their teacher passed out a flyer regarding an upcoming lecture taking place at their library branch.

He was antsy at lunch, foot tapping up and down as he waited for James to show up. Logan of course noticed immediately that he kept looking over at their table.

"What are you planning?" he asked with narrowed eyes.

"Nothing."

"I know that look. You're about to stir up trouble."

"Aww come on, Kendall, things are finally good between you and James."

"They're not good, Carlos, we're not even friends."

"And you're never gonna be if you keep picking fights with him."

"Kendall, Carlos is right. Don't ruin things now."

Kendall's eyes followed James across the cafeteria until he was seated next to Heather, and then James glanced over at him. This was nothing new, the two of them caught each other's eye often when in the same room together. This time James held his gaze longer, Kendall's body needing to be closer, and he stood up. "I'll be back."

"Oh great. Carlos, what is wrong with him?"

"He's crazy, that's what. Can I have your fruit snacks?"

Kendall left them behind and made his way toward James and Heather, determined. He pulled the folded up flyer out of his pocket, smoothing it out as he approached. James sensed him before he was even halfway there, turning to warn him off with a glare. Heather's cheeks flushed slightly and she smiled. "Hey, Kendall."

"Hi," he grinned. "My teacher told us about a lecture this Sunday at the library, and I wondered if you might want to go with me. It's about the Potter books." He passed over the paper and her eyes lit up.

"Oh my gosh! That would be so much fun!"

"Are you seriously asking my girlfriend out right in front of me, asshole?"

"What? Of course not, it's just a lecture. Not a _real _date or anything." But of course the use of the word "date" was enough to get a reaction out of James. He started to stand but Heather held him down.

"James, it's fine. It's not a date, it's just a lecture. Like Kendall said."

"You can't be considering going."

"I..." Heather looked up at Kendall, and how badly she wanted to say yes showed in her eyes.

_Well. We have an answer to that question. She's definitely into me. Damn, didn't expect that._ Because of course now Kendall felt bad; he wasn't just fucking with James, he was fucking with her, too. That wasn't okay. "You know what? James is probably right. We shouldn't. I just thought it would be fun to go with someone who appreciates the books like I do."

"I think it would be fun. James, I'm gonna go."

"Heather, we talked about-"

"I know, but I really want to do this. I'm sorry."

_Fuck. Oh shit. You weren't supposed to say yes. Fuck._ "Uh...okay. We'll talk more about it tomorrow in class."

"Sounds good." She smiled sweetly at him and Kendall turned apologetic eyes to James, regretting ever walking over here.

Then again, the vengeance James promised with his own eyes might be making it all worth it. Kendall was breathless and hard as he walked back to his table, sitting down and rubbing his hands over his face. He was torn between fear and anticipation, having no idea what he would do with Heather on a date but dying to see what James would do to get back at him.

"So what happened?" Logan asked. "Oh damn, they're leaving. You really did it this time, James looks ready to kill."

"I um. I asked her out."

They stared at him in stupefied awe. "You what?"

"I never thought she'd actually say yes! I just wanted to piss James off."

Carlos' mouth gaped wider. "She said yes?" Logan questioned. "Right there in front of James, she said yes?"

Kendall nodded miserably. "She definitely likes me. I don't know what it is between her and James, but she didn't hide that she wanted to go with me."

"Holy shit, dude," Carlos whispered. "He's gonna murder you."

"I know." And while that set his nerves alive, it was also sinking in that there might be other consequences. "What if we get kicked out of class again?"

"Ignore him. You have to ignore him, Kendall."

"Logan, I can't! That's the problem here! Two weeks of him ignoring me and I'm going crazy! I had to do something."

"And you couldn't just walk up to him and say 'Hi, I really like you and I think we should start over because this whole thing is ridiculous and we should hang out.' No, that would be too easy."

"It's not how we operate, okay? I don't understand it either but it's hot and we both love it so..."

"Are you sure James loves it?" Carlos asked hesitantly. "I mean, the teasing maybe, but you moving in on his girlfriend? That's gotta hurt. Especially when she says yes. The guy has feelings, you know."

"Carlos, don't make me start hating myself. I know what I did was wrong, okay? I couldn't help it. If he completely ignores me in class, I'll know."

Logan gave him an exasperated look. "Just what will you know?"

"That I hurt him. If he starts fucking with me instead, then it'll all be worth it."

"Don't you two get enough aggression out when you play hockey? We saw that one practice last Friday, I don't know how you two didn't attack each other right there on the ice."

"You should see us when we're alone," Kendall grinned. "Full-body contact whenever we can."

Carlos sighed. "Why don't you just kiss him already and get it over with?"

"Because he has to be paying attention to me for that to happen. I was hoping to initiate something like that today. Instead his girlfriend said yes when I asked her out, which was not supposed to happen. Now what do I do?"

"You made your bed," Logan responded. "Now go lie in it."

"Okay, can we talk about me now?" Carlos suddenly interjected.

"Oh, right. Your date."

Carlos opened his mouth. "Kendall, I have a—hey, Logan, I wanted to tell him!"

"Sorry."

"Man, you killed that for me. But Kendall, I have a date!"

Logan avoided Kendall's gaze, focusing on peeling his orange.

"That's great, buddy. Caroline?"

"Yes! We're going to the movies, and we're totally gonna kiss. I was hoping you guys would come, too, but not like..._with_ us. Just be there and sit behind us or something. But not too close."

That would probably kill Logan. "I don't know if that's a good idea. She might be nervous with us around."

"She wouldn't even know you're there! But I need you guys, I'm nervous."

"Uh...Logan?"

Logan shrugged. "If he needs us, we should be there."

_And you still can't even look up._ "We'll talk about it later, okay? When's the date?"

"Friday night."

"Okay, I have practice until six. I wouldn't be able to go until at least seven."

"That's fine, we'll go to practice with you and then Mom can drive me and Caroline to the movies. Guys, I have a date!"

"Excited for you. Just remember, if you kiss her and don't feel anything, you know what that means."

"Yeah. I guess we'll see."

"We will." Kendall set his elbow on the table, leaning his chin onto his hand to address Logan. "So you want to do this? Movies and watching Carlos have his first kiss?"

"It's not his first kiss. Not even his second."

"You know what I mean."

"I'd actually like to be there for him, Kendall. In case he uh...needs me when it's over."

Kendall grinned.

Carlos nodded. "I might, too. What if I chicken out? You guys will need to give me a pep talk."

Logan smirked. "Oh, don't worry. I got that covered, Carlos."

* * *

><p>When they entered the chem lab, Kendall headed straight for the empty table behind Christine and Maggie. Carlos didn't even try to talk sense into him, knowing it was a lost cause.<p>

Sure enough, James joined him there just as the bell rang. Mr. Young did a quick head count and frowned at them.

"It's okay, Mr. Young. Me and Kendall are friends now."

Kendall almost laughed, but as it was the only way they'd be allowed to sit together, he nodded with a smile, reaching over to squeeze James' shoulder for emphasis.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that. One peep out of you two, though, and it's straight to the principal."

"We're fine," James said, an arm sliding around Kendall's shoulders to pull him closer.

Satisfied for the moment, Mr. Young returned to the count and told them to open their textbooks to chapter two. Kendall scooted away some and James followed, shifting his chair closer and again ripping out a blank sheet of paper while Kendall opened his book and set it between them, anticipation running through him. It had been worth it just to have James here, to feel the tension pouring from him.

_"That was low even for you."_

Kendall read it and his balloon popped some. _The guy does have feelings, you know. _Kendall sighed and wrote,_"I'm sorry."_

"Suck my dick."

And that was something Kendall hadn't made it to in his mind, not in all his daydreams about James. Mostly his mind had been filled with passionate kisses and a bit of groping, maybe a handjob he'd spent some time imagining in bed one night. He gasped, biting down on his knuckles, and James rolled his eyes, annoyed.

_So that wasn't on purpose? Because damn, you know how to get to me._

James scribbled another note. _"If I didn't need you on the team so bad, I'd be killing you right now."_

Oh god, how would James kill him? Kendall would give a lot to know that, but he agreed with James that hockey took precedence. They settled down for a few minutes, Kendall going crazy every time their hands or arms brushed.

They were instructed to do lab work today, experimenting with chemicals to test different reactions. Kendall got up to get their supplies from the cabinet and when he returned, Carlos was at the table in front of them, working with Maggie and Christine. He spun back and said quietly to them, "Guys, don't screw this up. You're doing so good and you can't afford to ruin it."

James ignored him and reached for a pair of goggles. Kendall grabbed the other pair but replied, "It's fine, we're not even speaking to each other."

Carlos lifted an eyebrow, not buying it, but it was true; James hadn't spoken a word since his last scribbled note. And how did James manage to look hot even with dorky, oversized goggles pressing down his hair? _Fuck, you can't be real. All I ever want to do is kiss you. Right after I punch you._

Sensing Kendall's eyes on him, James slid him a sideways glance. His eyes seemed slightly magnified behind the goggles and were more striking than ever. He smirked when he saw Kendall's lust.

_Bring it on, James. I know you hate me and you have every right to be mad at me, but I miss you. Kill me with your teasing._

They were careful pouring the liquids, neither wanting to make a mess, and when James reached for the baking soda, which was on Kendall's right, rather than ask Kendall to pass it or even to move he slid behind Kendall, purposely rubbing against Kendall's ass. His left hand squeezed Kendall's shoulder hard, holding him in place, and Kendall's head fell forward, a low whine falling from his lips.

"Excuse me," James whispered in his ear before sliding away.

"James, fuck. That was not fair."

James shrugged. "If you can't take the heat..."

"Oh, I can take it."

Heat swirled in James' eyes at the promise behind that statement. _Bring it_, they invited silently.

He took a minute to compose himself, then stepped behind James and leaned forward under the pretense of reading the next step in the textbook, which James had slid aside to make room for the experiment supplies. He pressed James' body against the table, using his feet to brace himself and pushing hard, effectively trapping James. He felt James' muscles tighten, the breath constricted in James' throat, and suddenly Kendall wished they were alone. The teasing was fun, but it wasn't enough anymore; Kendall ached to touch him, have those hands rough on him and ripping at his clothes, fingers digging into his skin.

When James rubbed back against him Kendall was forced to step back or lose it completely, his hands reaching up to grab James' shoulders and keep him from scooting further back. Kendall glanced around but no one was paying them any attention.

"Had enough?" James asked over his shoulder.

"Not even close." But Kendall took his seat, needing a moment to calm down. James did the same and they watched the beaker after Kendall poured the soda in. It bubbled and rose up, white and frothy and somehow filling Kendall's head with all kinds of dirty thoughts. He licked his lips and closed his eyes while James stood to wipe up the mess that had overflowed from the beaker.

"Damn, someone really needs to get a boyfriend." James was smirking again.

Kendall opened his eyes to glare at James. "I'm not the only one. When are you gonna admit you want me?"

"Girlfriend, remember?"

"Please, you are so in denial."

"You don't know anything about me."

"I know enough. What are you doing with her, dude?"

James didn't answer, using the experiment to keep him busy enough to ignore the question. He jotted down notes about the current reaction while Kendall studied him.

"Not trying to be a dick here, I'm honestly trying to understand. Why are you with a girl when you so obviously like guys?"

"What, I can't be bi?"

Okay, that was fair enough, except that James wasn't all that affectionate with Heather. If _he'd_been dating someone for two years, Kendall imagined there would be a lot more touching and cuddling, even at school. "Are you two just friends? Is she a cover of some sort?"

James sat down in his seat and Kendall thought he'd finally cracked, was ready to spill, but what he said was, "I'm not discussing this with you except to say that I love her and she's my girlfriend and you need to remember that on Sunday. Make a move on her and I'll kill you-and not in the fun way."

Kendall sighed, feeling guilty again. "It's not a date. You may be bi, but I'm not. Trust me when I say she does nothing for me. I kind of wish she did, it's easier than dealing with you."

"Shut up, you love dealing with me."

Kendall laughed, surprised into it by the small smile on James' face.

"Then why do you keep talking to her, Kendall? If she does nothing for you, why the hell do you-oh. Me. You want me."

"You are so full of yourself. I happen to like her a lot."

"She's pretty amazing. I'm not about to lose her, though. So back off."

"It's a lecture, James. That's it."

"And remember that she has feelings. Don't fuck with them because if you hurt her, I'll kill you. If all you want is to get to me, you don't need her to do it. There are better ways."

_But that doesn't change the fact that you have a girlfriend. And if you love her so much, why do you fuck with me and encourage this thing between us?_"You gonna be at the rink after school?"

James' lips twisted into a smirk. "Wouldn't miss it."

Kendall felt better knowing James looked forward to it just as much.

* * *

><p>When Kendall made his way through the upper level of the rink that afternoon, he was so deep in thoughts of James he almost missed it. He was wondering if James might actually kiss him today; their talk was a step forward, even if Kendall still didn't have any answers. <em>You know what? I don't care what you do. I'm gonna make it happen today. Those lips are mine.<em>

A familiar laugh echoed to him as he was about to enter the stairwell. _Heather._Kendall inched back toward the ice, staying out of sight as his eyes picked out Heather and James gliding around together. She was bent over giggling, James coaxing her to stand up but he was laughing, too, and it was beautiful. For the first time Kendall saw genuine happiness in James, his eyes dancing and his body relaxed as he picked her up and spun her away from him, Heather landing flawlessly.

"Much better!" James called out. "I think there's hope for you yet!"

"Oh, be quiet! Show me that crazy spin again."

Kendall watched transfixed as James did a perfect spin, his body graceful and lithe and so beautiful it left Kendall aching. _Oh my god, look at you. You're perfection. I need you, need you to laugh for me like that, need your hands on me without the stupid gloves in the way._

And then it sunk in, what Kendall was witnessing. James Diamond was figure skating. Not just skating around the rink with a girl, he was actually doing choreographed moves and doing them well. Heather stopped to stand next to him and he coached her through the spin, helping her find the right balance. They spoke a few words to each other and James laughed again, cheeks red from exertion and maybe from Heather, as well.

_You do love her. I don't know how much, or even in what capacity, but you love her and she brings out something in you that no one else does. I want that. Want to see your eyes dance when you smile at me, hear you laugh at something I say, feel you relaxed around me. Why are you with her? _

But the answer was right there in front of him. James loved Heather. He kept it guarded at school, which made no sense at all considering that would be where Kendall would assume he'd show it most, in front of other people who might want Heather. Then again, maybe James saw it as a weakness. _Loving someone is not a weakness, it's a strength. Find some courage and love me, James. At least like me so I have a chance to_ make_ you love me._

He stood there a few minutes longer, watching Heather practice the spin while James stood by ready to catch her, and the next time James laughed it echoed to him and caused something in his heart to break down. _I'm so kissing you today. No way are you getting out of this._

As much as he wanted to stand there and watch James move over the ice for the rest of his life, Kendall willed himself to head downstairs and get into his hockey gear. He greeted the teammates who were there and tried to focus on the sport, but his mind was wrapped up in visions of James gliding gracefully along, muscles flexing as he moved and _fuck, will you get down here already? Been dying for this all day and now after seeing that, I need you. Come slam me up against some boards so I can take you down and kiss you._

But James never showed. When it got to be after five and there was still no sign of him, Kendall accepted that he wasn't going to. He packed his gear and ran up the steps, hoping to at least lock eyes with James before leaving, but neither James nor Heather was anywhere to be found.

_He left. With her. He chose her over you. _

_Of course he did. She's his girlfriend and he loves her. He said he loves her._

_I want him to love me. I fucking hate you, James Diamond. It was bad enough when you pissed me off, now you're just fucking with my heart and I can't take that. Why did I have to fall for you? Why? And why does no one know about your skating? Is that some secret you have hidden from the world?_

It wasn't like they'd been alone on the ice, and any of the teammates walking by would have seen them, so Kendall supposed it couldn't be all that covert, and yet he couldn't imagine James volunteering the knowledge or being proud of it. _Maybe he just does it for Heather. Because it makes her happy._

Kendall spent the night thinking about how to stop thinking about James. Logan would've told him that was counterproductive, but Kendall didn't know what else to do. He'd done something today that went against his ideals; asking out a girl who was taken was uncool in anyone's book, and-

_But she said yes. If she and James are in love, why did she say yes?_

_It's just a lecture. It's not a date._

_No. She's interested. There's no way she isn't, it's obvious even to Carlos. Well, once we opened his eyes it was._

_So if she loves James, why does she want to spend time with me?_

_Maybe she doesn't love him. Maybe he loves her, but it's one-sided. _

_But they've been dating for two years. Is she just a cover? Does he get with guys on the side? Does she-_

_Open relationship. They're allowed to see other people. It's the only thing that makes sense._

_Then why is he so possessive of her? There's no question he's terrified to lose her. Or that he loves her._

_Maybe he's fighting it. Holding on to her because once he lets go, he has to face that he's gay._

_Agh, this is all gonna drive me fucking nuts. You want me, but you don't. You tease me, but when I start to fall for you, you choose her over me. Is it all just a game to you? Are you really that big of an asshole?_

Kendall knew what both Carlos and Logan would say; they'd tell him to talk to James, just flat-out ask.

_I tried that today. We actually had a conversation, and I got nowhere. He doesn't want to open up to me._

_But I can't let it go. Two weeks without him and I almost lost my mind. Why can't he be more open and honest, like Heather? She'd probably answer my questions._

_Boom._ It hit him like lightning, the obvious answer. James wasn't going to budge, but Heather might. He was going to be alone with Heather for at least two hours on Sunday, maybe more than that, and if anyone was going to explain this whole thing to him, Heather would be it.

Smiling because he felt like there was finally some hope of at least understanding James, Kendall settled into bed. Once he understood what he was up against, he could formulate a plan to get what he wanted.

_Unless Heather really does love James. If she does, I won't break that up. Because she makes James happy. I'll live with it._

In the meantime, though, Kendall couldn't wait for tomorrow and the opportunity to see James again.

_You drive me crazy and I love it. I fucking hate you, James Diamond._


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

If you've read my first BTR fic "Minnesota Wild", you might find this one similar in the beginning, but I promise it goes in a different direction. The pairings are the same and there's hockey involved, but the main difference is that this one is AU while the other one was strictly canon (at least what was canon at the time I wrote it). It doesn't take place in Minnesota, but in California. It was inspired by a picture that popped up on Tumblr one night, and I'd link you to the pic but of course FF does not allow that, so...I'll just say it was an old pic of James Maslow in high school, walking next to a dude and looking like his normal, pre-BTR gay self. Oh, what I'd give for video of him back then instead of just pics.

This fic has also been dubbed "The Brat Prince's Birthday Present", since she decided I must be writing this to satisfy her Kames craving. Yes, dear, that's the reason I wrote this. Just for you. It had nothing to do with the fact that Kendall was hounding me for days to give him James. So I'll dedicate this to you, because I do love you and while writing this I was reminded a lot of MW and of how you were such a huge help on that story, coaching me and making me a better writer. I will always cherish that time and credit you with getting me writing in this fandom. I love you, dude.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

A LOT going on in this chapter. I know you guys think James is a douche, and he is but he has his reasons for acting the way he does. Kendall is slowly breaking him down and we're getting there. Also, I'm sorry I ended the chapter where I did but it's the best place to do it because once the next scene happens, you won't want me to stop in the middle. Trust me.

I know you guys appreciate the quick updates but I go back to work tomorrow so I don't know how much writing I'll get done, which means I don't know when I'll update again. It won't be more than a few days, though. And thank you SO SO SO much for the awesome reviews. In case you couldn't tell, they make my day. :)

* * *

><p>Kendall let out a sigh of relief when Heather walked into math the next day; she'd shown up early enough that they could talk for a few minutes before the bell rang.<p>

"Hey," she greeted with a huge smile, sliding into her seat.

"Morning! Can we talk about Sunday?"

"Absolutely! I'm excited, I get to meet other people who love Harry Potter as much as I do. Everyone here seems to think they're too old, but I mean we all grew up with the books, right? Like you have to stop caring when you get in high school?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean. It's worse for a guy, trust me."

"No, I can imagine. So do you drive or..."

"I already talked to my mom, she'll take us and bring us home. I was thinking if you want, we could have lunch after. There's a restaurant right across the street and I'd totally buy."

Heather's face lit up. "I'd love that. Really."

_Okay wow. Shit._ Guilt forced Kendall to say, "Look, I want to clarify that this um...it's not a date. We agree on that, right?"

"Oh. Right. Just friends."

"James really isn't happy about the whole thing and I-"

"Let me worry about James. If he gives you any crap, I'll talk to him. I'm allowed to have friends, and he can deal with it."

Kendall nodded slowly, wondering how this whole thing got so complicated. "So can we exchange numbers? I'll need your address, too."

"Of course."

They did that, each storing the information in their phones and Kendall promising to call Saturday to set up the timing. "You sure you want to do this? I don't want to give James any more reason to hate me."

"I told you. Don't worry about James. He says you're phenomenal on the ice, by the way."

"He said that?" Kendall sat up straighter, preening slightly.

"I see it myself at the games, but for _him_ to say it...that's huge. I think he might be a little jealous, but don't tell him I told you that," she smiled.

"It's our secret." Kendall grinned through the rest of the period, wishing the time would go faster to get him to Chem.

* * *

><p>They were back to ignoring each other at lunch, but Kendall didn't mind that too much. He had class to look forward to, plus team practice tonight, and then a game tomorrow. James would probably ignore him in class again, and Kendall considered starting shit but when he looked over at James' table to see Heather and James laughing together, he killed that idea.<p>

_Something's changed between them. They're closer. He's more relaxed and happy, and I need to just give up on this. I should let her have him._

James went to the table behind Kendall in class, and though he knew it was best Kendall had hoped James would go to the other empty table, where they'd teased each other the day before. Again he reminded himself to let it go, but then James spoke and just like that, Kendall wanted him.

"Where's Carlos?"

Kendall gestured toward the front of the room, where Carlos and Caroline were finalizing the plans for their movie date.

"What's he doing with her?"

"They have a date tonight."

"Carlos? With a girl?"

Kendall turned back in surprise. "Why is that so weird?"

"Because he's totally in love with Logan. How is Logan okay with him dating a girl?"

"You don't even _know_ Logan and you can see that?"

James shrugged, digging his book and binder out of his backpack. "If you know what to look for, it's obvious. You knew the day you met them, right?"

"Yeah, but I spent time with them."

"I can tell by the way Carlos talks about him. And you can feel it in the way Logan's all protective of Carlos, always worried I'm treating him like shit. I feel kinda bad for Logan now."

"Well, don't. He pushed Carlos into the date."

"What? What a moron."

"I know! He says it has to happen that way. And I can't believe I'm telling you this, it's not something Logan would want you to know."

"Like I'm gonna go run and tell Logan we talked about him?" James sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I really don't want you going with Heather Sunday. If I ask nicely, will you cancel?"

_Fuck. Don't ask me to do that. _ "And hurt her feelings? I thought that was against the rules."

"I know, but..."

"We talked about it earlier in math and I reminded her it's not a date. Why are you so worried about losing her?"

James didn't answer, doodling in his notebook.

"James, talk to me. If I understood this better, I might be more open to canceling that date."

James' eyes flashed up. "You said it's not a date."

_Fuck._ "It's not."

"Motherfucker, if you try to kiss her or steal her away from me-"

"James, calm down, I'm not going to-"

"I'm warning you, Knight, back off."

"Jesus, James, I didn't mean to call it a date, will you just-"

Carlos bounded over. "So I'm picking her up at seven and the movie starts at eight. Did you talk to your mom?"

Kendall groaned inwardly, hating that the conversation with James was interrupted. "Yeah, she's gonna have us there in time."

"And you guys will sit close, but not _too_ close, right?"

"Exactly."

"Okay. I'm excited. This kiss could change everything."

"In what way? Are you hoping it'll get you to stop wanting to kiss Logan again?" Out of the corner of his eye Kendall caught the shock on James' face but ignored it.

"Who says I want to kiss Logan again?"

"It's all you've been thinking about for two weeks, Carlos. Don't even try to deny it."

Carlos blushed, looking away. "It was nice, alright?"

"Logan thought so, too."

"Did he actually say that?"

Kendall hesitated, not wanting to say more than Logan would've allowed, and yet at this rate Logan was never going to get anywhere. "Yes. He did."

"I could tell he liked it, but he wouldn't say anything. How can a genius be so stupid?"

Laughing, Kendall nodded. "Maybe you should forget about the date tonight and stay home and make out with Logan instead."

Now Carlos' cheeks flamed. "Kendall! Shh!"

Kendall caught James grinning and shaking his head. Knowing he was listening, Kendall continued, voice lower but still loud enough for James to hear. "Making out is fun. Especially when you get to use tongue. What I like is when teeth are involved, little bites to your lips, teeth scraping against your neck...fucking love that." He cut his eyes to James, who stared back with heated eyes and mouth half open, obviously imagining that right now. Immediately Kendall was on fire.

"Damn, dude!" Carlos whispered. "Don't make me think of Logan like that. Or maybe...yeah. Yeah, I think I like that. I bet Logan's an animal when you get him going."

The bell rang and Kendall made a snap decision, picking up his backpack and moving to James' table, where he scooted closer to James. James did the same, moving his chair to the right and ripping out the handy blank sheet of paper while Kendall dug out his notebook and a pencil.

They managed to wait until Mr. Young started the lesson, but only barely. Kendall's hands were practically shaking by the time James wrote his first line. _ "Your lips would be bleeding by the time I'm done with them."_

_Fuck fuck fuck yes please fuck._ Kendall pulled the sheet toward him. _ "I'd pull your hair while sucking on your neck. Leave a bruise so big everyone would know you're mine."_

The air left James' lungs in a rush and he whined softly, fingers scrabbling at the table. He licked his lips and took a breath, then wrote, _"Strip you right there on the ice, go down on you until you were screaming for me to let you come, but I wouldn't."_

"Jesus Christ, James!" Kendall whispered. He was going insane, body a live wire and he couldn't do anything about it, couldn't touch James or kiss him the way he was dying to and it only made him hotter as the visions assaulted his brain. _"Fuck your mouth until you can't breathe."_

"_Suck your dick until you scream my name."_

"_Beg you to fuck me."_

"_Fuck you so hard up against the boards your legs go weak."_

Kendall saw it in his mind, felt the assault, imagined being trapped between James and the boards and being fucked so hard he couldn't see straight, and it was too much. Almost hyperventilating, he stood up and said, "Need the hall pass!"

Everyone turned back to look, Mr. Young frowning. "Not again. You two-"

"No, it's fine. Just running to the bathroom." Kendall grabbed the pass and literally ran to the bathroom, where he sat in a stall and tried to calm down. The last thing he needed was to be expelled for jacking off in the restroom. _James, fuck, what is it about you? I can't stand it anymore, need this to happen, all of it, I need you. _

When he returned ten minutes later, the paper they'd been writing on was nowhere to be found. James' face was still red, though, and as soon as Kendall took his seat, he stood up. "My turn."

Kendall smiled watching James walk out of the room. _I'm not the only one who can't stand the heat._

* * *

><p>While they didn't get any one-on-one time during practice that afternoon, James did follow some of Kendall's suggestions (putting them forth as his own, which Kendall didn't really mind as long as they were attempted), and the coaches seemed to like the new strategies. All Kendall could think was "duh" but again—as long as the team improved, it didn't matter how it came about. James made a point to slam Kendall up against the boards a few times, making Kendall crazy, but he put the adrenaline back into the game and practiced hard, both of them impressing the coaches with their intensity.<p>

Mrs. Knight picked them all up from the rink, dropping Carlos at home but taking Logan back to the Knight house, where they got ready for the movie date.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Kendall asked before they left. "It's not too late to back out. I'm sure seeing Carlos kiss her is going to be torture for you."

"I have to know. If he seems into it, I'll know he just likes kissing and not necessarily me."

"So I shouldn't tell you that he really liked the idea of making out with you when we talked about it earlier today?"

"What?" Logan grabbed Kendall's shirt and pulled him down. "Tell me what he said."

Kendall smirked. "I was mentioning what I like about making out, and he said he liked imagining that with you."

"He did not."

"He did. You can ask James, he heard the whole thing."

"Oh no, James knows about this?"

"Yeah, James also said he knew you had feelings for Carlos and assumed you two were pretty much together."

Logan's hands relaxed slowly, allowing Kendall to step back. "He...really?"

"Yeah."

"And you two talked civilly?"

"Dude. I have so much to tell you. Remind me about today once we get to the movies. It got insane. The next time I'm alone with him, I'm taking him down."

"And Heather?"

"I don't even know. I'm so confused about Heather at this point, but I do know that James wants me. I'm hoping he accepts it soon because I can't stand this teasing anymore."

"You and me both. Carlos keeps finding reasons to touch me and it's driving me crazy."

"I don't understand you two. Seriously. You both want each other, why don't you just go for it?"

"Really, Kendall? _You're_ asking me that?"

"Oh, it's totally different with me and James and you know it."

"I know no such thing. You both want each other. Go for it," Logan mimicked.

"I'm working on it! Now come on, we're gonna be late."

Logan texted Carlos when they got to the theater, and he rushed out into the lobby to meet them. "Guys! I'm freaking out! She's like...all over me!"

Kendall laughed. "In what way?" He steered them toward the snack bar, joining the line.

"I don't know, she keeps holding my hand and leaning into me and damn, I didn't know I was so hot!"

Kendall snuck a glance at Logan, who smirked and commented, "I could've told you that."

Carlos' mouth dropped. "Oh, _now_ you're gonna be all flirty? Where were you an hour ago when I was rethinking this date thing?"

"You were the one who wanted to try kissing a girl."

"You said it was a good idea!"

"Because I knew you wouldn't let the idea go once you saw Caroline again. So do it. Kiss her. And not just a little peck like with Candy Davis, a real kiss."

Carlos stepped up to Logan. "Oh, I will."

"Good."

Kendall was at a loss. "What is it with you two? Why is it so hard to just admit you want each other?"

"Do I need to bring up James again, Kendall?"

"I told you, Logan, I'm working on it. Carlos, please just promise me that if you kiss her and don't feel what you did with Logan, that you'll accept your feelings for him?"

"Only if he admits that he wants to kiss me again."

Logan remained silent, moving ahead in the line.

"Oh, I'm gonna smack you both." Kendall wanted to pull his hair out. "Now get back in there before your date comes looking for you. And it's not fair to mess with her feelings like that, Carlos. She genuinely likes you, make sure you keep that in mind."

"Right," Logan commented, "because you're not taking out a girl on Sunday just to get to James. That would be wrong."

"For your information, I plan to use that time to talk to her _about_ James."

"Still, Kendall," Carlos argued. "She's got feelings for you. Keep that in mind yourself."

"I am. Now get in there already."

"Okay, make sure you guys sit behind us. We're sitting way up toward the top, so like...take the last row or something."

"We will. Are we taking you home after the movie?"

"No, her mom's coming to get us. Kendall, you need a license."

"Me? Why not you guys?"

"Because you're the cool one," Carlos answered as if it was obvious. "All cool guys drive."

"This is true," Logan agreed.

_You guys think I'm the cool one?_ That got Kendall smiling. He had _friends_. Real, honest, and true friends, and he had no doubt they'd be there for him if he ever needed them. It still blew his mind. "It wouldn't hurt all three of us to get licenses. James drives."

Logan snickered. "It always comes back to James."

"Shut up, he's hot. That's something we _all _agreed on. Now go, Carlos!"

"Fine! If I give you a distress signal, come rescue me!"

"Poor Carlos, on a date with a _girl,_" Logan teased. "No, you're not gay at _all_."

"Look who's talking? You loved that kiss." Carlos stepped closer to Logan and whispered something in his ear, Logan's face draining of color before flushing a dark red. "See you guys later!" With a smug grin, Carlos clapped Logan on the back and headed for the theater.

"Oh, that must've been good. What did he say?"

"I...am not repeating that."

"I bet it had to do with making out."

"Oh, look, it's your turn to order." Logan shoved Kendall toward the counter, Kendall laughing.

They found Carlos inside the theater and made their way a few rows further up to the last, taking seats behind Carlos and Caroline. As there was no one else in the row they spread out some, lifting the armrests and setting the popcorn and candy between them, then facing each other.

"Okay, spill about James. What happened in class?"

"Well, yesterday we talked a little. And he started teasing me but worse than ever, like-"

Kendall felt a body drop down behind him, then witnessed Logan's eyes going wide. A long arm reached around from behind Kendall and dug into the popcorn.

"I'd love some popcorn, thanks, Kendall."

_Oh my fucking god, you are not here. You are not here leaning against me and practically whispering in my ear and where the fuck is Heather? Please don't let her be here please don't let her be here please- _

"It's polite to ask first," Logan scolded. "And what are you even doing here?"

When James leaned back, still keeping his right arm over the back of Kendall's seat, Kendall turned to face forward and he couldn't fight the smile on his face. James looked better than ever in a black leather jacket, green t-shirt, and black jeans. His perfect hair made Kendall want to run his fingers through it while sitting in his lap and kissing him slowly.

"I was bored."

_Bullshit, you heard me and Carlos talking about the movies. You knew I'd be here._ "No Heather?"

"She had plans tonight." After shoving popcorn into his mouth, James nodded toward Carlos and Caroline. "How's the date going?"

Kendall leaned back into the seat, settling in against James and lifting the popcorn bucket onto his lap. He hoped James wouldn't scoot away and he wasn't disappointed. "He's freaking out. Realizing he'd rather kiss Logan and that he made a mistake."

"He didn't say he made a mistake," Logan argued. "And I still think he needs to experience a girl so his mind's at ease when he kisses me again."

James took another handful, letting his fingers brush Kendall's and smirking at him before addressing Logan. "That's stupid. What you should be doing is showing him what he could have with you, not what he could have with someone else. What if he does end up liking girls better?"

"Then I'll live with it. I only want him if he wants to be with me."

Both Kendall and James rolled their eyes. "Like it's not obvious?" James asked.

"Right? I keep telling him that. You want a drink? I'll go get you one."

"Or we could just share yours."

"Even better." Kendall smiled at James and James smiled back, and on the inside Kendall's heart was doing somersaults. What had come over James? This must be the James Heather saw all the time, and no wonder she was dating him. If Kendall had this, he'd never let go. As the lights went down he shifted closer to James, whose fingers slid up into his hair. _Oh fuck. If he pulls my hair I'm dead. I will not survive this night._

"And you two say me and Carlos make no sense?" Logan shook his head and settled in for the movie, grabbing the candy and facing forward, but of course his eyes were glued to Carlos and Caroline instead.

Kendall passed the soda to James, who sipped from it and passed it back with another of his trademark smirks. "Thanks," he whispered in Kendall's ear, lips grazing Kendall's earlobe.

_He's going to kill me, came here just for this. Fuck yes, it's about time. Bring it on._ Kendall turned his face to the left, his own lips close to James', and the heat in James' eyes almost knocked him over. Past caring, Kendall leaned in to press his lips to James' but James backed up, shaking his head.

"Tease," Kendall whispered.

"No kissing."

"What?"

"No kissing."

"Fuck you."

"That's my rule."

"Your...you have a rule?" What the fuck was that about? All Kendall had wanted to do for weeks was kiss James.

"Deal with it."

"You're a fucking tease."

"You knew this about me."

"Guys, shhh!"

"Sorry," they said together, quieting down for a few minutes. The previews played but Kendall couldn't have repeated a thing that flashed before his eyes because his entire focus was on James and every single contact point between them.

James' fingers started to play with his hair as the movie began and Kendall's hand drifted over to settle on James' thigh. The fingers tightened, Kendall's breath hitching, and then James tugged. There was a tiny whimper from Kendall, prompting James to tug again, and this time Kendall turned his face to hide it in James' shoulder as his own fingers dug into James' thigh.

"You okay?" James whispered, amusement lacing his words.

_Not really. Not okay at all. _ But Kendall nodded, lifting his lips up and attaching them to James' neck. Now it was James who was breathing funny and Kendall sucked on the warm skin, inhaling James' scent as he did. He could breathe James forever.

Fingers twisted in his hair and pulled him back, James needing a moment to compose himself. "No hickeys," he whispered.

_Fuck you and your rules. You want me, take me. Let go of Heather and just take me already._ Kendall dived in and sucked at James' neck again, harder this time, and James' body shifted in the seat as he squirmed.

"Oh, that is _it_."

_Shit. Logan._ Kendall broke away and they both turned to look at Logan, but his attention was nowhere near them. "You okay?" Kendall asked quietly.

"She's all over him. I'm moving closer." Logan was gone, candy and drink forgotten in his rush to get closer to Carlos. They watched him move to the seat directly behind Carlos, then kick the one in front of him to get Carlos' attention. Carlos spun back and his eyes widened, then widened further when he looked up at Kendall and found James not only sitting there, but with Kendall practically in his lap. Kendall shrugged, unable to communicate much from his position, and Carlos whispered something to Logan. Caroline turned around and frowned when she saw Logan.

"Oh, this can't be good."

Kendall shook his head. "No, I think Logan's about to go off. Maybe he'll finally get a clue and drag Carlos out of here to kiss him."

"Right in front of everyone?"

"Who knows? We haven't talked about that side of things yet. I don't know if he'd be out or not."

"Would you?"

Kendall raised an eyebrow. "I'm only making out with another guy in a movie theater. And since when are you so open about it? People around here know you, they could easily tell Heather."

"Nobody's watching us, we're way up at the top. And we have the whole row to ourselves. Why are we wasting time talking?"

There was so much they needed to discuss, so many things Kendall still didn't understand, but James was here and offering and he wasn't about to waste that precious gift. Kendall went in for a kiss again and James avoided it, pulling back. "No."

"You're such an asshole."

"You knew that, too."

"Fine." Kendall's lips returned to James' neck, but James pulled him back immediately.

"No hickeys, either."

"James, do you want me or not?"

A hand slid up Kendall's thigh to cup him and squeeze, and Kendall had to bury his face in James' shoulder again.

"I want you. Don't ever doubt that I want you."

_Fuck, why are you doing this to me? Why do I let you? Make up your fucking mind!_ Kendall rocked forward slightly into the touch, James squeezing harder before trailing his fingers up and down over the fabric. Kendall opened his mouth and moved it to James' neck again, ready if James tried to shove him away, and though James tensed up he waited to see what Kendall would do. Kendall's teeth sank into James' skin and now it was James' turn to whimper, his grip on Kendall tightening.

_We need to get out of here. I'm about to attack him and why are we even doing this shit in a movie theater? We're gonna be kicked out and Logan's gonna kill me for ruining another date but his hand on me, so good, can't even think straight. If we were alone I'd go for it, don't care what you say I'd kiss you so hard you can't breathe, leave you marked as mine, I don't care if-_

And then a light bulb went off over Kendall's head. He finally got it. _You only tease me in public because you know it can't go too far. In class, in here, you know we can't get too crazy, that I'll control myself and as long as we're in danger of being seen, you can stop me and use that as an excuse. Why won't you let this happen?_

_Because of Heather maybe? And what is the deal with you and Heather anyway?_

Kendall lifted his face from James, studying him in the gloom.

"What?"

"I don't understand you."

"You don't need to."

"You drive me crazy."

"Not a bad thing."

"It is when I can't have you."

"Be careful what you wish for."

"Break up with her."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"I love her."

"I know, but obviously something's missing or you wouldn't be here right now. Give me a chance to show you-"

Kendall was suddenly dragged out of his seat. He looked up in surprise to find Logan standing over him, looking thunderous again, before Logan pulled him out into the lobby. Kendall sensed James just behind them.

"What's wrong?"

"We're leaving. Can you call your mom for a ride?"

"Where's Carlos?"

Logan pointed across the lobby, where Carlos was deep in conversation with Caroline, who looked ready to cry.

"Oh shit. What happened?"

"She tried to kiss him and I freaked."

"Wait, _you_ freaked? Not him?"

"No. Me. I thought I could handle it. I snapped."

James jumped in. "If you guys need a ride, I got my car."

They both looked at James in shock.

"Really?" Kendall asked.

"Sure."

"Can we continue our discussion about Heather?"

"Absolutely not."

Carlos joined them, shoulders slumped. "She's gone."

"How is she getting home?" Logan wondered.

"She had a friend here, too. Like I had you guys. Just in case things didn't work out. I guess her friend's been telling her to give up on me because I was obviously into you, and she saw this coming."

"Oh. Smart friend."

"I feel bad, though. I hurt her. I should never have done this, should've just admitted I wanted you but I wasn't even really sure about that until a few days ago. And then I started thinking about what it means to be gay and I got scared and wanted to like girls. Being gay is scary, isn't it, Kendall?"

"Honestly, I haven't dealt with a lot of it yet. Once I get a boyfriend, that's gonna change because I won't keep it a secret." Kendall said the last while staring at James, who looked down.

"But your mom and your sister, dude. What are they gonna say?"

"I don't know, Carlos. I do know they'll still love me. That's what matters."

James made a noise of disgust. "Yeah, not all of us are lucky enough to have understanding parents, okay?"

"No?"

"No. You have no idea what I live with, Kendall. So quit hinting that shit at me. I'm not looking for a boyfriend."

And that hurt. It was James' way of telling Kendall they were never going to be more than what they were now, whatever the hell that was. He would always choose Heather, because she was safe and easy and what every parent dreamed of for their son. "You know what? Thanks, but I'll call my mom for a ride. I don't need you."

Kendall walked away, pulling his phone out as tears threatened. _I fucking hate you, James Diamond._

"Kendall, wait."

He didn't, though. He stepped outside the movie theater and took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down; his mother always knew when he was crying and this was something he wasn't ready to talk about.

Suddenly his phone shook in his hand, still on vibrate. He sighed, frowning when an unfamiliar number came up. "Hello?"

"I'm sorry."

_James._ Kendall's heart went crazy.

"There's a lot going on and I know I'm a dick but I can't be what you need me to be. I'm sorry, Kendall. Let me take you home. We can talk if you want."

_Don't do this, don't make me fall, I'm already too far gone, don't make it worse._

"Please, Kendall. We'll take the guys home and talk. Please."

"How did you get my number?"

"Uh...Heather's phone. I had a feeling it would be there today, and it was. Please. Let me take you home."

"Will you kiss me?"

"You know I can't do that."

"It's a stupid rule."

"It's my rule. Respect it."

"It's stupid," Kendall repeated.

"Do you want a ride or not?"

Did he? Part of Kendall wanted to run, to get away from this guy who never left him in peace, who made him crazy with just a look. James had even admitted he wouldn't be what Kendall wanted, so spending time with him was only going to make things worse. The smart thing to do would be to forget about James, forget about Heather, and maybe take a look outside the James-shaped box he'd built around himself.

"Please," James said again, and Kendall couldn't fight that. He could fight a lot of things, but not James begging him with such emotion.

"Bring the guys out," he sighed. "If they're willing, we'll go with you."

"We'll be right out."


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

If you've read my first BTR fic "Minnesota Wild", you might find this one similar in the beginning, but I promise it goes in a different direction. The pairings are the same and there's hockey involved, but the main difference is that this one is AU while the other one was strictly canon (at least what was canon at the time I wrote it). It doesn't take place in Minnesota, but in California. It was inspired by a picture that popped up on Tumblr one night, and I'd link you to the pic but of course FF does not allow that, so...I'll just say it was an old pic of James Maslow in high school, walking next to a dude and looking like his normal, pre-BTR gay self. Oh, what I'd give for video of him back then instead of just pics.

This fic has also been dubbed "The Brat Prince's Birthday Present", since she decided I must be writing this to satisfy her Kames craving. Yes, dear, that's the reason I wrote this. Just for you. It had nothing to do with the fact that Kendall was hounding me for days to give him James. So I'll dedicate this to you, because I do love you and while writing this I was reminded a lot of MW and of how you were such a huge help on that story, coaching me and making me a better writer. I will always cherish that time and credit you with getting me writing in this fandom. I love you, dude.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

Okay, so I hardly ever step out of my main character when I write, but I had to do it this time. It was the only way to get across James' side of the story, and I'd planned to have Heather spill all of this to Kendall on their "date" but then realized Heather would never do that—she's too loyal to James. So instead we have a phone call between Heather and James that (hopefully) answers most, if not all, of your questions about James. He's getting there, guys, and with enough people ganging up on him he'll break eventually.

Also, yes. I used Fucking Sarah. I LOVE IT TOO MUCH TO RESIST AND MY GOD, IT'S ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS I'VE EXPERIENCED WITH BTR. It will never get old for me. I'm sorry.

As usual, lots of dialogue, but since much of this is phone calls...yeah. That's my excuse. XD

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later James was driving them out of the parking lot, Kendall in the passenger seat while Logan and Carlos remained quiet in the back. Kendall imagined there had to be a bit of awkwardness between them at the moment as each wondered how to take the next step, and he gave some thought to what he could say to get them moving in that direction. James solved the problem while turning into traffic with, "So are you guys going to kiss or what?"<p>

Kendall laughed, having to admire James' bluntness as he glanced into the rear view mirror. Carlos was studying Logan with this _look,_ and Kendall knew the second before Carlos pounced that he was going to. The seatbelt came off in a flash, Carlos flying across the backseat to face Logan and drag him into a kiss. Twisting backward in his own seat, Kendall was happy to find Logan not fighting it at all but giving in, the two of them lost in each other.

"About fucking time," he said softly.

"No kidding. I assumed that was happening a year ago. Couldn't believe it when you said Carlos had a date with someone else. So where do you guys live?" James asked.

Kendall ran through the directions, leaving his own house as the last stop.

"You guys all live close to each other. Is that how you met them, in the neighborhood?"

"No, I met both of them at school. _They_ were nice to me on my first day."

"Not my fault you have a staring problem."

"Actually, it is. If you weren't so damn gorgeous, we wouldn't be in this mess."

James smiled, nodding in agreement. "It is a mess, isn't it?"

"The worst." Kendall shifted his gaze to James. "Can we talk about it?"

"Not yet." He gestured back toward Carlos and Logan.

Kendall twisted in his seat again long enough to see that Carlos had been right—Logan was an animal once you got him going. "Damn," he whispered, watching them inhale each other for a minute before facing forward again, aching now to share that with James. "I understand why you don't want to talk in front of them, but they're trustworthy. They won't repeat anything."

"Like they'd hear anything I said right now anyway," James smirked.

"True. So we should talk."

James shook his head. "Guys, we're almost at Carlos' house. Say goodnight."

"Carlos is going home with me," Logan said breathlessly.

"Fuck yeah, I am."

James and Kendall looked at each other in amusement. "Okay, then. Next stop, Logan's house."

"Which is only a few blocks away," Kendall reminded them. "Get control of yourselves."

"Call your mom," Logan instructed Carlos. "Tell her you're staying at my house."

Carlos climbed off him and they took a minute to breathe, Kendall feeling that white hot jealousy return for the first time in weeks. Once again, Carlos and Logan had what he wanted, this time more than friendship. He'd never have that with James, who wasn't willing to take that step. The tears threatened again, Kendall hating them for the show of weakness they were, and he turned his face to the window. _Don't cry. You're almost home, just get home and then you can let go._

A hand reached over and wrapped around his, big and warm and comforting, and Kendall looked at James in surprise. James didn't return the glance, eyes on the road, but he did squeeze Kendall's hand as if he knew exactly what Kendall was thinking. He probably did-Kendall had never been good at subtlety. Turning his hand over, Kendall linked fingers with James, who squeezed tighter.

"Left or right?" James suddenly asked as they reached Garcia.

"Right," Kendall answered. "The blue house on the left."

When the car stopped, Kendall pressed James' hand once before letting go. "Give me a minute?"

"Sure."

Kendall climbed out of the car, waiting on the sidewalk for the other two. Logan thanked James for the ride and then joined Kendall. When Carlos thanked him as well, James nodded. "Just glad to see you two finally going for it."

"Yeah, you should take a lesson," Carlos responded. "Kiss Kendall already, dude. He's going crazy."

"It's not that easy, Carlos."

"But it_ is_. I promise. See you tomorrow."

"You guys coming to the game?"

"Of course, Kendall's playing."

"Right."

"Night, James."

"Goodnight. Go turn him into an animal."

"Oh, I will."

Kendall and Logan had made it to the front door. "So are you guys going to talk?" Logan asked.

"I don't know. He said we would. I'm not sure I want to hear what he has to say. I'll never have him as a boyfriend, you heard that."

"I think he's fighting it. He definitely wants you."

"Wanting isn't enough. I mean, I'd love to make out with him, but...eventually I'd want more. Fuck, I_ already_ want more. Want him to be mine, to love me the way he loves Heather. I'm going to end up with a broken heart here."

"Give it a little time, Kendall. He's already dropped some of that armor, so you're obviously getting to him."

Kendall sighed. "I saw him with Heather yesterday. Skating. He's so in love with her, Logan. I'll never have that."

Carlos joined them, immediately grabbing Logan's hand. "Go get him, Kendall. I can tell he likes you."

"Hey, if nothing else, you can make out with him," Logan said with a nudge.

"God, I want that. He's so hot."

"Then go get it. Even if you never speak to him again after tonight, you can always say you made out with James Diamond."

"Logan, you're horrible. Since when you do encourage pointless sex?"

"Hey, I never said anything about sex. That was all you."

"Kendall's a horndog," Carlos teased. "Come on, Logan. Let's go have pointless sex."

Logan's eyes bugged out. "Uh...I'm not...we should talk about..."

Carlos cracked up. "Isn't he cute when he blushes?" He pulled Logan closer to the door. "Goodnight, Kendall. Text us!"

"Goodnight, guys. Have fun."

They disappeared into the house and Kendall returned to the car, heart heavy. James' hand found his again. "What's going through your head?"

"It's...nothing."

"Talk to me."

And suddenly the tears were there again, this whole night had been such a fuckstorm of emotions and Kendall wasn't used to that, he wasn't one to cry like this and feel like such a girl. "I just..."

"Hold on." James shifted into gear and got the car moving, driving two blocks to a nearby park while Kendall fought for control of his emotions. What was wrong with him?

Once he parked the car, James shut it off and opened his door, rushing around to open Kendall's before pulling him out. "Backseat. Go."

"James, I'm not really in the mood to-"

"Just shut up and get in there."

Kendall did, and then James got in on the other side. Once settled, he turned sideways and pulled Kendall into his arms, hugging him tight. "Talk to me."

Lips pressed against Kendall's hair and who was this guy? _This is James. This is Heather's James, the one who teaches her spins and opens doors for her and I want this, I want this so bad, why are you teasing me like this, asshole? _ "I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. It's wrong."

"To want me?"

"You know, for once this isn't about you."

"I think maybe it is. You're jealous of them, right?"

"It's...kind of, but not like that. Yeah, I want what they have, but it just hit me how this changes everything. The two of them together."

"Changes it how?"

"They'll be a couple. And I want that, they deserve to be together."

"But...?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

Kendall sighed into James' chest, one hand coming up to tangle in his shirt. "I just found friends. _Real_ friends. It's all I've ever wanted."

"You're not gonna lose them as friends."

"No, but I'm the outsider now. They won't want to have sleepovers, now they'll always want to be alone. And I'm gonna feel guilty just by being there. I'll have to...you know. Find someplace else to be so they can have time alone."

"Ah."

"Right."

James ran a hand over Kendall's hair. "You're a lonely guy, aren't you? I wouldn't have guessed that. You put out this badass vibe, like you don't need anyone."

"Me? I think that's more you."

"So it's working?"

Kendall chuckled, lifting his head to meet the smile from James. "Why won't you let me in?"

The shield came down over James' eyes. "I don't let anybody in."

"Except Heather."

"I'm not talking about Heather with you."

"James, will you just-"

"_No._ We don't kiss, we don't talk about Heather, and no hickeys. Take it or leave it."

Kendall sat up, shoving himself away from James. "Leaving it. Take me home."

"Kendall-"

"What makes you think you can set all these rules on relationships? Love isn't about rules, or even about thinking straight. It's about feelings, and losing control, and just going with the moment. Why are you so guarded? What the fuck gives you the right to tell me what I can and can't do?"

"You have no idea how lucky you are, to have parents who will accept you."

"It's just my mom, and I _do _know how lucky I am. Is that what it is? Your parents expect you to be a perfect son and marry the perfect girl? Is that what Heather is to you?"

"Heather is my best friend. So much more than just a perfect girl. You don't know the first thing about us and what we are to each other, so don't make assumptions."

"I wouldn't have to assume if you'd just talk to me about it!"

"I admit I want you, okay?" James yelled. "I admit you drive me crazy and I think about attacking you all the time and when we're in a room together all I want to do is make you pay attention to me and want me as badly as I want you. Isn't that enough?"

Kendall stared in shock, the admission more than he ever expected to get out of James. He'd known it, sensed that James felt the same way, but hearing it caused something in him to snap. Kendall launched himself across the seat, pressing James back against the door and kissing him hard, hands holding James' face in place to keep him from moving. James gasped, a panicked sound coming from him but then he was kissing Kendall back, hands tangling in Kendall's hair and bending Kendall's head into a better angle so he could deepen the kiss.

_Oh my god, fuck, can't even handle how hot you are, your tongue... _ Because James' tongue was all over the place as if trying to taste every inch of Kendall. Kendall opened his mouth wider, lifting his hands to James' hair and tugging hard, and James' body came up off the seat as a moan made its way into Kendall's mouth, the sound causing Kendall's own body to shudder. "James," Kendall whined, hardly able to breathe, and then he was on his back, his shirt being shoved up and over his head.

"Fucking hate you," James whispered, "hate what you make me feel."

Before Kendall could answer, James' lips were at his neck, teeth scraping over his skin. "James, fuck, you know I love that." The teeth bit in gently, then nipped as James made his way down over Kendall's chest, sucking at random spots. Kendall's hands were back in James' hair, twisting and pulling until James made that moaning sound again and sucked harder. When James' fingers teased Kendall's belt, thumb toying with the button of his jeans, Kendall jerked up. "Yes. Please. Fuck. Oh my god, James, please. No more teasing, just fucking _do_ it."

The button popped and Kendall's breathing hitched, James' lips back on Kendall's while his fingers started to slide the belt out of its buckle. _ I swear to God, if you're just teasing me and you're gonna stop, I will fucking tie you up and blow you right here and now, you motherfucking-_

But James didn't seem to have any intention of stopping, having finally reached his breaking point as Kendall had. The belt came open and the zipper down, each of them so far gone they weren't aware of the sounds coming out of their mouths as they kissed and groped and when Kendall's hand went to James' zipper, James groaned and muttered, "Fuck yes," as his body shuddered slightly at the touch. "Don't stop."

A sudden sound shattered the moment, causing Kendall to jolt and James to freeze over him. It was music, and it was slow and beautiful with a piano accompanying a woman singing about looking through the eyes of love. "Oh fuck," James whispered. He sat up suddenly, pulling out his phone and staring at it dumbly, and Kendall knew it was Heather calling. He also knew the moment was gone and would probably never return and it numbed him. He couldn't even find it in him yet to be sad, he merely felt as if he'd been slapped across the face.

The song stopped as the call went to voicemail, James shaking slightly.

Kendall sat up and fixed his pants before pulling his shirt back down over his head, then climbed out of the car, needing air and to get away from James. He crossed his arms over his chest, taking deep breaths, forcing himself to remain calm. _Do not cry. Do not rage. Just let him take you home. You knew this was coming. You knew._

He heard a car door open and then close, but James kept his distance. "Can I still take you home?"

They were close enough that Kendall could easily walk, but it was cold outside and the truth was he really didn't want to leave things like this, so awkward between them. "I don't live far," he answered, back to James and aware that his words really didn't answer the question either way but it was the best he could do.

"I'll feel better knowing you got home safe."

_I think it's more dangerous to be alone with you than to walk home at night._ But Kendall returned to the car, lowering himself to the passenger's seat while James joined him. He turned the car on and reached over for Kendall's hand, holding it tight. Unsure why he was allowing it, Kendall twisted his hand to hold James', again linking fingers.

"I'm sorry," James said softly.

"I know."

They didn't speak again except for Kendall directing James to his house, though when James pulled up in front of it he turned to face Kendall. "The things we do...I've been wanting to do it forever. You're the first guy to make me crazy enough to actually cross the line. I...don't like that."

"I know. It scares you."

"A little. Mostly it just makes me want more."

"If you keep denying yourself what you want, you'll end up unhappy. It may take years, but one day you'll wake up and realize you can't lie to yourself anymore."

"I've never lied to myself. I always knew what I wanted. Just never allowed myself to have it."

"Now that you have, you won't be able to stop thinking about it. Trust me."

"Yeah," James sighed. "That's what I was afraid of. I really want to know what it's like."

"The more you get, the more you want."

"Which is why letting you kiss me was a bad idea."

"You didn't let me," Kendall chuckled. "I gave you no choice."

"Hate you for that."

"You loved it."

James sighed again. "You know what I really want? What I've always wanted?"

"What?" When James hesitated, Kendall squeezed his hand, encouraging him to go on.

"A fuck buddy."

"I...um...what?"

"Like...okay, that came out wrong. What I mean is, I've always wanted a guy friend who would try things with me. Because I'm curious, you know? Dying to try these things and there's never been anybody I trusted enough to do that with, or even anybody I'd ever really _want_ to do that with." He met Kendall's gaze and added, "Until now."

"I'm not gonna be your fuck buddy, James."

"Yeah, I know. You're actually worth more than that. You deserve to find that person who treats you right, who's willing to give you what you want."

"Because I'm a lonely guy."

James chuckled. "Exactly. You need a soulmate."

"And you just want a fuck."

"It's all I'm capable of right now. Maybe someday I'll want more, but in the meantime I need to do what works for me."

"When that someday comes around, I'll be long gone."

His head resting back against the seat, James closed his eyes. "I know," he said sadly.

Not thinking about it and just going on instinct, Kendall lifted James' hand to his lips and kissed it. "You deserve that, too. Someone who treats you right."

"God, Kendall, don't do that. Don't make me fall for you."

"Is that a challenge?" Kendall asked with a grin. "Because I'm up for it."

James' head rolled around and he offered Kendall a wan smile. "It's not a challenge. I really don't want a boyfriend, and even if I ever did have feelings for you, I wouldn't follow through on them. But if you decide you want a fuck buddy, you let me know."

Kendall shook his head. "I need more than that."

"I know."

"Well, then. I guess there's not much else to say."

Squeezing his hand again, James said, "I'm sorry."

"You know, it's actually okay. I'm just glad you finally opened up, because if I understand this, I can deal with it. Now I understand. Mostly. I still don't get Heather and what it is between you."

"Not talking about Heather."

"It's obvious you really care about her, though. And that she makes you happy." When James remained silent, Kendall let go of his hand and opened the car door. "See you tomorrow?"

"Definitely. Let's try to win a game for a change."

"Now that you're taking my advice, we just might."

"Fuck you, Knight."

"You know you want to."

James grinned. "Won't argue that. Remember, you ever change your mind and just want to explore new horizons..."

"Yeah. Not gonna happen."

"A guy can dream. Goodnight."

"Night. Thanks for the ride."

Kendall turned back before stepping through his door, and when James licked his lips he gave James the finger. James laughed and pulled away, leaving Kendall smiling as he fell into bed twenty minutes later.

_James Diamond, you make me crazy. I can't stop thinking about you, even knowing I'll never have you the way I want you. But fuck, your hands on me, your mouth on me, so close tonight, came so close, almost had you._

* * *

><p>Heather took a deep breath, knowing this wouldn't be an easy conversation. Then again, most of her conversations with James had been difficult lately. This one, however, was going to change things—probably forever. She braced herself and punched the keys to send the call through.<p>

He answered with, "Hey."

"Hi. You home?"

"Yeah."

Brief answers with a hint of guilt behind them. Heather hadn't encountered the "James wall" in years and the fact that it was up now told her a lot about how conflicted he was. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Just...we need to talk."

"I know. Sarah saw you at the movies tonight. With the guys."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Fucking Sarah."

"Why didn't you tell me you were going? I wouldn't have minded."

"No, but you would've wanted to go, because Kendall was there. I didn't even plan it, I was driving around and ended up there and..."

"But you knew he'd be there." It wasn't a question, Heather knew James well enough to know where the guilt was coming from.

"I...yeah."

"So I think I'm starting to understand your big problem with Kendall. I thought it was because of me, because you're afraid of losing me, but it's more than that, isn't it?"

"I _am _afraid of losing you. That's what we've been arguing about for three weeks now, isn't it?"

"Yes, but what I didn't get is that _you_want him, too. If I'd known that I would've backed off in an instant, James. You need someone like him."

"I don't need anyone, not as long as I have you."

"Sweetie, I can't protect you forever. You know that." When James was silent, Heather continued on. "Why not go after him?"

"I can't. You know my parents would disown me if I dated a guy. And that's what Kendall's looking for. Something serious. He deserves that."

"Jamie, when are you going to let yourself have something you want? First the ice skating, now this? You should at least find out if he's into guys at all."

"Oh, he is. Trust me on that."

"What? You know that and you still aren't going for it? James, this is the first guy I've ever seen you interested in and you're gonna let him go without even trying?"

"He's not the first guy I've ever been interested in."

"Okay, but he's the first one to get you worked up enough to go find him and hang out with him."

"That's your fault. If you hadn't been out with your mom I would've been hanging out with you instead."

"I know, so it's a good thing I made plans. How was it? Did you two get along for once?"

"We...yes. You could say that."

Heather sat up suddenly, not missing the hidden meaning behind that. "Oh my gosh, tell me everything!"

"Heather, I don't even want to think about it. I need to just forget it because it's not gonna happen again."

"Oh, it must've been good! What happened?"

James sighed and she pictured him running his hand through his hair, aggravated. "I can't...we agreed to not let it go anywhere."

Heather gasped. "Something did happen! I can't believe you held this in so long, have you wanted him since the first day?"

"Maybe."

She squealed. "Tell me everything!"

"But...I know you like him a lot and I feel guilty for even thinking about him this way. You gushed over him the day you met and I told myself he was off limits. But then he kept pushing my buttons and I wanted him so bad and he loves to tease me, every fucking day he would tease me and-"

"And I'm sure you never teased him at all, right? Because you always walk away from a challenge."

James chuckled. "I hate that you know me so well."

"So what you're saying is I have no chance? He's totally into guys?"

"Totally."

"Then what the heck is holding you back? If you know I have no chance and he wants you, too..." Heather sighed. "Jamie," she said softly. "You can't let your dad make decisions for you for the rest of your life. He took your dreams of being an Olympic figure skater away from you, don't let him take this, too. Eventually they're gonna figure out we're faking this because when your mom asks me things it's getting harder and harder to lie. You know I hate lying."

"But we did this for you, too. You wanted to keep guys away so you could focus on school and because of all the problems you had in junior high. If it wasn't for me you'd be getting hit on every day."

"I know. And you know what? Maybe I'm ready for that."

"Since when?"

"Since Kendall. He made me realize that there are genuinely nice guys out there who don't just want to get into my pants." When James busted up laughing, she asked, "What?"

"Sweetheart, he's _gay._That's why he doesn't want to get into your pants. Because trust me, he sure as hell wants to get into mine."

"Well okay, you might have a point there. But he is a nice guy."

"Not toward me."

"That's because you're a jerk to him."

"No, it's because he wants me and hates it as much as I do. We'd both be a lot happier if we weren't always lusting after each other."

"I guess, but...wait. Wait a second. If he's gay, why did he ask me out?"

"It's not a date."

"Oh be quiet, you know it is. I don't care what he said in math. But why would he ask me out if he isn't interested?" Heather pouted.

"This is the part where I want to kick his ass for hurting you. He's not an angel, Heather. He did it to rile me up. Because I was ignoring him and he needed a way to get my attention again."

"Oh. Wow."

"Yeah. Told you, he's an asshole."

"Almost sounds like something you'd do, actually. You do have your asshole moments."

"But you still love me."

"I do," Heather sighed. "And I know you think you need me, but you really don't, James."

"I'm always gonna need you, Heather. You're my best friend."

"I know, but you don't need me to hold your hand anymore. It's time to stand up to your dad and tell him he can't run your life. You do the hockey thing for him and that's bad enough. You're miserable."

"The only good thing in my life is you. I can't lose you."

The desperation in James' voice made her wish she could be there to hold him. "You have to let other people in, Jamie. I love you, but I won't be around forever. Someday I'm gonna fall in love with the perfect guy and when that happens, I want to know you're not alone."

"Didn't I just prove to you there's no such thing as a perfect guy? Kendall's a dick."

"Well, I still have hope. Carlos and Logan seem like they'd make perfect boyfriends." Once again James snickered, and when she asked what was so funny it turned into a full-on laugh. "Oh no. Not them, too!"

"I'm afraid so, sweetheart. Tonight they made it official. Sorry to burst your bubble."

"Damn! Why are all the good ones gay?"

"I'm sorry. I actually like them, they're not bad guys. Probably because they never hit on you. Any guy that looks at you twice is automatically my enemy."

"Because you worry about me, I know. But I've been wanting this for a while now and it's time for me to find someone. I think it's time for you, too."

"I can't, Heather," James whined.

"You caaaaaan, James. What's so wrong with Kendall? What happened?"

"I told him I wasn't interested in a boyfriend."

"And he believed you?"

"It's not a lie, you know. I don't want a boyfriend."

"Yes, you do. You'd kill to have someone cuddle with you and kiss you. And I'm not talking those little pecks we do, either. I can't wait to meet the one who finally breaks you down on that kissing rule."

"Yeah, about that..."

Heather's face froze in shock. "No," she gasped. "No way. _You kissed him?_"

"He kissed me. I kept trying to fight him off but he's an asshole and finally pinned me down."

"Oh my gosh, James! Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! You kissed someone! A real kiss!"

"I'm not happy about it. You know I always swore I wouldn't kiss someone until I found The One."

"Sounds to me like Kendall's The One."

"He's not, okay?"

"You don't sound too sure."

"He can't be."

"He can." A non-committal sound from James. "Well? How was it?"

"I...he..."

"James, come on. This is me you're talking to. Your first kiss, oh my gosh!"

"It was...fuck, it was amazing. I can't stop thinking about it. Why does he have to be so fucking hot? He attacked me and I just...I lost it. Gave in and we made out and I was about to fucking go down on him, for God's sake. I don't know how he does this to me!"

"Whoa whoa whoa, what do you mean _about_ to? What happened?"

"Um. You called."

"I...oh no. _Oh no._ No, James, I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I'm so sorry!"

"No, I'm glad you did. It knocked some sense into me. When I'm with him I don't think, I just react and that's going to get me in trouble. He's not good for me, Heather."

"Yes he is, he's the best damn thing that ever happened to you. It's about fucking time you opened up to someone!"

"Did you just—did I really hear that word from you?"

"Yes you did, because this is _that_ big of a deal. James Diamond, I swear if you don't go after him I will tell everyone at school about that time in fifth grade with the water hose."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, I would. In fact, I'm gonna hang up right now and get that going. I'll start with Kendall. He's probably still awake, right? Probably thinking about kissing you right now."

"Stop that. I'm sure he's sound asleep or talking on the phone to his buddies and I'm the last thing on his mind-"

"Bull. He's thinking about you and wishing you wanted a boyfriend. Wanted _him_ as a boyfriend, in fact. Call him. Right now. Call him, Jamie."

"No! It's not gonna happen, Heather! I can't do this, not with him or any guy. I need to last two more years with my parents and then I can do whatever the fuck I want but for right now I need to just go with their plans."

"Okay, fine. I'm breaking up with you."

"What?"

"You heard me. I'm breaking up with you. It's over, James. And I'll tell them that next time I'm at your house. And I'll tell everyone at school, _especially_ Kendall. And he'll know you're available and if he's anything like you say he is, he's gonna go after you and not stop until you're his."

After making a frustrated noise, James asked, "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because I love you. Tough love, Jamie. You need this. You want him and you obviously like him or he wouldn't have even gotten as far as he did with you. You _kissed_ him, James. Doesn't that tell you anything? You kissed him and you want to do it again."

"I hate him. He makes me feel things. I don't like feeling things."

"I know it's scary, but...honey, you deserve to be happy. I don't care what your dad says, it's not wrong to love another guy. I bet he'd make an amazing boyfriend."

"I don't want a boyfriend."

"I'm gonna hang up now and call Kendall, so-"

"Don't you dare."

"Then you call him. Make plans for tomorrow or something. After the game."

"Heather, stop. I'm not going to."

"Call him."

"No."

"James, if you don't-"

"Oh shit."

"What?"

"Hang on." A few seconds later he was back. "He texted me. Shit."

"What does it say?"

"He...wants to know if I'll spend the night at his house tomorrow. Oh fuck me, I want to."

"Then do it."

"I can't."

"You can."

"But wait. He knows all I want is to...what if he changed his mind? What if he's willing to just make out and not pressure me into the boyfriend thing?"

"Goodbye, James. Hanging up now."

"Heather, no, don't leave me!"

"Goodnight!"

* * *

><p>Kendall didn't know why he'd sent the text. He'd lain in bed for an hour, fighting the lust swirling through his body because every time he closed his eyes he was back in that car, James' touch making him insane. Yes, there was his own hand he could be using, and probably would be soon enough, but it didn't change the fact that it was James he fantasized about, James he wanted touching him and showing him "new horizons."<p>

Not letting himself think too much about it, he'd texted James. _ "Want to spend the night tomorrow?"_

There was an agonizing ten minutes, but finally James replied. _"Okay."_

Kendall grinned. _Knew you couldn't resist me._ He settled down into bed, more calm now.

Ten more minutes later another text came in. _"You eat meat, right?"_

A giggle burst from Kendall. _What the fuck does that mean? "Is that your way of asking if I'll blow you?"_

Kendall's phone rang within thirty seconds, and he connected to hear James laughing. "What the fuck does that have to do with a blowjob?"

"I don't know, what the hell are you asking? That made no sense."

"Dude, I just wanted to take you to my favorite burger place. Does your mind always go to the gutter or what?"

"Oh my god." Embarrassed, Kendall said, "Apparently only when it applies to you."

"I guess that's not a bad thing. So dinner tomorrow after the game?"

"That's a lot of time to kill in between."

"I thought we'd do the beach, too. Have you been out since you moved here?"

"No. Been wanting to."

"Maybe we can grab Carlos and Logan and hit the beach, then dinner. If they want to."

Suddenly Kendall wondered if he wasn't the only "lonely guy." He didn't know much about Brock, but had assumed him to be James' best friend. Yet James had called Heather his best friend, and maybe that meant James didn't have any real guy friends. "I'll talk to them. They'll probably go for that. Though they might spend the whole time making out."

"I'm not worried about it. We'll find something to occupy ourselves if that happens."

"Still not looking for a boyfriend?"

"Still not looking for a fuck buddy?"

"I _did i_nvite you over tomorrow night."

"I wondered about that. Will Carlos and Logan be there?"

"No."

"I see."

"Still want to come over?"

"Depends. Do you eat meat?"

Kendall busted up laughing, having to cover his mouth. "That time you totally meant a blowjob."

"Duh. Is that a yes?"

Licking his lips, Kendall closed his eyes and imagined it, remembered how badly he'd wanted to in the car. "Yes."

"Oh, fuck. I'll be there."

"Can you be here now?"

"Oh god, Kendall, don't tempt me because I really will drive over there and fuck your mouth right now."

"James, fuck! Save it for tomorrow!"

"You won't back out on me?"

"With the promise of a blowjob in my future? No fucking way."

"Even though you know that's all it is? Just exploring new things and not a date?"

"Not a date. I know that."

"Okay. I'll talk to you in the morning."

"Goodnight, James."

"Goodnight, Kendall. And hey. Think of me when you jack off tonight."

"Like I don't every night?"

"Fuck, do you?"

"Sadly, yes."

"Well. We're even on that. Sweet dreams, Knight."

"You too, Diamond."


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

If you've read my first BTR fic "Minnesota Wild", you might find this one similar in the beginning, but I promise it goes in a different direction. The pairings are the same and there's hockey involved, but the main difference is that this one is AU while the other one was strictly canon (at least what was canon at the time I wrote it). It doesn't take place in Minnesota, but in California. It was inspired by a picture that popped up on Tumblr one night, and I'd link you to the pic but of course FF does not allow that, so...I'll just say it was an old pic of James Maslow in high school, walking next to a dude and looking like his normal, pre-BTR gay self. Oh, what I'd give for video of him back then instead of just pics.

This fic has also been dubbed "The Brat Prince's Birthday Present", since she decided I must be writing this to satisfy her Kames craving. Yes, dear, that's the reason I wrote this. Just for you. It had nothing to do with the fact that Kendall was hounding me for days to give him James. So I'll dedicate this to you, because I do love you and while writing this I was reminded a lot of MW and of how you were such a huge help on that story, coaching me and making me a better writer. I will always cherish that time and credit you with getting me writing in this fandom. I love you, dude.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

* * *

><p>Kendall was in and out of sleep all night, half-dreams of James and cars and beaches and blowjobs running through his brain. He woke up exhausted but excited, though a part of him still feared James would change his mind. <em>Don't run. Do this with me, give me the chance to change your mind.<em>

_He still has a girlfriend. This is still wrong. _

When Kendall thought of Heather the guilt swam to the surface, but at the same time instinct told him something wasn't right between them. If nothing else, James was only with her because he felt it was what his parents wanted, and he'd be happier with a guy anyway. _Maybe I'll be the one to show him what he could have if he just tried it. Let me in, James. You'll never look at her again._

Carlos and Logan had both texted him sometime during the night, and he took a few minutes to call them before hopping into the shower. Logan answered Carlos' phone, causing Kendall to tease him. "Already answering each others' phones? I see the old married couple is in full swing."

"Be quiet, Kendall," Logan blushed.

"Like you're not smiling and trying holding in a squeal."

"Shut up. So you made it home okay?"

"I did. How was your night?"

"Uh...best night of my life?"

Kendall couldn't stop smiling himself. "You animal."

"Hush, it was amazing. I don't know why we waited so long to do that."

"What exactly did you do?"

"You know...stuff."

"Logan, come on! I want details!"

"Kendall, I'm already having a hard enough time just thinking about it without setting my face on fire. Don't ask me to talk about it yet."

Carlos was suddenly on the line. "I blew him."

Kendall heard Logan in the background. "Carlos, oh my god! Is this how it's gonna be? You telling the world everything we do?"

"It's just Kendall, dude! Like he wouldn't have gotten it out of you anyway?"

"I would have, too," Kendall agreed. "So it was a good night, Carlos?"

"Dude. I am so gay."

Kendall cracked up, laying back onto his pillow with a grin. "Glad you figured that out."

"What about you? What happened with James?"

"Well, I didn't make any progress on the boyfriend thing, but he_ is _spending the night tonight."

"Whoa. Seriously?"

"Yeah. We uh...talked a little. Made out some."

"Hell yeah! Logan, they made out! James is staying at Kendall's tonight!"

"What about Heather?" Logan asked.

"Yeah, dude, what about her? Is he still with her?"

Kendall hesitated, their questions mimicking his own thoughts. "I...ugh. I can't think about her right now."

"You need to," Carlos replied. "It's not fair to make out with her boyfriend. I know he's the one cheating, but you're just as guilty."

"Carlos, I know that, okay? And I can't explain it, why I'm doing it anyway. It's not like me. James just...he has this thing. I don't _think_ when it comes to him. And honestly, I'm not sure they're as happy as they pretend to be. The way he was talking, it sounds like he's only with her because his parents expect him to be."

"But you said he loves her."

"I think he does, but...I don't know. It's weird. I'm gonna get him talking tonight. Oh! Do you guys want to hang out with us after the game? He said we should all go to the beach or something."

"James said that? See? I _told_ you. He's awesome."

"Yeah, yeah. So is that a yes?"

"Let me check with Logan and I'll get back to you. We might have to help his mom again."

Kendall chuckled. "Old married couple again, having to check in with each other before making a decision."

"He's still the wife."

"I am not, Carlos!" Logan called out. "Just for that, I'm taking my shower first and using up all the hot water."

"I'll get you back later for it."

"Okay," Kendall grinned. "See you guys at the game?"

"Yeah. And tomorrow we're going to a Chargers game, I got tickets."

"Tomorrow. I have that thing with Heather."

"Dude, you're still going to that? How can you face her after making out with her boyfriend?"

That was something Kendall hadn't thought of. "Fuck. I don't know. I need answers, though, and James isn't giving them to me."

"Do what you gotta do, but remember. She has feelings, too."

"I know, I know. Okay, I gotta get going. See you guys later."

While rushing through his shower, thoughts of both James and Heather swirled through his brain, making him crazy. What if she was at the game? How could he face her? How could _James_ face her?

_You know what? That's my clue right there. If he doesn't seem guilty at all, then I'll know that whatever it is between them, it's not set in stone. Because he seemed to feel bad last night when she called, but then after he was totally willing to be a fuck buddy. So something's not right._

Kendall, Katie, and their mother piled into the van and headed to the game, where the two met up with Carlos and Logan while Kendall joined the team. He was nervous about seeing James again, terrified that he had changed his mind and would back out, but James greeted him with a tiny smile and for James, that said a lot. Kendall grinned back, suddenly wishing the game was over and they could be somewhere away from all these people.

While warming up on the ice, Kendall noted that Heather had joined the group on the bench, sitting between Carlos and Katie and laughing with them. _Look at her, she fits right in like family. What am I thinking? Why am I doing this to her?_

"Knight! You with us or what?"

Kendall turned at the sound of James' voice. "Get off my back."

"Then put your head in the game."

_Head._ Kendall bit his lip and James smirked, pleased with himself, before running them through the next play.

It wasn't the type of crushing win Kendall had grown used to in Minnesota, but it was a win nonetheless, and when it was over Kendall felt on top of the world. This was just the beginning; now that James had seen it work, Kendall knew James would lend an ear to his advice and soon they'd be winning most (if not all) of their games. The excitement among the team members was like music to Kendall's ears, all of them finally realizing what it could be like if the right moves were made and everyone worked together.

When the coaches wanted to celebrate by taking the team out for pizza after the game, Kendall glanced over at James, knowing this would probably kill their plans for the afternoon. James surprised him by bowing out, though, stating he had someplace to be, and with a sigh of relief Kendall said the same.

After stripping down to regular clothes they both made their way to the bleachers, where everyone was waiting for them. Heather tackled James in a hug, excited about the win, and he swung her around with a huge grin. "Can you believe it?"

"You guys kicked ass, Jamie! So proud of you! You too, Kendall, come here!"

"Uh..." Because yeah, the guilt was back and worse than before, and when Heather dragged him in for a hug it was the most awkward moment Kendall had ever lived through. James met his eyes over her shoulder, sensing what he was feeling and giving Kendall that tiny smile again.

_Okay, he's not freaking out. Not even mad that I'm hugging his girlfriend. Something has definitely changed._

Next it was his mother who hugged him in excitement while Carlos and Logan congratulated James, and as Kendall looked around at all of them it felt..._right_. Even with Heather there, which should have felt completely wrong, but she was standing between Logan and James and laughing with them and then Katie pulled her over to say something and she laughed again, and Kendall didn't understand how it was possible but they had somehow formed a family. Emotion welled up in him and he stepped back from his mother, smiling, but when he caught James' eye over her shoulder it hit him. _Mom. James hasn't met Mom._

And suddenly Kendall was nervous. True, James wasn't his boyfriend and probably never would be, but for the first time Kendall was bringing home a guy he wanted to date. _Shit, I never asked her if James could stay. And I can't do it front of Heather. Shit shit shit. How are we even supposed to get rid of Heather? What's she gonna say when James tells her he has plans with someone else? Will he even tell her it's me? And fuck, she still has a thing for me, doesn't she? What am I gonna do tomorrow?_

The reality of the situation crashed down over him, reminding him what a complete mess this whole thing was and killing some of his high from the win. Deciding to tackle the easiest part first, he said, "So Mom. You met Heather?"

"Yes, she's so sweet! She's a friend from school?"

"She's...yeah. The one I'm going to the lecture with tomorrow."

"Oh! Well, I approve."

"It's just as friends, Mom. She's James' girlfriend. Um...you guys haven't met James yet, right?"

Mrs. Knight shook her head. "Carlos and Logan mentioned that you guys had plans with him?"

"Yeah. Uh..." Kendall pulled her away from everyone else. "Can he stay the night?"

"Who, James? What about Carlos and Logan?"

"They're doing their own thing tonight. James and I need some bonding time, we didn't exactly see eye-to-eye at first but I think we're finally at a point where we can be friends. And you know how important that is for the team, that we all get along."

"Are his parents okay with him staying over?"

_Good question. I seriously doubt they would be._ "I think so, but his parents...it's not an ideal situation at home, Mom. He's much better off at our place."

"Oh, honey. Of course he can stay."

_Knew that would work_. "James!" Kendall waved him over and he approached, looking uncomfortable. _This is new. You're actually nervous about meeting my mom. I do matter to you._ "This is Mom."

"Hello, Mrs. Knight. I'm James."

Kendall's mother smiled. "Hi, James. It's nice to meet you." She shook his hand and asked, "Do you have permission from your parents to stay the night?"

"I do. I don't have a lot of friends, so they were all for it."

"I'd feel better talking to them first, but I'm going to trust you. I would like their number, though."

"Sure thing. I'll make sure you get that tonight."

"Okay. What are you boys doing in the meantime?"

"Well," Kendall started, "we talked about the beach-"

"Kendall!" Carlos was suddenly there. "Logan wants to skate! Can we hang out and skate for a while? Please?"

_You are dying to skate with Logan, aren't you? God, you two are adorable_. "Well, James wanted to-" _James. Skating._ Kendall wanted to know about James and skating. "Can we do that?" he asked James. "Would you mind?"

"That's okay, I guess. We can do the beach another day."

"Really? Logan! Come on, let's go get some skates!" Carlos was gone in a flash, dragging Logan toward the staircase.

"You sure you're okay with this?" Kendall asked, nudging James. _Please say yes, I want to see you up there with that smile on your face again. Show me that beauty I saw the other day._

"Yeah. I actually like to free skate. Laugh at me and I'll deck you."

"Not laughing." _You'll be lucky if I don't kiss you, though. Already dying for that again._

"Alright, boys, will you be home for dinner?"

"Uh, I don't think so?" Kendall looked to James, who answered Mrs. Knight.

"We might, for lunch there's a burger place I want Kendall to try. If you live in San Diego, you have to eat there. It's like a rule or something."

"Well then, I guess we'll all have to try it sometime," Mrs. Knight smiled. "I'd like you home by ten, though."

"We can do that. Right, James?"

"We'll probably be home even earlier than that. Kendall and I had some plays we wanted to go over."

_Plays. Listen to you, you're such a shit. _ But he agreed, "Yeah, we'll most likely be in the room all night going over plays."

"Okay, boys. I gotta get Katie out of here, she's been bugging me all morning about some new game she has to have. James, it was nice meeting you. I'll see you both tonight, and congratulations on your win!" She hugged them both, surprising James, but he smiled and hugged her back.

"Katie! Come on!"

"Mom! Can Heather come with us?"

Both James and Kendall spun around, surprised. "You want to go with them?" Kendall asked.

"I do," Heather smiled. "Katie and I were talking and she says she's never had a sister and...well, neither have I. So we want to hit the mall together."

"Oh, this is bad," James commented. "Heather, can we talk for a minute?"

"We really don't have time, James, I have to be home in a few hours. But you can call me tonight if you need me. Oh wait, you're staying at Kendall's, right? I totally forgot. You can call me tomorrow, then."

Something passed between them, Heather earning a glare from James that made no sense to Kendall, but his heart started racing anyway. _She knows. He's staying at my house and she knows and is okay with it. How much does she know and why is she okay with her boyfriend hanging out with the guy she wants for herself? _

James walked over to drag Heather away, the two of them having a hushed conversation.

"So can Heather come, Mom? Is that okay?"

"Sure! The more the merrier. And we'll get lunch, too, if she has time. You know, Kendall," his mother said quietly, "it's too bad Heather is with James. She seems like such a nice girl."

_Oh, Mom, we have to talk. We really really have to talk_. "She is. Sorry to disappoint you, though, she's not my type."

"A mother can dream. Come on, girls, the mall awaits."

Heather stepped away from James. "I mean it," she said threateningly, a finger pointing at him.

James glared at her again, obviously wanting to say something but he kept his mouth shut.

"Call me tomorrow, James!" She finally turned away, joining Katie and Mrs. Knight as they moved toward the stairs.

"What was that about?" Kendall asked, amused.

"Nothing. She's just...really aggravating sometimes."

Stepping closer, Kendall teased, "You should break up with her then. Find yourself a boyfriend."

James chuckled, shaking his head before meeting Kendall's gaze. "Yeah, I bet you've got someone in mind for that position."

"I do. He's hot, too."

"Insanely hot," James agreed. "Kinda wish I was alone with him right now."

_Fuck, and just like that I'm on fire. How do you do this to me?_ "If I kissed you right now, you'd kill me, wouldn't you?"

"I would."

"Do you at least _want_ to kiss me?"

"I want to do a lot of things to you."

It was so strong, the pull between them, and it still amazed Kendall. Heather was the furthest thing from his mind as he stepped up until they were almost touching and whispered, "All those things we wrote down yesterday. Gonna do it all with you. Tonight we start checking off that list."

James' breath hitched. "Kendall, fuck," he breathed.

"You still got the list?"

"Yes," James whispered, eyes falling closed.

"You can start at the top. Something about my lips bleeding by the time you're done with them?"

James let out a whine and stepped back, turning away to face the ice. There was no one out there, but there were still a few people milling around in their area. When James' hands gripped the top of the boards for support, Kendall closed the distance and pressed his lips to the back of James' neck, trapping James there with his body.

"Oh god, not here, are you fucking crazy?"

But James bent his neck to the left, offering more, and Kendall took it. He sucked at the skin until James was squirming against him, then moved his lips up to speak softly into James' ear. "This is what it could be like. No more hiding, not giving a shit what anyone says, just loving each other in front of the whole world. Tell me that doesn't turn you on, sending out a big 'fuck you' to anyone who has a problem with it."

"Stop, driving me insane, I can't do this."

"You can. You want to. Take what you want, James. Fuck everyone else."

"Kendall, fuck!" James shoved Kendall back, then spun around to pull him in again for a deep kiss, Kendall doing a victory dance on the inside.

_I'm breaking you down. By the time you wake up tomorrow, you'll be begging me to be your boyfriend. Begging me._

Kendall pressed him back into the boards and kissed him harder, knowing he was pushing his luck but James wasn't fighting it, at least not right away. Eventually he did, though, forcing Kendall away from him and taking deep breaths. "Fucking hate you."

"And yet you love me."

"Don't get ahead of yourself."

Kendall only grinned.

"I can't believe I just did that."

"And you survived. We should do it again."

"Kendall, I swear to God-"

"Hang on, my phone's going off." Kendall pulled it out and read the display. "The guys are wondering where we are. Still want to skate?"

"You know what? Yes. I need to skate this out."

"Let's go, then." Kendall took James' hand but James slapped his away, still pissed. Again, Kendall could only grin. _ I am so getting to you._

* * *

><p>"Oh my god, look at them. They're holding hands. Can we hold hands, James?"<p>

"Don't even think about it. I _will_ punch you."

Kendall pulled James down to a bench so they could lace up their figure skates, Kendall having rented some while James grabbed his from the car. When Carlos and Kendall skated by them, Kendall waved. Logan seemed a little embarrassed but not enough to keep him from holding Carlos' hand, apparently, and Kendall knew his discomfort with showing public affection would fade quickly. "See, James? Nobody cares that they're holding hands."

It was true; because it was a Saturday afternoon, the place was pretty packed but no one paid Carlos and Logan any extra attention.

"Which is weird," James replied. "I swear, if you and I did it, there'd be plenty of talk."

"Probably, but that's because we play hockey. And are...you know. Different."

"Exactly. People aren't surprised by the two of them. With us..."

"Yeah." Kendall agreed, though he couldn't have said why that was true. It wasn't right, but he knew the two of them out on the ice acting like a couple would get people talking. "Want to do it anyway?"

"Kendall, will you knock that shit off? I am not your boyfriend and we are not holding hands."

"Yet." Kendall bounced up and turned to face James. "Ready?"

"Go on, I'll be out there. And don't expect me to skate next to you, either. I have a lot of frustration to skate off and you wouldn't keep up."

"A challenge, Diamond? I bet I could keep up."

"You're fast, but I'm faster."

Kendall knew this to be true as well. "Just don't knock over any little kids."

James frowned. "Hadn't thought of that. Get Carlos and Logan over here."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

Waving them over as they passed, Kendall waited until the two of them skated off the ice. "What's up?" Carlos asked.

"We're going downstairs," James answered.

"We are?" Kendall hadn't expected that.

"Yeah, no one's gonna care. The game's over. That way we can skate as fast as we want."

Carlos bit his lip. "I'm uh...okay with skating slow."

"I'll help you," Logan teased. "You were doing well out there, actually."

Everyone in agreement, they headed back downstairs with their gear. Kendall was glad to see the place empty now, hoping James would be more open to letting out that side of him only Heather seemed to see.

"Come on." Taking his hand, Kendall led James out onto the ice, James allowing it for a minute before letting go and hauling ass across the ice. "Fuck, he's fast."

Carlos agreed as they skated up. "You gonna catch him?"

"No. I kissed him earlier and he's pissed, so he's gonna get that out of his system."

Logan shook his head. "The guy gets pissed when you kiss him. But you do it anyway."

Kendall's eyes followed James around the ice. "Gonna do it again, too. Oh, wait. Now that I think about it, he's the one who kissed me earlier. I'm totally breaking him down, guys."

"I just hope you know what you're doing, Kendall," Carlos sighed.

Kendall's mind wasn't on the conversation. "Fuck, he's hot."

"Come on, Carlos," Logan grinned. He started skating backwards, both hands holding Carlos' as he increased the speed as they went.

Kendall started skating around at a steady pace, watching James when he could, and after almost ten minutes James slowed down, chest heaving as he glided. Kendall caught up. "Better?"

"Much."

"So this is what you do when you're pissed?"

"When I'm a lot of things. It's like my therapy. I've been wanting to get out here and do this for a few days now."

"Yeah, you've got a lot of frustration built up, haven't you, James?"

"Fuck you. It's all your fault, asshole."

"I'm just happy to see it's as bad for you as it is for me. You drive me crazy."

James didn't respond, watching Carlos and Logan instead.

"So can you do other stuff?"

"What kind of stuff?"

"You know...spins and leaps and stuff."

Quiet again, James continued to skate next to Kendall with their arms brushing.

"I think it would be cool to be able to do that," Kendall coaxed.

"Really?"

"Totally."

"Are you fucking with me?"

"No. Why?"

"It just doesn't seem like something you'd be into. Most hockey players aren't."

"I'm not most hockey players, am I?"

James smiled over at him for a moment, then spun around to skate backwards ahead of Kendall. He lifted Kendall up off the ice and twirled him, smiling when Kendall gasped. "Oh my god, don't drop me!"

"You're not going anywhere."

Kendall wrapped his legs around James' waist, letting James carry them along as he held on and leaned down for a kiss that James allowed, tongue darting into Kendall's mouth.

_This. This is what I wanted. You relaxed and happy and mine._

When the kiss died, Kendall asked, "What else can you do?"

James hesitated before dropping Kendall to the ice, then he sped up, skating ahead to do a perfect spin in midair.

"Holy shit!" Logan exclaimed, stopping while Carlos bumped into him.

"What?" Carlos asked, his back having been to Kendall and James.

Kendall grinned, applauding slowly. "Nice job. Show me more of that."

"Carlos, James just did this incredible spin in the air. I didn't know you could do that!" Logan called out to James.

"There's a lot you guys don't know about me!" James yelled, and Kendall could see that he was dying to show them more.

"I want to see!" Carlos said. "Show me what you can do, James!"

Kendall skated over to the wall and stopped, leaning back against it while Logan and Carlos came over to join him. "This is what I've been waiting for. You guys, I think I'm in love."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Kendall, you've been in love since the day you met him."

"Maybe. Come on, James, show us more!"

James ran something through his head, then nodded firmly and started skating. They watched him build up, then he went through a series of jumps and spins in time to whatever music was running through his mind.

"Oh my fucking god, marry me, James Diamond," Kendall said under his breath.

"Damn," Carlos laughed. "That gets you hot?"

"Look at him. Those muscles, and the way he moves, and fuck he makes it look so easy."

They watched him for a few minutes more, James finally letting himself go and Kendall started to wonder if he'd forgotten they were there. He wasn't complaining, though, he could stand here and watch James skate for hours.

"Hey!" Carlos yelled. "Can you do a backflip?"

Logan and Kendall chuckled, James raising an eyebrow at Carlos. "What do you think I am, some Olympic figure skater?"

Carlos shrugged. "It was worth a try."

James laughed and sped up again, skating backwards before flying off his feet and spinning upside down, then landing again to glide over to them.

All three stared in shock, mouths hanging open.

"James," Logan asked, "do you compete at all?"

"No. Not since junior high. I still practice, though. It's...kind of my thing. Like hockey is Kendall's."

"You should!" Carlos urged. "Why wouldn't you, you're amazing!"

James shrugged. "My dad didn't feel it was a skill that would take me anywhere. He prefers hockey, because-"

"Your dad thinks figure skating is too gay, doesn't he?" Kendall interrupted.

Looking down, James answered, "It was fine when I was a kid. He hated that I did it in junior high, but as long as I played hockey, too, he put up with it. Once I hit high school..."

"Don't ever let me meet your father, James. I might have to murder him."

The intensity behind Kendall's words caused James to look up with wide eyes.

"You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And it's not just me, the whole world sees it. Just because your dad's a blind homophobic asshole, that doesn't mean you're not worth anything. The real you, the one I just saw, that's what I'm in love with. You're worth everything."

James swallowed, shaking slightly. "Please don't say things like that."

Kendall launched himself forward, not giving James a chance to escape before pulling him in fast for a kiss. He could feel James' entire body trembling, obviously overcome with emotion, and neither of them noticed when Carlos and Logan drifted away. James lifted Kendall up until he was sitting on the rail, pressing him back against the wall as Kendall's hands tangled in his hair, legs wrapping around his waist as they continued to kiss.

Carlos grabbed Logan's hand as they moved. "So. I'd say they're in love."

Logan nodded. "Oh yeah. There's no way James can fight him. Did you see the look on his face when Kendall said all that? I mean, look at them. Could anyone deny their feelings for each other?"

"It's weird, you know? We've known each other all our lives. It took us sixteen years to realize it. How long has Kendall lived here?"

"Not even a month. I guess some things you just know." Logan squeezed Carlos' hand. "And for the record, I've known for three years."

"Known what?"

"That I loved you. There's never been anyone else I wanted, Carlos."

Carlos melted, stopping to pull Logan closer. "Three years?"

"Three years."

"You're so stupid. Why didn't you just tell me?"

"You weren't ready."

"Well, I'm ready now."

"Obviously." They smiled at each other before kissing, and within a few minutes they too were feeling the need to be alone. "Hey guys!" Logan called over, noting that at some point they'd slid down to the ice and Kendall was sitting on James' lap as they devoured each other. When there was no response, Carlos whistled.

Kendall broke away, brain barely able to focus on anything but James. He licked his lips and followed the sound of the whistle.

"Guys, can we go?" Logan yelled.

"They uh...they're ready to go."

"Yeah," James whispered. "I could use some time alone with you myself."

"Still want to explore new horizons?"

"Kendall. I don't...I'm still not ready for something serious. I guess I can't resist you anymore, that much is obvious, but I'm not ready to make it...I can't give you what you want."

"Tonight all I want is you in my bed and your dick in my mouth."

"Kendall, fuck!"

"Can you handle that?"

"Please," James whined.

Kendall smiled, kissing James once more, this time softer. "If I know Carlos, he's hungry. Let's go ahead and eat, then we'll go home."

"I can live with that. Just promise me we'll be alone soon."

"Promise," Kendall whispered, just as desperate for that as James.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

I am so behind on replying to reviews, but I wanted to say again how much I love you guys and how happy you make me with each one. Thank you so much for being so awesome.

Things are moving slowly in the next few chapters, but James is having a hard time with all this. Kendall does make progress, though, just not as fast as he'd like. I almost feel sorry for James the way people start to gang up on him. XD

Also, for those of you asking about my other stories. I do have every intention of finishing Absence and the Maslow/Diamond fic. I tried to write Absence this morning and Kendall just wasn't feeling it, he's too focused on trying to win James in this damn story right now and he wouldn't let me shift to Carlos. I tried, I swear! So instead I wrote more of this haha. The Maslow/Diamond will be easier to write since Kendall's not involved, I just need to find the time (and willpower to step away from this story for a day) to do it. Hopefully soon.

Oh, and I will never abandon Jagan. They are still my number one pairing. :)

* * *

><p>Though each of them was tempted to rush lunch, they took their time enjoying what were definitely the best burgers in the world. Kendall witnessed James bonding with his best friends and somehow fitting right in, even Logan accepting him when he dropped the asshole attitude.<p>

Carlos asked if they still wanted to go to the beach. Logan said it was up to them but Kendall shook his head; he had this fear that if they didn't get home, something would occur to either change James' mind or keep him from being able to stay the night. Too many interrupted moments had made him paranoid.

As Logan finished his strawberry milkshake, Carlos leaned into him and sighed. Logan glanced down at Carlos' head on his shoulder and couldn't keep the smile away, even though he found Carlos' outward affection unnecessary. Logan wasn't used to expressing himself so openly.

"When are you going to let me do that to you?" Kendall asked with a smirk, expecting the glare James threw his way.

"Never."

"I bet you let Heather do that."

"Heather's different."

"And since Heather is no longer your girlfriend," Carlos commented, "you should date Kendall now. He's only been dying over you for three weeks."

Kendall stopped chewing, eyes flying to Carlos. "What?" he asked through a mouthful, then swallowed.

James looked like he wanted to murder Carlos.

"I had a feeling James hadn't told you that, Kendall." Logan stared at James while continuing. "Heather told us today that they broke up last night."

"I'm gonna kill her."

"This...this is true, James? You broke up with Heather?"

James cleared his throat. "Technically, she broke up with me."

"Why?" Kendall demanded.

"None of your business."

"Bullshit. It's no coincidence that I kissed you and then you guys broke up."

"Is she okay?" Carlos asked. "She seemed fine at the game but she could've been faking and we wouldn't know it."

"She's fine."

Kendall studied James. "Are _you?_I know you love her."

"Other than this prick who won't leave me alone and makes me crazy, I'm fine."

Looking deeper, Kendall saw past the armor that James was scared. Maybe for the first time in his life, things had spun out of his control and left him with nothing to hold on to. Suddenly Kendall needed to get James alone and talking. "You guys ready to go?"

Carlos and Logan were, so they packed up their trash and headed to the car. "Logan's again?" James asked.

"Nope. Tonight we're staying at my place because we're going to the Chargers game tomorrow. You guys want to go?"

James studied Kendall before replying to Carlos. "Kendall has a date with my ex-girlfriend. You still going?"

"I am."

"Can I change your mind?"

"Maybe. But probably not. You can sure try, though."

"How about I just ask nicely?" James tried, opening the car door for Kendall.

Kendall blinked, wondering if James was even aware of what he'd just done. "Didn't work last time," he answered, sliding into the seat.

"It was worth a try."

Once they were all settled in the car, Kendall turned to James. "So if she's not your girlfriend anymore, and you know I'm not gonna go for her, why don't you want me to take her to the lecture?"

James remained quiet. Logan said, "I bet he's afraid of what Heather might say. Would she give away all your secrets, James?"

"At this point, you guys pretty much know all my secrets."

"Except the one about you being in love with me," Kendall said, taking James' hand in his.

"Do you guys want to walk home? Because I arrange that."

James' hand tightened around Kendall's, though, and Kendall knew he'd touched a nerve; James was feeling alone and scared. "Nope. You're coming home with me." He lifted James' hand to kiss it, and when he lowered it James linked fingers with him as if he'd never let go. _You are so scared and lost._ It broke Kendall's heart. _I won't let you fall, James. I swear. Not letting you go now._

* * *

><p>Kendall let James use the shower first, grateful for the time it afforded him to talk to his mom about James. They sat at the dining room table as Mrs. Knight recounted their adventures at the mall and Kendall waited for an opening.<p>

"By the way, young man. Heather mentioned that she and James are no longer a couple." She kicked out with her foot and nudged his. "I think you should go for it."

"Yeah, we talked about that at lunch. She's still not my type, Mom. But remember that this just happened last night, so if James is quiet or seems a little lost, try not to grill him too much."

"Okay, I can do that. But she made it sound like it was a mutual decision and that they'll remain friends. I imagine that's awkward for you, being stuck in the middle."

_Mom, you have no idea._"It isn't just that. His dad's an asshole. When he finds out they're not together anymore, he's gonna be pissed at James."

"That's silly. If they're not happy together, he should understand that."

"He has this image in mind for James and she fits it. He made James give up skating even though James loves it and is good enough to compete professionally."

"You mean like ice skating?"

"Yes. We saw him today after you guys left, he's incredible. And it makes him so happy, it's bullshit that his dad took that from him."

"Language. Does James enjoy hockey?"

"Somewhat, I guess."

"He's certainly good at it."

Kendall nodded. "He's even better at figure skating, though. He feels about it the way I feel about hockey. But Mom, I'd really like him to come back sometime, to feel welcome here. Because he's so miserable at home. Just try not to push, okay? He doesn't like to talk about himself or his feelings, not even to me."

"Okay, I can do that. I make no promises about Katie, though."

"I'll talk to her. Did Heather say anything else about James?"

Mrs. Knight considered it. "Not really. She asked a lot of questions about you, though. Sure she's not your type?"

"Positive." And this was awkward, because part of Kendall wanted his mother to know about his sexuality, but the moment she did she would slam down rules regarding sleepovers and doors staying open. Tonight was not the night for that. "How long before dinner?"

"A few hours. Were the burgers as great as James says?"

"They were _so_good. We have to go there some night, Katie's gonna love it." Hearing the bathroom door open, Kendall stood up. "My turn to shower. Let us know when dinner's ready?"

"You got it. Make sure James gives me his parents' number."

"You're not gonna call them, are you?"

"No, but I need it in case anything happens to him. You never know."

"Okay, I'll send him out." Kendall knocked on his bedroom door before entering, James turning to greet him with a smile as he dropped a comb into his overnight bag. He was back in a black tank and sweats, his face scrubbed clean and his wet hair combed into place. Kendall couldn't wait to mess it up.

"Hey."

"Hi there," Kendall responded, lips curving into a smile. "You are so fucking hot."

"Yeah?" James lifted an eyebrow with a smirk.

"Like you don't know."

The smirk widened into a grin before James reached out for Kendall's arm. Kendall went willingly into the kiss, hands sliding up James' arms to his shoulders and then into his hair, tugging as their lips fought for dominance.

James groaned and pulled Kendall harder against him, fingers curled into the belt loops of Kendall's jeans. There was no more fight left in James, at least not on a physical level, and Kendall rocked into him, hard and more than ready. "Waited forever for this, why'd you have to be so stubborn?"

"It's been three weeks, Kendall," James chuckled.

"We should've been doing this on the first day."

James didn't argue but returned to kissing him, working his belt loose. "I still need a shower," Kendall whispered.

"Don't stop now. We're finally alone."

Kendall didn't want to stop, possibly not ever, but when he imagined those lips and teeth all over his body, he sighed and stepped back. "No. I need to, I swear I'll hurry."

"You'd better."

"Mom wants to get that number from you. She promises she won't call unless there's an emergency, though."

James' face relaxed. "Okay. They know I'm here, or at least that I'm staying at a friend's. I don't do that, so Mom was surprised but I think Dad's assuming I'm at Heather's. He would approve of me sneaking into her room at night."

"Yeah, still feeling the need to kill that guy."

"Calm down. Two more years we gotta last, and then I don't have to hide anything anymore."

Kendall stared at James, wondering if he'd heard right. "We" and "two more years" and it sure sounded as if James planned to keep him around for a while.

"Now hurry. I want as much time with you as I can get before dinner. And I'm nervous about being alone with your mom, so don't take too long."

_You don't even realize what you just said. My God, you are so ready to be my boyfriend._"You'll be fine with Mom. She'll love you. It's Katie you need to worry about. If she's rude, I'll beat her up later," Kendall promised.

"Please, I can hold my own with a fourteen-year-old."

"Yeah, she's ten."

"Oh. Well then. I'll call on your mom if I need reinforcements."

Kendall giggled. "Mama's boy."

"Shut up, I don't know little girls."

"That's your first mistake. Don't go in there thinking of her as a little girl or she'll eat you alive."

"Got it." James grabbed Kendall's shirt and pulled him into a kiss again, using his mouth to show what he had in mind for later. "Hurry back."

* * *

><p>When Kendall returned to his room in a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt, James was studying the many hockey trophies Kendall had on every available surface.<p>

"You've been playing all your life, haven't you?"

"Pretty much. When did you start?"

"Junior high. When my dad insisted I do something more 'manly.'"

"You've only been playing a few years and you're that good?"

James shrugged. "I do well on the ice. It's where I belong."

Kendall tossed his dirty clothes in the general direction of his closet, then reached over to lock the door. "I'm thinking where you belong is right here. In my house. In my room."

"In your bed?"

"That, too." Kendall approached James with a soft smile. "How'd it go with Mom?" he asked while peeling the tank top up and over James' shoulders.

"Fine. She's really nice. You're lucky to have her."

"I know I am. When I do tell her I'm gay, she'll accept it. Even if she does keep trying to get me to date Heather."

James chuckled. "Heather's the kind of girl every parent wants for their son." He helped Kendall work his shirt off, then fastened his lips to Kendall's neck.

Kendall hissed as James' mouth sucked harder, then twisted his fingers into James' hair. "Bed," he urged.

James backed up onto the bed, scooting over until he was sitting against the wall. Kendall immediately climbed into his lap, straddling him. "So what was first on that list?"

"Your lips," James reminded him. "I'm going to feed on your lips."

"Oh god, fuck. Please." They attacked each other again, content to explore with their teeth and tongues and Kendall never could've imagined that kisses could affect him so deeply. He squirmed over James, desperate to cause some sort of friction, and James was just as eager as they moved together, driving each other insane. James' hands eventually got into the mix, running up and down Kendall's back before tugging at Kendall's hair, dragging a moan out of him. Lips stinging and swollen, Kendall finally moved them down James' chin to his neck, where he suctioned on with enough pressure to get James' fingers digging into his shoulders hard enough to bruise.

"_I'd pull your hair while sucking on your neck. Leave a bruise so big everyone would know you're mine."_

That was Kendall's intention, and he was so focused on doing just that it never occurred to him that his mother and Katie would see the hickey and know it wasn't there before. All that mattered was for James to keep making those sounds, keep rocking under him, keep pulling his hair so hard it stung.

"Kendall," James whined, "oh my god, Kendall, fuck don't ever stop."

_Begging me, knew I'd have you begging me sooner or later. _Kendall reached up to snag his fingers in James' hair and tugged, James practically lifting Kendall up as his hips moved. "Harder," he begged, and Kendall wasn't sure what exactly James wanted harder so he increased the pressure in all areas—hair, neck, hips. James cried out and then buried his face in Kendall's neck, shaking as he tried to breathe, and without warning James shoved Kendall away and onto his back. Kendall watched James tug his boxers down and off, and then James' mouth was on him, clumsy but determined and Kendall gasped, hands scrabbling at the sheet.

"James oh my god oh my fucking god James yes yes oh fuck oh fuck be mine please be mine." Mind blown as well, Kendall babbled without any coherency as James held him down and sucked him. There was little warning, it hit Kendall like a freight train and he came, shuddering under James as James swallowed, gagging once before getting a handle on it.

"Holy fuck," Kendall whispered, trying to gulp down air. "You okay?"

James rested his cheek against Kendall's hip and nodded. Feeling the tension still running through James' body, Kendall pulled him up and flipped him onto his back, still shaking slightly. "My turn." He kissed James once, running a hand through his hair before kneeling between James' legs and pressing kisses to his stomach. "So beautiful, can't even believe how beautiful you are."

A hand reached down to tilt Kendall's face up. "You are, too. I don't understand how you're still single."

_But I'm not. I'm yours._ He dragged the sweats down to James' knees and took a deep breath. It didn't matter how often he'd fantasized about this, it was still daunting.

"Take your time," James said. "Just do what feels right."

He opened his mouth and took James in slowly. James was trying to stay still, Kendall could tell that much, so once he relaxed enough to take it, he braced his hands on the mattress and allowed James to move, in love with the feel of James sliding in and out of his mouth. There was nothing like this, nothing like James' eyes burning into his as James thrusted up and down, tiny whimpers falling from his lips.

_You love this. Fucking love this. Yours, it's yours whenever you want it, I'm right here just take me._

It wasn't long before James exploded, Kendall taking him through it until he was panting, a shaking hand running over Kendall's hair. "Fuck, Kendall. Fuck."

"Yeah." There wasn't much else to say, really. He crawled up James' body to settle next to him, laying his head on James' shoulder and happy when arms wrapped around him to hold him close. James pressed a kiss to Kendall's hair and Kendall laid an arm over his waist. "Thank you," he whispered.

James smiled. "You're thanking me?"

"I am. Because I know how hard it is for you to even be here right now. It means a lot that you are."

"Yeah, it's torture," James laughed.

"In some ways, I'm sure it is." When James didn't reply, Kendall said, "So I was thinking. Since we're not boyfriends or anything, that means I'm free to do this with other guys, right?"

Fingers dug into Kendall's skin as James answered, "Depends."

"On what?"

"On whether or not those other guys are ready to die young."

_Yes! Fuck yes! I don't care what you call us or don't call us, we are so boyfriends._ "That goes for you, too. I don't want anyone even looking at you, James."

"That's not possible. I get stared at all the time."

"As long as no one touches you. And as long as you don't stare back."

James nodded slowly. "That much I can promise."

Kendall's heart opened another crack, allowing him to believe for the first time that James might actually accept this. "Good. Because this...this isn't something you're gonna find anywhere else. You need to realize that. You can suck anyone's dick, but nobody gets to you the way I do."

"I kind of hate that about you."

"I know," Kendall smiled, kissing James' shoulder. "But just try to deny it."

James was silent, and Kendall took that as agreement. _You are so in love with me. I can't wait until you realize it._

* * *

><p>Kendall hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, leading him to doze off and on for the next hour. Every time he woke up he apologized, but James didn't mind; Kendall imagined his brain was in overdrive right now trying to deal with all of the newly acknowledged emotions.<p>

"Want to talk?" Kendall finally asked.

James shrugged. "Not a lot to say."

"Are you kidding me? There's plenty we need to talk about." When Kendall moved to sit up, James' arms tightened around him. "Like that right there."

"What?"

"The fact that you don't want to let go of me."

James immediately did, and Kendall wanted to kick himself.

"Why do you have to push about everything? Can't you just lay here with me and not talk for a while?"

Maybe if they talked about something besides James' feelings for a bit, Kendall could work him back around to that eventually. "Can we talk about the skating?"

After a few seconds of silence and the return of James' arms around Kendall, James asked, "What do you want to know?"

"Are you really gonna let that go forever? Not even try?"

"Dude, even if I wanted to compete, it's too late now. I'm not trained well enough. Totally out of practice."

"You're amazing. And you said you still practice."

"Not like I should. The competition is brutal, you have no idea what it takes to be a professional skater. I'd have to leave school and spend all my time on the ice."

"Not all your time, I hope."

"Yes, Kendall. _All_my time. You'd never see me. Hey, that's not a bad idea."

"Shut up," Kendall laughed, smacking James' chest lightly.

"No really, why didn't I think of that?"

The laughter died. "Is that what you've been doing? Laying here trying to figure out a way to get rid of me?"

"Pretty much, yeah. You scare the shit out of me."

Kendall attempted to sit up again, testing James, who tightened his hold. "Exactly. I'm not going anywhere, James. Get used to it."

"Trying not to."

"Hey." Kendall rolled over onto James, pinning his hands back against the mattress. "I mean it. You're not gonna lose me. No matter how hard you try."

James bit his lip and then lifted up to kiss Kendall, it being the first kiss they'd shared that wasn't about getting off.

_This. Want this. Want all of it, want the crazy kisses too, but this is what I dreamed of with you._

James worked his hands loose and rolled Kendall onto his back, settling between his legs as the kiss continued. Kendall expected James to turn it into the violent storm they usually shared, but he deepened the kiss in a way that was passionate without being about sex or aggression.

_Oh my god, kiss me forever. This is mine, nobody else will ever do this for you. Please just love me._

"Boys?"

They froze at the knock on the door.

"Yeah, Mom?"

"Dinner's almost ready. Come help your sister set the table."

"Be right out." Kendall groaned, not wanting to move ever again, and this time James let him up after rolling aside.

It had grown somewhat dark in the room, and while James reached for his clothes Kendall flipped the light on. He pulled the t-shirt over his head and was finding a pair of sweats when the huge hickey on James' neck caught his eye. "Oh shit," he gasped. "Oh fuck."

"What?"

"Your neck. We're so dead."

"Oh?" James stepped up to the mirror and grinned. "Nice work."

"_Nice work_? How are you not freaking out about this? Mom's gonna flip."

"Calm down, I got it covered." James reached into his bag and dug out two tubes of cover-up, one green and one tan. "Knew you'd be an animal so I came prepared."

"You expected this?"

"Duh, it was on your list. It's one of your kinks." Standing before the mirror again, James applied the green concealer and rubbed it around.

"You seem to know what you're doing. Obviously no stranger to hickeys." The idea of James being so practiced in the art of hiding bruises on his neck bothered Kendall-a lot.

"My best friend's a girl. I read all her magazines, dude."

"Well, you'd better get used to wearing that shit because I plan to make it a habit." Kendall slid his arms around James' waist and bit down on his neck, forcing a stifled moan out of James. "I think you really like that. Me owning you and marking you."

"Kendall, stop," James gasped.

When Kendall reached a hand down to test James' reaction, he smiled. "Oh yeah. You like that. A lot." He squeezed and James rubbed back against him, head falling back onto Kendall's shoulder. "Let me own you," Kendall whispered.

"Fuck, what are you doing to me?" He pulled Kendall's face down by the hair until they were devouring each other again, James rocking into Kendall's touch.

"So hot," Kendall said, still wondering how it was possible. "So mine."

James shuddered, spinning to kiss Kendall harder.

"Hey!" Katie pounded on the door. "Not doing this by myself! Get out here and help me, jerks!"

They broke apart, Kendall managing to yell "Hold on!" To James he said, "Okay. We'll talk more later about why you get so hot when I call you mine."

"Just put some pants on already, fuck."

Kendall grinned. "Tonight is gonna fucking rock."

"Not if you don't let me finish covering this bruise up. Go away."

"Never." But Kendall went to find his pants, hardly able to wait until he could take them off again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

I am so behind on replying to reviews, but I wanted to say again how much I love you guys and how happy you make me with each one. Thank you so much for being so awesome.

Things are moving slowly in the next few chapters, but James is having a hard time with all this. Kendall does make progress, though, just not as fast as he'd like. I almost feel sorry for James the way people start to gang up on him. XD

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><p>Knowing it was important to Kendall that James not be scared away, Mrs. Knight allowed Katie to play a game at dinner in order to distract her from James. They talked mostly about San Diego, James relaying all the sights they needed to see and the best places to eat. Mrs. Knight did ask about Kendall's plans for the following day, sensing that the two boys would be in Kendall's room most of the night and this might be her only chance, and Kendall reminded her that he was going with Heather to the library the following morning. "Remember, you're driving us?"<p>

"Yes, I remembered, I just wasn't sure what time."

"It's at ten."

James wiped his mouth and offered, "I'll take you guys."

Kendall raised an eyebrow. "Uh, no."

"No, really, I'll drive you guys there and pick you up."

"Not happening, James."

"Why not? You need a ride, I've got a car. I'll even stay for the lecture."

Kendall smirked. "Absolutely not. But nice try."

"What's the big deal?"

"You really don't want us to talk, do you?"

James shrugged, suddenly focused on his dinner.

Mrs. Knight saw the opening and took it. "I imagine it must be hard, James. Your friend spending time with your ex-girlfriend."

"It's not my favorite thing, no."

Kendall reached under the table and squeezed James' left hand. "It'll be fine. Promise."

Once again James returned the grip, hard, before letting go.

"Damn!" Katie suddenly yelled, pounding her fist on the table and making them all jump.

"Okay Katie, I changed my mind. No more video games at the table."

When Kendall and James were back in the room, Kendall locked the door. "So why are you afraid for me and Heather to hang out? Worried we're gonna talk about you?"

"Like you won't?"

"Oh, we totally will. Is there something you don't want me to know? Or maybe for her to know? I'm not gonna sit there and claim my territory, even though it's tempting."

James chuckled, coming to slide his arms around Kendall's waist. "I'm not worried about that."

"Then what is it?"

"Can we not talk right now?"

When James nibbled at his neck, Kendall caved. Talk was overrated. He hummed and pulled James closer, unable to get enough. "So we're basically spending the rest of the night in bed?"

"New horizons."

"Fuck yes."

James latched onto Kendall's neck and sucked, Kendall practically writhing against him as his breaths came faster. "Oh god, that's so amazing."

"Gonna mark you like you marked me."

"Fuck. James, fuck, yes." Kendall backed up to the bed and sat on the edge, James climbing up onto his lap and settling in to focus on making Kendall crazy. A few minutes into it Kendall was squirming again, unable to sit still as James' teeth and lips owned him. "Wait," he finally whispered.

"No," James answered, then went back to it.

"No, wait. Be right back." Kendall shoved James off him and managed to get control of himself before stepping out of the room, then returning a few moments later with a packet of baby wipes. "Here. Take that shit off your neck, I wasn't done."

"Oh fuck, Kendall." James ripped into the package and wiped at his throat, removing the make-up he'd applied before dinner. While he did his eyes followed Kendall's movements as Kendall stripped completely, James licking his lips when Kendall stood before him naked. "So fucking gorgeous, it's no wonder I can't resist you."

Kendall smiled, squealing a little on the inside. "Your turn."

James stood and dropped the used wipes into a trash can before removing his own clothes, eyes glued to Kendall's face as Kendall's gaze roamed over his body. "You look like you've been starving for days or something."

"It's how I feel. So much skin to cover. So beautiful." Kendall knelt in front of James, running his lips up and down James' thighs, mouth teasing James' dick occasionally. James' hands ended up in Kendall's hair before long, and eventually he guided Kendall's mouth to cover him, holding Kendall's head there. Kendall didn't mind at all, giving James what he wanted as James rocked in and out of his mouth, James biting his lip to keep from making too much noise.

When James was close Kendall pulled off, James letting him, and looked up. "What was it you said? I'd want to come but you wouldn't let me? Is that one of your kinks?"

"Oh god no, no Kendall please, don't do that. Let me come."

Kendall shook his head with a smirk, then stood up and climbed into his bed.

"You fucking little tease. Two can play that game."

Rather than blow him as Kendall expected, though, James spent the next twenty minutes sucking at random places on Kendall's body, driving Kendall insane as each spot ached when James was done. They were all places that would be covered by clothing, but Kendall already knew he'd feel the bruises when he moved and that only made him hotter.

"Every time you look in the mirror now, you'll know you're mine."

Kendall blinked, surprised. "Am I yours? I thought that was the problem, you didn't want me."

"I told you once. Never doubt that I want you."

"Then take me. Own me, James."

"I have since the day we met."

"Let me own you, then. Don't want anybody touching you."

"Oh god," James whined.

"Fuck, that really turns you on. Never would've guessed that about you."

James was silent, chest heaving but his eyes begging.

Kendall flipped James onto his back, pinning his wrists to his sides as his mouth moved over James, focused on doing the same and leaving bruises he knew wouldn't fade for days. As he did, James went crazy under him, turning his face into a pillow and biting down on it to keep from making too much noise. It set Kendall on fire, having James not only submissive to him but enjoying it so much he was about to go over the edge just from Kendall's mouth moving over his skin.

"James, you are the fucking hottest thing in the world, never letting you go, never."

"Promise me."

And that certainly wasn't what Kendall had expected to hear, but he moved swiftly up to look into James' eyes. "Promise."

"Swear it, Kendall. No matter what happens, no matter what my dad says or does, swear you'll be with me. I can't do this alone."

"I'm here, not going anywhere, right here." Kendall carded a hand through James' hair, leaning down to kiss him softly, and then James' arms were tight around him and holding him close as they kissed, James desperate and wrapping his legs around Kendall as well. "Mine, you're mine," Kendall repeated. "Say it."

"Kendall, I-"

"Say it. Please. I need to hear it."

"Fuck, you drive me crazy! Yes! I'm yours! All I ever wanted from the second I saw you, had to have you that first day, had to go up to that table and didn't know what to say so I talked to Logan and couldn't even look at you but you were there and beautiful and I fucking hate you so much!"

_Had to have you that first day..._ "Holy shit, James, are you serious? That's why you came over to the table that day? Because of me?"

"Yes, okay? Yes."

"But in class you were such a dick to me."

"You scared me. Wanted nothing to do with you."

"But you wanted everything to do with me."

James nodded, miserable.

"Jesus Christ, James, this isn't a bad thing. It's the best thing to ever happen to us. Why is it so horrible to love me?"

"Because if I love you I have to do something about it. I have to take a stand because you're worth it, you're worth whatever happens, but only if I know I have you. If I face this and come out to my dad but then lose you, it'll be for nothing and I'll be alone. Don't leave me alone."

James was shaking and almost in tears; the level of desperation from James broke his heart."Swear it, James, I swear. You're mine and that's not gonna change. It's not just because you're gorgeous, it's because you're amazing and you have this fire and when you smile at me, when you let down your guard enough to let me love you, it's the most incredible feeling in the world. Let me in, James. Please. I won't leave you alone, won't let you face anything by yourself. Never again. We're a team now, it's you and me, and you've even got Carlos and Logan, those two will stand by your side no matter what. And my mom loves you, dude. You've got a family. Even Heather, I don't know what you two are to each other anymore but I assume you're friends with the way she was acting today and I promise, you are never alone. I'm right here."

James squeezed Kendall almost tight enough to cut off his air, but Kendall allowed it, hugging him back. "I could lose everything," James whispered. "You don't understand, he'll kick me out. I'll have nowhere to go."

"You'll have here. I guarantee my mom isn't going to leave you homeless."

"She hardly knows me."

"She knows enough. More than that, she knows you matter to me. Eventually she'll know just how much, but even now she would take you in. You always have a home here. I promise."

"Where the fuck did you come from, Kendall?"

Kendall grinned. "Minnesota."

James chuckled, the shaking subsiding as Kendall kissed him lightly. "You showed up and turned my whole life upside down. I hate you for that."

"But you love the way I suck your dick."

James laughed and it was music to Kendall's ears. "I do. I really do. Sure I'm your first?"

"To go that far, yes. Never made it to the pants coming off. Actually, I've only been with one guy before you. One time in the locker room at school. It was nice, but nothing compared to you."

"Remember that. I'm the best."

"Yes, you are." Kendall sighed in contentment and slid off James but cuddled up to him, James pulling him close. "Can we talk about your mom at all? Where does she fit in to all of this?"

"Mom...I love her, but she has no backbone. She won't stand up to my dad about anything. She was raised to believe that wives stay quiet and let the man rule the household. I kind of hate my grandparents for that."

"Are you close to your grandparents at all?"

"Nope. They're all assholes. I'm not exaggerating, Kendall. My dad finds out about this, I'm out of the house. He's told me that since junior high."

"So he has a suspicion you're gay?"

"He did back then. It's better since I've had Heather, he backed off on that. I think there's a part of him that still worries, though. Sometimes I wonder if he's so afraid of gay because he's in the closet himself."

"Dude, seriously?"

"Yeah. I think he might be attracted to guys but won't even consider the idea. His parents were just as bad as him. It's so stupid."

"It is. So um. While we're on the subject...does this mean you're my boyfriend? Can I actually call you that now?"

"How were we on the subject?"

"Shut up, just answer the question."

"Kendall, I'm still-"

"James. Say it. Just fucking say it."

"Okay, fine! You're my boyfriend. You don't date anyone else, don't flirt with anyone else, don't even think about kissing Carlos or Logan."

Kendall blanched. "Carlos or Logan? Dude, really? My mind hadn't even gone there, why would you do that to me?"

"Well, they're hot. It's only natural."

"No, it isn't. They're my best friends. I do not want to kiss either of them."

"Good. Let's keep it that way."

"Oh my god, you're jealous. You really think I could want anyone else? You're all I've been able to think about for weeks."

"And once you have me, the excitement might die. Maybe you just liked the thrill of the chase."

"I can't believe you'd ever worry about that. James, you really don't think highly of yourself, do you? We have to work on that."

"I'm just saying. You have me now, try not to get bored."

"You're fucking crazy if you think I could ever get bored with you. But if you're that worried about it, you should blow me again. Remind me how amazing you are."

"Such a horndog. But I can totally do that. Where are we on that list?"

"About halfway done, I think? Actually, more than halfway. All that's left is fucking on the ice."

"Yeah, wow. That...not sure I'm ready for that."

Kendall nodded. "Same here. But it's gonna happen one day. Promise me."

"That's a promise I can keep." James pressed his lips to Kendall's, running his hand down to wrap around Kendall and stroke. "For now, my mouth misses you."

"That's convenient, because I miss your mouth."

They grinned at each other, Kendall whispering "mine" once. Before James moved away, he answered, "Yours."

_Love you, I love you so much, never letting you go. Better not ever get bored with me because-_

"Oh my fucking god, James, your tongue. I want to marry your tongue."

"Marry my tongue, marry all of me. That's the rule."

As James returned his mouth to the task, Kendall thought maybe that was something he could wrap his mind around, because the idea of living without this even a day? Not even worth thinking about. Kendall Knight had always been one to know what he wanted and go after it, and even at sixteen years old he knew that he wanted James Diamond every day for the rest of his life. Marriage was a long way off in the future, but that didn't mean he couldn't dream about it now.

* * *

><p>Wanting nothing but to make up for lost time, Kendall and James spent the night alternately sleeping and driving each other to orgasm in various ways. When they slept it was wrapped up in each other, both craving the closeness and James needing the reassurance that Kendall wasn't going to leave him alone.<p>

Kendall awoke around nine P.M. and checked his phone to see a text from Carlos asking him to call when he was "not busy molesting James." Chuckling, Kendall rolled out of bed and threw on some clothes, then nudged James. "Hey. I'll be back."

"Where you going?" James grumbled.

"Bathroom, and Carlos wants me to call. Just didn't want you to freak out if you woke up."

"Wouldn't have freaked. Probably. Kiss me?"

With a smile Kendall did, not lingering long because he wanted James to go back to sleep. "I'll be back."

"'kay." James curled up under the blankets and closed his eyes, asleep in less than a minute.

_So fucking beautiful. Can't believe you're mine._

After using the bathroom Kendall headed to the kitchen for a drink and a snack, mind on the following day. He had no idea where he stood with Heather but imagined she still wanted to date him and would therefore keep their lecture date. He sent her a text, hoping she'd still be awake. _"We still on for tomorrow?"_

She replied with, _"YES! Can't wait. We have a lot to talk about. ;)"_

Kendall sat at the dining room table staring at his phone, a ball of dread forming in his stomach. _Oh god, she's gonna make a move. How do I get out of this? _He considered canceling but felt she could give him answers that James never would, and with the wall James kept putting up Kendall would never get anywhere. Maybe he should be upfront with her, just tell her in no uncertain terms that he was gay and it was never gonna happen. Did she even suspect James was, though? If she blamed Kendall for the break-up, there went any hope of friendship.

_Oh well. James is what matters. He's all that matters._

Kendall sent her another text. _"I have some questions about James if that's okay."_

_"Absolutely. He's what I want to talk about. :)"_

Okay. That didn't sound too bad. _"Cool. See you tomorrow around 9:30. Goodnight."_

_"Goodnight! Have fun with James. ;)"_

There was the damn winky face again. What the fuck was that about?

_She knows. She has to know. And doesn't seem to mind. Yeah, we have a lot to talk about tomorrow._

Finishing the bag of potato chips he'd grabbed, Kendall was reminded of Logan. He placed a call to Carlos, smiling when Logan once again picked up.

"I don't want to hear it, Kendall. He's in the shower, that's why I answered."

"Suuuuure, wifey. Wait, didn't you guys shower this morning? How is it he needs one again, Logan? Did you get him dirty, you perv?"

"I'll never tell."

"Come on, you know I'll just get it out of him later. Dude, I feel like we haven't had a chance to even talk about any of this. It all happened so fast and you've been with Carlos every minute."

"And you've been with James every time I've seen you since the movies. It's crazy, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Awesome, though." Glancing around first to make sure there wasn't a stray Katie lurking nearby, Kendall said, "So. I officially have a boyfriend."

"Holy shit, really?"

"Yes, can you believe it! He even told me the only reason he came over to our lunch table the first day was because he wanted to meet me, but then he didn't know what to say and got scared because he felt so drawn to me."

"He liked you so much he hated you. Yeah, that sounds like James. Like you, too."

"So basically we're perfect for each other."

Logan laughed. "I'd say so. What about Heather? Is she still after you?"

"I don't know. We're gonna talk tomorrow about everything."

"Oh, that's why Carlos wanted you to call. He said maybe you guys can come since the game's not until two. What time is that lecture over?"

"Probably around eleven but then we're doing lunch so we can talk."

"Think you can be home by one? Carlos really wants you to go to a game."

"I can try. Is James invited, too?"

"Yeah, his dad got like six tickets. He's going, too."

"Have you guys decided if you're gonna tell your parents yet? About everything?"

"Carlos wants to. He has a horrible time hiding anything from his mom and it's only a matter of time. I'm not sure how they're going to react, but I think we're okay. My mom...I really don't know. I can see it going either way, but I do know she'll love me no matter what."

"Yeah. I can't imagine growing up with parents like James'. He says his dad really will kick him out. He's scared, dude."

"Do you mind keeping it a secret? For him?"

"He's worth it. I'd like to be out, but I'm leaving it up to James. And my mom keeps trying to push Heather on me, so even though she'll be okay with it, I think she'll be a little disappointed, you know?"

"Yeah," Logan agreed. "I think that's how my mom will take it. Carlos is positive his parents will be happy once they accept it, because they love me like a son already. I hope he's right."

Remembering his previous dinners at the Garcia home, Kendall nodded. "I think he is. They love you, even the kids do."

"Oh, hang on, Kendall. Carlos, it's Kendall. He says he'll let us know about the game tomorrow, if he gets home in time."

"Tell him to get home in time, then. He's going."

Kendall chuckled. "So I need to be at Carlos' or what?"

"Yeah, we're leaving here around one. Bring James if you can."

"I don't think it'll be a problem. I haven't done any homework this weekend, I'm so screwed. Guess I know what I'm doing tomorrow night."

"We're doing ours tomorrow morning. Where's James right now, anyway?"

"Sleeping. We've been busy," Kendall grinned.

"And you call me an animal. Okay, my turn to shower, so I'm gonna go. Call us tomorrow."

"I will. Have fun, you guys."

"Bye, Kendall!" Carlos yelled.

"Tell him goodnight. Talk to you later."

After hanging up Kendall sat there and ran through the previous three weeks in his mind, marveling over how quickly things had turned around to get him where he was now—best friends, a team that looked to be shaping up, a boyfriend. He had a _boyfriend_. Not just any boyfriend, but the hottest guy alive who was so much more than that, so amazing once you got past the armor.

Suddenly missing James and wanting to be in bed with him, Kendall got rid of his trash and moved down the hall, about to walk into his room when he noticed his mother's light was still on. He made a quick decision and knocked on her door, entering when she invited him in.

"Hey. Can we talk for a minute?"

"Of course." Mrs. Knight muted the television and patted her bed. "What's on your mind?"

"It's James, actually."

"I figured."

Kendall sat on the bed and put his thoughts in order, then asked, "Do you like him?"

"Do I like him? I hardly know him, but so far, yes. He's polite and funny and seems to enjoy being here. His parents are really that bad?"

"He says his mom isn't so terrible, she just doesn't stand up to his dad when his dad's a dick. Sorry, an asshole. I mean," Kendall sighed, "a jerk."

"Better. Is there abuse involved?"

"I don't think so, no. I get the feeling his dad would rather not have much to do with him, as long as he's not a disappointment."

"And what would his father consider a disappointment?"

"Well..." Kendall hesitated, not sure how much his mother would read into everything, but finally took the plunge. "If he was gay, for example. His father would kick him out of the house."

"Oh. I see." She let that sink in before asking, "_Is _he gay?"

"If he was, what would you-"

"Kendall, it's fine. He's still welcome here."

"Okay, good." Kendall let out the breath he'd been holding. "Yes. He is. But don't mention it, he's still having a tough time accepting it. Or at least admitting it."

"But if he's gay, what about Heather? Or is that why they broke up?"

"I'm not exactly sure how Heather fits into all this. I'm going to talk to her tomorrow. Hopefully she's not still after me."

"Would it be bad if she is?"

"Yes, because I'm not interested in her. At all."

Mrs. Knight nodded slowly. "So James is gay but his parents don't know and if they did..."

"He says they'd disown him. If that happened, could we take him in? I know it's a lot to ask but I care about him and he's miserable, Mom. He's doing what his dad wants and I'm gonna work on getting him back to skating but that's also something his dad would kick him out for."

"Honey, I understand how you feel but I don't even really know the boy. And his parents would have something to say about that, about where he lives."

"If they kick him out, they don't have any right to say shit."

"But the law would disagree. I'm sure he's probably exaggerating and his parents would be extremely upset, but I doubt they'd kick him out. Have you met them at all?"

Kendall shook his head. "No, but he's not the exaggerating type. At least not about this. He's honestly terrified, Mom. If he has nowhere to go, can he stay here? Please? I want to be able to tell him he has a family. Keeping it all inside is killing him."

Reaching out to touch Kendall's cheek, Mrs. Knight smiled and said, "You are such a sweet boy. I did well with you."

_Will you still say that when it's me who's gay?_ For the first time it occurred to Kendall to wonder what his own father would say about his homosexuality. Not that Kendall really cared either way, but he didn't imagine his father would be overjoyed. "So is that a yes?"

"I don't know, honey. That's a lot to ask. How can you be sure he'd even want to stay here? He probably has other family that—"

"No. He has nowhere, Mom. No one. I want him to know he can be himself and people will still love him."

Mrs. Knight sighed. "Kendall, I'm not saying no, but why don't we see what happens? Is he planning to tell them soon? Is that why you're so worried?"

"I'm not sure. I think maybe he is. Like I said, though, he's scared. You wouldn't let him live on the streets, I know that much."

"I'd rather not have to make that decision."

"But if has nowhere to go, he's safe, right?"

"I...Kendall, you're asking a lot."

"I know. But it's James. He's worth it."

"What about Carlos and Logan?"

"What about them?"

"You just seemed so close to them and suddenly James is here instead."

"Oh, they'll be back. We'll probably have sleepovers all the time, if that's okay. All four of us."

"All four of you? What have I gotten myself into?"

"You love us." Kendall kissed his mother's cheek and stood up. "So I'll tell James he has a place to stay if he comes out to his parents. Thanks, Mom!"

"Kendall, I didn't say-" But Kendall was gone, leaving her shaking her head. "Why do I bother? That kid is worse than Katie sometimes."

* * *

><p>Kendall stripped and slid into bed with James, heart fluttering when James snuggled closer to him. He figured they probably shouldn't make a habit of sleeping naked all the time, but for tonight it was what he needed. James nuzzled his neck and Kendall responded with kisses to his hair. "I have two questions for you."<p>

"Okay," James mumbled.

"First, want to come with us to the Chargers game tomorrow? Carlos' dad will be there, too."

"What time?"

"After the lecture. Game starts at two."

James nodded. "Okay. I'm sure my parents won't care."

"Second. Are you hungry? I just ate but didn't grab you anything."

"I can wait for morning. Unless you were offering meat?"

Kendall snickered, feeling James smile against his neck. "Horndog. I meant actual food."

"Yeah, I can wait. Mostly I just want you to stay here because I'm cold and you're warm."

_You are such a cuddler. Fuck, I love that._ "So I talked to my mom. You can stay here if you get kicked out."

James' head shot up. "What? For real?"

"For real. You have a place to go if you need it." Kendall watched James, letting that sink in.

"Does she know about us?"

"She knows you're gay. I'm sorry, I had to tell her that much."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You outed me but not yourself? How is that fair?"

"Because the second I tell her we're both gay, no more sleeping naked together. She'll figure it out eventually anyway. She knows me well and knows I care about you. I'm not exactly good at hiding my feelings the way you are."

"That's an understatement. You can't even look at me without drooling."

"Or smiling. Or thinking about you naked."

James laughed. "We waited way too long for this."

"Don't blame me, you're the idiot who kept pushing me away."

"We all make mistakes, Kendall. Yours was getting under my skin. Because now you're stuck with me."

"That's not a mistake. That's a gift."

"You're such a sap, I swear."

"Is that a bad thing?"

James leaned up to kiss Kendall. "No. Just means the more I'm with you, the more I never want to leave. And _that's_ a bad thing."

"It's the best thing. I'm gonna keep being a sap, break down all your defenses."

"Shit, like you haven't already."

_Not all of them, no. But I'm getting there._ "So what are you gonna do about your dad? Think you're ready to tell him?"

"I don't know, Kendall. I really don't. Please don't pressure me on that."

"I'm not, I just...okay, maybe I am. I'm sorry. I know it's scary."

"Just let me get used to all this first, okay? To you and having a boyfriend and figuring out what I want to do about it."

"I guess I can live with that. Oh, and I told Mom you'd probably be over a lot. Carlos and Logan, too."

"Does she know about them?"

"No. They're considering coming out to their parents, though, so it's probably only a matter of time."

"There go all the sleepover plans. Enjoy tonight while you can."

"Oh, I will." Kendall rolled over onto James, nipping at his lips. "Hungry now?"

"Starved."


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

So this chapter ended up longer than I planned and I still didn't cover everything I wanted to cover. I guess that's okay, just hope it's not too boring. A lot of talking in this chapter (as usual for me) and it's still slow-moving, but by the end of the weekend Kendall will be ready to put his plan into action. Right now he's mostly gathering information. And somehow the entire direction of this story shifted, it has become about James but I guess that makes sense since what matters most to Kendall _is_ James.

They mention the movie _Ice Castles_, which was one of my favorite movies growing up. I think I only saw it once, but it left a huge impression on me and I was reminded of it a lot while writing this. Last night I watched it and was stunned by how much it paralleled James' life in this story, so maybe subconsciously I borrowed from that, I don't even know. If you haven't seen it, it's a good movie (though very cheesy 70's) and it makes me cry every time I hear the damn theme song.

And sorry to you Cargan lovers, there is none of them in this chapter other than some mentions. Don't hate me, this _is_ a Kames fic. :P But they will be back soon enough.

* * *

><p>Though they woke each other up throughout the night, by the time Kendall's alarm went off the last thing he wanted to do was get out of bed, or even open his eyes. He snoozed as long as he could, cuddling James close and replaying the previous night in his head with a smile on his face. Each time he moved to silence his alarm, James pulled him back in after making a noise of discontent, and Kendall loved that.<p>

Finally he sighed and kissed James' chin. "I gotta get up."

"Noooooo."

"Sorry."

"Don't go. She'll understand. She's nice like that."

Kendall chuckled. "I'm sure she is, but she's also excited about Harry Potter. And honestly, so am I."

"Nerds," James teased, hugging Kendall closer.

"Interesting that the two people you love most are nerds. What does that say about you, Diamond?"

"That I need professional help. Also more of this."

"More of what?"

"This."

James' arms squeezed tighter around Kendall's waist, and Kendall grinned like a goofball. He could not have predicted that James would be like this, so affectionate and open to cuddling. "Yeah, I like it, too."

"So stay."

"I think you're just trying to find an excuse for me to cancel with Heather. Seriously, why don't you want us to talk?"

After shrugging, James pressed his lips to Kendall's, then laid his head back down on the pillow. "Just promise me we'll go to the game no matter what?"

"Of course we will. Nothing she says is going to change the way I feel about you, James. You're stuck with me now."

Before James could reply, Kendall's phone vibrated. He reached back for it, figuring it would be either Carlos or Logan but it was Heather wanting to confirm their meeting time. Kendall texted her back, James reading every word. "Dude, we're not talking about you."

"Yet. But you will be."

"Not gonna deny it. You're our common interest."

"Me and Harry Potter. What great company I keep."

Kendall grinned. "I'm gonna jump in the shower. Were you planning to stay here while I'm gone? Mom won't mind."

"I don't know, that would probably be awkward."

"It doesn't have to be. You should get to know her better anyway. I bet she'd make you breakfast."

"You are so lucky."

"Your mom doesn't cook you breakfast?"

"Sometimes. She loves me, she just...I don't know."

"I feel like even though your father isn't around much, his presence is always there."

James sat up, rubbing his eyes. "You know...that's a really good way to put it. He's always there, even when he's not. It's why I hate being home and spend so much time at Heather's."

"Well, now you can spend time here instead."

"You realize Heather's still my best friend, right? That's not gonna change."

"I know. Just like I have Logan and Carlos."

A knock at the door startled them. "Kendall, are you awake? We need to leave in half an hour. Sooner if you can swing it."

"I know, Mom! Be right out!" After leaning in for one more kiss, Kendall stretched and then went to his dresser, digging out clothes for the day. He felt eyes on him and smiled. "Like the view?"

"I've seen worse."

"Shut up, you have not." Kendall frowned as he realized that maybe James had. "Have you?" He turned around to look at James, wondering if maybe James had lied to him.

"No, I'm kidding. You're the first guy I've been with, remember?"

"You never said that. Only that you wanted a fuck buddy to try things with."

"Things I'd never experienced. Which means you're my first."

"Oh. Okay." He found the boxer shorts he'd worn off and on the night before and tugged them on, then turned back before leaving the room with his clean clothes. "I'm gonna be your last, too. Get used to it."

James answered with an unreadable expression.

"That's supposed to make you smile."

"Just...scared."

"Of what?"

"Things I don't want to talk about, okay? Go take your shower. Get this stupid thing over with."

"Harry Potter is not stupid."

James threw a pillow at Kendall, who ducked so that it crashed into the door. "What was that for?"

"Because you're a nerd. Go."

"You gonna lay here and imagine me naked in the shower?"

"You wish." Just before Kendall closed the door behind him, James called out, "Probably!"

Kendall laughed, happy to know James was just as caught up in him as he was in James.

* * *

><p>"Did you have plans or something I didn't know about?" Kendall asked as he closed the door of the van and then buckled in. "Why are we in a hurry?"<p>

"Because we need to talk." His mother put the van in gear and then backed out of the driveway. "I was up half the night thinking and I'm pretty sure there are some things you're not telling me."

_Oh shit. _ Heart thumping harder, Kendall asked, "What kind of things?"

His mother kept her eyes straight ahead, taking a moment to put her thoughts in order. "Kendall, this isn't my area of expertise and I don't even know what to say at this point or how to deal with this and I'm completely out of my element and so afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing."

"James? Are you talking about James?"

"I'm talking about you. But we'll start with James. You said he's gay?"

"He...yeah. And you said that was fine, that it didn't bother you."

"It doesn't, I'm an open-minded person and I don't have a problem with gays, okay? One of my best friends in high school was gay."

"Really?" Turning slightly in his seat, Kendall asked, "A guy friend?"

"A guy friend. And he wasn't someone who was obviously gay either, he hid it well and I always felt like he'd be happier if he just admitted it."

"Well, James is scared because of his dad, I told you about-"

"Kendall, I'm just going to ask, because I was going crazy all night wondering and this is new ground for me. Honey, are you gay?"

She still wouldn't look at him, and Kendall wasn't sure how to take that. Of course, she was driving, but her hands were clenched tight around the steering wheel as she waited for an answer and he could feel the tension from her. "Um. Mom, that's..."

As Kendall trailed off, she reached over and put a hand over his. "I'm not going to hate you."

"I know, but..." Face red, Kendall looked out his window. "I don't really know what to say."

"Don't you think that's something you should have told me last night?"

"I didn't know how! It's not easy saying something like that to your mom, okay?"

"It's not easy hearing it."

_Oh. Wow._ Kendall pulled his hand away. "So you're disappointed in me, right? Because it's okay for someone to be gay, but not your own son."

"I'm not disappointed in you, Kendall, I'm sad for all of the hardships you're going to have to live through. You'll suffer through a lot of close-minded idiots and hurtful comments and...it's just not the life I wanted for my son."

"Because you won't get grandkids from me?"

"It's not even about that. Honey, I watched Jake go through so much once he came out. I was the one who encouraged him to, and then once he did his life was hell for a long time. I don't want that for you."

"I know, but how long ago was that? Twenty years? Times have changed."

"It's still not easy for gays, you know that."

"I do, but it's worth it to me. I was going to tell you because eventually James will admit it to his parents and when that happens, he'll need me more than ever. All of us. I want him to understand that it's okay."

"And it _is_ okay, I just...well, it's hard for any parent to hear, I'm sure. But I'm not angry or disappointed and I love you as much as I always did. I guess that's what's most important for me to tell you. You're still my son and I still love you and if you need me, I'm here. I don't know what else to say, honey, this is so foreign to me."

When she stopped at a red light, Kendall unbuckled his seat belt and leaned over to hug her. "Mom, that's all I needed to hear. I knew you'd still love me but...you're not disappointed in me?"

"I'm just worried. I'll always support you, and if James is what you..." She hesitated, then said, "About that."

He sat up, strapping himself in again. "About James?"

"Yes. I'm assuming you and James are...together?"

"Um. We are now."

"Okay, we need to set some rules, young man."

Kendall cringed. "I know. But we weren't, not until last night! It took me forever to wear him down, Mom! He fought it, didn't want to get into a relationship. He's so scared of his dad."

"I know, you explained all that to me. But since you two are now...whatever you are-"

"He's my boyfriend, Mom. My boyfriend. You can say it."

"Calm down, I wasn't judging you. I didn't know what status you two were at this point. So you're...dating?"

"We're boyfriends."

"Right, okay. I'm not sure how I feel about you two sharing a bed, considering you're...boyfriends."

"Well, if he moves in with us, he has no choice."

"There's always a couch, Kendall. Don't push it."

"You wouldn't make him sleep on the couch!"

"He'd probably be fine with that, just happy to have a place to go."

"Mom, you can't make him-"

"Kendall, I didn't say I would. I just want you to understand that I expect certain rules to be followed under my roof if your boyfriend is going to be there. Even for a night."

"Fine. Like what?"

"The door stays open."

"That's so unfair!"

"You're sixteen years old! If it was a girl, I'd expect the same thing. I wouldn't even have to tell you, you'd know that. Because it's a boy, I'm supposed to be okay with it?"

"Mom, we're not having sex!"

She slammed on the brakes, Kendall grabbing at the door in a panic.

"Mom, what the hell?"

"I'm...really having a tough time with this, Kendall. It seems like just yesterday you were winning your first hockey trophy and now we're talking about sex. Where did the years go?"

"Aww, Mom." Kendall sighed. "Come on, start driving again. We're almost at Heather's."

"Life just moves so fast. And does Heather know about you and James?" Mrs. Knight pulled forward again.

"I don't know. I'm gonna find out today. I'm nervous, she had a thing for me but then she told me to have fun with James and...that was the wrong thing to say right now."

"No, it's...I'm fine. _Did_ you have fun with James?"

Kendall's face turned red.

"I didn't mean...I just meant did it go well? You and James, did you have a good time? I mean...I'm just digging myself deeper."

"We had a great time, Mom," Kendall finally answered. "We talked a lot. He opened up about a lot of things and for James...I told you he doesn't like to talk about his feelings and stuff, right?"

"You did."

"Well, he doesn't but he did last night. It was awesome. He's scared, though. I don't want him to be scared."

"I'm sure he can't help that. He lost his girlfriend, might lose his family..."

"But he gained a boyfriend, and he knows I'm not leaving his side. At least I hope he does."

Mrs. Knight nodded. "Is he staying at the house until you get home?"

"I don't know. I told him you wouldn't mind if he did. Was that okay?"

"It's fine, but I'm sure it might be awkward for him. Does he know that I know?"

"Yeah."

"I imagine he'll probably be gone by the time I get home, then."

"I don't know, he was falling back to sleep when I left. He's so cute when he sleeps," Kendall grinned.

"This is going to take some getting used to. My son has a boyfriend." She scanned the house numbers after turning onto Heather's street, then frowned. "Kendall, have there been other boys? Back in Minnesota?"

"No. James is my first guy. Unless you count—well, you don't need to know about that. But he's my first."

"There were always girls asking you out at the hockey games, too. I thought you were crazy for turning them down. Guess there was a reason."

Shrugging, Kendall pointed at a house on the left. "That one, I think. And I had dates with girls, remember? They just...didn't do it for me. There's no one like James, Mom. He's amazing. I'll be right back." He stepped out of the van after his mom pulled up in front of the house, but before he could get far Heather was trotting toward them.

"Hey!"

"How's it going?" Kendall asked, her own smile bringing one to his face.

"Great!" She hugged him, of course, and he hugged her back, noting that she didn't seem uncomfortable at all. "Hi, Mrs. Knight!"

"I told you, it's Jennifer. Hi, sweetie."

Kendall insisted she sit up front, then he took the seat behind her and listened to the women chat a bit, his mind a whirlwind after the conversation with his mom. She still loved him, as he'd known she would, though he also knew she was going to have a rough time with this for a while. He imagined Carlos' and Logan's parents would, too, and was glad his own ordeal was done for the most part. His mother had dragged it out of him and they'd both survived.

When there was a break in the conversation, Kendall spoke up. "Did you still want to grab lunch after the lecture?"

"Sure, if you have time. James mentioned you guys were going to a game later?"

"Yeah, I just need to be at Carlos' house around one. Mom, can you pick us up at like 12:30?"

"Yes, we have plans with Heather anyway."

"Are we doing the movies?" Heather asked.

"Wait, you guys are going to the movies together?"

"No, we're watching movies at the house," Mrs. Knight replied. "You'll be out anyway."

"This is just weird."

Heather glanced back at Kendall. "Katie really wanted to see a movie I was telling her about, and your mom says it's one of her favorites, so we're having a girls' night. And it's so cool, because I don't ever get to do that."

"What, James doesn't watch girly movies with you?" Kendall teased.

"Not usually, no," Heather laughed. "Although this movie makes him cry every time. And don't either of you ever tell him I said that. He'd kill me."

"Aww, that is so sweet now that I know he loves ice skating!" Mrs. Knight exclaimed.

"Yeah, he gets choked up."

Now Kendall was curious. "What movie is it?"

"_Ice Castles_, honey. About a skater who's on the verge of her big break in the ice skating world and then has an accident on the ice and goes blind. Her dream is crushed until her boyfriend convinces her to try again, shows her she can have it all even though she's got such terrible odds against her."

"And she does it," Heather sighed. "She rises from the ashes and comes back better than ever. It's so romantic."

Kendall sat there slightly numb as he thought about James. _Of course it makes him cry. It's his life._ "Mom, do we own this movie?"

"I have it on VHS, it's from the '70's. I tried to get you to watch it as a kid and you told me it was too girly."

Heather giggled. "Really, Kendall?"

"I don't remember, give me a break! So James loves it?"

"It's his favorite movie. Though if you asked, he'd probably deny it."

"I saw him skate yesterday. He's incredible."

Heather spun around with wide eyes. "He skated for you?"

"Carlos and Logan were there, too, but...yeah. He even did a backflip. He's amazing."

"Isn't he? I've been trying to get him to get back into it, but he won't. His dad doesn't approve of ice skating."

"Yeah, we talked about that. What would it take to get him competing again?"

"Gosh, first he'd have to be open to the idea. His dad...well, there's a lot of stuff. But his dad made him quit. His coach kept trying to change his dad's mind, but his dad's a jerk. He's afraid his dad will kick him out if he starts skating again. Or does...other things."

Kendall met his mother's eyes in the rear view mirror. "So if he was open to the idea, then what?"

"Well, he'd have to talk to his coach and go from there. It would be a lot of work, though. He'd probably drop out of school."

"Drop out completely?" Mrs. Knight asked.

"I'm sorry, I worded that wrong. He'd have to be homeschooled. Have tutors help him with his studies, that sort of thing. And he'd probably graduate late, but he wouldn't care about that as long as he got to skate again. Do you guys know he won every single competition he ever entered? I don't know how he does it, he just...it's like it's in his blood, once the music starts he's a different person and nothing exists outside of that moment."

Kendall was nodding. "I saw some of that yesterday. I could watch him skate forever. He's so beautiful on the ice."

Heather smiled knowingly at Kendall and he realized what he'd said, immediately blushing, but she continued. "He could do it. It's been his dream to win the Olympics since he was nine. He skates all the time, stays after practice when everybody goes home. His dad thinks he's hanging out with me."

"So there's a local coach? He wouldn't have to like...move or anything, right?" The panic that idea caused in Kendall wasn't something he was proud of.

"I don't think so, but he'd travel to competitions and stuff, and the better he gets the farther he'll have to go. But there's no getting around his dad. That's the only real problem."

"But if he could. There's a coach. And...the schooling?"

"I'm not sure, but I think he can do it whenever. He and the coach would work out a schedule for that, along with the teacher. That all costs money, though, and his dad wouldn't pay for it. The whole thing costs money. A lot."

"I know someone who could tutor him," Kendall grinned. "Every subject. And he'd do it for free, too. Or ice skating lessons for Carlos."

"Kendall, you're serious. You want to make this happen."

"Don't you?"

"Yes! I've been wanting this for years! But he doesn't listen to me!"

"Oh, he listens to me. Mostly. We can do this, Heather. We can get him back on the ice."

They grinned at each other, excited, as the van stopped.

"Okay, you two, you've got about three minutes to get in there. Am I picking you up here?"

"No, at the restaurant right there." Kendall pointed to it for his mother's benefit. "Twelve-thirty."

"Have fun."

They jumped out of the van and headed inside, the lecture starting quickly after they were seated. There was no time to talk until it was over, and by then they were lost in the Potterverse, chatting excitedly about theories and opinions as they crossed the street to the restaurant. They were shown to a table and continued the Potter talk as they perused the menu, Kendall realizing how much he truly liked Heather and was grateful for the friend she had been to James when he needed one most.

They mentioned a few more of their favorite quotes and it gave Kendall the opening he needed. "So right after we met, you mentioned that you always tell James that Dumbledore quote about not dwelling in dreams. Is that related to the ice skating?"

Heather smiled. "Some of it. There was something else James has always dreamed about but never actually gone after. At least not until he met you."

"Okay, so we might as well get that out in the open. You know James is..."

"Yes." She leaned closer and said quietly, "And I know you two made out in his car. And...other things."

"What...other things?"

"He texted me last night. Asked me to break our plans for today."

"That little shit. He kept trying to get me to do that, too. Why is he so afraid for us to talk, Heather? If you know about him and me...which I imagine has to be hard. Unless you two weren't ever..."

"No, we never were. It was always a cover, Kendall. From day one. You have no idea what his father put him through before we started 'dating.' He was suspicious every time James even mentioned a guy's name and didn't want him to hang out with the hockey guys outside practice or the games."

"This guy sounds like someone who needs to be punched. Tell me more about his dad."

Heather sat back and sipped at her drink, and Kendall thought she wasn't going to answer but then she finally said, "I'd like to kill him. Slowly and painfully."

"Wow." Here was a side of Heather Kendall had thought to never see. "For _you_ to say that..."

"He's not a bad person in general. He's just a bad father. He's...well, okay, maybe he's kind of bad in general, too. He's completely homophobic. You can't even talk about it in front of him, someone being gay."

"Do you spend a lot of time over there?"

"Mostly we hang out at my house, but to keep up appearances we do stuff at his house, too. Dinner once a week, go to dances together, that kind of thing. I broke up with him, though, did he tell you? I mentioned it to Carlos and Logan."

"He didn't tell me, but they did."

"I knew he wouldn't."

"But why? I don't understand why he fought it for so long."

"Kendall, you have an incredible mother. I'm sure if you..well, wait. Does she know you're gay?"

"As of this morning, yes."

"Oh. Wow."

"Yeah. That conversation happened on the way to pick you up."

"Oh my gosh! Like right before I got in the car?"

"Pretty much."

Heather let that sink in, picking up a spoon for her soup before responding. "But see, that's what I mean. You told her right before I stepped into that car, and I couldn't even tell something monumental had happened. There was no awkwardness between you two, she didn't seem angry or upset or anything."

"She'd had all night to get used to the idea. And she did freak out a little bit."

"Well, of course, but nothing like what James' parents would do. He would've been left at the side of the road."

"What about his mom, though? How does she let his dad treat him like that?"

"She's..." Heather blew out a breath. "How to describe her? She's very sweet. Very proper. I know she loves James, she just doesn't know how to show it in the ways it counts the most. If I somehow ended up lesbian and my dad had a problem with it? My mom would knock him into next week and tell him to accept it or get out."

"Right? Why doesn't James' mom do that?"

"I don't know, Kendall. I've tried talking to her a little, feeling her out, but whenever we even get close to talking about anything her husband disapproves of, she clams up. It's sad. Like she's not even allowed to have an opinion."

Kendall chewed his food, thinking that over. "Did you say James texted you last night?"

"Yeah."

"When?"

"Around three maybe? I was half-asleep, it's all a blur."

"Three? Where the hell was I?"

"He said you were sleeping. And that you're really cute when you snore."

Kendall's eyes widened and he choked on his food. Heather was alarmed at first, then giggly when she knew he was fine.

"He said that?"

"He did. I won't tell you everything he said, but I will tell you this because I know he won't: you make him happy."

Melting a bit, Kendall said, "I do?"

"Yeah. He said it was the best day of his life, from the burger place to right then, with you sleeping next to him. He's so in love with you, Kendall. I see that, even if he can't admit it."

Kendall rested his chin on his hand, mind on the previous night. "He's got this thing. Every time I tried to move away, he held on tighter."

"I think he's afraid to be alone. No, I _know_ he is. When I broke up with him, he kind of freaked out. But if I hadn't, he never would've taken a chance with you."

"So I should be thanking you."

"I guess. All I want is to see James happy. I'm tired of him denying himself what he wants."

"I won't let him do that anymore. Trust me."

"Good."

Kendall wiped his mouth, considering something. "So you've never had feelings for James that were more than friendly?"

"Well..."

"Oh, no. I never meant to-"

"It's fine, Kendall. It was right after we first met, back in sixth grade. I had a crush on him. He was gorgeous and funny and always fought off the guys who were hitting on me. I thought it was because he wanted me for himself." She shook her head, chuckling.

"Even then he wasn't into girls?"

"Nope. I guess he's always known. Or at least once he was old enough to start thinking about that stuff."

"But surely there were dates before you guys got together. You started dating in high school, right? So that's a few years for him to try out girls and decide he didn't want them."

"No, he never did. We became best friends and I crushed on him hard and he was oblivious. I tried to kiss him on a field trip and he freaked. 'What are you doing? I can't kiss you!' It was so funny. Well, now it's funny. Back then it just hurt."

"Him and his kissing. 'No kissing. That's my rule.' He must've had a really bad kiss to say that."

"Sweetie, you were his first kiss. I thought you knew that."

"His first_ real _kiss maybe, but-"

"No. His first kiss _ever._ He swore—well, maybe I shouldn't give away all his secrets. Though it irritates me that he doesn't tell you these things."

"Oh, now you have to tell me. He swore what?"

"Just that the first person he kissed would be The One. He wasn't going to allow anyone to kiss him that he couldn't see himself marrying someday. Not that he ever dated anyone to even get close to that, but...you were his first."

Kendall's heart fluttered, at least until he remembered the situation. "But he didn't kiss me. I kissed him. He fought me off for a while."

"Doesn't matter. He said kissing you was amazing and he couldn't stop thinking about it."

"He did? When did he say that?"

"The night it happened. And I broke up with him after that because I knew he'd finally found someone worth his time. He just needed a little push to get him going."

Kendall sat back, mind filled with James. "What is he so afraid of, Heather? Is it a bad thing to love me?"

"Having you as a boyfriend is going to change his entire life. For the better, in my opinion, but remember what I said in the car? His dad really will kick him out if he finds out James is gay. I understand his fear in that, where would he go?"

"To my house. I already asked my mom. If that happens, he's got a place to live."

"Oh my gosh. Are you serious? Your mom would do that for him?"

"She'd do it for me. Because I love him. And she's just a nice person like that, can't stand to see anyone in need."

"Your mom is so great. I love my parents, they're great, too, but I don't think they'd be as accepting of everything as your mom is."

"Yeah, Mom's awesome."

As they finished their meal, Heather said, "If anyone can get him skating again, it's you. Do this for him, Kendall. Don't let him give up. He's wanted it for most of his life."

"It's gonna happen. Just gotta get him to accept it. Hang on, I think one of the guys is calling me." But it was James, and Kendall smirked as he answered. "Yes?"

"I'm picking you up."

"Oh, are you?"

"Yes. We're gonna drop Heather off and go to Carlos'. I already told your mom."

"Heather's not going home. She's going back to my place."

"I know. I've been talking to your mom."

"Oh. That's...good, right?"

"It's good, yeah. She's pretty cool."

"I know."

"So don't leave. I'm almost there."

"We'll be right here. And hey."

"What?"

"Missed you."

There was silence, then a sigh, and finally James answered. "Missed you, too."

Kendall grinned. "See you soon."

"Bye."

Kendall hung up, almost bouncing in his seat. "He's picking us up. He said he missed me, too."

Heather laughed. "Progress! I can't wait to get him alone and grill him. I bet he gushes to me about you."

"But that's not fair, why won't he gush to _me_ about me?"

"Because he's James Diamond. He can't let you know what he's thinking, that would be too scary."

"He's afraid to lose me, isn't he?"

"I'm sure he is. And while I think it's a groundless fear, I need to warn you that if you break his heart, you'll have me to deal with. I may be small and sweet, but if you hurt my Jamie I'll find a way to get you."

"You don't have to worry about that. The last thing I want is to hurt him or chase him away. And he told me this morning that you're always gonna be his best friend, so I hope you know he's not giving you up, either."

"That's...actually a relief to hear. I was willing to let him drop me, but I hoped he wouldn't. Actually, I was pretty sure he wouldn't, but...you know?"

"Yeah. A lot of changes happening right now, for everyone. Do you...did he tell you about Carlos and Logan?"

"Yes," Heather nodded. "I was a bit disappointed. Why are all the nice guys gays?"

Kendall laughed, reaching out to pat her hand. "Not all of them are, I promise. You'll find your guy someday."

"Hopefully soon, because I'm ready."

They stood to pay the check, Heather grabbing her purse and following Kendall to the register. "Thanks for everything, Kendall. This was fun. We should hang out again."

"We should. Even if James does call us nerds."

"He's just jealous because we're cooler than him," Heather teased.

Kendall's mind switched tracks. "So his coach. Does James still talk to him?"

"Yeah, he's always at the rink training the kids. Sometimes James skips hockey practice and helps him. Now _that_ is adorable to watch."

"Oh my god, he teaches little kids? I am so in love."

"If you can tear yourself away from hockey for a day, you can watch with me."

"I've never seen him skip hockey practice. Except that one day..."

"Well, of course he doesn't since you joined the team. It's time with you that he doesn't want to miss."

"Oh." That got Kendall smiling again as they walked outside to wait for James. "Does he even like hockey?"

"Yeah, sort of. He loves the competitiveness of it, loves the brutal side. And it gives him an excuse to hang out at the rink a lot. But he'd still rather be skating."

"I'm gonna talk to his coach tomorrow. See if he'd still consider training James. And there's my boyfriend," Kendall grinned, loving the sound of that.

James pulled up in front of them and Kendall opened the front door for Heather, who started to argue but then realized she was dealing with two gentlemen and wouldn't win, so sank into the passenger's seat. Kendall took the back and leaned forward between the seats to squeeze James' shoulder. He looked better than Kendall remembered, and how was it every time he saw James again he fell more in love? "Hi."

"Hey," James said hesitantly.

Kendall tilted James' face back and kissed him, James sighing into it and reaching out to keep Kendall there for a minute. "Missed you, too," Kendall whispered, and the relief from James was palpable. "Why are you so afraid I'm going to leave you?"

"My life is not easy, Kendall. There's gonna be a lot of shit to deal with, shit nobody deserves to go through. Especially not you."

"Guess what, boyfriend? You're worth it. I'm not going anywhere."

"Fuck, I love you." James unbuckled his seat belt and started to climb into the back, but Heather stopped him.

"Whoa whoa whoa! As happy as I am to hear all that and see you with a guy, this is not the place. We're kind of in the middle of the road here, guys!"

They stared at each other, the desperation to be alone heavy in their eyes, but James finally nodded. "Sorry, Heather. That's...not like me." James strapped himself in again and started driving.

"But it sure is awesome," she smiled. "Take me to Kendall's and maybe you two will have a little time to hang out before you have to be at Carlos'."

Kendall glanced at the clock. "Not likely. Sure you can't stay tonight, James?"

"I wish. Not on a schoolnight, Mom would put her foot down on that."

"Yeah, so would mine. She's cool, but not _that _cool."

"Actually, she_ is_ that cool. We talked a little. She told me if I ever feel like I can't handle it and need to just get away, I can go to your house. Anytime, day or night."

"She said that?"

"Yeah. She also told me about your talk this morning."

Kendall sighed. "The one where she slammed down rules about us not sharing a bed?"

"Oh, I got around that."

"What?"

"Sort of. The new rule is that we can totally share a bed, but not when we're alone. If Carlos or Logan isn't there, we have to sleep in the living room. If one or both of them is, we can sleep in the room _with _the door closed."

"How does that make sense? They're gonna be making out, too."

"She doesn't know that."

The light dawned and Kendall grinned. "Holy shit. You're a genius."

"Sometimes." James winked at Kendall in the rear view mirror. "So she figures we won't want to be rude and make out in front of them."

Kendall laughed, remembering Carlos and Logan on the ride home from the movies. "Yeah, they'll beat us to it. But eventually she'll figure it out, James. That they're gay, too."

"But think of all the blowjobs I could give you before that happens. Oh. Sorry, Heather." James blushed but she simply shook her head and snickered.

"You two are such horndogs."

"It's new for us, alright?" Kendall reasoned. "I'm sure in a year we won't be nearly as obsessed with blowjobs."

James frowned. "Do you really believe that, Kendall?"

"Hell no. I'm just trying to make Heather feel better."

"It's fine, you guys. As long as James is happy, you two can do whatever you want behind closed doors."

James smiled and squeezed her hand. "You're the coolest friend in the world, you know that? I would have probably killed myself by now if it weren't for you."

"That's not funny, James."

Kendall agreed. "No, it isn't."

"Who says I was joking?" James asked, and Kendall wanted to hug him tight. He couldn't even begin to imagine the hell James had lived through with a father who tried to smother everything James was. He reached out and laid a hand on James' shoulder, James immediately letting go of Heather to grab it.

"You've got both of us now, okay? I know you have a hard time talking about your feelings and stuff, but I'm always here for you. If you don't feel comfortable talking to me, talk to Heather. I'll understand. And you've got Mom and Carlos and Logan and so many people who care about you, James. We love you."

"Dude, I'm driving here," James said in a choked voice.

Heather smiled back at Kendall, her own eyes shining with tears. "I've waited so long for someone to love him, to see him as he really is and love him. Thank God for you."

"Stop," Kendall begged, his cheeks hot. "I can't help loving him. Even if he is a dick."

"You love my dick," James joked, and Kendall laughed hard.

"Yes, I do," he replied, and they smiled at each other in the mirror, both of them realizing how far they'd come.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

Finally got them through the weekend! Longest weekend in history, I swear. Next chapter will deal with all the changes in their lives that stem from the uh... "new horizons." It's not gonna be easy for James. That's okay, he's got Kendall now. :)

Taking a moment again to say thank you for the wonderful reviews. You guys will honestly never know how much they mean to me and the smile they bring to my face (sometimes flailing, too, which is awkward when I'm sitting in the breakroom at work and read them and my co-workers want to know what's got me so excited. I just answer "You know, Big Time Rush" and they say "Of course." They all know my crazy by now.) So thank you for helping me smile throughout the day.

* * *

><p>Heather hugged Kendall when they arrived at the Knight home, then James walked her into the house so they could talk for a few minutes, leaving Kendall alone in the car to think. So much going through his mind, but what stuck out most was <em>Fuck, I love you.<em>

It hadn't quite hit him at the time it was said, both of them wound up in hormones and the need to touch each other, to express their intense feelings through kisses at the very least, but now that Kendall had a quiet moment to ruminate, he realized what James had said.

_I love you._

He wondered if Heather was mentioning that very thing to James right now, making sure he understood what he'd said. Because for James, that was a big deal. Had Kendall even said it yet? No, he didn't think he had. He'd thought it, but never said it for fear of chasing James away.

_We talked about marriage. Surely love was insinuated there._

But hadn't that been said in a joking way? Or at least in the heat of the moment? It didn't matter. James had spoken the words and Kendall prayed he wouldn't return to the car in shutdown mode, pulling back because he'd said too much.

The second James was strapped into his seat, Kendall grabbed his hand and held on tight.

"Dude, I need to start the car?"

Kendall reached over with his right hand and did that for James. "Foot on the brake?"

"Yes."

Kendall shifted them into drive. "Go for it."

"What is with you? Now _you're_ afraid to lose _me_?"

"I'm always afraid to lose you. Afraid you're gonna run."

"If anyone's gonna run, it won't be me. Not since that first kiss. I was scared, but I knew I wouldn't be able to resist you anymore."

"I'm not running, either. So we're good on that? You get it now, that you're worth whatever shit we go through and I'm not dumping you for an easy fuck?"

James smirked. "I can be an easy fuck, too."

Kendall grinned and leaned over to kiss James properly, letting it go on long enough that they were both breathing heavy before pulling back. "We don't have time for this. Fuck. I can't wait to be alone with you."

"Not gonna happen anytime soon," James pouted.

"I know. Sucks. Do we have to wait until next weekend to do this again?"

"I'm sure we can sneak some time in somewhere during the week. There's always the hockey rink, our alone time after everyone else leaves."

"I love that time. You skipped out on me the other day, though, never showed. Probably knew I was going to kiss you if you showed up."

"Nah, I was enjoying time with Heather. We hadn't done that in a while. I was there at the rink, just not downstairs with you."

"I know, I saw you guys. Fucking killed me, seeing you laughing and happy with her."

"She's my best friend, dude. You know that."

"Not then, I didn't. She was your girlfriend as far as I knew. I would've given anything to make you look at me like that."

"Well. Now I look at you all kinds of ways I don't look at her. Does that work for you?"

"Mmm, James, I just want to be alone with you right now," Kendall whined.

"Too bad. You agreed to this, we're gonna go hang out with our buds." James finally pulled away from the curb, Kendall sitting back in his seat with a happy sigh. James was more excited about this than he let on.

_Our buds. Fuck, I love you._

* * *

><p>Kendall and James rode alone to the game, Carlos and Logan riding with Mr. Garcia. They met up in the parking lot, Kendall interested to see how the other two acted around Carlos' father. He noticed nothing different, but then again they'd always been close and Logan had always been the one to "take care" of Carlos, so the fact that they acted like a couple in many ways wasn't a red flag as it would've been with James and Kendall.<p>

James stayed at Kendall's side, an occasional hand on his arm or shoulder to guide him somewhere, and at one point when a pretty girl walked by and checked them both out, a long arm slid around Kendall's shoulders. He grinned, thinking he'd have James acting possessive like this all the time soon enough, but when he returned the gesture with an arm around James' waist, James dropped his arm. Of course, the threat was gone by then. Still, it made Kendall ridiculously happy.

Once seated in the stadium, Mr. Garcia passed Carlos some money and told him to hit the snack bar. Logan grabbed the money right out of his hand. "I got this." He gestured with his head that Kendall should join him.

"I'm gonna go with Logan, I think he's dying to tell me something," Kendall said quietly into James' ear.

James nodded, but pulled Kendall close again before he stood up and said softly, "I wanted to whisper in your ear so you get hard the way I did just now."

And of course it worked, Kendall's body waking up the second he felt James' lips at his ear. "Tease," he whispered.

"You knew that."

"Fucking love it."

"I know you do," James grinned, shoving Kendall away to follow Logan before moving into the seat Kendall had vacated so he and Carlos could catch up.

Kendall was surprised by Logan taking him aside and hugging him as soon as they stepped out of the seating area. "Whoa. Hi." Kendall hugged him in return, patting him on the back before stepping away.

"Sorry, I just feel like I haven't seen you in weeks."

"I know, right? It's weird, we hung out yesterday."

"Things are different now, on both sides. I'm not complaining, I finally have what I want."

"So do I."

"But we haven't really talked in forever."

"It feels like that. Aww, Logan missed me."

"Shut up." Logan blushed and punched Kendall in the arm, then they started moving toward the snack bar. "You're the first person I've ever been able to talk to about Carlos, and there's so much I want to say but we never get any time alone."

"Yeah, I talked to Heather some this morning, but...she's not a guy. Plus, she's James' ex-girlfriend, so that's kind of weird. She's totally for us being together, though. James even kissed me in front of her."

"Wow, really?"

"Yeah. She's happy because James is happy. And right now she's at my house watching movies with my mom and sister. It's...that's weird, right?"

Logan shrugged. "Kinda, I guess. But they did hang out at the mall yesterday."

"I know, but...how does it go from her being my enemy's girlfriend to hanging out with my family like she's a sister or something?"

"James isn't your enemy anymore. That's a big change."

"And it turns out they were never really together. She's known he's gay for years and they pretended to date for James' dad. I guess he made James' life hell before James got a 'girlfriend.'"

"Damn. Does that mean his life's going to be hell again now that he doesn't have one?"

"Most likely. His dad will probably kick him out when he finds out about me, and then James is gonna live with us."

Logan stepped into line and then did a double-take. "Wait, what? He's moving in with you?"

"If he gets kicked out, yeah. Damn, we really _haven't_ talked in forever. So much has happened."

"And your mom's okay with that?"

"She'd rather it didn't happen, but if it does he's welcome in our home. Oh, and from now on when James stays at my place, you and Carlos have to be there, too. It's the only way we're allowed to share a room."

"You and James? Shit, Kendall, does she know?"

"Mom knows everything. But she doesn't know about you and Carlos, and the longer we keep that from her the better because once she _does_ know, we'll all have to sleep in the living room and risk either her or Katie walking in on us."

Logan crossed his arms over his chest, mind processing all the new information.

"Do either of_ your_ parents know?" Kendall asked.

"No. We decided to keep it a secret for a while still, because once they know...well. Look what happened with you. How did your mom take it?"

"Not great, but it could've been so much worse. She told me she still loves me and is there for me, which is what I needed most."

"Yeah. That's pretty much how I predicted she would act. My mom will be the same once she gets over the shock."

"Carlos' parents?"

"No idea, dude. They're so traditional. Sometimes I get the feeling his mom knows, though. She'll say things like...last night. We were cooking dinner and she said 'When you make this for Carlos, remember that he can't handle too many onions.' You know, things that make it sound like we're gonna live together at some point in life. And that she's okay with it."

Kendall nodded, nudging Logan forward. "You guys don't really act any different now than you did a few days ago."

"In public, no. But we've always been close, I guess. Once the door is closed, though..."

"I can only imagine. You animal."

Biting his lip and blushing on cue, Logan shrugged. "What can I say? He makes me crazy. But it wasn't me who initiated things at first. He's the one who attacked me that first night, once we got to my house."

"Seems like forever ago, doesn't it? It was only like two days, dude."

"I know! It's crazy! He's so affectionate, too. I'm not used to that. I mean, he's always been affectionate in some ways, but you saw him yesterday when we were having lunch. Laying all over me and whatnot."

"His head was on your shoulder, Logan. That is not 'laying all over you.'"

"Might as well be! I'm terrified he's going to do something like that in front of his parents, or even his siblings. Those kids are sharp, they notice things."

"Have you two talked about it? About how careful you have to be?"

"Yeah. He tries hard. Like today during the game, he'll have to consciously think about not leaning on me or holding my hand. Of course, he tends to get wrapped up in the game, so he might forget I'm even there."

"Please. Like Carlos could ever do that."

That got Logan smiling. "He loves me."

"I know he does."

"What about you guys? Gonna keep it a secret?"

"It's up to him, like I said. Mom knows, but I'm taking my cue from him, because he's the one who's got the most to lose. I really want to meet his parents, but I'm afraid to ask. Heather says his dad doesn't like him to even talk about guys. Homophobic prick. Hey, order."

"Hmm? Oh." Logan stepped up to the counter and ordered enough food for the five of them, Kendall kicking in some money on top of what Mr. Garcia had put in. While waiting for their order, Logan asked, "Did you guys talk about the ice skating at all? He's incredible, dude."

"I know. And we talked some. I talked to Heather about it more than James. He's going to skate again. Professionally."

"He is? What about hockey?"

"Screw hockey. It's not his thing. I mean, he's good and I'll miss him on the team, but the skating is what he wants to do most. I need to get you two on the team."

Logan laughed. "You've seen us on the ice. Not gonna happen, Kendall."

"Hey, you're not bad. A little practice and you'd at least make a good reserve player. If you're that big an animal in the sack, I bet there's plenty of aggression stored up in there waiting to come out."

"Carlos can barely skate, though."

"Speaking of which. Logan. Buddy. Number one genius in my life."

"Uh oh. What do you want, Kendall?" Logan grabbed half the food, Kendall grabbing the rest as they walked back toward the seating area.

"If James needed someone to homeschool him while he's training, would you do it? He'd have to drop out of regular school and would need a full-time tutor."

"Me? Dude, I have enough on my plate with Carlos. Besides, I'm sure he'd need someone more-"

"What? Smarter? Knowledgeable about _everything_? He's not gonna find that. And the thing is, if his dad kicks him out, he won't be able to afford a real tutor. I have no doubt you can get him through graduation, though. There's no rush, as long as he's learning at a steady pace. We could all do homework together, the four of us, and you could do both him and Carlos at the same time."

"What about hockey practice?"

"He wouldn't be in hockey. And I could cut my practices down to every other day, just to keep up with my studies and have time with him. I'd help you, I'm not a complete moron. Between the two of us, we could keep both James and Carlos above water enough to get to graduation eventually."

Logan stopped walking as they neared their seats, wanting to finish the conversation. "What does James think of this?"

"He doesn't even know I'm planning any of this yet. I'm gonna talk to his old coach tomorrow, see if he'd still be willing to train James. If he is, then I'll work on James."

"You're planning all this out without even talking to him about it?"

"He wants it, Logan. More than anything. You saw him yesterday, it's where he belongs."

After thinking about it for a few seconds, Logan responded. "Talk to me later in the week, after you've convinced him. I'll think about it, figure out if it's even something I'm capable of doing."

"Did I mention he'd give Carlos free skating lessons?"

Logan's eyebrows rose. "Skating lessons?"

"Whatever Carlos wants. I just want him to be good enough to play hockey. If Carlos wants to learn more, that's up to him."

"Carlos does love to skate," Logan said fondly.

Kendall lifted an eyebrow and smirked. "See? We all end up happy."

"Not so sure about that. But let me know how it goes with James."

"Deal."

They returned just in time for the anthem, James and Kendall taking their original seats when it was done. Fifteen minutes into the game, though, Logan stood up. "Kendall. Trade with me. Carlos has hit me five times already with his flailing. And I can barely hear out of my right ear."

"It's not my fault I get excited about football! Kendall's over there yelling, too!"

This was true. Kendall hadn't been to a game in over a year and had forgotten how much fun it was, even if the teams playing weren't his favorite. So Kendall traded seats with Logan, leaving Carlos between himself and Mr. Garcia while Logan and James took the left seats. While the game went on, Carlos started working on Kendall, telling him about the team and the best players. Kendall knew most of that, at least, but enjoyed Carlos' enthusiasm enough to let him talk.

"Still not giving up my team, Carlos," he finally said.

"Maybe not today, but next time you'll be begging me to let you come to a game."

"What about you, James?" Logan asked. "You having fun?"

"I am, actually. I just don't quite...flail as much as those two. I love football, though."

"It's okay," Logan shrugged. "Never really been my thing. I come for Carlos."

James gave him a sidelong glance. "So I hear."

Logan's mouth dropped, a flush creeping up to stain his cheeks. "Dude!" he hissed.

James laughed, clapping Logan on the back. "You are so adorable."

"Not with Carlos' dad around, okay?"

"He's not even paying attention, they're all too focused on the game."

They returned their own attention to it for a few minutes, then Logan asked, "So from now on we're supposed to sleep over at Kendall's every weekend?"

"If you can. Otherwise we'll never get any time together."

"Don't know if our moms will go for that, but you guys can stay at our houses, too."

"Really?" James asked in surprise.

"Sure. Our parents love Kendall. They'd probably love you, too. Have you talked to Carlos' dad at all today?"

"Yeah, while you guys were out getting food. He's cool, kind of like Carlos all grown up."

Logan chuckled. "So you're saying that's what I'm gonna be married to in twenty years?"

"Maybe?" James shrugged.

"I really don't want to think about that. It creeps me out."

"I'm sure. But he's cool. You guys all have cool parents, don't you? What's your mom like?"

"Kind of a mix between Mrs. Knight and Mrs. Garcia. A little overprotective, but at the same time she lets me handle a lot of stuff because she knows I can. She was upset at first that I didn't take all the extra classes to graduate early. She didn't understand why I wouldn't do it. Did you even know about that?"

"No. You were gonna graduate early?"

"Yeah, the counselor had it all worked out, because my test scores were off the charts. She and the principal got with the superintendent and they wanted me to get all my credits in two years instead of four. If I had, I'd be in college right now."

"Damn. Why didn't you?"

Logan's gaze strayed to Carlos, who was currently bouncing out of his seat to yell a string of obscenities at the ref. Mr. Garcia might have reprimanded him had he not been doing the same thing, Kendall standing next to Carlos looking pissed as well. "I couldn't leave Carlos. He needs me. I tutor him every day, practically."

"Of course. And you like that, don't you? That he needs you."

"I shouldn't. It's not right. I was always so afraid he'd find a girl and not need me anymore."

"I don't think you have to worry about that. He's obviously crazy about you."

"Took him long enough to realize it."

"Yeah, but you could've made it happen sooner. You two weren't even kissing in my car until I said something."

"You're not one to talk, James. You and Kendall drove each other crazy for weeks before you finally gave in."

"It was different. Kendall doesn't need me like Carlos needs you. He was intimidating."

"Kendall? Intimidating? No, that was you."

"It was him, too. I'm just better at acting like I don't give a fuck."

"Glad you got past that. Kendall really cares about you, you know that? He'd do anything for you."

"I know that," James said softly, watching Kendall. "What I don't know is _why_."

"Why?"

"Yeah. Why me?"

Logan rolled his eyes. "Because he loves you, dumbass. I don't really know why or how, since you've only known each other a few weeks, but...he loves you."

"Has he actually said that?"

"Does he even _have_ to say it? If it's not obvious now, it's never going to be. The guy asked his mom to let you move in. People don't do that for just anybody, James."

James stood up suddenly and stepped past Logan to rest a hand on Kendall's shoulder. "Hey." When Kendall looked up, James nodded toward the exit. "I need to talk to you."

"Um. Okay." He glanced at Logan, who shrugged, then whispered to Carlos that they'd be right back. Carlos waved a hand, barely noticing, but the second Logan moved into Kendall's empty seat, Carlos smiled at him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Again, this was something they'd always done, though the look in Carlos' eyes might have been a little different.

"What's up?" Kendall asked as they entered the hallway, which was sparsely populated at the moment. James shook his head, pulling Kendall along by the wrist and searching as they walked, finally finding an unmarked door and testing the knob. Thankfully, it opened.

"Janitor's closet. Perfect." He dragged Kendall into the small room and closed the door, then spun to face Kendall.

"Everything okay?"

"I just really need to kiss you."

And then Kendall was pressed up against the wall, James' tongue in his mouth and his hands trapped above his head by James'. He kissed James back, unsure where this was coming from but not complaining and only hoping they weren't caught by some poor, unsuspecting janitor who might need an extra mop head. "James, fuck," Kendall whispered in between kisses, finally freeing his hands to run up James' back.

"Love you," James murmured, "love you. It's only been a few weeks, so I don't know how that's possible, how I can feel so much for you already. And I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I love you and I want to make sure you know that."

_Oh my god oh my god oh my god._ "I do. I know it. I was afraid you'd never know it, though."

"I know it. And I'm not good at saying it, but I needed you to know."

"James." Kendall still didn't know what brought this on, but he'd vaguely been aware that Logan and James were having a somewhat serious discussion and he imagined Logan had said something to spur James into this; he'd have to thank Logan later. "I love you, too, you know." He kissed James slowly, the fire dying down into a smolder between them as their lips communicated the words. Kendall sighed, eyes opening as he smiled against James' mouth. "You love me."

"Unfortunately."

"You're my boyfriend."

"Sadly."

"You've never been happier."

James' head dipped down for a second as he stepped back, biting his lip. When he looked up again, his expression was serious. "No. I haven't. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. Even though you still scare the shit out of me sometimes."

"_I_ don't scare you, right? Just...the situation?"

"No, you make me feel safe. What scares me is everything that will come from this. From dating you. My whole life is gonna change, Kendall."

"I know. And part of me wishes that wasn't the case, but...it's gonna be better. You'll be happier away from your dad, able to kiss me whenever you want. You won't have to hide it around my mom, you can hold my hand if you want or cuddle with me when we watch a movie. I know it's not gonna be easy, but I'm right here. You won't have to face any of it alone."

James pulled Kendall to him, clinging tight. "I love you so much."

Kendall couldn't help the grin, every time he heard that his lips stretched into a smile. "I love you, too. Mostly because you're sexy and give great blowjobs."

"Using me for my looks and talents, huh?"

"You know it. I'm also gonna make you teach Carlos to skate. Using you to get him on the team by next year."

"Carlos? Are you joking?"

"Nope. Together we can make anything happen."

James loosened his hold and tilted Kendall's chin up, rubbing a thumb over his lips as he stared into Kendall's eyes. "I believe you when you say that."

Kendall lifted up slightly to kiss James. "That's because it's true. I love you." He watched James melt, reminded of the way James had cuddled him close the night before.

"I love you, too."

* * *

><p>Kendall closeted himself in his mother's room after dinner that night, promising her he'd attack his homework as soon as the movie was done. It was strange to watch a movie sitting on his mother's bed rather than his own (or even in the living room), but she owned the only machine that played VHS tapes and had moved it back into her room after Heather left earlier that afternoon. Besides, as it was for James he was watching this movie, Kendall preferred to be alone to study it more closely without Katie or his mother questioning his every expression.<p>

He pressed play on the VCR and settled in, unsure what to expect but hoping this would somehow help him see deeper into James' mind.

The movie was old, that was much was certain. Of course he'd known that, but seeing it now and imagining James watch it somehow opened his eyes to a deeper part of James that warmed his heart. Tough (but admittedly scared at times) James appreciating this movie, which started with a piano song and featured a girl skating around on an ice pond in the woods...he wished James was here with him right now, wanted to hold James tight and experience it with him, but of course James wouldn't admit his love for this movie—not yet, anyway.

Or would he? Kendall felt he was close, so close to getting James where he wanted to be—free and happy and doing what he wanted with his life. He was only watching the movie to feel closer to James, to help him understand James better, but if he could learn something from it, all the better.

And then the music crescendoed into the chorus and Kendall's body tingled with goosebumps when he recognized the music and heard the lyrics. _"Since I found you...looking through the eyes __of love." _ He'd heard that once before, in a moment fraught with hormones and need, and it took him right back to the car with James' mouth on his and James' hand working his zipper down.

_Her ringtone. This is what he hears when Heather calls. A stupid love song._

Kendall knew better, though, knew that what James felt for him was on a different level. This movie was something they shared that was special to them, that was all. He shook off the sudden jealousy, remembering that even if by some miracle James did want Heather back, she wanted him to be with Kendall.

_Also, he loves you. He said it more than once, dragged you into a freaking janitor's closet just to make sure there was no doubt. The guy is so in love with you._

Smiling, Kendall returned his attention to the screen. A little way into the movie there was a scene where the girl and her boyfriend were rolling around in the snow together, and it made Kendall ache to do that with James. Why was there no snow here? Maybe he could take James back home one day, show him the snow and they could discover together how much fun it would be to make out there. Which led him to thoughts of fucking James on the ice and his mind drifted from the movie, at least until the scene changed.

_Hockey! Fuck yes, I can handle some hockey_.

So the boyfriend played hockey. For some reason that had Kendall grinning like a loon. He was the hockey-playing boyfriend to an ice skater, too. Already there were parallels and maybe James had always fantasized about having a boyfriend who played hockey. Oh, and the guy was a _good_ hockey player. Yeah, Kendall certainly filled out that fantasy, didn't he?

The girl wanted to be an Olympic figure skater and her dad was holding her back. She was already at an age where it was almost too old for her to try for the Olympics. Kendall was numb watching it, his heart crying for James.

_No wonder it's his favorite movie. No fucking wonder. She got out, apparently. With her boyfriend's help, she got there. _

Like James, she came alive on the ice, and of course outshined all the competition. While she didn't win her first contest, the crowd loved her, as they would love James. Kendall knew in that moment he would live to see James on the ice, live to see him bring down the house like that, would not rest until the love of his life had that chance for himself. The rest of the movie didn't even matter, it had given Kendall what he needed.

But it kept going, and Kendall listened to the girl talk about why she wanted to skate, how much it meant to her and what she felt when the crowd cheered. His heart ached for James again, especially when the girl's father gave in and let her go. James' father would apparently never do that.

There were more obstacles James would have to face due to his age and the fact that he hadn't proven himself over the years. The time he'd missed due to his father dragging him away had hurt his chances deeply. James would have to want this badly to make it work, dedicate his every waking breath to skating. That part scared Kendall a little bit, knowing he would become only a small part of James' life, but it was worth it to see James happy and living his dream, right?

As the girl moved into the world, she met new people. The fame was bringing her attention from admirers. Again Kendall felt that fear of losing James so soon after finding him, especially as he watched the boyfriend fade into the background of her life. _ This will happen. His entire world will become skating. Can you stand to lose him?_

But every time they showed the girl on the ice, skating her heart out and so happy, Kendall knew he could stand it. He would, for James. And he would wait if he had to, follow his own hockey career and one day maybe they would meet again, after they'd each lived their dream, they'd come back to each other and finally be what Kendall needed them to be.

And who was this guy that kept kissing her hair and shoulders and sliding his arms around her? Kendall wanted to punch that guy, who just wanted to get into her pants. She had a boyfriend back home, one who loved her with all his heart and _oh now they're kissing? Fuck that, gonna kill that guy, nobody touches her._

Kendall almost turned the movie off then, realizing he was getting too wrapped up in it and superimposing himself and James over the characters, but then he remembered his mother saying the boyfriend helped her come back from her darkest hour.

_That's right, asshole. Who's there for her when she needs someone most? Her boyfriend back home. So you just back the fuck off._

She won her first major competition and the boyfriend was there, then watched her kiss the new guy. Kendall's eyes filled with tears as the boyfriend's heart was crushed, and he hated himself for ever putting this movie on. It would happen, James would move on from him; he would miss Kendall, but there might not be room for Kendall in his new life. But it was worth it. That was the bottom line, that was what Kendall needed to remember. Anything for James.

Kendall would not rest until James Diamond lived his dream.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

This is still moving slowly, but there's a lot that has to happen to get James where we want him. Thanks for reading, guys and again—the reviews always make me smile.

Also—Happy New Year! I can't even begin to imagine what this year will bring for BTR.

* * *

><p>Nothing would ever be the same again.<p>

The first "new" thing in their lives took place early the next morning, when James and Heather picked Kendall up on the way to school; Heather hopped into the backseat because she was the tiniest, so that when Logan and then Carlos squeezed in, there was enough room to fit somewhat comfortably. Kendall greeted James with a kiss upon climbing into his seat, and Carlos did the same to Logan. Heather was shushed each time she let out an "aww" sound, but she only grinned before pining for a love of her own.

"Someday," Carlos promised, patting her knee.

"Yeah, if anyone can get past Papa James. He doesn't like guys to even look at me."

James caught her eye in the mirror. "I worry about you. Guys are dicks. And if one ever breaks your heart, he's dead meat."

Kendall nodded. "True. He'll have to deal with all of us. And probably Katie, too. All I heard about during dinner is how cool you are."

"Aww, she's so sweet!"

Kendall, Carlos, and Logan all made disbelieving noises. "Yeah, she's got you snowed," Kendall tossed back.

"No, I see the little evil streak in her. I wish I'd been so bold when I was her age. Instead I was afraid to say anything that might offend someone."

"You still are," James commented. "But we love that about you, mostly. Sometimes, though, I wish you'd stick up for yourself more."

"I've got four 'brothers' now. I think I'll be fine."

"Aww," Logan and Carlos chorused, each leaning in to kiss her cheek. She laughed and hugged them to her.

"I love you guys."

Kendall glanced over at James, wondering if this was weird for him at all, sharing Heather. He was happy to find James smiling as he drove and reached over to squeeze James' hand. James turned the smile on him, and Kendall's heart flipped over. "Love you," he whispered.

James returned his focus to the wheel, but squeezed Kendall's hand in agreement.

* * *

><p>The second new thing surprised Kendall, Logan, and Carlos all at the same time. They were chatting in the cafeteria, Logan munching on the chips Mrs. Knight had sent along for him while Carlos detailed a motorcycle crash he'd seen on "COPS" the night before. Kendall hadn't been able to help the occasional glances he sent over to James' table, wishing James was next to him instead of Brock and Heather but understanding why James wasn't. <em>After school<em>, he kept telling himself. _I still have practice with him, and then after practice maybe we can get some kissing time in. I bet he'll drive me home. Maybe we can make a side trip to the park for a little bit._

He was laughing at Carlos' imitation of a drunk guy he'd seen (another moment from his beloved show) when Heather slid onto the bench next to Logan. "Hey, guys!"

Before Kendall could react, a long body slid in next to him, as well. "Got room for one more?" James reached into Kendall's lunch bag and came out with the little packet of fruit snacks, ripping into it.

_Oh my god, what are you doing here? I fucking love you so much._ It was crazy how something as simple as James sitting next to him could make his heart race. "Hey."

"Hi. It's hard to hate you from so far away, you know."

Carlos and Logan smiled at them, Logan shaking his head. "I will never understand you two."

Kendall leaned into James, who didn't move away as he said, "You don't have to. We understand each other perfectly."

Heather started with the "aww" sound again and they all shushed her. "Let us retain some dignity," James begged.

"So this is okay, guys? Me and James joining you?"

"It's fine with us!" Carlos exclaimed.

"We're not exactly the cool kids," Logan reminded her.

Heather rolled her eyes. "Please, you're the coolest guys I know." She dug into her food again, finishing what was left of it as she chatted with Logan about the upcoming science fair, which she feared would result in a poor grade for the semester. Carlos used the distraction to snag some of Logan's chips.

"Your friends are okay with this?" Kendall asked James.

"You guys _are_ my friends."

"I know, but...they are, too."

"I don't really know how to explain this," James started, "but they're different. I've had friends all my life, but none I ever really felt close to. Except Heather, of course. You guys are...I don't know. Better, somehow."

Kendall smiled. He knew _exactly_ what James meant. They'd finally found a family.

* * *

><p>In chemistry, Kendall worked with both James and Carlos during the lab. Mr. Young glanced at them off and on, ready for an explosion, but by the end of the period he'd relaxed—even he could tell something had changed.<p>

They rode together to the rink after dropping Heather off at her place and Carlos and Logan at Carlos'. Both were eager to get back on the ice and release some of their pent-up tension, and they worked on plays that Kendall had come up with during the last team practice. Those who were there commented on the new dynamic and how awesome it felt to play knowing they had a chance at winning now, even Brock admitting that the changes seemed to be working out better. While James and Brock were still the ones in charge, so to speak, they stepped back to let Kendall guide the plays and put new strategies into effect.

Finally the last person left, both James and Kendall watching until Brock had made it up the stairs. Completely alone in the bottom half of the center, they flew at each other, sticks clattering down as Kendall tackled James to the ice. Their helmets kept getting in the way, making it difficult for Kendall to kiss James as deeply as he wanted to, so he ripped his off before going in again, James' fingers making their way to Kendall's hair and twisting in it. "Missed you," Kendall breathed, and James nodded.

"Hurts when I move sometimes, those damn hickeys you gave me haven't faded. Think about you every time my shirt rubs me wrong."

"You love it. Just like I do when it happens to me."

James rolled them over so that Kendall was on his back, grinding into him. "I'm so cold but so hot. Fuck, Kendall, wanted to attack you the moment you stepped into my car this morning."

"Wanted you to. Wish we were alone right now."

"But we are," James smirked, leaning down to suck at Kendall's neck. "I'm gonna give you a big-ass hickey right here, make sure Maggie and Christine know you're taken."

"Maggie and...what?" Kendall pushed James away enough to look into his eyes. "The girls in chem?"

"Yes! They were staring at you the whole period today! I almost clocked them both."

"I think you're imagining that." But Kendall found it adorable.

"Nope. Ask Carlos. When you walked by their table on the way to the cabinet, they were giggling and smiling. Carlos had to hold me back."

How had Kendall missed all this? "You know, there's an easy fix for that. All you have to do is kiss me in public a few times. Everyone would get the hint."

"Don't tempt me."

Kendall grinned, hands sliding up under James' shirt. "Do it. Fuck, nothing would make me hotter."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Not even if I stripped you right here and fucked you?"

"James, fuck!" He knew James wouldn't do it, they'd both agreed they weren't ready for that step, but that fantasy about sex on the ice was still heavy in Kendall's mind. "Someday, James. Someday."

The lights flickered a few times and James groaned. "Now? Does it have to be today?"

"What was that?"

"It means they're closing early to do maintenance stuff. They do it about once a month, kick everybody out. Damn, I've been looking forward to this all day. We spent too much time talking."

"We did. And not enough time getting hot, because fuck this ice is cold."

"We'll try harder next time. Come on." James stood up, reaching out a hand to help Kendall, and they skated off the ice to get rid of their gear. "What time does your mom usually go to bed?"

"Mom? Depends. Usually between ten and eleven, why?"

"Want to sneak out for a date tonight?"

Kendall paused while pulling off a skate. "A date?"

"Yeah. Just for an hour or so."

"Tell me more."

James chuckled as he tied his shoes. "I have keys to this place. We could sneak in and spend some time alone, after everyone goes home for the night."

"You have keys? How did you manage that?"

"My old coach is part owner of the center. He gave me the keys after Dad made me quit, hoping I'd come down and keep skating anyway, for practice. I think he always hoped I'd come back one day. Officially."

_Shit. I was going to talk to your coach today. Forgot all about it._ "Do you do that sometimes? Come down at night?"

"When I can't sleep, yeah. A couple times after Dad and I got into it, I stayed the night here."

"Jesus, James. What do you guys fight about besides the gay thing?"

"Stupid shit. He thinks I should do my hair different, wear different clothes...anything to make me less pretty. And he wanted me to go out for football, but I told him I'd rather do hockey."

An employee called out to them from the staircase, and James nodded. "We'll be out in a few minutes!" To Kendall he said, "Shoes on. We gotta get out of here."

Kendall got moving again, but his brain was still going. "I thought he was okay with hockey."

"He is, but he'd rather I wasn't down here at the rink all the time. He knows if I'm here, I'm gonna figure skate. That's why I have to lie to him sometimes and say I'm at Heather's."

"Does he know? About you and Heather?"

James stood up and grabbed his gear, not meeting Kendall's eyes.

"Hey, I understand. I'm not trying to pressure you, but you'll have to tell him eventually."

"I know. It hasn't come up yet. I think I'm gonna talk to my mom tonight, though."

"About Heather?"

"About...everything."

"You want me to be there? I will. I'll be right there, standing next to you when you tell her, if you want."

"I know," James smiled. "But with her I'm good. Maybe. I don't know, we'll see what happens. Come on." James grabbed Kendall's hand and pulled him along, linking their fingers.

"Why don't they come to the games? Even your mom."

"I guess because my dad doesn't really approve of hockey. I mean, it's way better than figure skating in his eyes, but coming here he'd have to be around people who used to watch me skate and think I still should. Mom...I don't know. It hurts that she doesn't come, but I've never asked her to."

_Fucking gonna kill those people when I meet them. Do they have any idea what they're doing to their son? _ As they reached the top level, Kendall scanned the place. Only a few people were milling about, including one little girl who was listening intently to something an older man with slightly graying hair was saying. She nodded, then waved goodbye before rushing to her waiting mother. As they passed, the little girl waved at James with a huge smile, and he waved back. "See you later, Annie!"

"Is that your coach?" Kendall asked, referring to the older man.

"Yeah."

Just then the man saw James. "Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you. Got a second?"

"Sure, if they don't kick us out."

"Are you forgetting I own the place?"

"True," James laughed.

Kendall followed James over, surprised James hadn't let go of his hand yet.

"I saw your game on Saturday. Proud of you, James. You guys might actually have a chance now, with that new kid."

"You mean _this_ new kid?"

The coach looked at Kendall and laughed. "Yes, this one! Sorry, I didn't recognize you without your helmet."

"It's cool," Kendall grinned. He reached out his right hand. "I'm Kendall."

"Hi. Stephen. You're the best thing that ever happened to that team."

"Thanks. From what I hear, you and I have a lot in common. I'd love to see James skating again."

"Oh, here we go," James blushed. "If this turns into a 'Let's praise James' fest, I'm out of here."

Stephen rolled his eyes. "You know, kid, I remember the days when you couldn't hear enough good things about yourself. You got out there and _owned_ the ice, and knew it. Flaunted it. Nobody could touch you."

"Yeah well, shit happens."

"Shit doesn't have to happen, James." Kendall pulled James back against him with an arm around his waist. "You control your destiny."

"I like this kid. He's smart. Listen to him, James."

"We need to go." Just like that, James shut down. Kendall knew it had to hurt being assaulted with memories of a time he was free to be himself.

"Nice meeting you, Stephen. We should talk sometime. About James."

"I'm sure he'd hate that, but yes. We should."

James dragged Kendall away with a sigh. Reaching into his pocket, Kendall pulled out his phone and let it fall lightly onto a bench they passed. When they reached the door, he felt his pocket and pretended to panic. "Oh shit. My phone. I lost my phone."

"What? How did you lose your phone?"

"I don't know, it must have fallen out of my pocket."

"It's probably downstairs."

"Can you go check? I'll look around up here. Thanks!"

Once James had disappeared, Kendall rushed back to Stephen, grabbing his phone along the way. "Hey. Hi. So I'm gonna get James skating again and I really need your help. There's a lot I don't know and I don't even know if it's too late or what but if he's willing, can you do it? Would you take him on again?"

"Are you kidding? I tell him almost every day to try again. I haven't given up, even though I probably should have years ago."

"Awesome. So maybe tomorrow we can talk? I'll be here for practice anyway. I'm gonna work on James some more tonight."

"You got it. Is his dad still an asshole?"

"Yes. But I think James is getting to a point where he's willing to defy his dad." Kendall glanced toward the stairs, knowing James wouldn't be long.

"The fact that he's walking around holding hands with you leads me to believe the same thing. I take it you two are together?"

Kendall grinned. "Yes. He's my boyfriend."

Stephen grimaced, considering his words before speaking. "Kendall, do you realize his dad swore to kick him out if he ever caught James figure skating again? Or with a boyfriend?"

"I know. He's gonna live with me if that happens." Spinning around again, Kendall saw James approaching. "So tomorrow we can talk."

"I'll be here."

"Found it!" Kendall called out, holding the phone up.

James' eyes narrowed. "You little shit. You never lost it, did you?"

"Yes I did, it was on the bench. I must've dropped it when we walked by."

"Motherfucking...Kendall, give it up! I'm not gonna skate again! It's too late! Stephen, tell him it's too late!"

To Kendall, Stephen said, "It is absolutely not too late."

"Ha! See, James? Because you've been keeping up with it, there's still a chance."

"It's not gonna happen, guys. That dream died a long time ago."

Grabbing James' hand, Kendall led him toward the door again. "Then we make a new dream. In this one, you go on to win the Olympics while your hockey-playing boyfriend stands by your side and helps you get there."

James couldn't help but laugh. "My hockey-playing boyfriend. Fuck, I love you."

"Isn't that another of your dreams? The hockey-playing boyfriend?" Kendall hinted. James shrugged, but there was a tiny smile at his lips and Kendall knew he'd been right about the movie giving James that idea. "We can talk about it more tonight. On our date."

"Yeah? You really want to sneak out with me?"

"Like I'd turn down the chance to make out with you in a place where no one can come in and catch us? I'll have you naked in five seconds."

James held the door for Kendall. "I can't wait."

* * *

><p>Their goodbye kiss turned into an hour-long make-out session in the car, surprising neither of them because they'd been holding it in all day. Kendall's mother finally called his cell phone, having seen the car pull into the driveway what seemed like ages before.<p>

"And you wonder why I want your door open," she commented as Kendall walked by on the way to his room.

"Give me a break, Mom, we've hardly kissed all day."

He showered and then worked on homework until dinner, returning to it right after in an attempt to keep his mother happy. Of course his plan of sneaking out tonight worked against that, but he wasn't about to pass up an opportunity to spend more time with James.

He and James texted back and forth until she'd gone to bed, and then James gave it a half hour before driving over. Kendall was ready, moving quietly through the dark living room until Katie's voice halted him, almost giving him a heartattack.

"Are you sneaking out?"

_Shit._ "You scared me! What are you doing sitting out here in the dark?"

"Playing my game. Mom took it from me but I found it."

"Why aren't you playing it in your room?"

"If she gets up to pee, she'll peek into my room and catch me. She won't come out here. Where are you going?"

"None of your business." Kendall heard a car outside and sighed. If he left, Katie would have this over him; he wasn't afraid she'd tell, he feared what she would ask of him to keep the secret.

"Are you going out with the guys? I want to go!"

"No! Katie, can we talk about this later? I have to go."

"Oh, we'll talk." Katie gasped, a hand flying to her mouth. "Are you sneaking out with Heather? Please, Kendall, make her my sister!"

"Shhhhh! No! I have to go!"

"Then who? It's the guys, right? Or is it just James? Dude, are you and James a thing or what? You look at him funny."

"Katie..." This really wasn't the time for that conversation. "Tomorrow, okay? Please, keep this to yourself."

"Go already. But we're totally talking tomorrow. And you guys are taking me to that burger place."

"Fine." Kendall's phone buzzed, James wondering where he was. "I gotta go."

Once safely in the car, Kendall let out a breath.

"What happened? You were leaving five minutes ago."

"Katie happened. She's gonna bribe us into shutting her up."

"Damn. Oh well, you're worth it." James reached over and squeezed Kendall's hand with a smile, then met his lips for a kiss before pulling away.

"I love it when you say things like that. Never thought I'd hear those words from you." Kendall leaned back in the seat, stretching out some.

"You won't hear it often when other people are around."

"That's fine. Alone with you is good."

"Always good," James grinned, waggling his eyebrows up and down.

Staring at James' profile, Kendall commented, "Katie says I look at you funny."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. She asked if we're a 'thing'. Because I look at you funny."

"I think it's called 'love.' Is love funny?"

"Apparently."

"Then I hope we never stop laughing."

This was one of those moments Heather would've "awwed" at them, and Kendall had a hard time not doing it himself. As it was, his face had that goofy smile on it again that only James seemed to bring about. Knowing if he didn't change the subject he'd attack James before they got even halfway to the rink, Kendall cleared his throat and asked, "Did you talk to your mom?" He hadn't wanted to text about that, thinking it would be better to discuss it in person.

"Sort of."

Nothing else was offered, James changing lanes to pass a slow-moving car and acting as if the discussion was finished. Kendall didn't want to press, knowing how difficult it was for James, but after a few minutes of silence he couldn't help himself. "And?"

"And...I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"She just...I started with the skating. Not that I'm planning to get back into it or anything, because having you in my life is bad enough, but I told her I talked to Stephen today and he said it wasn't too late if I wanted to try again."

"What do you mean, I'm bad enough?"

"With all the changes it's gonna bring. Not saying you're bad, calm down," James soothed.

"Oh. And what did she say?"

"She asked why I would do that. Why I would even bring it up when I know what my father would say."

Kendall waited, hoping James would offer more. When he didn't, Kendall laid a hand on James' thigh and squeezed, trying to communicate encouragement. It worked.

"I told her he can't run my life forever. That I'm sixteen years old and even though I'm still a kid, I'm almost an adult. And that even if he ruined my shot at the Olympics, there are still other things I want that I'm gonna take. That scared the shit out of her, you should've seen her eyes. She knows what I meant, probably has been dreading this day for years."

"And you didn't...tell her? About me?"

James sighed. "I couldn't. I'm sorry. I will, I just...tonight I couldn't. She was already so scared."

Kendall nodded, squeezing James' leg again. "It's okay. You said a lot more than I expected you to. We've got time."

James linked his fingers with Kendall's. "Not going anywhere, right? We agreed on that?"

"We did." He lifted their hands and kissed James'.

"Stop that, why do you do that?"

"What? I can't kiss your hand?"

"It's...god, you're so..."

"What?"

James snatched his hand back as he pulled into the parking lot and drove around to the rear entrance, where the car wouldn't be seen from the street. After shutting the car off he dragged Kendall in and kissed him hard, Kendall smiling through it at first because apparently James loved the hand-kissing so much he hated it. _Just like in the beginning. Loved each other so much we couldn't stand it._ When he pulled back, he asked, "You still hate me sometimes, don't you?"

"Only because I love you."

Kendall grinned. "You love the hand kisses."

"It's so..." Shaking his head, James let it drop.

"It's what?"

"Let's get inside."

"No, it's what?"

"It's romantic, okay? Next thing I know you'll be bringing me flowers. And no, that's not an invitation to do that!"

"Oh, are roses good?"

"Shut up," James glared, and Kendall laughed as he followed James into the center. James was totally getting roses on their next date, and Kendall knew that no matter how much he complained, James would secretly love them.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

Taking a moment again to say thank you for the wonderful reviews. You guys will honestly never know how much they mean to me and the smile they bring to my face (sometimes flailing, too, which is awkward when I'm sitting in the breakroom at work and read them and my co-workers want to know what's got me so excited. I just answer "You know, Big Time Rush" and they say "Of course." They all know my crazy by now.) So thank you for helping me smile throughout the day.

* * *

><p>Kendall had assumed James would be all over him the second they were inside, but instead James sent him to find skates for them (having left his own in the car) and disappeared for a few minutes. While Kendall was digging for the right sizes behind the dimly-lit rental counter the lights came on over the ice, then music was piped out into the place. When James returned to find Kendall taking a seat on one of the benches, Kendall asked, "What happened to having me naked in the first five minutes?"<p>

James dropped onto the bench next to him. "That was _your_ idea for _me_. And it could still happen. Give me those."

They laced up quickly, Kendall still seated as James glided out onto the ice, the colored lights playing over his body in succession to the music.

"You coming or what?" James asked.

"Yeah, I just love to watch you skate."

James rolled his eyes but then spun around slowly, arms out as his moved gracefully.

"You're beautiful out there. You really don't know that, do you?"

"I used to be. Now I'm big and clumsy."

"Big and...are you kidding me? Okay yeah, big, but still beautiful. And you don't have a clumsy bone in your body."

"Will you just get out here and skate with me? I even picked sappy love songs for your girly ass."

Kendall giggled but stood up to join James. "You're so romantic, James," he teased.

"I do this for you."

"Sure. And you hate it, don't you?" Taking James' hand, Kendall started skating, loving it when James pulled him closer.

"It's...I've had worse experiences."

But James was happy. His cheeks were rosy, his eyes were dancing, and there was a smile at his lips that wouldn't die as they glided around the rink, James' arm resting lightly at Kendall's waist. Kendall thought back to that day he'd seen James and Heather in this same place, laughing and with James' eyes dancing the same way, and the longing he'd felt for a moment like that with James. Less than a week later, he had it.

Sighing in contentment, Kendall placed his hand over the one at his side. "Sometimes I still can't believe you're mine."

"Yeah, it's pretty amazing, isn't it?"

Kendall spun around to skate backwards, James closing the distance so they could kiss as they moved. Soon enough the kiss wasn't enough and James lifted Kendall off the ice, Kendall wrapping his legs around James as he had that first time while James continued to skate them around slowly.

"You're heavy," James finally commented, but when Kendall moved to lower his legs, James kept them there. "I wasn't complaining."

Kendall kissed him again, wishing they could stay the night and that real life wasn't so _real_. School and homework and parents needed to just go away for a while, leave the two of them alone to enjoy what they'd found together after a few years of searching for it (even if James hadn't been actively searching). "I wish we could do this every night."

"I'd love to, but I think your mom would catch on eventually. She's not stupid."

"What about your parents? They don't check on you?"

"Dad sure as hell doesn't. And if he did, he'd assume I was at Heather's."

"But that's not going to happen much longer, right?"

"Nope."

That was a good sign. "And your mom?"

"I think if she discovered me missing, she'd rather not know where I am."

"She does know, though, doesn't she?"

"Maybe. She knows me well, we just don't..._talk_ about this side of my life. Like I said, she'd rather not know."

"When are you planning to tell her?"

"I don't know. Soon, I guess."

"And your dad?"

James sighed, setting Kendall down. "I really don't know, Kendall. I will, though, okay? I'm working up to it."

"Okay. I'm sorry. I don't mean to push."

"Yeah you do, but I know it's only because you want to see me happy. And probably because you want me to move in with you."

Kendall laughed, grabbing James' hand again. "Can't argue that. So...about you and figure skating."

"Here we go," James complained.

"Stephen did say it's not too late. Though the window is probably closing, so you should get on that."

"Kendall, I'm not that good anymore."

"Bullshit. We saw you."

"You saw a few moves. And a backflip. Big fucking deal."

"And I know there's a lot I haven't seen. Even if I didn't know that, Stephen seems to think you still have what it takes. His opinion is what really matters."

"You have no idea what you're asking. It's so much more involved than you can begin to imagine, Kendall."

"You'd have to hire a tutor, quit school. I know that."

"And my dad wouldn't pay for that, so it's not even worth talking about."

Kendall wasn't ready to give up yet. "If you had that, though, someone who would do that for you...what else is involved?"

"I'd train full-time. Every single day. And Stephen would have to bring in someone else to help him with the kids because I'd take up most of his time."

"I'm sure he could arrange that, and would do it willingly."

"Once I start competing, I'll travel a lot. And I'll quit the team. You have to understand that and be okay with it."

Kendall didn't miss that James had gone from "I would have to" to "I will." Just like when James talked about Kendall as if they were together _before _they were together, he was talking about this as if it was going to happen. Hope flared in Kendall. "I'm sure the coaches would hate to see you go, but it's not like there isn't someone to replace you as captain."

"Oh, I get it. This whole thing has been part of your evil plan to take over the captain position, hasn't it? You've been planning this from the start! I bet you don't even love me, it's all part of your evil scheme."

For a second Kendall thought James seriously believed that. "No, James, I swear I never-" Then he realized James was laughing and smacked him lightly. "Shut up. If you really think that, I might have to deck you. Then take you down right here and prove to you I'm serious."

"Oh, I want to hear more about that. How would you prove it?"

"Well, first I'd do this." Kendall tripped James, putting himself down between James and the ice to cushion James' fall. They hadn't been skating too fast, so the pain was only minimal.

"Fuck, are you okay?"

"Fine." He rolled James onto his back and straddled him, sitting up and moving in a way that had James gasping before letting out a groan.

"Quit teasing me." James pulled Kendall back down for a long kiss, one hand sliding between them to work at Kendall's belt. "When I live with you, we're gonna do this every night. We'll find a way."

_When I live with you. Not if, when._ One more thing James had already decided on in his mind but probably hadn't quite realized it yet. _He's going to tell him. And he's going to skate. Even if he is "big and clumsy." Dumbass, he knows better._

The thought wouldn't leave Kendall alone as they kissed and James' hand fumbled with his zipper. "Wait," Kendall interrupted.

"Wait? No. No waiting." James' lips found his again.

"Yes, James, wait." Kendall sat up again, taking a calming breath. James had a way of scrambling his brain. "I want to see you skate."

"You _have_ seen me skate."

"No, _really_ skate. Like...is there a routine you do or something? A song that you have something worked out to?"

Eyes ducking Kendall's, James replied, "Kendall, I haven't done anything like that in-"

"Bullshit. You must do something when you sneak out here at night. You've got a routine worked out, haven't you? At least one."

James shifted under Kendall, frustrated. "Can't we just make out? Why do you always want to talk?"

"Because I know I'm right." Kendall pushed himself off James, standing up and brushing ice off his jeans. "Come on. Show me what you can do."

"I'm really not in the mood to-"

"Please? For me? Show me? I'll bring you flowers on our next date..." he coaxed.

"Shut the fuck up," James laughed, taking the hand Kendall offered. "Keep your flowers. I don't need them."

"How about I toss roses at you while you do your lap around the ice? After your flawless performance. Isn't that what they do?"

"Now _those_ roses I'll take."

Kendall grinned. "I make no promises, but if you skate for me I might find a rose somewhere to throw your way."

"Please, you're not gonna find one here."

Defeated, Kendall begged, "Do it for me anyway?"

James closed his eyes and then rubbed his face, frustrated again, and Kendall thought he'd pushed it too far. He waited, though, and finally James pointed to one of the benches. "Sit your ass down. I don't want to hear a word until I'm done, do you understand? In fact, I don't even want to hear a word then. Just sit there and watch and never speak of it again."

With a bright smile, Kendall rushed over to the bench. James was already skating toward the sound booth.

_He's gonna do it. He's gonna skate for me. Fuck yes, I know he's got it in him._ He felt like a kid on Christmas morning, excited to open the gifts he'd been staring at for weeks and knowing there was something amazing under all that shiny, sparkly paper. James skated out onto the ice again, taking up a position in the middle as the current song closed in on its ending. He shook himself as if clearing away any cobwebs, arms and legs long and lithe, then Kendall watched an intense look come over his face as he focused inward.

_Holy fuck, you're beautiful. So much power in that body, and all you're doing is standing there. And it's mine. All mine._

The song ran out and the next one began. Three notes into it James was flying, his feet barely touching the ice it seemed. Kendall had expected a slow ballad type of thing, but this had a beat to it and James was a live wire out there. _You owned the ice and you knew it._ Stephen's words returned to Kendall because that's exactly what was happening.

"Oh my fucking god," Kendall breathed, standing up to lean against the boards and watch, eyes unable to look anywhere but at the gorgeous creature flying past him and into a spinning leap. Every time he flew off the ice, he landed flawlessly, and Kendall knew James spent a lot more time practicing than he let on. Part of it was natural talent, surely, but no one could execute this so perfectly without keeping up the practice.

By the time the song ended Kendall could hardly breathe, so full of need to _touch_ that as James struck his final pose, Kendall was already on the move and bearing down on him. James spun around just in time to brace himself before Kendall was there, mouth on his and hands working at James' pants to get rid of them.

"Kendall, Jesus." James was panting, out of breath from the exertion. "That gets you hot or what?"

Kendall dropped to his knees and then pulled James down with him, shoving him back onto the ice and tugging his jeans down to his thighs.

"Kendall, shit! That's cold!"

Any further complaints were silenced as Kendall's mouth found him, James writhing under him. "Oh my god, how are you so good at that? Fuck, Kendall, don't ever stop."

Kendall had no plans to, tongue working James over in a way he'd almost perfected during their one night together. It wasn't long before James exploded in his mouth, whining Kendall's name over and over until he was gasping for air, fingers digging into Kendall's shoulders.

Kendall sat up onto his knees slowly, licking his lips and staring down at James. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. The whole world is gonna want you."

"But you have me."

_For now._ "One day I'm going to see you win a medal. You're going to be amazing and perfect and blow everybody away. You can do this, James. You have it in you."

Without warning, it was Kendall who was on his back, James fumbling to get Kendall's pants down. Kendall helped and James had been right, it was cold with your bare ass against the ice, but then James returned the favor and Kendall forgot all about the temperature under him because the one above him was hot enough to fry his brain. James' mouth left Kendall crying out as he came and trying to catch his breath while James pulled him up and hugged him close.

"Do this, James. Do it. I'll do whatever I can to help, and you have Stephen. We'll make this work. I swear, we'll get you there someday."

"But what if it's all for nothing? What if I work my ass off and turn my whole life upside down only to fail?"

Kendall leaned away and cupped James' chin, staring into his eyes. "What if you don't? What if you work your ass off and get everything you've ever wanted? That's not gonna happen if you don't even try."

"I've already got you. That's half of it right there."

Kendall smiled. _That's right. The hockey-playing boyfriend._ "So go get the rest. We'll talk it over with Stephen tomorrow, and I'll go home with you after. We'll do this. You and me, we'll sit down with your parents and tell them this is the way it's gonna be and if they don't like it, you're gone."

"They won't like it."

"Better have a bag packed, then, huh?"

There was fear in James' eyes but when he hugged Kendall again, his determination was set. "I love you, Kendall. I can't do this alone."

"I'm right here, James. And I love you, too."

* * *

><p>Kendall's phone buzzed against his thigh after he strapped himself into the seat. "Who the hell is calling me after midnight?" As James started the car Kendall pulled the phone out, his eyes widening when he saw three missed calls from his mother, who was currently calling again. "Shit. Shit shit shit!"<p>

"What? Please tell me that's not your mom."

"Fuck! I am so dead." Kendall took a deep breath, then answered. "Hey, mom."

"Don't you 'hey mom' me. Where the hell are you?"

"I'm on my way home right now. I'll be there soon."

"Where have you been?"

"Down at the rink. I'll explain when I get home."

"Kendall, what were you thinking? You can't just sneak out of the house whenever the fancy strikes you! Without even leaving a note? I've been worried sick!"

"I'm sorry, something came up with James and-"

"Then you should've told me! Get your ass home right now, young man!"

"On my way! Promise!"

"And I want you in this house two seconds after you get here, do you understand? None of that sitting in the driveway for an hour crap. In the house immediately!"

"I know! I'll be there!" She hung up and Kendall banged his head back into the seat. "Fuck. I am so dead."

"Did Katie tell her?"

"I don't know. I doubt it, but Mom might've squeezed something out of her. Damn. She's never gonna trust me again."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I knew better, I just...I missed you."

"I know. I missed you, too."

They didn't talk much the rest of the way, but as usual James held his hand. Kendall was growing used to that, loved that he could count on it almost anytime they were alone now.

When James pulled up to the curb, he said, "Call me. Or at least text."

"I will. Even if I get in serious trouble, it was worth it. Watching you skate like that...you're amazing, James."

"You keep saying that."

"Because it's true."

James leaned across the console to kiss him, Kendall returning it with a sigh until his phone buzzed again. "Fuck. She knows I'm here. She told me not to sit out here with you for an hour this time."

Sighing, James urged, "You'd better go. Tell her I'm sorry?"

"Won't help, but I will. I'll tell her you had a fight with your dad and needed to talk."

James nodded his head toward the front of the house. "She just opened the door. Go."

"Okay. I love you."

"Love you, too. Good luck. Want me to come in with you?"

"No, that'd probably make it worse. See you in the morning."

Kendall entered the house with his head down, his mother slamming the door behind him. "Is this how it's gonna be now that you're dating James? You taking off in the middle of the night without telling me? I won't stand for that, Kendall."

"I know, Mom! I'm sorry, he called me upset and needed to talk. I told you, his dad's an asshole."

"All you had to do was wake me up and tell me. I don't appreciate finding your bed empty at midnight and you not answering your phone when I call you!"

"I didn't hear it ring, okay? The music was loud at the rink and we were skating and-"

"Isn't the rink closed at this time of night?" she asked suspiciously, arms crossing over her chest.

"He's got a key. The owner gave it to him. Mom, it's how he calms down. He skates."

"Sit down." She pointed to the couch and Kendall sat, still keeping his head down.

"I'm sorry."

"You can be sorry all you want, but you're still grounded."

Now his head flew up. "Grounded? What do you mean, grounded?"

"I mean grounded! You go to school and you come home. End of story."

"And hockey practice."

"Only on Friday, because you have to."

"What?" Kendall stood up, fuming. "That's not fair! I have to be there, the team's finally doing what I tell them and it's working! I can't stop now!"

"You should've thought of that before you snuck out with your boyfriend."

"Mom, come on! You know I can't lose that much time on the ice."

"You can and you will. It's not going to affect your performance, you could go a month without practice and you'd be fine for the games."

"The coaches are gonna be pissed! What if they kick me off the team?"

"That's not going to happen and we both know it. You'll go to the team practices and the games. And school. And nowhere else."

Kendall kicked the couch. "For how long?"

"A month."

"A month? Mom, that's crazy! I'm sorry, okay? My boyfriend was crying, what was I supposed to do, tell him no, I couldn't meet with him?"

"You should have told me first!" she yelled.

"I won't do it again, okay? Please, Mom! Don't take this from me."

"I'm not taking hockey from you completely, though I should because it's the only thing you care about. Of course now there's James. I could take that from you, too, but I won't because that boy needs you."

"Exactly! That's what I'm saying! He needed me tonight! How can you be mad that I went to make sure he was okay?"

"Next time he can come here if he's upset. I'm not heartless, Kendall, I'm just angry that you did this without my permission and without telling me and that I woke up in a panic because my son was nowhere to be found! Even Katie didn't know where you were, though she tried to cover for you. She's in trouble, too, by the way. I hope you're happy, because now she's angry with you, too."

"That's not fair!" Kendall groaned. "Mom...please. I'm sorry. I was worried about him. I wasn't thinking clearly. I just knew I needed to get to him."

"Next time, maybe you'll stop and think. Now get to bed, you'll need to be ready to leave at seven since we're taking Katie too."

Kendall halted on the way to his bedroom. "James is picking me up."

"Not anymore, he isn't. For the next month, I take you and pick you up. Don't even open your mouth, I don't want to hear it. You're allowed five minutes to call James and tell him not to pick you up, and then I expect you to be in bed and asleep. If I catch you on your phone after that, I'm confiscating it."

"Mom, what the hell?" Kendall spluttered. "You've never been this strict, what happened?"

"You've never been one to sneak out, either. What happened to _you_?"

"I...it's James. I love him. I can't stand to see him in pain, Mom."

Her expression softened, though her arms were crossed over her chest again. "Honey...I know that. And I get it. But you need to remember you're only sixteen. For the time being, you still have to follow my rules. And if James does end up living here, those rules are going to be enforced with an iron fist. I love you, but you need to understand that you can't go around making up your own rules. It sets a bad example for Katie, and I worry about you. I'm glad you found someone who makes you happy and that you're able to be there for him, but you two can't keep acting like this. You need to prove that you can be trusted."

"It was one time!"

"One time too many. Now call him. And then get to bed."

Fuming, Kendall slammed his door behind him because he knew it would irritate his mother. He threw himself onto his bed and dialed James, who answered right away. "You okay?"

"I'm grounded. Not allowed to go to hockey practice except for Fridays. And...not allowed to ride with you to school and back. I have to come straight home after school."

James absorbed that, then asked, "So when do we see each other?"

"We don't, I guess."

"Shit, don't cry. If you cry, I'm gonna cry."

"It's not fair, James. I never do this, never get in trouble. She couldn't let me slide just this once?"

James didn't respond to that, and Kendall knew he must be going through hell at the thought of less time with him, too. He finally asked, "So does she hate me?"

"No. She said she won't keep me from you, because she feels you need me. But taking away hockey and the rides, she's pretty much taking you from me anyway."

"Yeah." James sighed and Kendall could feel the sadness that matched his own.

"Are you home now?"

"About to walk in. I was waiting to hear from you."

"Guess I see you at lunch?"

"Maybe you can get there a little early and we can hang out for a half hour or something before school?"

"She's driving me. I won't be there until at least 7:30."

"Fuck. And she's picking you up, too, right?"

"Yeah."

James sighed again. "Still think it was worth it, Kendall?"

"You know...yeah. It was, to see you skate. We're not...oh fuck. Fuck, we were gonna talk to Stephen tomorrow. Damn, now what? Talk to him, James, promise me you'll talk to him."

"We'll figure it out tomorrow."

A yell came through the bedroom door. "Kendall, hang up that phone now!"

"Ugh. I can't believe what a bitch my mom is right now."

"I heard that, young man! You haven't even _seen_ bitch yet."

"Shit. I gotta go. So text me in the morning, maybe we can catch at least ten minutes together before class?"

"I will. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Totally worth it."

"I love you, Kendall."

"I know. I love you, too. Thanks for tonight. I had fun."

"Yeah, me too. One day we'll do it again."

"And I'll bring you roses," Kendall grinned. James groaned, but Kendall knew he was smiling. "See you in the morning."

"Yeah. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, James."


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

Obviously I've been working a lot, hence the lack of updates. I write a little each day on the way to work, so it's slow going, but we're getting there. I think next chapter we're finally gonna meet James' parents, which I know you guys are waiting for. I hope I can live up to it haha.

Thanks to **Anime Yaoi Lover** for the idea to have Heather help Logan with the James tutoring. It's a little thing, but I agree that Logan has a lot on his hands with Carlos and this results in fun visions of the five of them getting together each day for a study session. They really have become a little family. :)

Taking a moment again to say thank you for the wonderful reviews. You guys will honestly never know how much they mean to me and the smile they bring to my face (sometimes flailing, too, which is awkward when I'm sitting in the breakroom at work and read them and my co-workers want to know what's got me so excited. I just answer "You know, Big Time Rush" and they say "Of course." They all know my crazy by now.) So thank you for helping me smile throughout the day.

* * *

><p>Carlos cornered Kendall in Yearbook the next day, wanting details about the night before. After Kendall explained what had happened and lamented the lack of time with James, Carlos sympathized but reminded him it was his own fault-right before berating Kendall for not inviting Logan and himself along for their secret date.<p>

They snuck away to James' car for half of their lunch hour, mostly kissing and cuddling for the little time they had before returning to the cafeteria to eat with their friends. Heather and Logan also chastised them for getting Kendall grounded, but he maintained that it had been worth it and informed them all that James was going to skate again. James met their excitement with hesitation, arguing that he hadn't made up his mind and even if he _did_ decide to go with it, the chances were slim it would work out anyway. He explained what it would entail and Logan shocked Kendall by stating that he would gladly tutor James in all subjects whenever he could find the time. The look on James' face made Kendall want to hug both of them, as James seemed to be close to tears.

"You don't have to, Logan, I know you already do a lot for Carlos and I'm sure you have too much going on."

"Well," Heather commented, "I may not be a genius like this guy, but I _am_ in advanced classes and I already help you with your homework. Other than math and science, which I struggle with, I can still do my part to help you, James."

Kendall beamed at her, feeling like this could actually happen.

"That's perfect," Logan said, "because those are my strongest subjects."

"Heather...Logan...you guys." James stood up and walked away, Kendall immediately following him outside and to the tree where one day weeks ago James and Heather had argued over him. So much had changed since then.

"You okay?" Not caring who was around, Kendall wrapped his arms around James and held tight.

James didn't fight the embrace but leaned into it. "Just...overwhelmed. I think I have to have an actual certified teacher but the fact that they'd be willing to do that for me...Kendall, what did I do to deserve such good people in my life?"

"Don't question it. Go with it. You have no idea how amazing you are." He leaned in to kiss James, expecting James to back away but James met the kiss eagerly, hands sliding up Kendall's back and sending his heart into overdrive.

"Boys. Not at school," a passing guard warned them, and Kendall wasn't offended because he'd seen guards break up kisses between "normal" couples, too.

"So you're gonna talk to Stephen today, right?" Kendall asked, still standing close to James as James leaned back against the tree.

"I don't know."

Kendall made a buzzer sound. "Wrong answer. The correct answer is 'Yes, Kendall, of course I am. I'm going to tell him I'm ready to make my dreams come true and I need his help.'"

"Don't forget about my hockey-playing boyfriend," James teased, fingers running down Kendall's chest. "I need his help, too, don't I?"

Kendall leaned into James again, James' arms automatically sliding around his waist as their lips met lightly. "Damn right, you do. Who else is gonna blow you as a reward for making it through practice every day?" Kendall asked quietly.

"Mmm, tease. It's not fair to say that when I won't get to touch you for a month."

"I haven't given up. Gonna work on Mom tonight, see if she'll cut it down to a week. No way can I go a whole month without spending real time with you."

James giggled. "And what is this, fake time? I'm no good to you with my pants on?"

"Oh, I never said that. But we have more fun without pants." Kendall captured James' lips again, James making a sound of agreement before the guard was standing next to them.

"Guys, don't make me send you to the principal. Please."

"Fiiiiiine," Kendall sighed. Instead he took James' hand as they made their way toward the cafeteria.

"You know what's funny?" James asked, his gaze roaming their surroundings and the students eyeing them.

"Hmm?"

"Last time we were sent to her office, it was because we couldn't stop fighting. Imagine her face if we showed up because we can't stop kissing now."

Laughing as he pictured it, Kendall replied, "I almost want to do it, just to see that. But she did warn us, and I can't lose any more hockey than I already am."

They were closing in on the table when James suddenly asked, "Can we sit together in chem?"

"Yeah. Carlos won't mind. Shit, we only have five minutes to eat."

They downed what they could in the short time left, once again holding hands as Carlos walked with them to class. Once seated (Carlos not saying a word when James sat next to Kendall), they took out their books and binders. Kendall sensed a tension in James and attributed it to nerves about his upcoming talk with Stephen, but soon enough picked up on what James had-they were the subject of whispers and giggling glances from around the room. Kendall only smiled and grabbed James' hand, daring anyone to say something. He wouldn't have been surprised if James pulled his hand away, but instead James squeezed tighter as if terrified.

"It's okay," Kendall whispered. "Who cares what they think?"

James shrugged, obviously trying not to care, but this was new for him. Kendall could only imagine what his former friends had been saying to him about the recent changes. When Mr. Young called class to order, Kendall ripped a blank sheet out of his binder and wrote, _"You okay?"_

_"Fine. I miss you."_

The words were simple but coming from James meant everything. Nodding, Kendall answered_, "I miss you, too. Talk to me."_

_"I'm fine."_

_"I know this is hard for you."_

_"Dude, it's fine."_

The scribble from James was becoming sloppier and more angry-looking. Kendall wrote, _"I love you."_

_"That's all that matters."_

Touched, Kendall smiled. He met James' hazel eyes, saw the affection in them, and knew James would be okay. _"When the month is up, I'm gonna blow you all night."_

That resulted in a strangled sound from James, whose cheeks flushed. He slid the paper toward Kendall and wrote, _"Promise?"_

_"All weekend if I can manage it."_ He somehow didn't think Carlos or Logan would have a problem with it, or even notice it; they'd most likely be busy themselves.

James wrote something and slid the sheet back, Kendall checking to be sure they weren't attracting any attention. Mr. Young was scribbling something on the board and other than a few glances from Maggie and Christine, who were no longer giggly (Kendall had to assume James had been correct about their interest in him), the class was focused on the lesson. Satisfied, Kendall took in the words and felt his own cheeks heat up as his body warmed.

_"Suck you dry, have you screaming into your pillow."_

He had to look out the window for a few moments to regain calm because he could feel it happening, it was that vivid in his mind. Reaching for his pencil again, he wrote _"Fuck your mouth until you choke."_

James was up and moving in three seconds. "Hall pass," he called out, and Mr. Young rolled his eyes before handing it over as James flew past him. He lifted an eyebrow at Kendall, who shrugged innocently but knew this had probably killed any hopes of them sharing a table in the future.

Either way, it was nice to know James still couldn't stand the heat.

* * *

><p>After school Kendall waited with him for Mrs. Knight, then they said their goodbyes. Neither wanted to let go, especially when James was about to have a conversation that could change his entire life.<p>

When Kendall's mother arrived he begged her to let him go with James to the rink long enough for the talk with Stephen but she held her ground, stating that if she gave in now it would go back on everything she'd said the night before. James leaned into the van for one last kiss, Kendall quietly reassuring him that this was going to work and reminding James to call him as soon as he could. James promised he would, and then they were on their way to Katie's school.

Kendall sighed, purposely pouting as he shifted in his seat.

"Don't start," his mother warned him. "I'm not the one in the wrong here."

Knowing she was right didn't make Kendall feel any better. "I'm allowed to use my phone, right?"

"Not if you're going to call James right now. He's driving."

"Relax, I'm not calling James." Kendall slid his phone out of his pocket and looked up the number for the center.

"Don't give me attitude, Kendall. I did nothing wrong."

"I know, okay? I just miss him." When the call was answered Kendall asked for Stephen, then waited while he was paged to the phone. Stephen came on the line and Kendall said, "Hi, this is Kendall. James' boyfriend?" It seemed like days ago they'd talked, but it was only the day before. So much had happened in that time.

"Kendall, yes! How did it go with James, is he ready to do this?"

"I think so. I got him to skate for me last night, _really_ skate, and he was talking like it's gonna happen. My fear is he'll chicken out because he honestly believes he's too big and clumsy now."

"That's probably what his father tells him. I would gladly punch that asshole for the way he's killed all of James' confidence."

"You and me both. I'd planned to go with him today but I can't make it, and I'm stuck at home for the next month." After a glare aimed at his mother, which she ignored while making a left turn, Kendall continued. "He's on his way there right now for hockey practice, please find him and get him talking. The more time we waste, the harder it gets, right?"

"Yes, the competition season is right around the corner. I know he's been practicing, but he's got to get his head on right, too. It's about more than skill."

"So talk to him? I'm afraid without me there he'll put it off and we can't afford to lose a whole month." Another glare at his mom, who rolled her eyes as she turned into the elementary school parking lot.

"I'll keep my eyes peeled for him. Do what you can on your end and I'll do what I can on mine. His father might have something to say about this, though. He can put a stop to this if he really wants to."

Kendall felt the familiar anger overtake him at the thought of James' father. "Let me worry about James' dad."

"Oh, there he is. And he's not going downstairs, he's heading toward the kids. Perfect. Thanks, Kendall."

"No, thank _you_. He's gonna do this. Talk to you later."

"See you."

Kendall heard Stephen calling out to James just before the line went dead and breathed a sigh of relief, the van shaking as Katie climbed into the back and shut the door. She and Mrs. Knight chattered for a bit while Kendall stared out the window, mind on James and longing to be there with him.

"Hey, why don't we try that burger place tonight?" Mrs. Knight suddenly asked, nudging Kendall. "Sound good?"

"I thought I was grounded. Can't go anywhere but home and school, right?"

His acidic tone had her sighing. "It's not the end of the world, Kendall. It's a month of your life. I know it seems like forever but-"

"It's a month of James' life that could change everything! You just don't get it, what he's going through and that this might be our only chance to spend time together before he's out of my life for good!"

The explosion shocked Mrs. Knight, who'd known and understood that Kendall was upset but not the true extent of it. "Honey, calm down. What do you mean, out of your life for good? If things go the way you hope they do, he'll be living with us. And that's not necessarily a good thing. A child needs his parents."

"Not _those_ parents. Trust me, Mom, he'd be way happier with us."

"So what are you talking about? Are you afraid to lose him already? Because that kid is crazy about you. I picked up on that the day we talked."

Katie came alive in the backseat. "Ha! I knew it! He's your boyfriend, isn't he?"

Kendall and Mrs. Knight shared a wide-eyed look, Kendall groaning. "Not now, Katie."

"But I was right, wasn't I? I told you! You look at him funny!"

"Katie," Mrs. Knight began, "your brother is going through a tough time right now and-"

"Oh, _he_ is? I'm grounded too, what about _my_ tough time?"

"You don't even go anywhere!" Kendall argued. "And you only got a week. Try a month, then we'll talk."

"I go places! It's all your fault because you had to-"

"Okay, stop! Both of you!" Trying to regain control of the conversation, Mrs. Knight asked, "Where is this burger place? I'm actually starting to feel bad for grounding you both, so it's the least I can do."

"All right!" Katie yelled, excited.

And suddenly there was hope. If Mom was feeling bad, even a little, Kendall knew he had a chance to change her mind. "Get on the freeway up here. West, it's right by the beach." He kept checking his phone even though he knew it was too soon for James to call.

A few miles later Mrs. Knight tried again. "Now honey, what did you mean when you said James would be out of your life?"

An ache settled in Kendall's heart as it all came out in a rush. "If he does this, if he goes through with it and starts competing everywhere and getting more famous...and he'll travel a lot and meet new people, exciting people who are hot and who share his passion and maybe understand him better than I do and then one day I might surprise him at a competition and see him kissing another guy and he's gonna be amazing, way too amazing to stay with someone like me."

"Just like in that movie!" Katie exclaimed. "She ends up with that new guy and the boyfriend sees them kissing and leaves all upset and they break up and-"

"Katie, you're not helping." To Kendall, Mrs. Knight said, "Is that what's got you so upset? The movie?"

"You saw it, Mom. You know that's gonna happen. He'll meet other people and travel all the time and if he never sees me, he might forget about me." Kendall hated the fear in his voice, the desperation to keep James close. How had it come to this in less than a month?

"Oh, honey." She reached over to squeeze Kendall's arm before asking, "Don't you remember how the movie ended? The boyfriend got her back. She never stopped loving him, because he was there from the start, pushing her to take a chance and then he was there through it all. He was her knight, guiding her through the rough times. You can be that for James."

Katie piped up. "And you guys can be in the Olympics together, because you know you'll end up on the U.S. hockey team someday."

Kendall smiled imagining that, the idea warming his heart. He wondered if James had ever made it that far in his fantasy, himself and the hockey-playing boyfriend at the Olympics together. He probably had._ I love you, James._ "Oh! Here! This exit!"

Mrs. Knight got over quickly, muttering under her breath about the lack of warning. Kendall pointed her the two blocks to the restaurant, then hopped out of the van and checked his phone. Still nothing.

"He'll call, honey."

"I know. I'm just afraid he'll chicken out. He really has no idea how amazing he is. Though his coach says he used to know it. And flaunt it." Grinning, Kendall closed the car door behind Katie as he imagined a cocky little James Diamond skating circles around the other kids.

Mrs. Knight walked ahead of them, Kendall resting a hand on Katie's shoulder to hold her back some. "So...are you okay with this? Me and James?"

Katie shrugged. "It's weird, but if he makes you happy. I still wish you'd date Heather. Couldn't you at least go for Carlos if you have to be gay?"

"Carlos? Why Carlos? What's wrong with James?"

"Carlos is fun! He'd be the coolest brother ever!"

"Carlos isn't my type." He'd said that once before, to Logan. It seemed like years ago.

"Not my fault you have no taste," Katie replied.

"Gee, thanks. At this point I think I'd rather have Heather as a sister; she approves of me and James."

"James is okay, I guess. He didn't talk much when you weren't there. Or maybe he did, I wasn't paying attention."

"Give James a chance," Kendall suggested, stepping through the door behind Katie. "He's pretty cool. Plus, he loves that movie. You two could watch and cry together."

"Shut up, dork, I didn't cry!"

"That's not what I heard..."

"I did not cry! Mom, did you tell Kendall I cried?" Katie stomped up to her mother, who was waiting for them at the counter.

"Enough, both of you. Figure out what you want."

Ten minutes later they were ripping into their food, Kendall remembering his first visit here. It had been a double date of sorts, before he and James spent the night together. Kendall ached for another night like that, one where he would wake up with James right there next to him and safe. _Soon. Hopefully soon._

Kendall's phone rang with James' ringtone and he dropped the fry he was holding, hurriedly wiping his fingers on his pants before answering. His mother shook her head and passed him a napkin, which he used on his mouth. "Hey. What happened?"

"Well...we're gonna try it."

"Try what, exactly?"

"You know. I'm gonna skate with him the next two days after school and we'll see how it goes."

James sounded hesitant and somehow off-hand at the same time. Wasn't he excited? Of course it was going to be great, James was incredible. Then Kendall remembered how well James was able to hide his feelings and wondered if he was keeping it all in. "Where are you?"

"At the rink. Outside. I...Kendall, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this!"

_There_ it was. Finally. "I know you are!" Kendall yelled, his face splitting into a grin. "You're gonna be so amazing!"

"Shh!" Katie scolded. "Everyone's staring."

Kendall couldn't have cared less. All that mattered was James, who was quiet but Kendall could imagine how overwhelmed and scared he was right now. "You okay?"

"I'm...not sure."

"It's gonna be great. Everything you've always wanted, James. You're gonna have it all. God, I wish I was there."

"I know. Me too. I guess we'll see each other tomorrow."

It seemed so far away. How would they stand a night apart when they had so much to talk about? "Yeah. And I'll call you tonight, as soon as my homework's done. I miss you."

With a heavy sigh, Mrs. Knight reached across the table to nudge Kendall. "Tell him if he hurries, there's free food in his future. He can have dinner with us but then he goes home."

"Really?" Kendall's face brightened. "I love you, Mom! James, Mom says you can have dinner with us if you hurry! We're at the burger place! Hurry!"

"Oh thank god," James breathed. "I really need you right now. I'll be there soon. Fast as I can. I love you."

"I love you, too. Be careful."

"I will. And tell your mom I love her."

The call was disconnected and Kendall flew out of his seat to tackle his mother in a hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. He's so scared right now, thank you so much."

"It's not going to be like this every night, you know. You're still grounded."

"I know. But right now he's going through so much and he really needs me. He's so close to talking himself out of all this and I'm the one who keeps him going on it. He listens to me. I don't know why, but he listens to me and he trusts me."

She smiled softly. "I'd guess it's because he loves you. Or maybe more because _you_ love_ him_. I still think it's a little soon for you two to be so serious about each other, but I see that you share something special. He really is crazy about you."

Sighing happily, Kendall seated himself again and picked up his burger. "We're crazy about each _other_. How did this happen, Mom? How did we find each other?"

"Sometimes things are meant to be. There's no guarantee you two will be together forever, but you must be what he needs right now. And apparently he's what you need, too." With another deep sigh, she said, "Okay. One week. This is your first offense and I might have been a little harsh. This is new to me. But don't ask for anything else, you have-"

The rest of her words were muffled by another hug from Kendall, who kept thanking her and promised to behave from now on. He swore he wouldn't sneak out again, but would come to her first and ask if James really needed him.

"You'd better. Because next time, it really will be a month, and I will not be swayed on that."

Katie crossed her arms over her chest and glared at them. "So if he only gets a week, that means I only get a day, right? All I did was try to be a good sister."

"Fine by me," Kendall answered with a grin, as if he had any say in it. He returned to his seat and picked up another fry, suddenly ravenous.

"Three days," Mrs. Knight conceded. "One day isn't enough to make any difference in your life. You have to miss something you really want to do for it to sink in. Besides, it's not just for lying that you're in trouble. You were playing your game after I took it from you."

"Oh. That."

"Yes. That."

"Mom, can I have it back pleeeeeease? I go crazy at lunch without it!"

"Make some friends. Learn to be sociable."

Kendall tuned them out, mind on James as usual. Every time a car pulled into the lot he looked over in hope. How long did it take James to drive here, anyway? Ignoring the fact that it was at least a fifteen-minute drive from the rink, Kendall was antsy to see James again.

"Honey, he'll be here. Calm down."

"I know, I just...Mom, he's so scared. This means he's gonna have to talk to his parents. Tell them everything. Or at least about the skating."

She leaned back in her seat and wiped her hands on a napkin, finishing her bite before asking, "Should I be prepared for him to show up tonight?"

"I don't know. We'll see how it goes. I really want to be there when he talks to them, though. He's gonna need me."

"I'm sorry, Kendall. If it's before the week is up, you're not going anywhere."

"I know," Kendall sighed. "But he can't keep this up much longer. It's killing him, the worry about it. Especially now that...well, I don't know. We'll see how he feels."

"If he comes to live with us, is it going to be a temporary thing or..."

"I don't know. It all depends on his parents. I have no idea if they'll cave eventually or what, I just know that from everything he's said, and from what Heather and Stephen have said, too, it's a pretty sure thing he'll be kicked out."

"Who's Stephen?"

"James' coach. He owns the rink and has known James since he was a kid. He warned me that James' dad could force him to stop skating, but I think James is positive he'll just kick him out instead."

"That is so sad. What kind of parents would do that?" Mrs. Knight shook her head and pushed her plate away, cleaning up the mess from their meal. "Do you have any idea what James wants to eat?"

"Yeah, he got the same thing I did last time." Another car turned into the lot and Kendall's eyes lit up, then died when it wasn't James.

"I'll go get his food. And about the sleeping arrangements...I can't decide if I want James on the couch or if I should make you two leave the bedroom door open. Because somehow I think you'll just sneak out there after I go to bed anyway."

"Mom, would I do that?"

They both knew he would, though, and smiled at each other. "Nice try, Kendall. I guess it's okay if he sleeps in the bed with you, but the door does stay open. If I ever find it closed during the night, I'll make Katie sleep in my room and give James hers."

"What?" Katie was outraged. "That's not fair! Don't you dare give James my room!"

Mrs. Knight grinned. "And that's how I know Kendall will follow the rules. If I take your room from you, he'll have you to deal with." She stood up and dropped their trash in a bin before approaching the counter again.

"You'd better not close that door, Kendall! I'll find a way to get revenge if you do."

"We'll behave, okay? I don't even care about that, I just want him safe and away from those assholes." He gasped. "James!" Then he was flying out the door, ready with a hug when James stepped out of his car.

They held each other tight, Kendall feeling the excitement running through James' body. He was shaking slightly as well. "It's okay," Kendall soothed. "You're gonna be great."

"All I could think about on the way here is my dad. He's gonna freak out, dude."

"I know." Kendall squeezed James tighter before leaning back enough to kiss him. James surprised him by attacking his lips roughly, and Kendall knew what he really needed right now was to skate it off. That was too bad, because Kendall wasn't letting him go anytime soon. He eagerly returned the kiss, backing James up against the car as James' fingers wound up into his hair.

It was a over a minute before Kendall found the force of will to step back, breath coming faster. "Mom's got your food inside and she's in a really good mood so I don't want to ruin it by pissing her off. James, she cut it down to a week. I'm only grounded for a week!"

"What? Oh thank you, Jesus!" James hugged him again, the relief palpable. "I would've lost my mind without you for a month. Where is that woman? She's getting a hug."

Kendall laughed, grabbing for James' hand as they walked back to the restaurant. "Still gonna be a week before we can be alone, but...better than a month." He opened the door, letting James go in first and pointing out their table. Mrs. Knight set down James' food just in time to be enveloped in long arms that pulled her in for a hug.

"Thank you," James said softly. "Thank you so much. For giving me Kendall. For everything."

"It's...I'm glad he makes you happy." Obviously surprised by the effusion, Mrs. Knight hugged him and patted his back. "You're going to be a success, James. I don't know you too well, but I know that much. Now sit down and eat your burger. Katie, if you're done, let's go."

They all looked at her in surprise. "You're letting me stay here with James?" Kendall asked.

"Only because you two have a lot to talk about. I expect you home in an hour. I'll give you fifteen minutes more for the drive, so..." She looked at her watch. "Five-thirty. Any later than that and you get another week tacked on. Got it?"

"Yes. Fine. Thank you, Mom." Kendall hugged her this time. "I'm so lucky to have you as my mom."

"Don't forget it. I expect no whining from you at all for the rest of your life. Or at least for the next month."

"I'll do my best," Kendall chuckled. He watched his mother and Katie leave before sliding into the booth next to James, his arm automatically going around James' shoulders. "Hi."

"Hey," James grinned.

After a quick kiss, Kendall urged James to eat. "We don't have much time. So tell me what happened."

"Well." James took a deep breath and reached for his soda, sucking some of it down before commenting, "I love your mom. Have I told you that?"

"She's...man. I was so pissed at her last night. It was unfair, the punishment was way too harsh."

"I think you just scared her, dude. I'd be scared too if I woke up and my kid was gone and I didn't know where."

"Yeah, I know. Okay, you're right. But still, it was harsh. And it's only because of you that she shortened it. She knows this is a big deal, what's going on in your life right now. So...what's going on in your life right now?"

James chuckled. "Okay, so I talked to Stephen, told him I've been thinking about maybe doing the figure skating again."

"Uh huh. I bet he was excited."

"He..." James let his head fall onto Kendall's shoulder, Kendall feeling his body finally relax and let go of some of the tension. "Kendall, he has a savings account. That he's been putting money into since I was five. Since I was _five_. I had no idea, but he said he knew then I was going all the way. We didn't have a lot of money then, my dad was just starting out in his company, so Stephen started this fund thing for me. Because it costs a lot of money to skate, to do it professionally. There's so much involved."

Kendall blinked, stunned. "A...fund? He's got money put away for you?"

"Yeah. He didn't say how much, and I didn't ask, but that place makes good money. He said he always hoped I'd change my mind and come back, so he kept putting money into it. He figured even if I never did, there would probably be more kids that came along someday that he could back. Annie's really good, he's already got his eye on her. Remember Annie, the little girl who waved at me yesterday?"

Kendall did remember. "I do. She's good?"

"I've been encouraging her, too, when I help at the training sessions. She's got a gift."

"Like you."

James smiled, blushing some. "I guess."

Kendall kissed James' cheek because he could. "Eat your food. And tell me more."

James dug in, talking as he ate. "So he's got a fund set up for me. He knows my parents aren't gonna back me in anything, and he said it's there waiting if I want to do this. I also talked to him about the school thing, and he said it does have to be a certified teacher who signs off on stuff for me. But he knows a guy who does that sort of thing for other kids, and when I told Stephen I have friends willing to tutor me he said as long as I pass the tests this guy gives me, I should be fine. So if Logan was serious about-"

"Logan was serious. I know that much. We talked about it at the game, and he wasn't too sure because he's always so busy with Carlos, but you heard him today. He meant it."

"I still don't know why. That guy has never liked me."

"Well, you were a dick." Kendall said it matter-of-factly, as if it was obvious. "It wasn't until I broke through your wall that you started acting like a normal person around him. And I think it bothered him that Carlos found you hot. Logan was always jealous of anyone Carlos might have looked at twice."

"Carlos thinks I'm hot?"

"We all do. Because you are. You know this, I'm sure."

"Yeah, but...really? Logan thinks that, too?"

"James. You're hot. The whole world knows it. Do I have to worry about losing you to either of them?" Kendall was only half-joking.

"Please, you think I can even look at anyone else?"

That got Kendall smiling again. He stole a fry and chewed on it before getting back to the point. "So if Logan and Heather find out what you need to know, like a lesson plan kind of thing...they can work with you and then you just take the tests this guy gives?"

"Yeah, the tests are set up from the state. I'd have to meet with him once a week and do any homework and stuff he gives me. I guess he works out a plan for me and tells me what I need to learn, then I do it and turn in my work and take the tests when I meet with him? Kind of like homeschooling."

Kendall was nodding. "This can work. How do you normally do your homework?"

"I...do as little as I can to get by. Heather helps me, tries to get me to do more. I would usually go to her house after practice, have dinner there and then we'd do homework. And on the weekends we'd catch up some, if she wasn't busy volunteering everywhere."

"So between her and Logan, and me too, because I'm gonna help you where I can, we can probably do this."

"If not, the teacher guy also does actual tutoring. Stephen said we could try it our way for a few weeks, see how it goes, and if it's not working he'll hire the guy to tutor me. But this all depends on how the next few days go. If I get out there and skate like crap, Stephen's not gonna take me on."

"Bullshit. The guy's been dying to get you back out there. He sees what I see, knows you're amazing."

"To you _everything_ I do is amazing. He knows my weaknesses, sees it when I'm not trying. It's not gonna be fun getting back into shape for this. He can be a dick when I'm not on my game."

"That's his job. Are you done? I was hoping we could sneak in a little time in the backseat before I have to be home."

James grinned. "If I wasn't done before, I am now. Come on, horndog." He shoved Kendall out of the booth and they took care of their trash, holding hands as always as they walked toward James' car. It still blew Kendall away that James had no problem with this, with the public displays of affection at school and anywhere else, really. He knew, though, that if there was any danger of being seen by either of James' parents, it would be a different story.

"So...about your parents."

"Yeah. I know." James opened the car door for Kendall, then continued the conversation once he was in his own seat. "I need to tell them. But I want to know it's gonna work before I do. Why get my ass kicked out if I don't even have a chance to skate?"

"Maybe because you have a boyfriend you don't want to hide?" Kendall suggested. He moved the seat back a little, realizing Heather had been the last person to sit in it and missing the drives to and from school with his friends. It had only happened one day but it was a part of his life he already loved.

"I'm not ashamed of you, Kendall." James started the car and drove toward the street. "I don't care if anyone else knows. It's just them."

"I know. And I know I keep pressuring you, but...it's because the worry is making you crazy. You need to just do it already and find out one way or another what's going to happen."

"I already know what's going to happen. I told you. I'm out of the house."

"But James, if it comes down to it actually happening, they might surprise you and-"

"Nope. Not gonna happen. My mom will be sad, I think, but she won't fight him on it."

"Dude, what's wrong with your parents?"

James only shrugged. "I stopped wondering that years ago. Dad wants something I'll never be. I tried for him, tried to be what he wants, but...I was never happy. And then I met you and you were everything I've always wanted. I'll never forget when Tom told me this new kid Kendall was trying out for the team. I knew I was in trouble then."

"What? In trouble how?" Kendall smiled, taking James' hand and kissing it after James merged onto the freeway.

"There you go again with the hand-kissing."

"You love it. Now how were you in trouble when I tried out?"

"Because I already couldn't stop thinking about you. I knew you wanted me, no matter what you said, and you were so fucking hot. But I convinced myself you were probably some nerdy kid deep down that I didn't want anything to do with. When I saw you at the rink with Carlos and Logan that day, I wondered if you were a skater. I was dying to know. But you took off. I showed up and you couldn't wait to get out of there."

"Duh, James. You kept taunting me."

"Yeah, that was just for fun. I loved knowing I was getting to you."

"I was never scared of you, okay? Just so you know. I hated that I wanted you, but I was never scared."

"Still, it was fun to see you so out of your mind whenever I was around. And I kept wondering if you were into skating, but I didn't see you there again so I figured maybe Carlos had brought you. Carlos told me once he liked skating, but he never did it. And then that Saturday morning Tom mentioned your name and I almost had a heart attack. I was so pissed at you."

"But why?" Kendall laughed. "Why was it a bad thing for me to be on the team?"

"Because! How was I supposed to resist you if you were everything I'd always wanted? You were gorgeous, didn't put up with my shit, someone even Logan could like...which I thought was impossible. But you had Carlos and Logan as friends, you were cool enough to fit in with them—and they don't let people in."

"Since when are Carlos and Logan the cool kids? They're nothing like the people you used to hang out with."

"Exactly! They kept to themselves but laughed a lot. And they had this tight bond and I thought they were together, I wanted that so fucking bad. A boyfriend to be with like that, who would love me and make me his world. I know that sounds pathetic, but-"

"It's not. It's what I wanted, too. And I wanted friends that were...what they are. I wanted to be part of a team like that, where you're closer than brothers. Or even _as_ close as brothers, I've never had that."

"Yes! I wanted guys I could feel comfortable with, not worry they'd judge me for being gay. So here you were, all sexy and teasing me and then you end up being a hockey player, too? I was so pissed at you for being everything I always wanted. What made it worse is that I could have you. I knew I could have you, at least for the physical stuff. It was when I started wanting...what we have now. That's when I got scared. Because if I had what I always wanted, I could lose it. Once I had you...I didn't think you could love me enough to want to stay."

Kendall suddenly wished they weren't driving, because this was the kind of conversation they needed to have while James was wrapped up in his arms. He settled for kissing James' hand again, James letting it go without a word of complaint. "You didn't think anybody could, did you?"

James shook his head. "There was Heather, and if I wasn't gay we'd probably be together. But she's not what I need. She's the best friend I could ask for, though. I really don't know where I'd be without her, Kendall."

"She's pretty awesome. I'm glad you have her."

"There was so much going on, so many new feelings. There was you, and then I was afraid I was losing her. Because even if you wanted me, you could be bi. And you seemed set on stealing her from me, so I could lose both of you overnight. Even though I didn't really have you. And if I lost Heather, I'd have nothing."

"I'm sorry I was such a prick about that. I didn't know how else to get to you. Logan said I should just tell you I wanted to know you, but...you were so intimidating. I thought you'd laugh at me. So I used Heather and then felt bad about it right away when she said yes. I didn't expect that."

"Yeah, that was not cool. You got her hopes up, and I wanted to kill you for that once I figured out your real reason."

"I know. But it worked. You paid attention to me again."

"You're such an idiot," James said affectionately.

"Yeah. But you love me."

"Definitely. So are we going to your house or..."

"What time is it?" Kendall bit his lip, thinking. "If we go to my house, we won't get to make out at all. And we've still got a half hour. The park?"

"No way, kids are there right now. I'd take you to the rink but that kills half our time that's left. Oh, I know. There's this cul-de-sac near your house that's deserted because they're gonna tear down the houses pretty soon. It's still light out so we shouldn't get too crazy, but we can definitely get some kissing in."

_Sure, you just tell yourself that, James. I'll have you coming in five minutes._ Kendall grinned as he stared out the window, thinking back on the weeks since he'd moved here. He remembered how scared he'd been to move away from everything he'd ever known, to meet new people and have to fit in somewhere foreign to him. Now he felt like his old home had been the foreign place, that he'd been lost until coming here to find the place he truly belonged.

It was actually seven minutes after parking before Kendall caused James to explode in the backseat, through skilled hand maneuvers as they kissed; neither knew when they'd have the chance to do this again so they took advantage of the opportunity, James doing the same for Kendall immediately after. They allowed themselves ten more minutes to simply cuddle together in the backseat, speaking quietly as Kendall once again asked about James' talk with his parents.

"Friday, Kendall. We're putting in two days of skating before we know if this is going anywhere, and if it does...Friday. Tell your mom to be ready."

"I will." _Friday._ In three days, James might be living with him. Kendall felt guilty for wanting it so badly when it meant that James would be ripped from his home, but the longer he stayed with his father the more stunted his growth would be both on the ice and in his confidence level. "I wish I could be there. She told me I can't go anywhere for a week, though. I'm shocked she even allowed this."

"It's probably better if you're not there. Dad's gonna flip as it is, if you were there it would be worse."

"But that's what I mean. You're gonna need me."

"I'll be okay."

"What about Heather? Can she be there with you?"

"I don't know, I guess she could be, but...I wouldn't want to ask that of her. Nobody should have to deal with that except me."

"And you shouldn't have to deal with it alone. Damn, why did we sneak out?"

James laughed. "Because we missed each other. And wanted a date. And I told you it wasn't worth it."

"I never said it wasn't worth it. I still think it was."

"Even if we're late getting you home right now and she tacks on another week?"

"Shit. Are we gonna be late?" Kendall sat up suddenly, pulling out his phone and glancing at the time. "We need to go. Should be okay but I don't want to take any chances."

"Yeah. One more kiss?"

There was always time for one more kiss. Kendall complied and they forced themselves to face the real world again, both of them already looking forward to the next week when they could do this again.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

I apologize for taking so long to update, but I'm working more hours (it's a good thing, really, because I'm able to save up money to go see BTR this way) so the writing is suffering. And you guys are gonna hate me at the end of this chapter because of the cliffhanger, but it's either make you wait another week or so for the rest of it or give you what I have now. I decided to just post what I have written instead of making you wait. So I'm sorry it cuts off at a bad place but this is all I have. And I probably shouldn't be editing and posting after working all night because I'm really tired, but oh well. Hopefully not too many typos I missed.

And keeping in mind that this is an AU fic, you'll see that my versions of Mr. and Mrs. Diamond are nothing like the characters from the show. While I tried to stay true to Mrs. Knight and Katie, with these two I made them their own people to fit the story.

AND YES. THERE WILL BE MORE CARGAN. Eventually. :)

Thanks for reading. I appreciate it more than you know.

* * *

><p>As Kendall and James were only able to spend physical time together during lunch and in Chemistry, Wednesday and Thursday seemed to drag by. They tried to meet up between classes a couple of times, but after each of them got in trouble for being late to class twice Wednesday, they agreed it was best to let that idea go; neither wanted to risk any more punishment, especially if it might interfere with hockey.<p>

In class they were not allowed to share a table, as Kendall had predicted, but with James sitting behind Carlos it wasn't so bad. Kendall was able to sneak glances behind him, the two smiling when their eyes met. The second they were allowed to pack up, Kendall spun around and used James' table to set his backpack on as he shoved everything into it. This left them face-to-face and with the opportunity to talk a bit before they had to rush off again. On Wednesday Kendall noted a drawing in the corner of James' notes and slapped his hand down on the paper before James could slide it away. It was a beautifully detailed rose, causing Kendall to grin as he met James' eyes. James blushed and jerked the paper out from under Kendall's hand, shoving it into his backpack. "Not a word," he warned.

"None needed." Kendall leaned forward, still smiling, and kissed James quickly.

"Not here! We're gonna get kicked out!"

"Nobody cares, James. Class is over. Come on."

They held hands until they had to part ways, the grin staying on Kendall's face the rest of the day as he thought about the rose.

James called Kendall immediately after finishing up with Stephen, fretting about how he was so out of shape and there was no way he was ever going to be able to do this. Kendall talked him down, reminding him that he was amazing and that most likely Stephen disagreed with James' opinion of himself. When Kendall asked his mother if James could come over for dinner, she denied him with the reminder that she'd told him it was only for one night and he was still grounded. Instead James called him as soon as he got home from Heather's and they talked for an hour, catching up on their day and looking forward to the following Monday when Kendall's restriction would be lifted.

After listening to James worry his way through the conversation Thursday night, Kendall pushed the issue. He'd finished his homework after dinner and was sitting at the kitchen table while his mother ran around cleaning up after them. He knew she was listening to the conversation but didn't mind, because he also knew she was rooting for James and wanted to see him succeed, too. When James trailed off after telling Kendall about his session with Stephen, Kendall asked, "So are you doing this or what?"

James was quiet and Kendall could imagine him with that "I'm not good enough" expression on his face.

"James?" Kendall said softly. "Talk to me."

"I don't...what if..."

"Enough with that. What did Stephen say when you left today? You said he would give it two days to see if there was hope. So what did he say?"

More silence, and Kendall let him struggle with it. Finally James mumbled, "He said okay."

"Okay? What does 'okay' mean? You're going for it?"

"He said we should do it. He wants to do it."

Kendall's face split into a grin. He gave his mom a thumbs up and she smiled, mouthing a "Yes!" before going back to her dishwasher. "And do you? Want to do it?"

"Duh, Kendall, you know I want to."

James sounded annoyed but Kendall only continued to smile. "So do it. This is it, James. Your chance to shine."

"The thing is..."

"What? Talk to me," Kendall repeated. "You're scared, right?"

"Yes, but only because I know I _can_ do it. We watched some performances from the current competitors, like the exhibitions? They're really good."

Nodding, Kendall pressed, "But you're...better?"

"Fuck, Kendall, I am. Even after all these years."

"Because you kept up with it. You never let it go in your mind, did you?"

"If you suddenly had to quit hockey, would you stop playing?"

"No," Kendall replied immediately. "It's like breathing to me."

"Exactly. So even though I thought it was over...I kept skating."

"And look at you now," Kendall smiled. "Beautiful and talented and ready to take on the world." He couldn't believe the depths of his feelings for James sometimes, had never known it was possible to love someone so much.

"I'm more worried about my dad right now," James stated.

"I know. Did you decide anything?"

"Tomorrow. Stephen and I talked about it and I'm telling my parents tomorrow. Stephen offered to talk to my dad with me, can you believe it?"

"Will he be there then?" Kendall sat up in the chair, suddenly tense as he thought about James facing his parents alone.

"No. I told him no. Heather offered too, but I don't want her there. I need to do this alone."

"I want to be there, James."

"I know. I want you to be. But you can't."

It warmed Kendall's heart that James would welcome his presence but no one else's. "I would be if I could. Call me as soon as it's done, okay? And then come straight here, we'll be ready. Damn, James, I feel like I need to be there for you."

"I know," James said again. "This sucks."

"Finally starting to regret sneaking out with you."

"I knew you would eventually," James chuckled.

"Kendall."

Kendall looked up from the table in surprise; he'd almost forgotten his mother was there.

"I need to talk to you. Tell James you'll call him back."

"Now, Mom? This is kind of-"

"Now."

"Fine," Kendall sighed. "James, I'll call you back. My mom needs to talk to me. Are you home now?"

"On the way to Heather's. We'll be doing homework but you can call."

"Okay. I love you."

He heard the smile in James' voice. "I love you, too, Kendall. Call me."

"I will. Bye."

"Bye." Kendall was smiling too, still unable to help it when James said the words. He set his phone down while his mother took the seat across from him. "What's wrong? I didn't do anything, I've been home like you said and I haven't snuck out at all."

"I know, honey. It's fine. How did it go for James? The practices went well? He's going to compete?"

"Yes! He's still terrified, but he actually told me he can win. He believes it, Mom, he actually believes it and for him...it's so huge. I'm so proud of him!"

"Does this mean he'll be living with us soon?"

"Tomorrow night, most likely. _If_ he goes through with it. I wish I could be there. I know I can't," he added hurriedly before his mother could get started. "But I wish I could. He's gonna need me."

"You haven't met his parents at all, right?"

"No. I feel like I never will. And that's sad, but...if they don't love him the way he is, they don't deserve to meet me."

Mrs. Knight cocked her head, considering that. "Do you think if they met you, things might be different? If they saw how much you care about him and how happy you make him, would they be more open to accepting the idea?"

"I don't know. Maybe his mom would. Not his dad, though," Kendall said sadly.

"And his mom holds no sway at all?"

Kendall shrugged. "James and Heather made it sound like she's afraid to go against him."

Mrs. Knight sighed, sitting back and crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't want to see him lose his parents, honey."

"I told you-he's better off without them."

"Still, they must love him. When is he doing this?"

"Tomorrow," Kendall answered. "After practice, I think. He'll probably play one more game with us and then quit the team. Which sucks, because I bet Brock will be the only captain then."

"Unless James puts in a good word for you."

"True," Kendall grinned. "And he will."

"Okay. So here's the deal."

Kendall hesitated while packing up his homework. "What."

"I really think if there's a way for James to stay home with his parents, he should. You might be the only way that's going to happen."

"Don't count on it, Mom."

"I'm not, but you should try for that. No matter how badly you want him to live here."

He didn't argue, knowing it was true.

"If he does end up living here, your grounding is basically pointless. You won't want to go anywhere he isn't anyway."

Again, this was true. Kendall held his breath, praying she was going in the direction he hoped she was.

"And honestly, I think you get it. You understand what you did wrong the other night?"

"Yes. I scared you and I'm sorry. It was stupid to sneak out like that. I swear I won't do it again. Not without talking to you first."

Mrs. Knight nodded. "I don't want James to go through this alone. I certainly don't want to be around you when he's talking to them, because you'll be going crazy with worry and end up driving me and Katie crazy, too."

"Mom?" Kendall asked, afraid to believe what he was hearing.

She sighed. "You can go tomorrow. Make sure he's okay and if you need to, bring him home with you. But there's no guarantee he'll stay here. If his mom shows up and demands he go home, I'm letting him go. Uh oh," she said as Kendall flew out of his chair. He almost knocked her to the ground by tackling her with a hug.

"Thank you. Thank you, Mom, you don't know how much this means to me. I was going crazy thinking of him being there alone. Thank you."

"I feel like such a pushover, but I worry about him, too. He's a lot more fragile than he lets on, isn't he?"

"Yeah," Kendall nodded, still hugging her tight. "He's terrified of losing me."

"He's crazy," Mrs. Knight chuckled.

"Right?" Stepping back, Kendall took a deep breath, letting it out in relief. "Thank you. I'm gonna call him now."

"I still expect you home tomorrow night."

"I know. We will be. I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too. Call him and set his mind at ease, then get to bed."

Kendall hurriedly packed everything up and rushed to his room, closing his door and dropping his backpack on the floor before settling on his bed and dialing James.

"Hey."

"Hey," Kendall smiled. "You at Heather's?"

"Yeah, but we're not getting a lot of homework done. Mostly we're talking about tomorrow and the skating. I'm freaking out about both, Kendall."

"I know. It's gonna be okay."

"But what if-"

"What if nothing. You'll skate and be amazing and I'll be there with you through all of it. Even if I can't always be there, I'll be there. Promise." When there was no reply, Kendall asked, "Are you getting choked up over there?"

"Maybe?"

Kendall melted, wishing he was with James now. "I love you. That's never gonna change."

"Still don't know where you came from."

"Told you," Kendall teased. "Minnesota."

"Shut up," James chuckled. "What did your mom want to talk to you about?"

"My grounding is pretty much over. She thinks I should be there with you tomorrow night."

"Oh my god, what? She's letting you go?"

"Yes. She's actually a pretty cool mom."

"No shit! And I can still stay there?"

"Yeah. But she said if your mom comes to get you, she won't stop her."

"Like that's gonna happen. I can't believe it. Heather! Hang on, Kendall."

Kendall heard the two of them talking, Heather relieved at the news and James still in shock. Finally he came back on the line. "I'll do anything for your mom, Kendall. Clean the place, wash her car, mow the lawn, tell her whatever she asks I'll do. I won't be in the way and I'll do what I can to help out."

"Calm down, it's fine," Kendall laughed. "She's not gonna make you a slave."

"I can't believe how lucky I am to have you. All of you."

"Believe it. You deserve it. And I love you."

"I love you, too. So fucking much, Kendall."

* * *

><p>James showed up at the house twenty minutes later. He didn't ask first and didn't tell them he was coming, but when he arrived Mrs. Knight welcomed him.<p>

"I had planned to go to the rink," he told her, "but I started driving and next thing I knew I was here."

"For tonight, it's fine. Kendall's in his room. The door stays open and you can stay until nine. Then I want you home."

"Yes, ma'am."

On her way out of the living room, Mrs. Knight stopped and turned back in surprise. She wasn't used to being addressed with such respect. James smiled at her nervously and she returned to him, hugging him tight. "It's gonna be okay, honey. We won't let you go through this alone."

"Thank you." He returned the hug, relief pouring from him. "My dad...he's not the nicest person. It's hard to know that no matter what you do, it's not good enough. I can't control who I love, Mrs. Knight."

"I know, sweetie. I know. I'm just glad you chose Kendall to love."

"Me, too. He's..." James stepped back, on the verge of tears as the feelings overwhelmed him.

"Go," Mrs. Knight prodded. "He's in the bedroom."

When there was a knock on his door, Kendall almost ignored it. He'd been texting James for ten minutes and not gotten a response; he figured James was driving, probably on his way to the rink, but he'd feel better knowing for sure. "Yeah, Mom?" he called out, annoyed even though he should've been kissing her feet at that point.

The door opened and James' gorgeous face peeked in at him. "I'm not Mom, but can I come in anyway?"

"James! Oh my god!" The phone fell to the bed unnoticed as Kendall flew across the room to pull James into a tight hug. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed you. Your mom said I can stay until nine." James' arms tightened around Kendall, the desperation back.

"I fucking love you, Mom," Kendall said softly, making a mental note to thank her once again.

"But the door stays open."

"Yeah yeah, I figured. Come cuddle with me." Pulling James toward the bed, Kendall laid down and smiled when James immediately snuggled in. Kissing James' forehead, Kendall wrapped his arms around him. "You okay?"

"Fine. Just scared. But I feel better now, knowing I have a place to go. People who will accept me."

"Always gonna have that, James. No matter what happens between us."

James was quiet for a minute, then asked, "What's that's supposed to mean?"

"What?"

"Do you think something bad's gonna happen?"

"No. Why?"

James sat up, studying Kendall. "Bullshit. What's going on? Why would you say that?"

"James, it's nothing. Come back here." He held his arms out.

"No. Why do you think something's going to happen between us? Have your feelings changed already?"

"Of course not! God, I can't imagine living without you now. It's crazy, this all happened so fast, but it feels right. This is how love is supposed to be, right?"

Nodding, James replied, "It's how I always imagined it. Better than that, actually. So what are you afraid of?"

Fearing anything he said now about losing James later would break down James' determination to go through with everything, Kendall shrugged as if it was no big deal. "All couples go through things. I'm sure it won't always be perfect between us. I'm just saying that we don't know the future."

"One thing I'm sure of about my future is you. You're not going anywhere."

Kendall reached up to cup James' cheek. He wanted to believe that so badly. His chest tightened at the mere thought of losing James, breathing becoming difficult.

"I love you," James whispered. "That's not gonna change."

"Things...happen."

"Not with us, they don't. Why am I suddenly reassuring you about this? I finally get it through my head that you're not leaving me and now _you're_ scared?"

"I told you. I'm always scared you'll run."

"You really think I'd walk away from the best thing that ever happened to me, Kendall? I'm not a complete idiot, you know."

Kendall chuckled, pulling James back down for a light kiss. "I know you're not. You're amazing."

"So are you, okay? I'm gonna spend my life fighting everyone off you. It's only going to get worse when you start playing professionally, all those people will see you and see how amazing you are and they'll want you. But they can't have you, Kendall. Promise me that, promise me that no matter who you meet, I'll always be the one you come home to."

Speechless because everything James said matched his own heart, Kendall could only hug James to him tight as the emotions kicked in.

"Promise me," James repeated softly, the plea ripping at Kendall's heart.

"I promise," he answered. "Just promise me the same thing. You're gonna meet so many new people and be adored and you'll travel and if you don't see me, you might forget about me."

"You're fucking crazy if you think I could forget about you, Kendall. You have no idea what you mean to me."

"So scared to lose you."

"You won't. You're the one who got me here, the first person in my life who made me believe I'm worthy of this. Of anything. No way am I letting go of that."

Suddenly words weren't adequate. Kendall kissed James hard, the two of them reassuring each other through touch for a bit before James finally pulled away to breathe, burying his face in Kendall's neck. "I love you. So much."

"I love you, too, James. We're gonna be together. Even when we're not. I promise you."

James settled down onto Kendall again and they laid together quietly, accepting the promise of forever. They both knew life wasn't perfect and that anything could change, but as long as they had each other, they would be okay.

* * *

><p>Kendall called his mother after practice the following day, checking in and letting her know they were on their way to James' house. She wished them luck and reiterated that she was ready should James need a place to stay. Carlos, Logan, and Heather had all hugged James and given him a boost of confidence, reminding him that what his father said didn't matter; what mattered were the people who loved him.<p>

"So how are we doing this?" Kendall asked, hand tight around James' as he drove.

"Well, we both need showers. So we can do that and by the time we're done, Dad should be home. Fridays we always have dinner together, it's the one night I have to be home, at least for that. Then I can go out if I want."

"So I'm having dinner with you guys?"

"If Dad doesn't kick me out the second he meets you."

Squeezing James' hand, Kendall replied, "If he does, it's his loss."

"I packed up a bunch of stuff last night. I already know how this is gonna end, Kendall."

"Then let him do it. You'll be happier at my house anyway."

"I know. My mom, though. She'll worry."

"Then she should step up and say something. If she's willing to let him kick you out, she doesn't deserve to have you there."

James raised their hands and kissed Kendall's, Kendall almost squealing over it. Instead he grinned at James, thinking the smile might never leave his face. "You love the hand kisses."

"Maybe."

"You so do."

"What I love is you."

"Good thing, because I love you, too."

"God, listen to us. I can't believe the shit that comes out of my mouth when I'm with you."

"It's called love, James. And remember? Love is funny."

"Apparently it also turns you into a sap."

"Not complaining."

After a sidelong glance and a smirk, James replied, "I'm not really, either."

Thirty minutes later Kendall had showered and was waiting in James' room for him to finish. The house had intimidated him a bit, being what he imagined was a direct reflection of James' father—pompous, grandiose, and show-offy. He felt as if he was being judged simply by entering it. James' mother had been nowhere in sight, James stating that she was probably in the kitchen and they would greet her after showering.

What hit Kendall the hardest was James' room. It wasn't a typical teenager's room; there were clothes in the closet, a computer on the desk, weights in a corner. Other than the weights, the only thing that looked used at all was the gaming system under the massive television, and Kendall understood that to James, this place wasn't home. Heather's house, the rink...those places were home. This place was a more of a hotel, and maybe somewhat of a prison as well—a place to sleep when he needed it and to house his belongings but nothing more. _Don't worry, babe. You'll be home soon enough. _

In James' closet sat two suitcases, and Kendall supposed maybe that's where his cherished belongings were at the moment, James not wanting to leave them behind when he was kicked out.

Hearing voices outside the door, Kendall turned away from the closet, suddenly nervous. Strangely he wasn't worried about meeting James' father, probably because he already knew he'd be hated on sight. James seemed to care about his mother, though, so of course her opinion mattered.

When the female voice started to raise in a panic, James' voice did the opposite; his voice went low and deadly when he was angry. Kendall walked to the door and opened it, not sure what to expect but determined to be there for James.

They stood just down the hall. James' mother was a tiny woman, and her current stance reminded Kendall of a rabbit. She was fretting and wide-eyed and looked on the verge of tears, but James stared her down with his arms crossed over his chest, unwilling to budge. "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm doing this. I've spent half my life hiding everything I am and I'm done. I finally found something worth fighting for and I'm not letting him go. Not even for Dad."

"But James, you know what he'll do! Don't do this, don't push him into this, please! Why can't you just pretend for a few more years, and then when you're out of the house you can do what you want but please, Jamie, don't do this now!"

"In a few more years, it'll be too late, Mom! It's almost too late now, and Stephen said it still might not work out. This is my only chance! Why can't you support me for once instead of hushing me up like some dirty secret?"

"I'm not ashamed of you! I never have been! But by doing this, you're pushing your father too far and I may lose you for good. Don't you understand that? He's not going to stand for this! And then where will you be? You can't live at the rink, James!"

Kendall moved to stand behind James and placed a hand on his shoulder. He met eyes that were very much like James' and said, "He'll be with me. And he'll be fine. I won't let anything bad happen to him and he'll be happy. Isn't that what matters most? Your son's happiness?"

James turned slightly to slide an arm around Kendall's waist, and his mother looked like she couldn't decide whether to hate Kendall or start crying. "Mom. This is Kendall. My boyfriend."

Mrs. Diamond sighed and shook her head, the tears coming to the surface. "James, please. Don't do this. Kendall, I'm sorry, I don't know you and it's nothing against you but you don't understand what James' father will-"

"I understand perfectly, Mrs. Diamond. He's already got his bags packed and my mother has welcomed him into our home. He'll be safe there." Though Kendall tried, he couldn't keep the judgment out of his voice. How could anyone not stand up and fight for their own child?

Her eyes widened more. "Oh no. No, James, don't do this. Please."

"It's done. I made my decision, Mom. I know exactly what Dad's gonna say and I'm ready. I brought Kendall here tonight knowing what it would mean. It's time. I'm sorry."

Kendall's arm tightened around James' shoulder. He could feel the tension running through James' body, knew that no matter how calm James sounded, he was terrified and shaking on the inside.

"You can't just run away, Jamie. You belong here, with your family."

"I belong where I'm loved and accepted. I know you love me, Mom." Voice softening, James stepped away from Kendall and pulled her into his arms. "I know you do. I've never doubted that. But I'm not accepted, and I'm not happy. I haven't been since the day Dad cut off the skating and I was forced to lie about everything I wanted. I don't want to lie anymore. I had to fake a girlfriend, for God's sake! How is that fair to me? And don't tell me that's a surprise, I know you knew better."

Mrs. Diamond clung to James, and Kendall almost felt bad; there was no doubt this woman loved James and would worry about him, but he knew she had put herself in this position by keeping her mouth shut all these years. She nodded, tears staining James' shirt. "Of course I knew. You're my son, I know these things. It's not that I don't want you to be happy, Jamie, but I want you here. I've never been ashamed," she repeated. "I just knew that to acknowledge it would mean something had to change. I don't want to lose you."

"You don't have to." James stepped back, hands on her shoulders as he looked into her eyes. "You can come over to Kendall's and see me. I'll be quitting school, too, so I'll be spending most days at the rink and you can find me there."

"You can't just quit school, there are channels you have to go through. You need me to sign for all of this because his mother is not your guardian. I don't think you've completely thought this through. You need me, James."

"Please don't stop me. I want this so bad, Mom, it's all I've ever wanted to do with my life. I'm so close now, please make this happen for me. Please." Hearing James pleading and so close to breaking had Kendall right there with him again, hugging him from behind. If his mother did somehow block James from skating Kendall thought he might have to throttle her, at the very least.

James rested his hands on Kendall's arms, fingers digging in. "Mom. Please. Help me. For once in my life, help me. Prove that you're not ashamed, that you love me." Tears choked his voice as Kendall squeezed him tighter. When James Diamond cried, something was wrong with the universe.

Mrs. Diamond's face scrunched up, her own tears falling again. "I don't want to lose you," she repeated.

"Then fight for me. Please."

A door slammed from the front of the house, making them all jump. "Honey, I'm home!" a deep voice joked.

Wiping her eyes, Mrs. Diamond got herself under control. "I have to go finish dinner. James, please think about what you're doing. I can only do so much." She walked toward the living room to greet her husband, Kendall immediately spinning James around in his arms and hugging him tight.

"I love you so much," he whispered. "Not gonna change."

James clung, shaking now as he finally let the fear take over. He backed Kendall toward his room and shut the door, the two of them leaning against it as Kendall held him.

"It's gonna be worse with Dad. Mom was nothing."

"I know. She loves you a lot. I didn't expect that."

James nodded. "She's scared. She knows he won't put up with it. And once I'm gone, she has to deal with him on her own."

"Is there...there's not any kind of abuse, is there?"

"No. He can be a dick, but he loves her. He wouldn't hurt her. He'll probably yell a lot and say it's all her fault for coddling me, though. Which is bullshit, she never did. I feel bad for that, for leaving her to deal with everything once I'm gone."

"She brought this on herself, James. You can't help loving me. I'm just...irresistible," he grinned, relieved when James laughed.

"That you are." With a smile James leaned in to kiss Kendall, and the level of affection behind it still managed to blow Kendall away. It was so different from their first kiss, which had been fiery and full of passion and knocked his socks off, but there hadn't been any sort of true love behind it. This kiss was no less welcome, though, and Kendall cherished it as he did all of theirs.

"So you okay?" Kendall asked, searching James' eyes.

"As okay as I can be. Really glad you're here."

"So am I." Kendall sighed as they kissed again. "I see you're ready to go." He gestured toward the closet.

"Yeah. Your mom's ready for me?"

"She is. Waiting for me to call once we know either way."

"Might as well call now. I already know."

"You don't really, not for sure. He might surprise you and-"

"No, Kendall. He won't. Even if my mom sticks up for me, he won't budge on this. I told you."

"Okay. All the better for me, then. I get to sleep with my boyfriend every single night."

"And have sleepovers where we can close the door," James grinned. "Don't forget about those."

"Mmm, can't wait. Miss you."

"Miss you, too. There's always time on the ice. You'll be there for practice, I'll be there too...we'll find time together."

There was a knock on the door. "James? Dinner's ready." Her voice sounded strong, as if she hadn't been crying over losing her son five minutes before.

"Okay. Be right out."

"Your mom...she keeps her emotions in check like you do. She's a strong woman, isn't she?"

James shrugged. "When she wants to be."

"Don't count her out yet. I think once it comes down to her losing you, she'll step up."

"Maybe. But like I said, it won't make any difference. I'm out."

"I know. We'll do this together." Kendall raised James' hand and kissed it.

James smiled. "Let's get this overwith so we can hide in your room all night."

"You mean _our_ room."

When James' smile widened, Kendall knew they were finally ready to do this. "Let's go face the dragon."


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

I didn't expect to get any more writing done until later in the week, but I've been stuck in bed sick so that's what I did (besides sleep for hours and hours and hours). Feeling much better now, yay! And I felt bad leaving you guys hanging. So here it is, the showdown with dad. This is a turning point in both their lives, and now that this chapter is done they're ready to move forward and embrace their futures. And of course, they will do it together. :)

My plans for this evening are to catch up on reviews, so if you reviewed me and I haven't replied yet, I'm sorry. I promise I will. I love you guys so much. Thank you again.

* * *

><p>Feeling like he was going into battle, Kendall prepared himself with a deep breath and a spine of steel as he followed James into the dining room. He was pleased to see James standing tall as well rather than going in slumped and defeated. Mrs. Diamond was moving back and forth between the kitchen and dining room, setting dishes down and seeming fine, but because Kendall knew what to look for he sensed the tension in her. He almost wanted to offer to help her serve the meal but when James took a seat and motioned Kendall to the one next to him, Kendall took it. Maybe helping serve dinner was too "unmanly" for them to do.<p>

Cutting his eyes to the tall man at the head of the table, Kendall discovered that James had gotten his looks directly from his father. An older version of James, he was handsome and fit, his hair gorgeous and perfectly in place though Kendall would guess his face had had some help from a doctor to keep him looking so young. The main difference Kendall noted (besides his age) was the fact that his eyes were a piercing, steely blue rather the warm hazel tone shared by James and his mother. He had the look of someone who could turn a cold gaze on you in a heartbeat and have you crapping your pants. Kendall wasn't going to be intimidated, though.

Mr. Diamond sat back in the chair and raised an eyebrow when he noted Kendall. "You're not Heather."

"I'm not," Kendall agreed, hackles rising.

James squeezed his knee and said, "This is Kendall. He's on the hockey team with me."

Mr. Diamond let that settle before asking, "Where's Heather? She knows to be here on Friday night."

"Heather and I broke up, Dad. We're not together anymore."

Even though she probably would be no help, Kendall was relieved when Mrs. Diamond took her seat at the table. She kept her eyes down, though, and reached for her husband's plate. He passed it to her and she began serving.

"I'm not surprised, really. Knew you couldn't keep something that good for long."

Kendall sat up straighter, feeling a smart comeback on his tongue but once again James' hand found his knee and silenced him.

"We're still friends, Dad. We just decided not to be more than that."

"Which translates to 'she found someone better.' Probably a football player, am I right?" He took the plate that was returned to him and dug in, forking up mashed potatoes and broccoli while he waited for an answer, but his eyes were on his food as if it wasn't much of a concern.

"She's not with anybody right now."

Mrs. Diamond passed James a plate of food, then held out a hand for Kendall's. He passed it to her, gesturing that he'd have a little of everything. She returned it to him without meeting his eyes.

After taking a sip of water, Mr. Diamond addressed Kendall. "What about you? Think you might be man enough for her?"

"I'm sure I would be, but we're just friends. She's a wonderful girl."

"Pretty, too. You telling me you're not gonna tap that?"

While his first instinct was to blow up at Mr. Diamond for speaking of Heather like she was a piece of meat, Kendall took the words for what they were—a veiled insinuation that his sexuality was in question. "She's not my type, no."

Mr. Diamond nodded slowly, pursing his lips while cutting into his steak. Kendall noticed that Mrs. Diamond was merely picking at her food, James doing the same. Kendall hadn't even touched his. He had a feeling they wouldn't be staying much longer.

"You're on the hockey team, are you?"

"I am."

"Are you any good?"

James spoke up immediately. "He's amazing, Dad. Better than me. He played all his life in Minnesota, where he moved from. He's going to be captain when I..."

When James trailed off, Kendall was the one squeezing his knee, but in encouragement rather than a warning. He'd seen the way Mr. Diamond's expression turned to stone as James gushed, and anyone listening for it would've heard the devotion behind James' words when he talked about Kendall. Mr. Diamond had indeed been listening for it. He set his fork and knife down and looked up at James. "When you what, James?"

_Please don't back down, please don't back down, James._

But his voice was determined when he replied, "I'm quitting the hockey team. Turning to skating full-time."

The moment of silence that followed that statement was somehow louder than a sonic boom would've been. They waited it out, Kendall's heart beating like a jackhammer as he stared at Mr. Diamond and grabbed James' hand tight under the table.

"You know where the door is." As if he hadn't just done something as monumental as dismiss his only son from his home, Mr. Diamond returned to his dinner, picking up his silverware and cutting into his steak.

James nodded, scooting his chair back. "Mom, you can call me, I'll have my phone unless he turns it off. I left Kendall's home number where you'll find it, you can call anytime and come see me if-"

"Jamie, no. No, this isn't happening."

"You knew it would." He stood up, starting to pull Kendall up with him but Kendall didn't budge, eyes narrowed on Mr. Diamond.

"Wait, so that's it?" When Mr. Diamond continued to eat his food as if Kendall wasn't there, Kendall continued. "Just like that, you're ready to lose your son?"

"I have no son."

"Kendall, come on. Let's just go." The words didn't seem to have affected James, though Kendall knew he must be dying inside.

"Don't you even care if he lives or dies? You don't even know if he has a place to go!"

"I don't really care. No son of mine is going to embarrass me and my family by turning into a fairy in front of the world. James, take your faggot boyfriend and get out of my house."

Kendall stood up then, the "F" word not even fazing him really because he'd prepared himself for that a long time ago; you couldn't consciously be a gay man without knowing you'd hear that word a few hundred times along the way. "How can you just let your son walk out of your life? How do you not care?"

Mr. Diamond finally laid down his knife and fork again and gave Kendall his attention. "My son would not choose a lifestyle that goes against everything right in this world."

"Being gay is not wrong!"

"It's bad enough that he turned out like that. You think I want to watch him flaunt it in front of the entire world?"

"I think you should be proud that your son has an incredible gift and let him own it rather than stomping it down like it's something to be ashamed of."

"Don't you tell me how to raise my son."

"Oh, I thought you didn't _have_ a son."

Mr. Diamond stood up then, Kendall barely noticing that James' mother was once again terrified. "I don't. Now get the hell out of my house. Both of you."

"You are the most-"

"Kendall! Enough. Let's just go."

"Yes, Kendall. Go. And make sure he knows that I will not welcome him back when he fails in this as he has every other area of his life."

Out of the corner of his eye Kendall noted James hang his head, and Kendall's eyes flashed. "He's going all the way. You don't even know how amazing he is because you don't care enough to see it. He's going to the Olympics, gonna win a gold medal and when he does, you'll be sitting here a pathetic, lonely old man who realizes what he gave up in this moment. Take a good look at him now, because you won't see him again once he walks out of this house. I won't _let_ you."

Looking as if he wanted to laugh, Mr. Diamond shook his head. "It's sad how much faith you have in him. One thing you'll learn early on is that James is a failure in everything he does. It doesn't matter how hard he works, because he's incapable of being a success at anything. All he does is disappoint, and one day you'll know what I learned a long time ago. The boy is a worthless piece of shit."

Kendall's fist was moving before James could even think to stop him. It connected squarely with Mr. Diamond's jaw, Mrs. Diamond gasping and covering her mouth while James stood motionless, eyes wide. There was a flare of pain that shot through Kendall's hand, but he barely noticed. All he knew was that someone he loved had been insulted and hurt, and as it had been when his father devastated Katie, Kendall's control snapped. You could say what you wanted about Kendall, but hurt a loved one and there was no letting it slide.

"Kendall, holy shit," James whispered in shock.

Mr. Diamond lifted a hand to face, probably just as surprised as James. "Are you fucking kidding me? You come into my house and-"

"Jamie, please, just leave!" Mrs. Diamond stood up in a hurry, rushing to them and shoving James toward the living room. "Leave now before it gets any worse!"

Mr. Diamond was already pulling out his cell phone. "You're not going anywhere, either of you. Assault me in my own home and-"

"James! Please! Just go!"

James started pulling Kendall away, Kendall resisting at first but finally letting James lead him out of the room. Adrenaline still rushing through him, he grabbed both of James' suitcases while James went out to start the car. He expected Mr. Diamond to attempt to detain him, but on the way out he heard the man still on his cell phone, reporting an assault by his son's friend. _Of course you don't mention I'm his boyfriend. Heaven forbid the world find that out. _

Smirking, Kendall decided that if the cops did show up, he'd tell them_ exactly_ what had transpired and why he'd punched the guy. It would be worth the punishment to share the details with the world.

He tossed the suitcases in the back seat and climbed in, finally taking a good look at James, who was anxious to be away and also seemed a little stunned. "You okay?" Kendall asked, laying a hand on his thigh.

"Holy shit, Kendall. Holy shit."

"I'm sorry. Except...no, I'm really not. He can't say those things about you and get away with it."

"You punched him." James drove away from the house faster than he should have but Kendall wasn't about to say anything.

"Yeah. Felt really fucking good, too."

"Jesus Christ, Kendall, you punched him. I can't figure out whether to be scared or rape you right now. Part of me is so turned on I can't even stand it."

That surprised a laugh out of Kendall. "Wow. That's nice to know."

"Nobody's ever stood up for me like that before. He always says shit like that, and my mom...she used to defend me but she gave up a long time ago. She knew it wouldn't make a difference."

"Then she should've taken you and run, not subjected you to that asshole. I swear to you, James, nothing he said is true. Nothing. You're the most beautiful, amazing person I've ever known and you're going to be famous and prove to him, prove to the whole world, that he's wrong. I've never lied to you, you know. You can trust me."

James shook his head, not because he doubted Kendall's words but because he was still blown away. "He's probably calling the cops."

"I heard him on the phone when I left."

"Shit. Shit! Kendall, your mom's gonna flip! And what if she changes her mind now, she won't let me stay if I end up getting you arrested and-"

"Hush. She's not turning you away. I may get in a shitload of trouble and end up grounded for life, but will it really matter if you're living with me anyway?" Trying to lighten the mood, Kendall nudged James with a small smile.

"Yes! Because she could take hockey away from you! If I caused you to lose that, I couldn't live with myself. Kendall, we should turn around right now and you can apologize and-"

"Fuck that! I am not apologizing to that homophobic asshole prick! He can't talk to you that way and-"

"I'm not letting you throw away your hockey career!"

"And I'm not letting you throw away your one chance at happiness! That asshole can go to hell, he deserves everything I said! And you deserve someone who makes you light up, who makes you smile and enjoy sappy love songs and roses and hand kisses! So he can just kiss my ass and get over it, okay?" Noting the expression on James' face as he opened his mouth, Kendall yelled "Minnesota!" before James could even ask the question.

James lost it, hysterical giggles erupting. He pulled the car over to the curb and laughed, Kendall joining him because really the situation was overwhelming and they were arguring about being in love and sacrificing for each other.

"How did you know I was going to ask that?" James laughed.

"I saw your face. You had that 'Where the fuck did you come from?' look on it, so..." Kendall shrugged. "Come here." He pulled James across the console some, enough to hold him. "Tell me. Are you okay?"

"I don't even know. I'm still in shock. Is your hand okay?" James lifted it and kissed each knuckle.

Kendall nodded, kissing James' hair. "You're safe now, though. We're gonna go home and be together, I'm not letting you go all night."

"Don't. Just don't let go."

"Not planning to." He tilted James' chin up to kiss him softly.

"The cops might show up at your house."

"Let them."

"What if they take you away for the night?"

"My mom won't allow it."

"Kendall, it's the cops. She can't stop them."

"You wanna bet? My mom could stop an army. Besides, my grandparents are rich, they'd give her the money to bail me out."

James sighed, letting out some of the tension. "You're wrong. You've totally lied to me before."

"What? When have I ever lied to you?"

"When you told me you hated me. A few days after we met. You didn't hate me."

"I kind of did."

"But you loved me."

"Yeah."

James smiled. "So you're a liar."

"Not about this. You're going to be brilliant, James."

James soaked up the warmth and comfort Kendall offered before asking, "Do I really light up around you?"

"You do. Almost as much as you light up on the ice."

"I think you're lying again."

"Nope. You really do."

"Yeah, but I bet I light up more around you than on the ice. Because I feel more alive with you than I do there."

Kendall blinked, pulling back to look into James' eyes. Heart rising into his throat, he whispered, "I love you so much."

"I know you do. I knew it before, but you proved it tonight. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Never gonna find out, either."

They kissed again, tender and sweet, and Kendall knew that no matter what happened once they got home, he would never regret this night.

* * *

><p>Mrs. Knight's face fell when they walked through the door with the suitcases. "Really?" she asked, eyes sad.<p>

"Really," Kendall answered.

"Are you okay, honey?" She opened her arms to James, who hugged her briefly but seemed to sense that he would break down if he allowed himself to hug her for too long.

"Fine now that I'm here. Thank you again, thank you so much."

"You're welcome, James, I'm just sorry it came to this. We can talk about all the rules and everything tomorrow, but for tonight you two relax. I've got pie if it helps at all; pie always helps me when I'm sad."

James smiled slightly. "I like pie."

"Go ahead and take your stuff to the room," Kendall urged James. "I'm gonna talk to my mom for a minute."

"Right. Let me just say now that I'm sorry, Mrs. Knight."

"For what?"

James and Kendall exchanged a glance before James moved down the hall.

"What, Kendall? What do I need to know? Is everything okay?" Mrs. Knight's head swung around as the doorbell chimed.

"Oh shit. Already?" Kendall's stomach dropped, hating that he was putting his mother through so much hell this week.

"Mom! The cops are here!" Katie sounded excited, of course. She ran into the dining room. "What did you do, dude?"

"The _police_? Oh, Kendall. What did you do?"

James returned from the bedroom, trepidation in his eyes. He grabbed Kendall's hand as the officer stepped into the dining room, and both James and Kendall let out a huge sigh of relief.

"Mr. Garcia! Oh, thank god." Kendall could've cried at the sight of him.

"Don't thank me yet, Kendall. This isn't a social call."

"No, I know it isn't. And I'm sorry you had to come out here but I can explain everything. Mom, this is Carlos' dad. He's a cop."

She nodded, slightly dazed. "I can see that. Why is a cop visiting our home, Kendall?"

"Mrs. Knight, there was a report of assault filed on your son. Apparently he punched James' father."

"Oh, Kendall. You didn't!"

"Mom, you don't understand! He was-"

"All right!" Katie yelled, settling in at the table for a show.

"No way, young lady. In your room. Now."

"But mom!"

"Not another word. Get in your room, now."

"So unfair! I miss all the excitement!" She stomped off, and once she was out of earshot Mrs. Knight continued. "You punched him?"

"I couldn't help myself! The things he said to James, you would've punched him too, Mom."

"I highly doubt that." Rubbing her hands over her face, Mrs. Knight groaned. "I need coffee. Mr. Garcia? Or...Officer Garcia?"

"Mr. is fine since our sons are friends. I'd love some."

"Please sit down."

While she busied herself making coffee, Kendall and James joined Mr. Garcia at the dining room table.

"So tell me your version, Kendall."

"Well, I was having dinner at James' house and his father kicked him out. He said some horrible things about James and I...kind of snapped."

"Kendall," Mrs. Knight began, "you can't just go around punching people if you don't like what they say."

"I can if they insult my boyfriend and call him a 'worthless piece of shit.'"

Mrs. Knight's eyes narrowed. "He said that? Those exact words?"

James remained silent, Kendall's hand tight around his. "Those exact words. He said a lot of other shit, Mom, but that was what did it."

"His own father..." She shook her head, arms crossed over her chest as she leaned against the counter.

Mr. Garcia jumped in. "He didn't mention that you were his boyfriend, Kendall. Only that you were a friend there for dinner."

"Of course he didn't," Kendall spat. "He doesn't want anyone knowing he has a faggot for a son."

"Honey, please don't."

"It's his word, not mine," Kendall told his mother. "He said that, too."

Mr. Garcia was nodding. "So what I'm getting is that you two went over for dinner and ended up arguing over the fact that James is gay?"

"Pretty much, yeah. And he insulted James and called him names and I don't regret anything I said or did so if you need to arrest me, do it."

"Kendall, shut up," James urged.

"Calm down, boys, I'm not arresting anyone. He wants to press charges but I'm pretty sure I can talk him out of that with a few carefully-chosen words."

"But what did your mom say, James? She was there, wasn't she?" Mrs. Knight poured two mugs of coffee and set them on the table while James answered.

"Yeah. She didn't say much. It's how she is. She loves me, she just...doesn't stand up to him."

"Not even when he kicks her son out of the house?"

"Apparently not," James said sadly, and Kendall wrapped an arm around him, a hand sliding up into his hair soothingly. James leaned into the touch.

"Will you be returning home tonight, James?"

"No, Mr. Garcia. I'm staying here."

"Until this blows over? I'm concerned about you returning to your home."

"I'm not going to. Even if he asked me to come home, which he never would, I wouldn't do it. As long as Mrs. Knight allows me to stay here, I'm going to. And if for some reason that didn't work out, my coach would take me in."

"He would?" Kendall asked in surprise.

"Yeah. He hasn't offered, but I think he was going to until he heard I was staying here. Mrs. Knight, if you'd rather I stayed with him-"

"Not at all. I'd like to know you're safe."

It was another of those moments where Kendall felt that James was about to break down from an overload of feelings, so he hugged James to him while James buried his face in Kendall's neck. "It's okay," he whispered. "You're okay now."

Mrs. Knight sipped her coffee and asked, "Mr. Garcia, how does that work with the law? James staying here. As a minor, is he obligated to live with his parents?"

"The rules on that are loose. Yes, technically, if his parents demanded he come home, by law he would have to. But they'd have to report him as a runaway for us to enforce anything, and then you could be held as a kidnapper."

"What?"

"That's an extreme case. It all depends on how his parents handle it. Somehow I doubt either of them is going to press the issue, and if they did, I'd make sure you weren't held accountable in any way. I'd stand up in court and attest to abuse in his home if I had to."

"Oh my god, there isn't any abuse, is there? James, has he been hurting you?"

"No," James said quietly. "Not physically."

"Trust me, Mom," Kendall added. "He's not going to want James home. He couldn't even look at James once he knew the truth."

"I hate him," James whispered, and Kendall hugged him tighter.

Mrs. Knight sighed sadly. "So what happens now? Kendall's not being arrested?"

"No, because I'm going to return to that house and have a talk with James' father. I'll make sure he doesn't press charges."

"I already told the boys that if his mother wants James to come home, he has to go."

"That's not gonna happen," James commented. Kendall had never heard him sound so empty and lifeless.

"But if it does. You have to go home, James."

"He's not going anywhere, Mom."

"Kendall, don't argue with me. If his mother wants him-"

"His mother isn't going to say shit. She didn't even-"

"Whatever happens," Mr. Garcia interrupted, "I'll make sure he's taken care of. Alright?" He glanced between the two of them, and they backed down. "His welfare is what matters here, in the eyes of the law. He is the minor and he will be cared for."

Kendall frowned. "Just as long as you don't take him away and put him in some state home or something."

"No, Kendall, nothing like that will happen unless both his parents are deemed unfit. And this kind of situation is all too common, it's extremely sad but nothing the law steps in to handle. Unless there's abuse."

"Yeah, his father would have to actually care to abuse him. That's not gonna happen, either."

Mr. Garcia nodded. "James, I'm sorry it's come to this. I only met you once and I can say you're someone I'd be proud to have as a son. Especially after everything Carlos has told me about you. I hear you've got an incredible career ahead of you as a figure skater?"

James smiled, blushing as he raised his head. "Kendall seems to think so."

"Um, no. Kendall _knows_ so," Kendall argued, kissing James' cheek for emphasis and causing him to blush further, but the smile widened as well so it was worth it.

"Carlos seems to think so, too. And actually, so does Logan. Logan's never wrong, you know."

James and Kendall laughed, Kendall adding, "He _is_ a genius, James."

After standing up and thanking Mrs. Knight for the coffee, Mr. Garcia said, "It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Knight, though I'm sorry it was under these circumstances."

"I agree. And it's Jennifer. Carlos is welcome here anytime, he's a joy."

"He's my boy," Mr. Garcia said with a grin. "Makes me proud every day."

Knowing how hard that must be for James to hear, Kendall stood up and pulled James with him. He kissed his forehead and said, "I'm gonna walk Mr. Garcia out, okay? Be right back."

James nodded.

"Thank you again, Officer Garcia," Mrs. Knight waved. "I'm sorry for all of this."

"Nothing for you to be sorry for. It's his father who's the asshole here."

Kendall walked with Mr. Garcia out to his motorcycle. "Thank you. James is...he's devastated. We went over there tonight knowing he'd be kicked out, but he had to tell his parents. He was tired of hiding it and since he decided to go for the skating thing again, he had to tell them. I know I shouldn't have punched his dad, but I've worked so hard over the past month to build up his confidence. With just a few words, his dad tore it all down again and I couldn't stand that."

"Kendall, don't repeat this to your mother, but I would've punched him, too. Especially after talking to him tonight. I'd never met him before, but I knew immediately he was the kind of man I despise. I'll simply remind him that if he presses charges, all of the details will be included in the police report, especially the reason for your anger. And then it will be public knowledge that his son is gay and that his boyfriend punched him." Mr. Garcia shrugged. "Pretty sure he'll let it drop after that."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure, too. Thank you so much, Mr. Garcia. I'm so glad you got the call on this one."

"I might've heard the name 'Diamond' and volunteered to check it out. Any friend of Carlos' is family."

Kendall hugged him briefly, so relieved because it could've ended badly had someone else answered the call. "Carlos is pretty lucky to have you as a dad. I mean, my dad isn't nearly as bad as James' but he's an asshole, too. I'm pretty sure he won't be thrilled to hear I'm gay when the time comes to tell him."

"Well, I look at it this way. You have to ask yourself, is my son happy? Is my son in love? Is he with someone who loves him and will take care of him and give him the devotion and dedication he's worthy of? If the answer to all of those questions is yes, then that's all that matters."

Kendall smiled, blinking against the sudden wetness in his eyes. There was no doubt Mr. Garcia knew the truth about Carlos and Logan, which meant his wife did as well. And when Kendall remembered that Logan's mother and Carlos' mother were best friends, it was natural to assume that meant Mrs. Mitchell knew, also. When Carlos and Logan decided to have "the talk" with their parents, there would be no worries. "That's good to know."

"Besides, who wouldn't want a son-in-law who can fix everything that breaks in my house?" Mr. Garcia winked. They both laughed as he got onto his motorcycle and started it up. "And don't tell my wife, but the boy makes better enchiladas than she does!" He cackled again and then sped away, Kendall grinning as he waved goodbye.

When he returned to the house, it was to find his mother and James talking quietly at the dining room table, her hand resting on his. He stepped up behind James' chair and leaned down to kiss the top of James' head, and James' other hand immediately reached up to find Kendall's.

"Why don't you boys get some rest? You're still playing the game tomorrow, right?"

"Hell yeah, we are. We're gonna win, too. It's James' last game, so we're gonna tear it up. And he's gonna tell Tom to make me a captain. Right, James?"

"Yes, Kendall. I will talk to Tom." James stood up and moved toward the hall. "Meet you in the bedroom?"

"I'll be there."

"Thank you again, Mrs. Knight."

"You're welcome, James. Goodnight."

When he'd disappeared, Kendall turned his mom. "So I know the rule about the door staying open and all but-"

"No. I've relented on every single rule I put into place for you, I'm not going back on this one."

"Even if I swear we won't do anything? It's not even about making out, I just know he's gonna cry once I get him alone. And he's...Mom, he needs to. He needs to just break down and let it go, and he won't if the door's open. Trust me, the last thing on his mind tonight will be making out."

"Kendall, why do you have to keep pushing?"

"Because it's for James. You saw him, he's an empty shell. Please, let him cry this out and then tomorrow we can start fresh, his new life. Just for tonight."

"Do what you want, Kendall." It was obvious she was at her wits' end anymore. "You're going to anyway."

"Mom, don't be that way. I'm sorry, I know this week has been crazy and you've had all this shit thrown at you but please try to understand what he's going through. He lost his parents tonight."

"I know that, honey. I'm just not okay with you growing up so fast. You're becoming a man already and I'm so proud of you and I don't know how to handle all these changes and now there's James and I love James, I really do, but it's a lot to deal with and I should not have to be worried about what my son might be doing behind closed doors with his boyfriend in my own home."

"I know. And I'm so grateful for you, we both are. I promise, let him get through tonight and then after that, we'll do whatever you say. I promise."

"Just..." She rubbed her eyes, suddenly looking exhausted and ten years older. "Take care of him. Don't let his father's words break him down again."

"I won't. I love you, Mom." Kendall hugged her, and she hugged him in return before stepping back and picking up the coffee mugs.

"Just for tonight, though."

"Promise. Goodnight, Mom."

"Goodnight, honey."

The room was empty when Kendall got there, and he started to panic but then heard the bathroom door open and relaxed. Not that he really thought James would take off, but the sight of him walking into the bedroom was a relief. He closed the door behind James and locked it, James raising an eyebrow. "I thought the rule was-"

"For tonight it's allowed. Only for tonight, though. Starting tomorrow, all rules have to be followed. No matter what."

"Your mother is amazing. You're so lucky."

"I know. We both are, because now she's pretty much your mom, too."

James let out a huge sigh, Kendall watching the tension roll off him. James kicked off his shoes and closed his eyes as he leaned against the door. "So glad that's over."

"Me, too. I'm sorry for the way it ended up, but..."

"No, you're not. You're happy I'm here. Lying again."

Kendall laughed. "Caught me. But seriously, I am sorry. I know you're hurting."

"I'll survive." James lifted his shirt over his head and tossed it in the direction of Kendall's closet. "I'll pick that up tomorrow. Promise."

"I'm not worried about it." Instead all Kendall could do was stare at James' body, eyes roaming over golden skin. "You're so beautiful."

"I miss you, too." He stepped up to Kendall and removed his shirt, dropping it to the floor before running his hands up Kendall's stomach and chest. "So much." He dipped his head down for a kiss but froze, eyes catching on something over Kendall's shoulder. "You didn't."

Kendall smiled and turned to look at the single red rose resting on James' pillow. _Carlos, you came through for me. I owe you one._ "Thought you might like that." He kissed James softly and whispered, "Welcome home, James."

Just like that, James broke. He clung to Kendall as his entire body shook, sobs tearing from him. Kendall pulled him down onto the bed and held him as he cried, kissing him and whispering to him and promising that he'd never again be alone. It was an hour later that James fell asleep, safe in Kendall's arms and finally beginning to believe that everything was going to be okay.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

Firstly, thank you to **epicinthelibrary** and **veryjaneeyre** for alerting me to mistakes I made in the last chapter. I should have known better than to write and post while I was sick, and a few things slipped past me. Considering the emotional storm today has been, I probably shouldn't post now either but if I don't it won't happen for another week. So forgive any typos/errors you find in this and call them to my attention? Thank you!

I think there are...let me think. Maybe two more chapters left of this. And an epilogue that I will probably post that I wrote as a Christmas present for Aranelle (when you're broke, your friends want stories—works for me haha), we'll see. But yeah, this is winding down. It's the longest fic I've ever written and I can't believe it isn't a Jagan. What's become of me? That's okay, this one was fun. :)

I love you guys and thank you so much. Sorry it took so long to update this, life is crazy.

* * *

><p>Each time Kendall woke, it was like their first night together had been—James snuggled up to him and snoring softly. Once Kendall was awoken by James thrashing and he kissed James back to sleep, soothing the nightmare away. The next time he opened his eyes it was morning, and he lifted his head to see that James' hand was wrapped around the rose, which was now on the pillow next to him.<p>

That brought a huge grin to Kendall's face and he stretched, feeling James turn in his sleep and once again snuggle up. "Whoa wait," Kendall said, reaching out over James but it was too late—the rose had fallen to the floor.

"What's wrong?" James asked blearily, half awake.

"You dropped your rose."

"My...what?" James flipped over again and looked over the side of the bed, a blush heating his cheeks. "Oh."

"You were sleeping with it. Because you obviously hate it so much," Kendall teased. He rose from the bed and walked around to kneel next to James on the other side, picking up the rose and lifting it to James. "I feel like I'm proposing marriage," he joked.

"Be quiet," James admonished, but he took the rose and lifted it to his nose. "Still smells good. Where did it come from?"

"I had Carlos bring it over yesterday after practice. He cut it out of their own garden."

"That's why it's so fresh. It'll die eventually, though," James sighed.

"Good thing there are more where that came from." Leaning forward, Kendall kissed James softly and stroked his hair. "Maybe I'll find a way to bring you one a day."

"Shut up, you will not." But James was smiling, and Kendall loved that he was able to see past James' protests now to the heart within; James would absolutely_ love _getting a rose each day.

"You're totally worth it," Kendall whispered, kissing him again before standing and moving toward his closet. "Sadly, we don't have much time. We have to leave pretty soon for the game."

"I know. I feel like it was a wasted night. We had a closed door and didn't even take advantage of it. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about. Neither of us was in the mood, James. And we can make up for it during the week, maybe after hockey practice. If nothing else, we'll get time alone in your car, right?"

"Mmm. Definitely." Watching Kendall cross the room from the closet to his dresser, James commented, "You know, I could watch you move all day. You say I'm graceful, but there's something about you, too. You're just...so gorgeous."

Kendall spun around in surprise, eyes lighting up. "Really?"

"You really are. I've heard that all my life, how have you not?"

"Because you actually _are_ gorgeous. With me it's that you're in love. So you see things other people don't."

"Nope. You really are gorgeous. I bet if I asked Carlos and Logan, they'd agree."

Kendall smiled suddenly, remembering something Logan had said when they were alone for the first time. "Logan did say once that I'm not exactly ugly."

"The guy's a genius, believe him if you don't believe me. And that's an understatement. You're so much more than 'not exactly ugly.'"

"James, quit making me want to crawl back into bed with you." He forced himself to stay where he was, leaning against the dresser rather than giving in to the urge to slide back into bed with his boyfriend.

"Fiiiiine," James answered, stretching and sitting up. "You gonna shower?"

"Yeah."

James' phone buzzed from the nightstand, where he'd placed it at some point during the night. He picked it up, the lazy smile fading as he looked through his messages. "Mom called. Four times."

"Did she? I guess I'm not really surprised. I'm sure she's worried about you."

"And Heather called, of course. I have like five texts from her, too," James smiled. "She's so amazing."

Kendall walked over to pick up his own phone. "I've got calls from both Carlos and Logan, and Carlos texted me a few times. They're worried about you, want to know how it went. Guess we should have called them last night, but I wasn't thinking. I just wanted to get you home. Oh, wait. Carlos' dad must have told them, because it goes from 'What happened?' and 'Is James okay?' to 'You're a lucky bastard' and 'Imagine if it hadn't been Dad who showed up.' Ah, and the last one says they'll see us at the game." Kendall texted a quick reply to Carlos, saying James was okay and they'd talk more after the game, if his mom permitted it.

"Go ahead and shower, I'm gonna call Heather."

"Okay." After laying his phone down, Kendall picked up his clothes again and leaned in for one last kiss. "I love you. Hadn't said that yet today."

James nodded. "I know you do. I love you, too. And uh...thanks. For just...everything?"

"Of course. You're gonna be great. I'll miss you on the ice, though."

"It's not like I'll never play hockey again. That's one of my favorite things to do with you. Especially when we're alone."

"Still gonna fuck me on the ice someday?"

"Some dreams never die, Kendall."

With a wicked grin, Kendall headed to the shower.

* * *

><p>Hearing the bathroom door open, Mrs. Knight called out to her son. Kendall followed her voice to the kitchen, where she was pouring herself a cup of coffee. "How is he?" she asked.<p>

"Alright, I guess. He had a few nightmares, one was pretty bad. Otherwise he slept through the night. And we didn't do anything, okay? I swear."

She waved a hand, dismissing that as she added milk. "His mother called last night. He wasn't answering his phone."

"It was on silent and once we went to bed, he broke down. Never even looked at his phone until this morning. What did she say?"

"She was worried. Wanted to make sure he was here and not sleeping at the rink. I guess he did that sometimes when they would fight?"

Kendall nodded. "Said he didn't have anywhere else to go."

"Well, he's got us now. His mother and I had a nice little talk. I wasn't sure what to expect, but she really does seem to care. I figured she must."

"Yeah, just not enough to stand up for him. It's pathetic."

"Oh, we're not done talking. She said she'd call again tonight to check on him, and when she does I have some things to say to her. I was nice last night because she was so upset."

Kendall grinned, stepping forward to hug his mother. "I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that phone call. And you know what?" He backed up, crossing his arms over his chest. "I need to thank you."

"For letting James stay here?"

"That too, but for everything. I was so pissed when you moved us here, thought my life was over. Turns out it was just beginning. Thank you, Mom, for giving me a boyfriend and the best friends I could ever ask for."

"I've told you a million times, honey—everything happens for a reason. James needed you."

"He needed all of us. Even Carlos and Logan. They're supposed to be at the game today, I was hoping you'd give me time to talk to them after? Just for a little bit, I want to know what happened when Mr. Garcia went back to James' house."

"I'd like to know, too, since his mom didn't fill me in on that. Is James awake yet?"

"Yeah, he needs to shower. I'll hurry him up."

"I've still got to wake up the she-beast. Want to trade?"

Kendall laughed, not envying his mother at all—Katie was a monster first thing in the morning. "Nope! I'll take my boyfriend, thanks. I get a smile and kiss, which is so much nicer than yelling and kicking."

"Quit bragging."

Kendall returned to the room in time to catch James wrapping up his phone call with Heather.

"She says hi and thank you for taking care of me."

"Tell her hi and it's my pleasure. Especially when you look so sexy, how do you do that first thing in the morning?"

James chuckled before talking into the phone. "He said hi, it's his pleasure, and wants to know how I'm so sexy in the morning." A pause, and then James asked, "Right? So lucky." He grinned at Kendall, who beamed in return. "I gotta go, Heather. See you at the game? Yeah, okay. Thanks for caring. Bye." He hung and shook his head. "I really am lucky. I've got the most amazing boyfriend in history and the best friend in the world. Plus Carlos and Logan? When did my life turn around?"

Gazing at James, who was twirling the rose between his fingers, Kendall replied, "When I moved here from Minnesota. Better go shower before Katie hits the bathroom. For a girl who doesn't wear any make-up, she takes forever to get ready."

"On it." He set the flower gently on the pillow behind him and jumped up, then dug in his suitcases for a change of clothes. Kendall watched him leave and the temptation was overwhelming. He managed to resist for all of five minutes, then gave in and glanced through James' belongings, his heart both breaking and swelling as he came across the things James couldn't bear to leave behind. Buried under clothing in one suitcase was a small collection of trophies James had won as a child, and Kendall imagined there must be many more back home. All of them were for figure skating. "Soon, babe. There will be so many more of these." In a zippered compartment he found a framed picture of James and his parents, obviously taken after one of James' competitions. He was small, probably no older than seven but already so tall for his age, and both his parents had posed with him while he held a trophy. His father did not look embarrassed at all, but rather proud as he stood behind James with a hand on his shoulder; Mrs. Diamond was beaming as well. At one time his talent had been a source of pride for both parents, apparently. Kendall wondered when it all changed. _Probably when he got old enough to start noticing other guys. His dad picked up on it right away, I bet. Stupid homophobic prick._

None of that mattered now, though. James had a new family, one that would always be proud of him and support him in anything he chose to do. Hoping it wouldn't bother James that he got into the suitcases, Kendall pulled out the trophies and set them on his dresser, moving around his own hockey ones to make room. He stepped back and smiled, liking that they were mixed in together because in his mind, that's how he and James were—mixed in together.

When James returned to the bedroom, he dug into a suitcase again for a pair of socks and his body froze in panic. He started to paw through everything, and Kendall cleared his throat before nodding toward the dresser. "Up there."

James looked up and saw the trophies set out on display.

"They're nothing to be ashamed of and shouldn't be hidden anymore."

The look in James' eyes made Kendall feel like king of the world. He opened his arms and James rushed to him, hugging him tight. "I love you so much," James whispered. "Still can't believe that out of every single city in the country, you came to mine."

"Everything happens for a reason," Kendall replied, hugging James tight.

* * *

><p>It was James' last game with the league and they were determined to win it. James called whatever plays Kendall suggested, and by the close of the first period they were ahead two goals. It was a good feeling, and after grinning at James Kendall glanced up to see their "family" cheering them on. His mother, sister, Heather, Logan, and Carlos, all five of them were sitting together. He did a double-take when he realized there was a sixth person there, and nudged James. "Carlos' dad is here."<p>

"I know! I thought he'd be pissed at us."

"Maybe he wants to talk to us about last night. But he looks pretty happy, cheering us on."

James nodded. "He's cool. Carlos is so lucky."

"He really is."

It was halfway through the second period when Kendall noticed Heather missing. In the heat of the moment most of his focus was on the action, but occasionally he'd smile up at his mom or his buddies, and one time there was a space between Katie and Logan. Figuring she'd run to the bathroom, he didn't think much of it until he heard James mutter, "Oh my god." Following his gaze, Kendall found Heather sitting at the end of the bleachers next to James' mother. His jaw dropped slightly as hazel eyes met hazel, her own almost scared as she stared back at her son.

"James-"

He skated off the ice, Tom opening his mouth to ask what the hell he was doing while Kendall rushed up. "He needs a few minutes. Let him go, he'll be back." At least Kendall _hoped_ he would. He had no idea where James had gone, hopefully not to yell at his mother (though Kendall had to admit, it was what he wanted to do), but he knew James would hate it if his actions caused any problems with the game.

"Get in there. Take his place as center."

Kendall nodded, returning to the game even though his heart was screaming to follow James and make sure he was okay. He kept glancing over at James' mother and Heather, but the only person who joined them was Stephen.

_That's good, I guess. They can talk about what she needs to do for James._

As soon as the buzzer sounded at the end of the second period, Kendall took off. He ran into James at the bottom of the stairs as James returned. "You okay?"

"Fine. Just needed a minute."

James' eyes were red. "Come here."

"No. Not right now. I'm fine."

"Are you pissed?"

"A little. Mostly I'm in shock. She's never once come to a game. Except maybe my first one. After that she never came back, just dropped me off and picked me up. What the fuck is she doing here?"

"You can ask her afterward, if you want. Right now we need you on the ice."

"That's why I'm here." James stalked past Kendall, ignoring the pleading look from his mother as he passed.

The final score was 5-2, and once again the team was ecstatic. At least they were able to do this much for James, make his last game memorable as a win. They spent some time in discussion with Brock and the coaches, James explaining he wouldn't be returning and that he thought Kendall should take his place as co-captain. Brock didn't argue, knowing it was a good move even though he still didn't quite understand how Kendall had completely stolen his best buddy from him in a matter of weeks. James took him aside and promised that they'd talk at school the next day, apologizing for his behavior as of late but saying he'd explain everything the following day.

When they were alone Kendall motioned toward Mrs. Diamond. "She's waiting for you. You gonna talk to her?'

"Yeah," James answered as they picked up their gear and moved toward the bleachers. Kendall wasn't sure what to expect; part of him wanted James to go off on her, but he also knew she must be in agony.

He greeted Carlos and Logan with hugs, the two of them high-fiving him for the win before Mr. Garcia did the same. The ladies also rushed him, excited and babbling about a few spectacular plays he'd performed as Heather rejoined them. Kendall looked over her shoulder to see James talking quietly with his mother. "Why is she here?" he asked.

"She's worried about him. It's about time she came to a game. I'm only sorry it's his last one."

"Her own fault."

"I know." Heather sighed, watching them with Kendall. "Is he really okay?"

"He will be. Last night was rough, but he's a little better today. Each day will get a little easier, you know?"

She nodded. "I'm so grateful he has you. He gushed to me about a rose this morning. Nice move."

"Did he really?" Kendall laughed, heart lighter. "I figured he'd never tell a soul about that."

"He was pretty excited about it. I never knew he wanted one, but he kept saying 'My boyfriend got me a rose.' Over and over, like he couldn't believe it. He's so much more romantic than he lets on."

"He is. I love it."

Katie rushed up. "Heather! Mom said I can go with you!"

"Great! They're gonna love you. Especially Mr. Timmons, he's this old, cranky guy who pretends to hate everything, but I bet you'll get him laughing."

"Oh no," Kendall groaned. "You're taking her with you to the old folks' home? Those poor people."

"Shut up, they'll love me! And it helps with my club, they give me points for volunteering at places. Heather says if I keep doing this through junior high and high school, it'll look great on my college apps."

Kendall lifted an eyebrow. "You're ten years old and already worrying about college?"

"Dude, you have no idea what it's like to be a kid now. They expect the world from you."

Now Kendall rolled his eyes. "I'm not ancient, you know."

"Might as well be. So how are we getting there?" Katie asked Heather.

"My dad should be here any minute to pick us up. If your mom's up for it, maybe we can do movie night or something after?"

"That would be awesome! Mom!" Katie ran off again, excited.

"She worships you," Kendall commented, watching her go.

"It's sweet. She's so smart, too. I love having a little sister! Well...you know what I mean."

"And she loves having an older one. I'm actually glad you guys are hanging out. You might rub off on her and teach her to be a nicer person."

"Aww, she's not so bad."

"I still feel sorry for the elderly." His eyes kept flitting back to James, who was still talking with Mrs. Diamond. "I wonder what they're saying. Do you think she'll ask him to come home?"

"No. I already asked. His father won't allow him in the house again."

Kendall felt guilty for the relief that swept through him. He should want James to make up with his parents, right? _Not if they don't support his dreams. Fuck them._

"Kendall."

He spun around at the sound his name, his mother waving him over. "Are you hanging out with the boys tonight?"

"Um...I'm grounded? Right?"

"Yeah, we're done with that. James needs some fun to take his mind off everything and I need you boys occupied for a while."

"So I'm not grounded anymore?" Kendall grinned. "Thank god! I swear, I won't do it again. Now why do you need us busy?"

"Because I have plans for this afternoon. Carlos and Logan are spending the evening helping Logan's mother, and you're both going along. Mr. Garcia also invited you two over for dinner tonight."

"Okay. Thanks for planning out my life." But really Kendall wasn't bothered, as his mother was "forcing" him to do what he would've chosen anyway. "Am I also having a sleepover tonight with my friends?"

"That's fine, but I want you guys at the house."

"We can do that. I think. What are you doing?"

Eyes on Mrs. Diamond, she answered, "James' mother and I are going to have a long talk. She just doesn't know it yet."

Kendall watched her approach them, following in her wake. He slid his arms around James from behind, James immediately leaning back against him. Kendall silently dared Mrs. Diamond to say something, but she wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Hi, Mrs. Diamond? I'm Jennifer, Kendall's mom."

"Oh! Hi there." She shook Mrs. Knight's hand. "Thank you again for taking James in. It helps to know he's safe."

"I'm sure you'd like to know more about the family he'll be living with, so I'd like to take you to lunch? There's a lot we need to discuss."

Mrs. Diamond nodded, relieved. "I'd like that."

"Great! Let me just make sure Katie's taken-"

"Bye, Mom! See you tonight!" Katie rushed past them with Heather, who waved and smiled before they disappeared up the stairs.

"Okay, Katie's taken care of. And you boys are good?"

"We're good," Kendall answered. "We're gonna go home and shower, then spend the day with the guys. And then head back to the house for a sleepover, apparently."

"We are?" James asked. He turned slightly to look at Kendall with wide eyes. "When did this happen?"

"When Mom said I'm no longer grounded and Mrs. Mitchell needs our help. We're also having dinner at Carlos' before the sleepover at home."

"Oh. Well then." James grinned, Kendall's own lips curving into a smile. "Mom, you can call me anytime. And let me know what happens with Stephen, okay?"

Mrs. Diamond nodded again. "Actually, Jennifer, you should probably be with me when I talk with Stephen. We have to figure out all the details to get James going on the skating, and it'll affect you as well I guess, so..."

She had the nerve to look sad and Kendall suddenly wanted to punch her. James felt the tension in him and shook his head minutely. "We'll talk about it later."

"She doesn't deserve to be sad over this," Kendall whispered. "It's her own fault."

James pulled Kendall away from the women. "I know, but she's having a hard time with this."

"And you're not?"

"Please, babe. We'll talk about it later."

"Fine." Kendall opened his mouth to say something else but James' lips shut him up, pressing a quick kiss to his own. "Oh. Hi."

"Hi. Nice game today."

"I thought so. We kicked ass."

"Sure did. So we get a sleepover tonight?" James asked with a smirk.

"We do. Can't wait to be alone with you."

"The guys are gonna be there."

"Like they'll even know we're there? Remember that drive home from the movies? Those two disappear into their own world when they're together."

"So do we. I kind of like that."

"Oh, maybe while we're at Carlos' I can pick you another rose."

"Shut up!" James smacked Kendall lightly. "I don't need one."

"You're getting one anyway." He leaned in to kiss James again, this one longer, and when they broke apart he felt eyes on him. Once again he dared Mrs. Diamond to say something, but she only continued to study them until his mother asked if she was ready to go find Stephen.

"Where are the guys?" James asked.

Kendall looked around, finally spotting them near the stairs. "Over there with Mr. Garcia. Come on, let's go talk to them."

Hands clasped as always, they approached to be greeted warmly.

"Kendall, your mom said you guys can come with us!" Carlos was beaming and so obviously trying not to lean into Logan too much.

"If that's okay with your mom, Logan."

"Mom doesn't mind, she likes the extra help, remember? It makes the job get done faster anyway."

Mr. Garcia nodded. "And you boys are all welcome to come over for dinner. Logan's making enchiladas."

Kendall chuckled, remembering their conversation from the night before. "Sure Mrs. Garcia won't mind that?"

"She's got plans with Logan's mom. They're having a movie night, so Logan's offered to handle dinner for everyone."

"It's no big deal," Logan blushed, but Kendall could tell he loved it when Mr. Garcia complimented him in any way.

Carlos slid an arm over his shoulder. "Dude, you know your enchiladas are the best thing ever."

"They're okay."

James rolled his eyes. "Dude, learn to take a compliment."

"Oh, look who's talking. Should we tell you again how amazing you are on the ice?"

When James blushed, everyone laughed.

"Exactly," Logan said.

Kendall pulled him close for a kiss. "You're so adorable."

"Stop."

Grinning, Kendall kept his arm around James as he addressed Mr. Garcia. "So what happened last night?"

"Oh. He dropped the charges. Exactly as I thought he would."

"Figured, since you never came back to arrest me."

"Thank god," James added.

"But he uh...James, he made it clear you're no longer welcome there and if you step foot on the property, he'll have you arrested for trespassing."

"What?" Kendall asked. "Is that even legal?"

"It doesn't matter," James answered. "I'm not going back there. Ever. And mom said the same thing, that I'm not 'allowed' to go home. Not like I'd want to anyway."

"Your home is with me now," Kendall reminded him.

"I know." James smiled, his face lighting up. "So basically it was a blessing in disguise."

When they went in for another kiss, Logan interrupted. "Guys, we gotta get going. Mom's waiting on us."

While this was true, Kendall wondered how much of Logan's words were due to jealousy over the fact that he and James could kiss freely in public. They'd have to talk to about that tonight. "Right. Do we have time to head home and shower first?"

"Please," James agreed.

"Yeah, if we hurry."

"You boys got a ride?" Mr. Garcia asked.

Kendall nodded. "James will drive us. And we'll be over as soon as we're done with Mrs. Mitchell."

"Sounds like a plan. See you guys later."

Once they were all in the car, five minutes were devoted to simply reconnecting with each other, both couples taking advantage of the time before they were forced to return to the "real world" where there was responsibility and parents and school. Logan was the first to come up for air, stating that they needed to get moving now or they wouldn't.

Carlos laughed and responded, "I love it when you get so hot you have to stop."

"I don't want to, but my mom will kill me if we don't get there in the next hour."

"It's okay," Kendall smiled, speaking in between kisses. "We have all night. Mom invited you guys over for the night."

"No way!" Carlos exclaimed. "I thought you were grounded until Monday!"

"I was. She thinks James needs a distraction, though." With an evil grin, Kendall reached over and squeezed James through his pants.

"Kendall, fuck! Not now or we'll never leave."

"Just following Mom's orders. Really gonna distract you tonight."

"Can't wait. And remember, you guys," James added, addressing Logan and Carlos, "she thinks you two are just friends. For now, it has to stay that way if you want alone time tonight."

"Not gonna argue with that," Carlos answered. He dragged Logan into another kiss, not stopping until Logan was hot again. "_Love_ that! You get so hot!"

"Shut up, so do you."

"Yeah, but you're a nerd. Nerds are hot when they're...hot."

Rolling his eyes but laughing, Kendall belted himself into his seat. "Come on. The sooner we get done with this, the sooner we can have dinner and get back home to my room. I'm assuming you two won't mind if we make out tonight?"

Carlos snorted. "Like Logan's even gonna notice? Trust me, I'll have him so crazy he won't even remember your names."

James started the car and reached over for Kendall's hand. "I like the sound of that. Do the same for me?"

"Of course. Right after I give you another rose."

James glared daggers at Kendall, but his lips twitched.

"Thanks again for that, Carlos. He loved it."

"No problem! Take as many as you need, we've got tons."

"Hear that, James? Enough to give you a rose every single day."

"Shut up." James put the car in gear and pulled out of the lot, not saying another word as Kendall lifted his hand and kissed it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

I can't believe this thing has made it to twenty chapters. How crazy is that? I now know there will be one more chapter plus the epilogue. The end is in sight, guys. I'm so grateful to those of you who made it this far and who continue to enjoy reading this. James has come such a long way, hasn't he? I'm so proud of him.

Maybe when this is done I can write that last chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder" and then figure out where my heart is. I always say I'm not gonna write anymore but I always end up doing it anyway. I guess we'll see. Writing is just so much fun! :D

Obviously I'm still behind on replying to reviews. I'm catching up slowly. I appreciate every single one of them, guys. Every single one. I've mentioned before how I'll be having a bad day at work and then sit down on a break and read one and suddenly I'm smiling again? Yeah. You just have no idea how much they mean to me. Thank you.

* * *

><p>James was a bit nervous about meeting Mrs. Mitchell, but she was happy to have the help and welcomed him. It was still new to James, being so readily accepted by people, and Kendall grabbed his hand when she turned away to address Logan and Carlos.<p>

"You okay?"

"Fine. Just...really lucky."

"Yeah, you are. You got me, what more do you need?"

James rolled his eyes but pulled Kendall in for a hug, knowing Kendall was joking. Logan was watching them with wide eyes, giving Kendall warning glances, and it was only then that he realized he'd never told them that Mr. Garcia (and therefore the moms as well) was aware of Carlos' and Logan's relationship. He made a mental note to mention that as soon as he could.

The opportunity came while preparing dinner at the Garcia household. Logan commandeered Kendall to help him while Carlos took James around the house and introduced him to the family. Kendall didn't mind this at all since it gave Logan and him a chance to catch up. The previous weekend seemed like months ago, and Kendall wondered if it would always be like this, so much happening they could barely catch their breaths, or if it would settle down now that James had taken the huge steps toward his future.

"No, those are for Carlos. Set those aside, we cook them separately," Logan instructed.

"Right," Kendall grinned, setting the food on a plate rather than in the pan. "No onions. It's so cute how you take care of him."

"It's my job." Logan found a smaller pan and passed it to Kendall, who went to work following Logan's moves.

"Is that how you look at it? A job?"

"Not really. I don't mind it, remember? If it wasn't me looking out for him I'd worry because nobody knows him like I do."

"Or loves him like you do."

"Dude!" Logan spun around to make sure they were alone. "We haven't told anybody yet, okay? I'm sure my mom knows about you two with the way you were acting earlier, but our parents still don't know."

"Logan-"

"And I mean, she didn't seem to have a problem with you guys, so hopefully she won't freak out over me, but-"

"_Logan_-"

"-you just don't know for sure until you do it. What if they don't let us see each other anymore?" Logan wiped his hands on a paper towel and turned scared eyes on Kendall. "I can't handle that, Kendall. What if my mom takes me away, moves us somewhere I can't see Carlos anymore?"

"It's not gonna happen. I promise."

"You can't know that. She-"

"She knows, Logan. At least I think she does. I know for sure Carlos' parents know. His dad talked to me about it last night. When he came to 'arrest' me."

"He...what exactly is it they know?"

"Come here." Seeing that Logan was freaking out, Kendall led him to the breakfast bar and sat him down. "We were talking about James' dad and how my dad isn't all that great either. And he said all that matters to him is that Carlos is in love and loved and taken care of and happy."

"That doesn't mean-"

"And then he said he'd love having a son-in-law who can fix everything that breaks and who makes the best enchiladas in the world. Basically."

Logan sat in stunned silence for a moment. "He...really? He said that?"

"Yes, Logan. He knows, which means his wife knows. And you suspected that anyway. If your moms are best friends, don't you think she knows, too?"

Logan's eyes widened as the idea sank in. "Do you really think my mom knows?"

"It makes sense, doesn't it? Use your logic, buddy."

Biting his lip, Logan asked, "But if they know, why haven't they said anything? Or at least tried to split us up?"

Kendall shrugged. "Maybe they figure you'll come to them when you're ready. And obviously if they haven't split you up, they don't have a problem with it."

"But Kendall, just because his dad knows, that doesn't mean-"

Carlos waltzed into the kitchen, passing them by on the way to a cupboard.

"Carlos! Kendall says your dad knows about us!" Logan hissed.

Frowning, Carlos pulled out a box of freezer bags. "He does?" He spun around with eyebrows drawn together. "Why would you think that?"

"Because we talked about it last night. He totally knows, guys. And he's fine with it."

"But then that means...see, Logan? You were right! My mom _does_ know!"

"This is crazy. How long have they known?"

"They probably figured it out before Carlos did," Kendall laughed. "And again-they're perfectly fine with it, because they know you two love each other and are good for each other."

"Wow," Carlos marveled. "All this time I could've been kissing you in front of them. Damn." He shoved a few baggies into his pocket before returning the box to its place.

"Carlos, that's not the point!" Logan argued while Kendall laughed again.

"Yes, it is. What else matters?"

"I don't know, just...they know. And they accept us."

"They do," Carlos agreed, a huge grin on his face as he approached Logan. "Which means I can do this." He tipped Logan back on the stool and kissed him deeply, Logan gasping in surprise and fighting it but only for a short time. Eventually his arms slid up around Carlos' neck and he returned the kiss with ardor.

Kendall shook his head. "Do I need to leave?" he joked. "Maybe finish dinner by myself?"

When Carlos tried to lift his head, Logan held him there longer. Finally Carlos was allowed to rise, cheeks flushed and heated. "Damn, dude! Such an animal!"

Logan didn't even blush. "Just wait for tonight."

Kendall busted up, Carlos' eyes widening in surprise. "Daaaaaamn. Are we there yet?"

"Get out of here before I attack you again," Logan urged, shoving Carlos lightly.

"No way, I think I need to help with dinner. Kendall, you go."

"No," Logan chuckled, pushing him away. "Go."

"Fine. Let me know when dinner's in the oven so we can go 'look for something' in my room." With a wink, Carlos started to walk out.

Logan called him back. "Wait. What are the baggies for?"

"That, my sexy nerd, is none of your business." Carlos spun on his heel and waltzed back out of the kitchen.

"What was that all about?" Kendall wondered.

"Who knows? With Carlos it's better not to ask sometimes. I'm sure we'll find out soon enough. I'm almost scared."

"Let's get dinner going so you two can uh...look for something in the bedroom?" Kendall teased.

"Be quiet, it's how we deal with sudden surges of lust." Logan resumed putting together the enchiladas, Kendall joining him while snickering.

"Sudden surges of lust? Did you really just say that?" When Logan only shrugged, Kendall added, "And you're surprised they figured it out? How often do you two sneak off together?"

"We don't have to too much since we do his homework in the bedroom. But every once in a while...oh, like you and James don't have those moments?"

"We haven't been together enough lately to have them. He stayed the night last night but our minds were on other things. So I just roll these closed like this?"

"Yes, but not so tight. Like this. You're so lucky to have him living with you. I'd love to sleep with Carlos. And by sleep I mean _sleep_."

Replicating Logan's movements, Kendall replied, "It's gonna be awesome, even with the door open. And we decided it's too soon for sex anyway. How about-"

"Kendall, will you keep it down? No need to advertise it, okay?"

"Sorry, sorry. But have you guys...you know. Taken that step?"

"No way. We're happy doing what we do now."

"Which is...?" Kendall hinted.

"You know I hate talking about this. Carlos has no problem, but it's weird for me."

"I know, and it's not really my business, but I'm curious."

Glancing around to make sure there were no parents or younger Garcias nearby, Logan said, "Just um...you know. Hands. And mouths. You guys, too?"

"Yeah. It's...wow."

"Yes. Wow."

"The thing is, though..." Kendall hesitated, not sure how to explain his point. He moved aside so Logan could spoon sauce over Carlos' pan. "You guys haven't ever been with anyone else, not like that. I had one experience, and it wasn't much but it was enough to show me that with James it's totally different. Like...amazing. I know that with any other guy, it wouldn't be like this. When he touches me..." Kendall shrugged and repeated, "Wow."

Logan chuckled. "Yeah. Is it weird that I don't have any desire to even know what it feels like to be touched by anyone else? You'd think I would be curious, right?"

"I don't know. James doesn't seem to be curious, and he's never been with anyone else—guy _or_ girl. Like you. I just hope it stays that way, that it's not because it's all new and exciting."

"Kendall, please. James isn't going anywhere. He's insane over you. And I just had this conversation with him like...what? Last weekend? Neither of you needs to worry about anything."

"You guys talked about that? Wait, at the game? Is that why he shoved me into a closet and attacked me?" Kendall grinned remembering that wonderful moment.

"Probably. Can you grab me the foil out of the cupboard? The same one Carlos was just in."

Kendall did, his mind on the previous weekend and James' declaration of love. "He told me he loved me that day. Wanted to make sure I knew it. I figured you'd said something to him."

"He couldn't understand why you loved him. He feels like you could have anybody, and why would you choose him?"

"Because he's amazing?" Kendall suggested.

"Right, but he doesn't feel that way. Though he might be getting there."

"I hope so. I'll keep working on him."

"Logan!"

They spun around at the sound of Carlos yelling, and Logan was heading out of the kitchen in a flash. Carlos met them at the entrance, holding one hand in the other.

"Are you bleeding? What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm bleeding, Logan. Fix it."

James strolled in behind Carlos with an eye roll. "It's just a little cut, Carlos. You're fine."

"How did you cut yourself, Carlos?"

"It hurts," Carlos said instead of answering. "Kiss it for me?"

"Oh, come here, you big baby." But Logan was smiling as he led Carlos out of the kitchen. "Kendall, put the pans in the oven and meet us in Carlos' room! It's already on!" he called back.

"Got it!" With a lazy smile at James, Kendall remarked, "I missed you."

James grinned. "I didn't go far."

"Still. What happened to Carlos?"

"Ah, you know him. He's clumsy. Smells really good in here."

"Can't wait to eat this stuff. Want some cheese? There's some left."

"Sure." James approached the counter while Kendall shoved the two pans into the oven. "Damn, that is a huge pan."

"Yeah, the little one's for Carlos. He can't eat onions."

"Sucks for him." Rather than going for the cheese, James spun Kendall around and into his arms. "So I love you and I think you need to know that."

Kendall's face flushed as he beamed. "We were just talking about that. About last weekend when you said that for the first time."

"It's still true." He dipped his face down to kiss Kendall softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Why don't we head to Carlos' bedroom and I'll show you how much?"

"Horndog."

"Only for you." He witnessed James melting and kissed him again. "I'm not gonna get crazy. I just really need to kiss you right now. A lot."

"I think I can handle that. But I should warn you that Logan wants to do homework tonight once we get to your house. Carlos said he won't be swayed on that."

"Ugh, damn Logan. Why does he have to be so responsible?"

James laughed. "Maybe Carlos can change his mind. They have all day tomorrow for homework anyway. And I don't even have to worry about mine. Oh my god, I'm not gonna see you at school anymore. I won't even be there."

"Well, it all depends on what happens with your mom and Stephen and if they can get everything set up but...yeah. It's gonna suck not having you at school. I bet Heather's gonna miss you, too."

"Yeah. It's...wow. Everything's changing."

"Not everything," Kendall whispered, sensing a slight panic rising in James. "You've still got Heather, and Carlos and Logan. And you'll always have me."

James nodded slowly. "Then I'll be fine."

Suddenly overwhelmed with the need to be alone with James, Kendall dragged him out of the kitchen. "Come on. Let's go look for something in Carlos' room."

* * *

><p>Wanting to introduce James to their tradition, Carlos insisted on a stop at the grocery store for sundae supplies on the way to Kendall's house. No one argued and soon enough they were at the house unloading goodies in the kitchen. Katie ran in, Heather on her heels, and shoved Kendall out of the way. "Sundaes!"<p>

"Gee, nice to see you, too," Kendall remarked in amusement. He watched Carlos join her at the counter and noted she didn't push _him_ out of the way. "I see how it is. I'm being replaced already."

"Hey, I told you. Carlos is cool. But you're a pretty rad brother, too. Just keep that door open so I don't have to sleep on the couch."

Heather chuckled and reached out to hug Kendall. "There. Is that better?"

"Much nicer, thank you. This is how a sister _should_ greet me."

Heather let go to hug James as well, then Logan as he found bowls and spoons.

"Where's Mom?" Kendall asked.

"In the living room," Heather answered. "She paused our movie when Katie came running in here."

Kendall nodded, pulling James toward the living room. "Come on, let's go talk to her. You guys go ahead and eat."

"Like we wouldn't?" Katie asked.

"Silly me."

James' hand in his, Kendall found his mother on the couch with a blanket over her legs and the remote in her hand. "Hey, how'd it go?" He fell into a chair and pulled James down onto his lap, a little surprised when James stayed. Obviously he'd gotten past any hesitancy whatsoever to show affection in front of others.

"I imagine you're asking about James' mother?"

They both nodded.

"Well, we have plans to meet with Stephen tomorrow and discuss the skating. James, I'd like you to be there since this it's ultimately your decision."

"I'm doing it. The decision's been made."

Kendall squeezed his waist, so proud of the determination behind that statement.

"I understand that, but I want to make sure you're okay with everything we decide. Your mother wants me there as well," she added.

"Of course. And Kendall needs to be there, too."

"Damn right," Kendall commented.

"There's no reason for him to be there, but if you want him there-"

"I do."

Mrs. Knight nodded, having expected it. "Then we'll all go together. James, your mother wanted me to tell you she's sorry."

Kendall clicked his tongue in disgust. "Then she should've defended James when she had the chance. Or at least called to tell him herself."

"She's afraid James hates her and wants nothing to do with her, and honestly she wouldn't blame him if that's the case. She said she argued with her husband all night about getting James back home, but he refuses."

"Wow," James said softly. "She argued with him? She never argues with him."

"I was extremely angry with her when we sat down to lunch today. While I still don't approve of her actions, or lack thereof, I know that she regrets it and would give anything for a second chance with you, James."

"Too bad," Kendall commented. "She messed up and now it's too late."

"Kendall," James said softly. "I know she loves me."

"She didn't show it very well."

Mrs. Knight interrupted. "Honey, nobody's perfect. I agree with you, what she did was wrong, but if you'd heard her today...I never imagined I'd end up hugging her while she cried. She's desperate to get her son back."

"He's not going anywhere. He lives with us now."

"Hey. Calm down, I'm staying here." James kissed Kendall lightly. "As long as I'm welcome."

"Which is forever. Mom, tell him he's welcome forever."

"Kendall, relax. He's welcome as long as he wishes to stay here. But he does have a mother who loves him very much and would like to start over with him."

"Fine. Then she can come see him here. Or at the rink."

"She said she was proud of me," James offered quietly. "After the game. My mom told me she was proud of me, Kendall."

"Oh, so now she can say it? Why didn't she say it when your dad called you a worthless piece of shit? Why can't she say it when it matters?"

"She's always been afraid of him."

"That's no excuse, James. She's your mother! She should be the first to defend you in every situation!"

"I know, Kendall. I know. And I'm pissed at her too, but...she's my mom. Okay?"

James had turned Kendall's words back on him, and it finally got through. Yes, she had given up the right to call James a son in one sense, but in another, motherhood wasn't something that could ever be undone. For better or worse, she would always be James' mother, and James loved her. "Okay," Kendall answered softly. "I just want you to be happy."

"I know. And I am. Right here with you. This is my life now, and while I'm not going back to the old one, she's welcome to be part of my new one if she wants to be. As long as she understands I'm doing what I want to do no matter what she and Dad say."

"Okay then. If you want her to be part of it, then she will be."

James smiled. "Thanks. I love it when you go off on my behalf. Makes me feel loved."

_And other things._ Kendall grinned when he realized James must be hard right now.

"So," Mrs. Knight interrupted, getting the conversation back on track. "We meet with Stephen and your mother at noon to get everything figured out. Your mother will have to take you down Monday and get you enrolled with your new teacher and out of public school. You sure you want to do this?"

"Positive. I'll miss Kendall and the guys, but we'll find time."

"Good. Did I hear Katie yelling about ice cream?" Mrs. Knight stood up. "Let's get in there before it's all gone."

Neither moved to follow her, though, instead gazing at each other intently. James finally said, "She's proud of me. That's...you just don't know how that feels, Kendall."

He nodded. "I can understand. What else did she say? I didn't want to ask in front of the guys."

"She said she tried to get my dad to change his mind. Asked if I'd come home, if she did. I told her no."

"Good. Anything else?"

"She wanted me to know she still loves me. That she's here for me if I ever need anything."

Kendall fought down the annoyance, but it escaped anyway. "It's a little late for that. She should have-"

"I know. I know you're right. But she's trying." When Kendall didn't respond or even look at him, James added, "Mostly she asked about you."

"Me?" Kendall hadn't expected that. "What did she say?"

"She said it's obvious you love me and care about my happiness. That she's never seen me the way I am around you. And she's only seen it briefly. She said she knows you probably hate her but she'd like to get to know you better."

"Oh god, why'd she have to go and be nice?"

"Makes it hard to hate her, doesn't it?" James smirked.

"It's just...she can't treat you like that and then expect it to be forgotten right away. Nobody treats you like that, especially not your own parents."

"I never said it was forgotten. But it can maybe be...repaired. If she makes the effort, I'm not going to ignore her."

"Fine, but don't go running back to her, okay? Stay right here with me." Kendall's arms tightened around James' waist, hugging him closer.

Sliding his arms around Kendall, James replied, "Already told you. You're stuck with me."

"Guys, the ice cream is melting! Get in here!"

They chuckled at Heather's voice. "That's her way of saying Carlos is going for seconds and we'll miss out," James laughed. "Come on." He stood and pulled Kendall after him, and when they'd dished out their sundaes they gathered with Carlos and Logan around the kitchen table to dig in.

Kendall was surprised when Heather joined them, leaving Katie and Mrs. Knight in the living room. "Aren't you watching your movie?"

"I've seen it. I wanted to know how it went with your mom today, James. She was really nervous about talking to you. Were you at least nice?'

"Mostly. It meant a lot to me that she showed up."

"Kendall's mom said she's willing to do whatever it takes to get you skating again. That's something."

James glanced at Kendall before answering. "It is. It's huge for her."

Logan asked, "Are you still going to need us to help you with your schoolwork?"

"I don't know. We'll find out more tomorrow when we meet with Stephen, and then Monday she's taking me down to get set up for the school thing. I'm nervous."

"Don't be," Logan soothed. "We won't let you fail."

"That's right," Carlos grinned. "You got a genius on your side now. This guy is so smart he gets me bored talking about sex. I don't know how that's possible."

Logan's eyes shot up from his ice cream. "What? When have I ever bored you with sex talk?"

"Eighth grade when we had to learn about the reproductive system. You used all these big words and I was so bummed, I was waiting for you to say sex stuff for a change. And you made it all educational."

Everyone snickered, Logan asking, "What was I supposed to do? Use slang terms and curse words?"

"That would've at least made it exciting. Instead you talked about chromosomes and zygotes and a bunch of other crap I don't even remember."

"Well, every time I said the word 'sperm' you went into giggle fits. I had to choose my words carefully or we would've been there all night."

Heather smiled. "You two are so cute."

"Aww, thanks, Heather." Carlos hugged Logan to his side, Logan blushing slightly.

"Guys," Kendall reminded them. "You're just friends or the door stays open."

"Right." Immediately they moved away from each other.

"It's not fair that you two can be all lovey-dovey but Carlos and I have to hide it."

Kendall picked up James' empty bowl and set it on top of his. "I know, but it won't be for long. I'm pretty sure she'll find out soon enough from your parents. I guess once you talk to them, it's only fair to tell her, too."

"She's gonna be so pissed, Kendall," James worried. "She'll know we knew and didn't tell her. What if she grounds us again?"

"She won't keep you from skating or me from hockey. I know that much. And it's not like we don't live together now, so I'm not worried about being separated from you. We won't be together during my school hours anyway."

"Oh! Speaking of school," Carlos began, "Logan said we can wait until tomorrow to do homework! Will we have time before you guys go to the rink?"

James answered with, "You should. We're not meeting him until noon."

Heather squeezed his wrist. "It's gonna be fine. Don't be nervous."

Kendall had noted it too, the slight fear in James' voice. "I'll be there with you. You're gonna do this."

"I know." James smiled at both of them. "Thanks, guys."

Logan stood up, taking both his and Carlos' dishes to the sink. "Can we get to bed? I'm actually tired."

Nobody believed that, but they certainly weren't going to argue. They all gathered around the living room to watch the last twenty minutes of the movie, the guys rolling their eyes during kissing scenes (except James, who had a goofy smile on his face that Kendall didn't miss), and then Mrs. Knight and Katie left to run Heather home. Carlos and James ran out to the car to get Logan's and Carlos' belongings while Kendall and Logan cleaned up the kitchen together, then joined Carlos and James in the bedroom.

"So you guys don't mind sleeping on the floor?" Kendall asked, locking the door while Carlos was spreading a sleeping bag over the carpet.

"As long as I get to sleep with Logan, I don't care where it is. We only get this on the weekends."

"We've only had it once." Turning from the door, Kendall stepped around the sleeping bags and pillows the boys had brought and moved toward the bed, where James was sitting on his side and stripping out of his shirt. "Tonight will be-" His words cut off as he spied a mass of scarlet on his pillow, jaw dropping when he realized it was a bouquet of red roses tied together with what looked like a shoelace.

James glanced up sheepishly. "Had to use the lace from my skate, but...thought you might like some roses."

Eyes searching out the flowers, Logan smiled. "Aww. That's so sweet, James. Look at him, he's speechless."

Kendall was. He picked up the roses and held them to his face, words failing him.

"Is that how you cut yourself, Carlos?" Logan wondered.

"Yeah. Those thorns are sharp, dude! But James really wanted to do it, so we made it happen."

Logan kissed the Band-Aid covering Carlos' wound again. "Totally worth it. Look at his face," he said again.

"I love you," Kendall finally whispered.

James nodded without words, their eyes speaking volumes to each other. He pulled Kendall down onto the bed, Kendall setting the roses on his nightstand before rolling over onto James and kissing him deeply.

After getting their "bed" set up, Logan flipped off the light and stripped to his boxers, then laid next to Carlos, who of course attacked him as soon as he was down. For a while no one spoke, there was no need for it because they said everything that needed to be said with their hands and mouths.

Kendall and James undressed as they kissed, leaving the boxers on like Carlos and Logan but otherwise needing to feel bare skin. It had been so long, or at least it felt that way. Their hands roamed, lips following along under the blanket as they discovered each other again.

"Carlos!" Logan hissed. "Not that! Stop!"

"What, now you're gonna get all shy? What happened to 'wait until tonight'?"

"They're right there, we can't do that in front of them!"

"I promise, Logan, they're not paying attention."

"It doesn't matter, it's weird and—and-oh my god, Carlos."

"See? You want it."

"No, we have to-"

James spoke up. "You really think I even remember you're here when I've got Kendall practically naked in bed with me? Trust me, Logan, I'm not gonna notice what you two are doing."

Nodding, Kendall agreed. "As far as I'm concerned, there's no one in the world except this gorgeous guy who brought me flowers even though he hates romance."

"I never said I hated it."

"Yeah, you pretty much did. But it was a lie, so I'm fine with it." Kissing James again, Kendall's hand slid down over James' stomach and into his boxers.

"Kendall," James whispered. "Yes. Missed you."

"I promise," Carlos said softly to Logan. "They're not gonna mind. And they're gonna be doing it, too. Just forget about them. Forget about everything, the way you always do when I kiss you."

"Nothing else makes me forget about everything. I lose myself in you."

"I know," Carlos grinned. "It's awesome."

Laughing quietly, Logan pulled Carlos into a kiss, not fighting it this time when Carlos dragged his boxers off completely.

Kendall gasped when James' mouth found him, his hands tangling in James' hair as he bit down on his lip. Nothing was like this, being devoured by James and knowing James was just as hungry for him as he was for James. "Love you so much," he groaned, rocking up into James' mouth. Though James didn't answer, his fingers dug into Kendall's thigh in assent. It wasn't long before he knew it would be over soon, and he dragged James back up to the pillows for a long kiss. He wasn't ready for it to end yet. Sliding down under the blankets, Kendall got rid of James' boxers and went for it, loving the little sounds James was trying desperately not to make. Knowing what James liked, he used it to his advantage, not satisfied until he had James whispering incoherently and letting out soft whimpers. He kissed back up to James' lips, James rolling him onto his back and attacking him roughly while their hands finished the job, the two of them kissing through it while they swallowed each others' moans. They held each other close, James panting against Kendall's chest while Kendall stroked his hair.

"Fuck. Forgot how amazing that is."

"No way are we going that long without it again," James agreed. "We'll find a way."

When there was a strangled moan from the floor, they smiled and tried not to listen because they knew Logan would die of embarrassment. Kendall reached into a drawer and retrieved the wipes he'd hidden in there the previous weekend, passing one to James so they could clean up. "We're totally doing that again tonight," James commented.

"And again and again. I have this scary feeling we won't get the chance after tonight."

"We always have the rink. Just tell your mom I need to get away and skate, we can have little dates here and there like last time."

"You gonna bring me more flowers, James?" Kendall teased.

"Your face when you saw them. It was so worth it."

"I love them." He kissed James before tossing their wipes away and settling down onto his chest. "You guys good over there?"

"Oh, we're great," Carlos answered. "Logan just promised we could do that again later."

"You're not supposed to tell them, Carlos!"

"Why not? I'm sure they will, too. Right, guys?"

"Hell yeah," James answered. "Logan, it's fine. We don't care what you do, we've got our own blowjobs to worry about over here."

Kendall giggled, cuddling closer to James. "Today was a good day."

"Sure was. Incredible hockey win, best enchiladas in the world for dinner, and I got my boyfriend roses. Though your mom's probably not going to appreciate us raiding her flowers, Carlos."

"She'll get over it. From now on we should buy them, though."

"You forgot about the amazing blowjob," Kendall reminded James.

"Oh yes. That was definitely a great part of today."

"Carlos, how come I don't get flowers?"

"Oh my god, really, Logan? You want flowers?"

"I don't know. I've never thought about it."

"You want flowers, you'll get them. Just keep blowing me like that and you can have anything in the world, sexy."

They all chuckled, Kendall imagining Logan shaking his head in the dark. "Goodnight, guys. I'm glad you're here."

"Yeah, us too," Logan replied. "Goodnight."

Kendall raised his head and whispered, "I'm glad you're here, too."

"No place else I'd rather be," James answered. "I love you."

It would never get old, Kendall knew that now. "I love you, too." He reached out for the roses, settling them on James' chest while his eyes fell closed. "I hope the thorns don't cut you." He suddenly had a vision of them rolling over onto them during the night. "Maybe I shouldn't-"

"They're fine," James interrupted. He laid his hand over Kendall's, the two of them keeping the roses in place as they slid into sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

I am so sorry it's taken me this long to update. Part of it is work, and part of it is personal issues that I won't bore you with. Needless to say, I'm ready to get back into this. This chapter was supposed to wrap everything up and take us to the epilogue, but I got sidetracked by the need to write a little Kendall/Katie bonding time. It's not much, but I love Katie and wanted a little more of her before I end it. I'm pretty sure the next chapter will be the last, though who knows what'll happen once I get writing? I tend to ramble. As you can see from what you're reading right now. :P

The picture of James that Kendall refers to is actually what inspired this entire story. I can't link you to it here, but I made it my bio pic in case anyone wants to see it, so all you have to do is click on my bio link. It's crazy how one pic turned into a story that's more than 200 pages. I still can't believe it went this far. I have to say, this one was one of my favorites to write. I've always said "I Would Scream to the World" is my favorite of my stories, but this one comes pretty damn close to it in my heart. Not quite, but pretty close. I'm happy it's one you guys seem to love, too. :)

Obviously I'm still behind on replying to reviews. I'm catching up slowly. I appreciate every single one of them, guys. Every single one. I've mentioned before how I'll be having a bad day at work and then sit down on a break and read one and suddenly I'm smiling again? Yeah. You just have no idea how much they mean to me. Thank you.

* * *

><p>Kendall allowed James to sleep while he and the guys rose early to eat breakfast and tackle their homework. He knew James hadn't slept well, being nervous about the meeting today and about whatever his mother would have to say. There was a part of James that still feared his mother would somehow keep this from happening, and when James started tossing and turning Kendall distracted him, tiring him out until he fell into sleep each time. This in turn kept Kendall up half the night as well, but he certainly didn't mind.<p>

Around ten James padded out to the kitchen in sweats and a sleeveless t-shirt, his hair mussed and his feet bare. Kendall thought he'd never seen anything so beautiful. "Morning." He lifted his face up for a kiss.

James grumbled but pressed his lips to Kendall's before asking, "Food?"

"In the microwave," Logan answered. "I saved you a plate."

"My genius cooked breakfast, dude. All my favorites. Mrs. Knight says we're welcome to stay every night if he cooks breakfast," Carlos laughed.

Logan rolled his eyes. "Not gonna happen, Carlos. I knew it was the only way to get you out of bed."

Carlos shrugged. "Whatever works."

James heated his plate and then took the chair next to Kendall. "Sorry I kept you up all night. I tried to sleep."

"I know, and I didn't mind. It'll get easier; right now you're in a strange place and have a lot on your mind."

"It helps, having you there."

"Good. Did you put the roses somewhere safe?"

James nodded, shoveling food in. "Logan, these are the best pancakes I've ever tasted. When Kendall and I are rich, can we hire you to be our cook?"

"Sorry, I've got plans for my future. Carlos will be the only one who gets to enjoy my cooking on a daily basis."

Carlos beamed. "I don't mind cooking for you sometimes, too."

"Yeah, that's okay." At Carlos' frown, Logan asked, "Remember when you tried to impress me with macaroni and cheese?"

"Come on, it wasn't that bad!"

"The clean-up was. I thought for sure your mom was going to ban us from the kitchen forever."

"She wouldn't. She likes it when you help her. So uh. Logan. You think today we should do it? Have the talk?"

Kendall and James both raised their heads, James setting his fork down.

Logan let out a deep breath. "I guess we could. No sense in putting it off if they know. It's just...scary, you know?"

"Yeah," Carlos agreed. "But Kendall said my dad's cool with it, and I'm pretty sure mom is, too. It's just your mom we have to worry about."

"I'm not really worried. She probably knows. It won't be an easy conversation, though. Talking to parents about sex and boyfriends never is."

Kendall nodded, taking James' hand in his. "My mom still wigs out a little. Can't blame her, it's kind of an awkward thing."

James pushed his empty plate away with a sigh. "I'm surprised my mom didn't ask me to give up Kendall. Not that I would," he added hurriedly in case Kendall was worried, "but I expected her to beg me to forget about him and come home. Instead she wanted to know more about him."

Kendall chuckled. "Mom thought that once they saw us together, your parents would be okay with it. I tried to tell her that wouldn't happen."

"Can't change people, I guess." James made a happy sound as he drank orange juice. "Dude, is this fresh?"

Carlos nodded with a grin. "We found some oranges in the fridge, so Logan made us juice. Isn't he amazing?"

"Carlos, it's just orange juice," Logan argued, but as usual he was flattered.

"Amazing," Carlos repeated, leaning over to peck Logan on the cheek.

The phone rang but they ignored it, Kendall knowing his mother would grab it. A minute later she poked her head into the kitchen. "Honey, is James still-oh, you're awake. Your mom's on the phone for you."

Face draining of color, James nodded. "Thanks."

Kendall reached over for the kitchen extension. "It's fine. She's probably just-"

"What if she says she changed her mind? And why didn't she call my cell?" James wondered. "It's in the room, though. Maybe she did." He took the phone and raised it to his ear, Kendall calling out that his mother could hang up the other handset. "Hello?"

Watching his face, Kendall held James' hand while Logan stood to clean up his empty dishes. Whatever she said had James frowning, then he looked like he was close to tears. All he said was, "Okay. I'm not surprised. I'll talk to Mrs. Knight and see if we can work something out."

Kendall was ready to rage at the woman. It didn't really matter what she'd said, only that she'd upset James. "Can I talk to her?"

James shook his head. "I know. See you at noon. Bye." With a sigh he hung up. "Dad shut off my phone. I didn't even look at it this morning."

Breathing his own sigh of relief, Kendall said, "Don't worry about it. Mom will add you onto our plan. You have to have a phone, James."

"But she's already doing so much for me. I can't ask for that."

"She'll want to know you're okay, trust me. That's why I have a phone, and why Katie does, even though she's only ten. It's hard to find pay phones so Mom got us our own. You're pretty much her kid now, you know."

Touched, James smiled and leaned into Kendall. "Still, that costs money and-"

"Mom!" Kendall suddenly yelled. "James' dad shut off his phone, can we get it turned back on?"

She joined them in the kitchen. "Your cell phone?"

"Yeah," Kendall answered. "He needs a phone, right?"

"Absolutely. Especially if he'll be gone so much. Don't even worry, honey, we'll get you set up. I like knowing where my kids are."

"Uh oh." Kendall stood up, knowing what those words would do to James, and sure enough James was making his way to the bedroom in a hurry.

"What? What did I say?"

"It's fine, Mom. James isn't used to people treating him like family. Thank you for being awesome." After kissing her cheek, Kendall headed down the hall and into his room, where James was playing with his phone. "You okay?"

James only nodded and Kendall smiled. "Told you. You're family now."

"It's just weird."

"Good weird?"

"Definitely." James bit his lip, finally looking up from his phone. "It's been a long time since I've felt wanted by a parent. I'm not used to it."

"But it wasn't always like that, right?" Kendall asked, walking to the dresser and pulling out the framed picture he knew James had hidden there beneath his clothes. James looked down again, and Kendall joined him on the bed. "When did it change?"

"When my grandparents visited once. I competed while they were here and I won, I kicked everyone else's ass but all my grandpa could say was 'You want to nip that in the bud now, son. You don't want him growing up to be a fairy.'"

Rage rose in Kendall and he wondered if he'd ever have the chance to punch all of these people who had hurt James so deeply. "His dad?"

"No. My mom's." Continuing to absently mess with his phone, James added, "My dad was never the same after that. I had a few great years skating, and then everything changed. Suddenly my dad was discouraging me, telling me I'd never make it and I should just give up, do something that I could go somewhere with."

"How old were you?"

"I don't know, like eight? My mom signed me up for skating when I was five because she loved to do it. It was our thing. She never wanted to make a career of it for herself, I don't think, but she loved to watch me skate. Told me I had a future."

"What the fuck, James? How do you go from supporting your son to just letting it drop?"

"It all changed when Dad wanted me to stop. She would never go against him, and while he was okay with it, everything was fine. When he wasn't, she didn't say much. I fought to keep skating through junior high, and the only reason I got away with it is because she said she'd sign me up for hockey, too. I guess she tried, in her own way."

"It wasn't enough." Kendall shook his head. "She should've told your dad to fuck off and taken you away. Look how it ended up, she totally lost you. It's her own fault." When James didn't respond, Kendall snatched the phone away and tossed it aside, forcing James to look at him. There were tears in James' eyes and again Kendall wanted to punch the people that put them there. "Listen to me. You are beautiful and talented and worth every single one of these people who love you. They're going to regret it someday, realize that losing you was a mistake, and when they do I'll be right there next to you because I'm not going anywhere. Through everything to come, your hockey-playing boyfriend will be at your side and watching you succeed and you're amazing, you're perfect the way you are and I'll tell you that every day if I have to, until you believe it and-"

He never finished, James' lips silencing him as his hands held Kendall close with a grip on his shirt. Kendall kissed him back fervently, trying to prove the words through it.

"I love you so much," James whispered as he pulled back some, slightly out of breath. "All of you, your mom and Logan and Carlos and Heather and even Katie. She let me use the last of the toothpaste yesterday."

"Wow, for Katie that's pretty good. She's warming up to you."

"I sure hope so," James laughed. "It sounded like she felt sorry for me."

"Take what you can get."

James hugged Kendall close with a smile, spying the picture next to him on the bed. He picked it up and studied it, one arm still around Kendall. "I'll never have this again. I gave up on it a long time ago, but I still need to let it go."

"Replace it with new memories. A new family. Give me your phone."

"It doesn't work, babe."

"Just give it to me."

James had to search for it, as Kendall had tossed it up near the pillows, but he found it and passed it to Kendall. He watched Kendall play with it, then Kendall wrapped his arm around James and leaned his head on James' shoulder, lifting the phone up. "Smile!"

James laughed and Kendall took the picture, then grinned. "Aww, look at us! We're adorable!"

"Oh my god, Kendall, shut up. Let me see." James dragged Kendall's hand closer and smiled. "We are, aren't we? Too bad I don't have any service or I'd send that to your phone. Maybe I should send it to my dad," he joked.

"Don't tempt me." Kendall dug out the tiny memory card and replaced the one in his own phone with it. "Saving it to mine in case you can't get this phone working again. Wow, you don't have a lot of pictures on your phone."

James shrugged. "Just a few of me and Heather and-oh shit, give me that." Panicked, James tried to grab the phone.

"Wait, what?" Kendall stood up, turning away and hunching in to keep it from James. He scrolled through a few pics of Heather skating and then his eyes widened. "James. Is this from my first day?"

Blushing, James shrugged. "I thought you were hot."

"How did you take this?" It was a picture of Kendall sitting alone at a chemistry table, eyes down on his notebook as he was most likely taking notes and trying not to stare at James.

"It wasn't hard. Just aimed my phone and went for it. Had to be sneaky and twist weird, and I was terrified you'd catch me."

"And Carlos didn't notice? Then again, it's Carlos." Kendall suddenly cracked up, pulling James into his arms. "Fuck, I love you. Where's my memory card?" James found that on the bed and handed it to Kendall, who switched them out. "Come look at this."

James wrapped his arms around Kendall's waist and looked down over his shoulder while Kendall pulled up the pictures on his own phone. "This isn't from my first day, but pretty close."

This picture showed James walking on campus with Brock, heading toward Kendall as Brock scowled. His hair was windblown but as always James was breathtakingly gorgeous. "I wanted you, no matter what I said."

Shaking his head, James kissed Kendall's neck. "I remember that. I had no idea you took a picture. We're crazy."

"We just knew it was right. There was a reason I couldn't stop thinking about you. One night I laid in bed and actually tried to figure out how to stop thinking about you."

"Really?" James asked, amused.

"Yeah. Didn't work."

"Thank god." James spun Kendall around and kissed him. "Don't ever do that again."

"With you right next to me? I think that would be impossible."

"Good. I'll make sure that's always the case, then."

"And you say I'm a sap."

"Whatever. You made me this way."

Kendall gave James a soft kiss and whispered, "Winning you over is my greatest achievement."

James seemed to melt in his arms. "I love you, Kendall."

"Exactly. You ready to go make your dreams come true?"

"Not really. I feel kind of sick about it."

"That's just the orange juice," Kendall teased. "Come on. Get in the shower and make yourself prettier."

With a blinding smile, James did.

* * *

><p>Stephen's office was small, only boasting two chairs other than his own. He gave it up to Mrs. Knight and offered to get another, but James quickly shoved Kendall into one and sat on his lap, saying they were fine. Kendall knew James was only doing it to make a point to Mrs. Diamond, who was seated in the third chair, and tightened his arms around James' waist to pull him back. When Mrs. Knight gave them an exasperated look, Kendall grinned at her and pressed a light kiss to James' shoulder.<p>

They talked for two hours, planning out James' daily schedule and making sure everyone understood what this would entail. Kendall had known James would be devoted full-time to skating, but it still seemed crazy that he wouldn't see James at all until the afternoon. He'd be sure to make hockey practice every day, not only because of James but because as captain he needed to. It didn't hurt knowing James would be in the same building and he could at least smile at James on his way downstairs for practice; maybe he could even coax James into a quick break so they could talk for a few minutes. While Logan, Heather, and Kendall would work with James (as well as Carlos) in the evenings, Mrs. Knight and Mrs. Diamond both insisted on the tutor giving him lessons at least three times a week, which Stephen agreed to. James brought up the money issue and he was hushed by all three adults, who told him it would be taken care of.

This surprised Kendall, mostly because he didn't see how Mrs. Diamond would be any help in that area and knew his own mother could only contribute so much. She'd been talking about getting a job now that the kids were settled into a routine and while Kendall was more than happy to devote any money to James he could, he understood it wasn't his mother's responsibility to fund James' career. Then again, Stephen did have money put aside, so there was that.

James wouldn't be entered into any competitions for at least a month to get him back into the groove both mentally and physically, and Saturdays would be half days because Stephen knew James would want to watch Kendall play. This made Kendall extremely happy, and it got better when Stephen suggested Sunday as a full day of rest. "Sundays will be our day," Kendall said softly, hugging James to him.

James smiled and leaned back against him, squeezing his hand. "I hope there are some Chargers games coming up on Sundays. That was a lot of fun."

"Yeah, it was."

"Will you help me if I need extra practice? Maybe sometimes we can come out here after dinner if your mom lets us and I can try new moves out, show you the routines and get some feedback?"

"Of course." Kendall gave his mother hopeful eyes.

She rolled her own eyes but couldn't keep a smile away. "Once in a while, boys. Don't make it a habit, I don't want you out too late. And you'll both need time for homework."

"Don't worry, Mom, Logan will make sure we stay on track with that. Trust me." He felt Mrs. Diamond's eyes on him but ignored it, not wanting to know what she might be thinking; she'd brought this upon herself.

It was decided that the official training would begin Tuesday morning, contingent on Mrs. Diamond getting James set up with the schooling. She seemed more than willing to move forward with it, and the more they talked the faster Kendall felt James' tension rolling away—she wouldn't be an obstacle. As she had been his last fear on stopping it from actually happening, James knew this was going to work. Now all he had to do was be the best.

"You know," Kendall murmured as the adults wrapped up their conversation, "you don't have to win. I think you will, and I think you know that, but even if you don't-living the dream is enough, right?"

James considered it and nodded. "Yeah. It is. As long as I'm out there doing what I love, I'll be happy. But you know what it's like to be the best, of course you want it."

"Of course," Kendall agreed. "But either way, I'll be right there next to you. So win or lose, you've still got me."

"Then I definitely win."

Would Kendall ever get used to James tossing out romantic comments like that? Probably not. And that was perfectly fine with him.

"Kendall, go get your sister, we're almost done here."

Nodding at his mother, Kendall stood and moved toward the office door, James about to follow until Mrs. Diamond asked to speak to him. He smiled at Kendall before giving her his attention while Kendall's mother spoke to Stephen.

Kendall found Katie skating with a boy who looked about fourteen. He called out to her that they were leaving and she scowled at him, then kept skating. He called her again and she sighed, saying a few words to the boy before joining him off the ice. "I think he was gonna ask me out, why'd you have to interrupt?"

"Because he's too old for you and we're leaving. It's my job to ruin your chances with boys."

"Oh yeah? Because I could make James' life very difficult, you know."

"But you won't. James says you're warming up to him."

Katie shrugged, sitting down to take off her skates. "He's not so bad. Showed me a few moves on my game I didn't know about. I don't think even the cheat guides have those. He's pretty smart when it comes to video games."

"Is he? We haven't played yet. Logan knows a lot but won't share because then Carlos wants to skip all the hard stuff and Logan says it helps him build character or something. I don't know. I'll have to play with James sometime."

As they walked toward the counter to return Katie's skates, Kendall asked, "So you approve then? Of James?"

"Yeah, I guess. I'd still rather have Carlos as a big brother, but Mom says you can't help who you fall in love with."

"That's the truth. If you could, James and I probably wouldn't be together. We didn't want to like each other."

"But you guys are good together. He makes you happy. So I guess everything works out eventually, right?"

"Yeah, I guess it does. Thanks for making him feel welcome. It's not easy for him right now."

"I know." Katie set her skates up on the counter. "Can you buy me a soda?"

"Where's your money?"

"Uh...I might've loaned it to that hot guy just now."

"Katie, don't ever go for a guy who asks for money."

"But he's hot!"

"I don't care. If all he wants you for is your money, he's not worth it."

"But he's _hot,_" Katie repeated.

Kendall shook his head and put an arm around her shoulders. "Come on, let's go get a soda. I thought I had a few more years before you started looking at guys. What happened?"

"Hormones, dude. We all grow up sometime."

"You're ten years old!"

"Almost eleven. I'll be driving before you know it."

That brought Kendall up short. "You've got at least five years, don't rush it. Why are you in such a hurry to grow up? I don't even drive yet."

"You could. Get James to teach you. Then you guys could chaperone me on dates. It would be way better than Mom doing it."

"Don't bet on that. We'd probably make you sit three feet apart."

"Still, you're not a parent. And that way I'll know if my guy gets along with you. That matters, you know? My guy has to accept my bro and his boyfriend or he's out."

They approached the counter, Katie giving her order while Kendall stared down at her in surprise. Sometimes Katie managed to say just the right thing, exposing the heart under her tough exterior, and this was why they were as close as they were—when it mattered, they were there for each other. He was glad James would have Katie in his corner now, too.

"There you are!"

Katie ignored her while Kendall reached into his pocket for money, passing it to Katie before facing his mom. "Katie wanted a soda."

"That's fine, but we have to get home because now I have to cook. We've been invited to a barbecue at Carlos' house."

"Whoa, really? When?"

"In a few hours. They invited Logan's mom, too, want all of us to get together and hang out so we can get to know each other. Their place is easiest because they have the most kids to lug around."

That was a good sign, though maybe the boys hadn't had the talk with their parents yet.

"Also, we need to talk, Kendall. Apparently you left out some important information about Logan and Carlos that I might've needed to know before allowing a sleepover."

Or maybe they had. Kendall cleared his throat, nervous, but she didn't look particularly angry—maybe just a bit annoyed. "Um. Yeah, we can talk on the way home. Or maybe once we get there, without Katie around."

"You're helping me with the potato salad, so we'll talk in the kitchen. James can keep Katie busy."

"Okay, sure. Where is he?"

"Still talking to his mom. I had to leave to take the call from Sylvia." When Kendall started to move, his mother held him back. "Give them their time, honey. You can't be with James every minute."

"It's not that, I just know how hard it is for him to talk to her. She really hurt him, Mom. I won't let her do it again."

"Honey, she's his mother. She wouldn't knowingly hurt him." At Kendall's raised eyebrow, she amended her statement. "Okay, she made a huge mistake. But she realizes it and is doing her best to make up for it. You have to let her do that." When Kendall was still quiet, she added, "And if he decides to go home to her, you have to let _him_ do that."

While the idea didn't sit well with Kendall at all, he conceded, "As long as she accepts me and welcomes me the way you've accepted him."

Kendall spun around, hearing James' laugh. He and his mother were approaching and James looked relaxed, more at peace than Kendall had seen him since they'd stormed out of his home. He knew his mother was right, and knew that James needed his own mother in his life, but he still felt that need to protect.

James slid a hand into Kendall's, squeezing. "You ready to go enjoy our Sunday together? It _is_ our day, after all."

Grinning, Kendall replied, "I'd love to, except we have a barbecue to go to. Mrs. Garcia invited us all over. And I have to help mom make potato salad while you keep Katie busy."

"Oh. That's cool. Did they uh..." James trailed off, glancing at Mrs. Knight before looking back at Kendall.

"I'm pretty sure, yeah," Kendall answered.

James' mother pulled him in for a hug. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jamie. Be ready at eight, okay? And have fun tonight."

"Thanks, I will." James hugged her tight. "And thank you for everything else. It means a lot to me."

"It's what I should've done from the start." She stepped back and smiled at Mrs. Knight, then started to walk away but stopped when Mrs. Knight spoke to her.

"You're invited, too, you know. I don't know how comfortable you feel hanging out with all of us, and especially Officer Garcia, but when I mentioned you were here Sylvia told me to invite you as well. And I think it would mean a lot to James."

James nodded "It would, Mom. I want you to meet everyone. I told you, if you want to be part of my new life, you're welcome to."

Kendall had to look away from the emotions in her eyes, not wanting to forgive her but she made it hard when she loved her son so much.

"And if you want me to be there tonight, I will," James added. "That's more important right now."

_What?_ What the hell was more important, Kendall wondered. He gave James a questioning look but James squeezed his hand, letting him know they'd talk about it later.

"No, I'm going to do this on my own. But thank you, Jamie." She stepped forward and kissed her son on the cheek. "You've become such an amazing young man, and I'm so proud of you. I'm going home to talk to your father right now and I'll call you and let you know how it goes. I have Jennifer's number in my phone. And let me know as soon as you have a phone, or we can do that tomorrow if you want."

"We'll work it out," Mrs. Knight commented. "Just call me and you can talk to James anytime before then."

"I love you, Mom." James hugged her tight again. "You sure you don't want me there?"

"No. Go have fun with your friends. I'll be in touch." She smiled at him after stepping back.

Kendall watched her walk away, James' hand safely in his again. "What's going on?"

Looking more than a little shocked, James replied, "She's moving out. Staying with her sister for a few days until she knows whether or not my dad's going to give her money or she'll have to fight for it in court. Basically she's leaving my dad and filing for divorce unless he changes his mind about me. And we all know that's not gonna happen."

"I don't know, James," Mrs. Knight argued, "if he stands to lose his wife that might wake him up and-"

"You don't know him. He's not gonna change."

Kendall nodded in agreement. "He's not, Mom. But James, she's really doing that? Why?"

"Because she loves me and isn't willing to lose me completely. So once she gets her own place she said I can live with her, but I don't know. I'm kind of happy where I'm at."

"Only kind of?" Kendall pouted.

"Shut up, I only said that for a reaction. The truth is I'm insanely happy where I'm at and I'll stay as long as you guys will have me."

"Which is forever. Tell him, Mom. Tell him it's forever."

Mrs. Knight gave an exasperated sigh. "Yes, Kendall, it's forever. We've established this. Although you kids _will_ need to move out at some point. But not anytime soon," she added hurriedly. "And where's Katie?"

They glanced around in surprise, none of them having noticed her slip away. Kendall zeroed in on her near the ice, talking to that boy again. "Oh, he's gonna be trouble."

"Katie! We're leaving, let's go!"

She rolled her eyes and said her goodbyes, though Kendall noticed her slipping her phone into her pocket. They'd exchanged numbers? Oh yeah, this guy would definitely be trouble. "We need to watch out for that one, James."

"Yeah, I know that guy. He's a little sleazeball. Charms the girls into giving him money."

"I knew it!"

"Don't worry, I'll have a talk with him. He won't go near Katie when I'm done with him."

Kendall grinned. "This is awesome. Now we can double-team her."

"Boys, be nice. Katie, let's go! I have potato salad to cook, and that stuff takes time!"

"So did Logan and Carlos tell their parents?" James asked quietly.

"I think so. Mom made a comment that makes me pretty sure. She doesn't seem too mad, though. We're gonna talk about it while I help her cook."

"I hope she doesn't ground us."

"She might. But again—as long as I'm there with you, it doesn't really matter."

"No, I don't suppose it does." James leaned down for a kiss, Kendall melting into it.

He was going to love James' new life.


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

Okay, here it is. What's basically the final chapter of this monster. There's one more to post, which will be the epilogue that's set in the future, and it's already written but I need to make some adjustments since I wrote it almost two months ago. I was going to post it as part of this chapter, but I decided not to in case there were any questions or things I didn't address that you might be wondering about. So if there's anything else you wanted to know that I maybe haven't included in this, let me know and if I can work it into the epilogue, I will.

If I haven't thanked you yet for reading this, let me do it now. Longest freaking fic I've ever written, and I STILL can't believe it's not a Jagan. I'm itching for Jagan again, though, so my next one will probably be that pairing. And I still have to finish Absence, too. Good news is I'm on vacation as of right now and have a whole week to write (and I'm seeing BTR too, OMFG THIS WEEK IS GONNA ROCK!).

Anyway, thank you for reading and for all of the wonderful comments. :) Obviously I'm still behind on replying to reviews. I'm catching up slowly. I appreciate every single one of them, guys. Every single one. I've mentioned before how I'll be having a bad day at work and then sit down on a break and read one and suddenly I'm smiling again? Yeah. You just have no idea how much they mean to me. Thank you.

* * *

><p>"So let's talk about Carlos and Logan." Mrs. Knight handed Kendall a potato. "Start peeling."<p>

His back to her, Kendall did. "What about them?"

"You _know_ what about them." She took up a place next to Kendall over the other sink, finding a knife and starting on a potato. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"They weren't together the whole time. It happened right around the time me and James did."

"Really? Sylvia made it sound like they've been in love for years."

"I think they have-Logan, anyway. It wasn't until I moved here that Carlos even considered the idea. They're crazy about each other, Mom, and they work together."

"I don't have a problem with it, Kendall, I just wish you'd told me. I have a right to know what goes on under my own roof."

"I know. And I'm sorry, but I didn't know how you would react. Plus, Logan's having a hard enough time getting used to it, he didn't need you questioning him."

"I wouldn't have questioned him about it. Have some faith in me. And hand me more potatoes."

"But you would've made it obvious that you knew." Passing her a few more, Kendall remarked, "I'd like them to come back sometime."

"Have I ever made James uncomfortable, honey? Honestly? If I have, tell me."

"No. He loves you, thinks you're the greatest."

Mrs. Knight smiled. "That's sweet. But then why would you think I'd do that to the other boys? I _want_ them to feel comfortable here. And Logan can cook for us anytime."

"Those pancakes were incredible, weren't they?" Kendall grinned. He tossed a peeled potato in the pan and grabbed for another. "Mrs. Garcia loves having him over. So does Mr. Garcia, for that matter."

"If Logan's the one who was aware of his feelings beforehand, why is he having trouble with the whole thing?"

"Because he's Logan," Kendall smirked. "He never thought it would actually happen, and when it suddenly did he had no idea how to react. I had to get them kissing, and even after Carlos asked Logan to kiss him, Logan fought it. He was scared things would change."

"And Carlos wasn't?"

"Not really. He was more afraid of being gay than losing Logan; he knew Logan wasn't going anywhere."

Mrs. Knight sighed. "They're so different than you and James. When you two want something, you accept it and go for it."

Laughing, Kendall shook his head. "Except each other. We hated each other for weeks, Mom. Mostly because we couldn't stop thinking about each other. Last weekend was the first time we willingly hung out together, though he did show up at the movies the night before because he knew I'd be there. And that was our first kiss, too." Remembering the way he'd had to attack James just to get a kiss out of him, Kendall smiled. They'd come a long way. "Is this too weird, talking about kissing in front of you?"

"I'd think it would be weirder for you. Just don't start talking about sex. I'm still not ready for that."

Kendall blanched. "Mom, please. Now it's awkward."

She chuckled, nodding. "Exactly. But uh...I want you to know that you _can_ talk to me. I want to be there for you if you need someone, okay? I know it's tough without your dad around and-"

"I don't need Dad," Kendall scowled. "We're better off without him. I have what I need."

"I know, honey, but there might be times you need a father figure and I feel bad that-"

"If I ever do, I have Mr. Garcia. Please don't feel bad, Mom. We have a great family on our own, and it got bigger when we moved here."

"I'm so glad you don't still hate me for the move."

"It's the best thing that ever happened to us." Kendall smiled, leaning over to kiss her cheek before returning to their earlier topic. "And I know this means no more sleepovers, right?"

With a heavy sigh, Mrs. Knight dropped the last potato into the pan and started filling it with water. "Sylvia and I had a long talk about that. I asked her why she allowed the two of them to share a room when Logan stayed over and she explained it in a way I hadn't thought of. I'd forgotten that teenage hormones get out of control and if you want to..._do_ things...you'll find a way—if not here, then somewhere else. She'd rather Logan and Carlos experiment in her home than in some random place on the streets or in a car, and I have to agree with her on that. I don't want you and James feeling like you have to sneak out every time you want to...whatever it is you're going to do. God, this is hard to talk about."

Kendall's cheeks were bright red, but he nodded. "So...what exactly does that mean?"

"It means you two can share a bed with the door closed but please have some decency."

"Mom, what do you think we're gonna do? Go wild and start screaming?"

"I don't know!" she yelled, trying not to freak out over the conversation. She moved the pan to the stove and turned on the flame. "Just be aware of Katie, you know how nosy she is. She doesn't need to be hearing things that will scar her."

"We haven't had sex, okay? We don't plan to for a long time. Calm down."

"I'm sorry, I'm not used to this. It'll get easier. Maybe." Mrs. Knight sighed. "But I'm glad to hear it. There's no rush, and you two have been dating for only...what, a week? And you're already sharing a room? Kendall, that's crazy."

"I know, but it's a special situation. Last night he could hardly sleep, and I was the only thing that calmed him down. Same with the night before. He needs me, Mom."

"I know. That's why I'm allowing it. Do we need to have the safe sex talk?"

Kendall put his hands over his face. "Oh my god, stop, please. Neither of us have been with anyone else, we're fine."

"Alright. Mr. and Mrs. Garcia had the talk with Carlos and Logan, so I thought maybe I should with you boys, too. If you ever have any questions-"

"I'll ask Mr. Garcia. Or have Carlos ask him. Some things a mom can't answer."

"Which was my earlier point. As long as you have someone to talk to, I'm happy."

"Okay. Can we stop talking about this now? Can I go join James and Katie?"

"After you grab me a dozen eggs from the refrigerator."

"Thank you." Relieved the awkwardness was over, Kendall did what she asked and started to walk out, but then sighed and turned back to surprise her with a hug. "I know this is all kind of weird, but thank you for accepting us and for caring. Obviously not all parents do. It makes things a little easier."

She smiled and patted his back before smiling up at him. "As long as you're happy, Kendall. That's really what matters. If James makes you happy, then it's important to me to keep him happy, as well. I'm so proud of both of you."

"And that's what really matters to me. You've done so much for him already, and it means more than you know. Because he has us, he found the courage to do what he's needed to do for years. Thank you for giving him a place to belong."

"I think we both gave him that, honey. Go on, I know you're dying to play with him and Katie."

"Thanks. I love you, Mom. I don't say it enough."

"You don't, but I know that you do. Just don't go sneaking out again."

"We won't. Promise."

* * *

><p>Kendall nudged Carlos, who was sitting next to him on a porch swing. "Quit staring," he grinned.<p>

"I can't help it. He looks so good flipping burgers." Carlos continued to stare at Logan.

James and Kendall cracked up as Kendall leaned against James, who was on his other side. "That sounds so wrong."

"Makes it sound like he's working at a fast food place," James agreed.

"Shut up, he's hot. Got his little apron on and those shades. He needs to wear shades more, it makes him look sexy. Like a spy or something."

The other two giggled again, shaking their heads. James squeezed Kendall's knee. "Why don't you ever wear shades for me, baby?" he teased.

"Um, because I don't need them? What about you, where's your apron?"

"Right where it belongs. On Logan. I still haven't given up my dream of making him our chef."

"Yeah, you guys keep making fun of me," Carlos said haughtily. "Just remember who made it possible for you two to keep your door closed at night."

Kendall and James glanced at each other before James cleared his throat. "What I meant to say is 'Wow, Logan's totally hot.'"

Kendall nodded. "I'm ready to go offer him some buns to go with that meat right now."

"Oh my god, shut up!" Carlos laughed, then they all collapsed into giggles. Logan looked over from the barbecue he was manning with Mr. Garcia and rolled his eyes. He didn't know what they were laughing at, but knew it was ridiculous. Carlos pursed his lips into a kiss aimed at Logan, and Logan blushed.

When they settled down, James asked, "So it went okay with your parents?"

Carlos nodded. "It was scary, though. I knew they knew, but there was still that fear, you know? Especially after what happened with your dad."

"My dad is not like any other, Carlos."

"I know, but there's always that fear, like what if they don't love you anymore?"

Kendall pulled Carlos into a one-armed hug. "You know they love you, buddy."

"Yeah, but...you know?"

Nodding, Kendall did understand. "Even though I knew my mom would still love me, it was hard to tell her. She had to drag it out of me."

Carlos snickered, thinking back to earlier that day. "You should've heard Logan. He explained it so matter-of-factly like he was talking about math homework or something. I know he was terrified but he stood up and gave this little speech, it was so sweet. I almost tackled him after he was done, he was awesome."

"What did he say?" James wanted to know.

"Just stuff about how he knows it's unconventional and our life together will be hard but I'm worth it, things like that. And more words I can't remember but I wish I'd taped it. I wonder if he wrote it down first and memorized it? Hey, Logan!" When Logan glanced up, Carlos grinned and beckoned him over. Logan excused himself from Mr. Garcia and joined them, standing near Carlos. "Tell them what you said to the parents," Carlos instructed him.

Logan blushed. "Uh...just that I love Carlos and we hope they understand."

"No no no, you said a whole bunch of shit that was awesome. Come on, tell them."

Sighing, Logan looked away. "I don't remember all of it."

"Yes, you do," Kendall countered. "I can see it in your eyes. You're embarrassed but proud, too, because whatever you said made Carlos the happiest guy in the world. What all did you say?"

"And what did _they_ say?" James asked.

With another resigned sigh, Logan said, "We sat down in the dining room-"

"That's where we have all the serious discussions," Carlos interjected.

After looking at Carlos with a raised eyebrow, Logan continued. "We sat them down and told them we wanted to talk to them. They knew what was coming, my mom was already here helping get ready for the barbecue. And Carlos' mom was trying to make it easier, making us feel comfortable-"

"She kept saying 'You can tell us anything, no matter what it is we'll still love you.'"

"Are you done?" Logan asked in exasperation. "If you wanted to tell the story, you should've let me stay over there and help your dad cook."

"Please, we all know you're doing all the cooking. Your burgers are better than his."

That soothed Logan's ruffled feathers. The smile he turned on Carlos was blinding, and though they couldn't see his eyes behind the shades Kendall knew he was melting inside. It reminded him of the way James reacted when given a rose. When James chuckled, Kendall glanced to his left. "What?"

"They're such a married couple. It's cute."

"I know! That's what I told them. Logan's still the wife."

"I am not the wife, you guys! Can't we have two husbands?"

"Maybe someday," Carlos grinned, reaching out to grab Logan's hand.

Logan blushed harder, fighting the smile that tried to blindside him.

"So cute," Kendall agreed.

"Okay, do you want to hear what happened or not?"

"Yes, Logan," Kendall responded. "Sorry. Go on."

"So his mom was trying to make us feel comfortable enough to say it, and his dad was just sitting there smiling at us, like he was already proud even though we hadn't said anything, but my mom looked scared. And that scared _me_."

Carlos squeezed his hand. "I could tell he was scared. He was tapping his foot and kept squeezing my knee hard. I bet I have bruises there now, Logan."

"You don't mind. So I guess because I was hesitating, Carlos tried to help. He just blurted it out, yelled 'I love Logan!' I swear, I thought he was gonna run away after."

"I couldn't help it! Logan was so scared and I wanted to make it easier for him. So I just said it. And I didn't run away after," Carlos said pointedly to Logan.

"No, you didn't. You held my hand tight and looked at them all defiantly, as if they were going to raise hell over it. You were so adorable."

Carlos shrugged. "Maybe I was a little scared, too."

"What happened? What did they say?" James prodded.

"My dad started cracking up," Carlos laughed. "We didn't expect that."

"No," Logan agreed. "And then Carlos' mom smacked him and told him to be quiet. My mom still looked kind of scared, she just kept staring at me, so I felt like I had to justify it. I stood up and said that it was true, that I love Carlos as well, and I know it's an unconventional situation but emotions aren't something you can control or change so I accepted it and they needed to as well. I said that they might think because I spend all my time with Carlos that I haven't looked around at other options but in my mind, spending all that time with him and having the feelings intensify rather than break down shows me that he's the one for me, that he's amazing in every way and no one understands me better or knows what I need, and it's the same for Carlos. We know how to take care of each other and we enjoy doing it, and while we understand our future will be filled with obstacles and probably some hate as well, we're both ready to face it as long as we do it together. I reminded my mother that I turned down an opportunity to attend college and that I did it for Carlos, because he needed me and I couldn't bear to be away from him and he was my first priority and that's the way it is, that's the way it's always going to be."

Through all of this Carlos stared up at Logan in a sort of awe, love shining in his eyes as he held tight to Logan's hand. "And then he said again that he loves me," he said softly.

Logan nodded, smiling down at Carlos. "And I said again that I love you. I'll say it again and again if I have to."

"Logan, we need to go look for something in my room. _Now_."

Kendall smiled, knowing what Carlos was feeling as he leaned into James again. James' arm came around him to play with his hair as he whispered to Kendall, "I love you." Kendall nodded in agreement.

Logan argued, "But we're not done telling them-"

"Oh, we're done. Later, guys." Carlos jumped up and started dragging Logan toward the house.

Logan called back, "It all worked out, guys! The end!" Then he followed Carlos, laughing as they ran into the house.

"Wow," James commented.

"Yeah. Wow. Pretty cool, though. I still can't believe that a month ago I was dreading moving here. How did this all happen in a month?"

"When it's right, it's right. Didn't you tell me that once?"

"Maybe?" Kendall shrugged. "You nervous about tomorrow? The meetings with school and stuff?"

"A little. But I know it's gonna work out, so not too bad. I'll miss seeing you at school, though."

"I know. We'll wake up together, there's that."

"And go to sleep together. And we'll have our time on the ice. Or at least in the same building."

Kendall grinned at James. "You still owe me special time on the ice."

"Special time? Is that what we're calling it now?"

"Whatever works. No rush, but uh...someday. Fuck, I can't wait."

James laughed and kissed Kendall's cheek. "It'll happen when the time's right. And if our blowjobs were any indication, it's gonna be cold. You sure you want to do that on the ice?"

"Who says we have to be laying down when it happens?" Kendall saw it when the vision assaulted James, and he grinned again. "Yeah, you like the thought of that."

"Someday," James said breathlessly, squirming in the swing. "Stop talking about it, this isn't the place. There are kids around."

Kendall busted up. "I love how you always think about that."

"Well, I spend a lot of time with kids at the rink. At least I _did_. I'm gonna miss that."

"You'll still see them. And maybe one day after you retire from the skating world, you can coach. Think that's something you'd like to do?"

James smiled. "I'd already planned it. Once I moved out of the house, I was going to do that. I knew it was too late for me, but I could make other peoples' dreams come true. I figured I'd be like Stephen, maybe get a job at the rink and coach."

"It's _not _too late for you. You're going to be amazing."

"I love you for saying that. And for believing it."

"I love _you_ for believing it; you do now, right? You believe it's possible?"

"Yeah."

"Not just possible, but a sure thing?"

Sighing, James replied, "I wish you wouldn't keep saying things like that. I'm trying not to hope for too much."

"Fine, then I'll do the hoping for both of us. But Stephen's gonna tell you that you have to believe it to make it happen."

"True. And I guess he's right."

"Heather!"

Kendall and James both looked toward the house, where Heather was being tackled with a hug from Katie. "Whoa, what's she doing here?" Kendall asked. "Not that I mind, I'm just surprised."

"Mom." James stood up as his mother stepped through the patio door and into the backyard, where Mrs. Knight greeted her with a hug. She looked nervous, as if afraid she would be shunned, but then Mrs. Garcia was there to greet her as well and introduce her to Logan's mother, who welcomed her warmly. "Heather must have come with her."

They approached the little group, and while Kendall hugged Heather, James did the same to his mom. "How was it?" James asked in a rush. "Are you okay? Talk to me."

"I'm fine, honey. A little sad, but okay."

"Come on, let's go talk." James steered her back into the house, Kendall letting them go even though he wanted to know what had happened.

"Surprised to see you here," he said to Heather. "But happy."

"Aww, thanks. I called James' mom to see if she was okay. I know it's been tough on her since James moved out, and she said she was coming over here and asked if I wanted to come, too. I think she was afraid to come alone. I was pretty sure Carlos' parents wouldn't mind."

"Nah, they won't. Have you met them yet?"

"No. Where are Logan and Carlos?"

"Um, busy. So what happened with Mr. Diamond?" Kendall grabbed a couple of sodas as they passed a table, handing one to Heather as they headed toward the porch swing. Katie started to approach and Kendall held up a hand, signaling her to give them a few minutes. She rolled her eyes but backed off.

"I guess she's moving out. The poor woman is terrified, but when she was talking about it, she sounded proud, too. I can't believe how much she's changed in a few days."

"Yeah, it's kind of weird, isn't it?"

"I wouldn't say weird," Heather answered, sitting back and popping the tab on her soda and swallowing some down before continuing. "I think she's always wanted to do something like this, but she was scared. Her biggest fear has always been losing James, and once that happened, I guess the rest wasn't as big a deal. All she wants is for James to forgive her for all the years she kept her silence and for him to accept her."

"He loves her so much. I didn't understand why, but he talked a little about her this morning and I know how much it means to him to have her in his life."

"Yeah, they weren't close like you and your mom are, but James always wanted to be. She wanted that, too, but I think the guilt held her back. She told me today that she wishes she hadn't been so hesitant to rock the boat, because she thinks she'll actually be happier away from her husband. That's so sad, I hope I never end up in a marriage like that."

"You won't," Kendall assured her. "Any guy who wants to date you has to get by all of us first, remember? We'll make sure you're treated right."

Heather grimaced. "I'm not sure that's a good thing," she joked. "No guy is ever going to be good enough for me in James' eyes."

"True, but you've got Carlos and Logan on your side, too. Logan's logical, he'll reason it all out to James. And Carlos will just say things like 'He loves her, James, butt out.'"

"And you?" Heather laughed.

"I'll just make sure you're happy. As long as he's making you happy, he's got my approval. Wasn't that your criteria for James? You wanted him to be happy?"

"Yes," Heather nodded. "And he is. You've made pretty much every one of his dreams come true, you know that?"

"We're still working on the gold medal, but uh...yeah. I think we'll get there."

"What about you, Kendall? What are your dreams?"

"Me?" Kendall asked in surprise. He hadn't given much thought to his own dreams lately. He leaned back in the swing and rocked it slowly with his legs, considering. "I want love and I want family and I want hockey. That's pretty much it. I've got all that now."

"You always had family and hockey."

"Hockey, yes. Family...not really. I had Mom and Katie. I needed the family that I found here."

"You mean Carlos and Logan?"

"And you."

"Me?"

"Yes. You're family now, Heather."

"Aww." Heather hugged Kendall tight.

"Don't cry," he warned.

"Too late." She sat back and wiped her eyes, smiling up at him. "You came here and turned everyone's world upside down, Kendall. And we're all so much happier for it. Except maybe Mr. Diamond, but he doesn't matter. He makes himself miserable."

"It's crazy, isn't it? One month in San Diego and look at all the changes around us."

"Heather!" Carlos was suddenly running up to them, lifting her up into a hug. "Hi, I didn't know you were coming!"

"I didn't either, I hope it's okay?"

"Of course!"

Logan reached out to hug Heather, too.

Kendall smirked. "Did you guys find what you were looking for in Carlos' room?"

"We certainly did," Logan grinned, then his expression turned to outrage. "Where's Mr. Garcia? No one's manning the burger station!" Logan huffed over there, leaving Kendall and Carlos chuckling.

"He's so cute," Carlos said fondly. "Come on, Heather, come meet all the parents. Or did you already?"

"No, Kendall grabbed me as soon as I walked in."

"Hey," Kendall asked, "did you see James in the house when you came out?"

"Yeah," Carlos nodded. "He's in the dining room talking to his mom. I told you, serious discussions."

"Right." Kendall lasted all of thirty seconds before giving in and going in search of them, finding her crying on James' shoulder as he held her. He started to leave but her voice stopped him.

"Kendall, it's okay. I'd like to talk to you, if I could."

James reached out for a napkin from the basket on the table and passed it to his mother. "I promise, Mom, it's gonna be better now. You can get that job you wanted and meet people and start over. I know it's scary, but you're not alone. You have a new family now, and I guarantee they'll all be there for you. Me and Kendall, too. We're here for you, and we love you, and we won't let you be alone. Right, Kendall?"

There was still a bit of resentment on Kendall's end, he couldn't lie about that, but her fear was palpable and James was begging him-he could never resist James. "Yes," he replied. "We're here for you, Mrs. Diamond."

After wiping at her eyes, she sat down at the table and motioned Kendall over. "James, I'd like to talk to Kendall alone for a few minutes."

James didn't like the thought of that, it was evident on his face. He turned pleading eyes to Kendall, who offered him a reassuring smile. "It's fine," he said quietly, leaning in to peck James' lips. "Go on."

"Please," James whispered. "She's-"

"Trust me." He kissed James again, longer this time, then pushed him toward the backyard. "Go say hi to Heather." When James was gone, he took the chair across from Mrs. Diamond.

"I can see when I look at you, at the two of you together, that you care very deeply for my son."

"I love him, Mrs. Diamond. There's really no other way to say it."

She nodded, wiping her eyes once again before taking a deep breath and letting it out. "You scared me when I met you. When I saw you with him at the house, I knew he loved you enough to do it, to defy his father, and I knew what that would do to our family."

"What kind of a family were you, though?" Kendall asked softly, not wanting to be mean but it needed to said. "He was never happy."

"He was at one time. I fooled myself for years, thinking he wasn't so miserable. He had Heather, and while I knew she wasn't more than a friend, he seemed to enjoy her company. I figured he could continue the charade until graduation, and then what he did was his choice. I always knew he'd move out as soon as he could, and I wanted to hold onto him as long as I was able to. And I think he was willing to do that, until you came along."

"So what, it was an unspoken agreement between you two that he'd just keep his mouth shut until he graduated?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. It worked, or at least I thought it did. It certainly kept his father satisfied. The night he came home and told me he wanted to skate again, I knew there was someone in his life. Then he said was that there were other things he wanted in life that he was going after, and I knew. You kind of came out of nowhere, didn't you, Kendall?"

Giving her a crooked smile, Kendall replied, "Minnesota. I came from Minnesota."

"You know what I mean. One day he was perfectly happy going along with everything, and then suddenly the fire was back. I knew there had to be a boy in his life, one he couldn't fight his feelings for. Stephen's been trying for years to get him back out there but not even he could do it. I always figured if Stephen couldn't do it, no one could. Not even Heather, and I know she was trying, too."

"Mrs. Diamond, I understand why you kept your silence all those years. I don't agree with it, but I think I understand your fear of losing James. What I don't get, and what probably hurt James the most, is that he lost your support in every area of his life. He said you went to one hockey game and then stopped. Couldn't you at least have done that for him?" When she looked down and to the side, Kendall added, "I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. I just want you to understand what James has been through, what your lack of support has done to him. He loves you so much and even that little thing would've made it better for him."

"Kendall, there are things you don't know. I wouldn't expect you to understand them, but please don't judge me. I had my reasons. It's extremely difficult to set foot inside that ice rink, even now."

"Because of your past? James said you used to skate," Kendall prodded. Thinking of the movie he'd watched in his mother's room, he asked, "Was it your dream to skate, too? Did something happen to get in the way?"

She smiled slightly and shook her head. "Nothing like that. But I made some mistakes when I was younger and being there is a constant reminder of what I might've had if I'd done things differently. I accepted a long time ago that I'd made my choices and had to live with them."

"But why the rink? If it doesn't have to do with skating, then what-"

"You're very persistent, aren't you?"

Kendall blinked at her, then blushed. "I'm sorry. I guess I am. It drove James crazy that I wouldn't give up until I had him. Not that he didn't want me, but he fought it for weeks. We both did, but I gave in first and decided I was going to get him."

"You certainly did that. I've honestly never seen him so happy as he is when he's around you. Before, it was only skating that would do that for him."

Beaming, Kendall said, "He makes me happy, too. It means a lot to me that he was willing to give up the safety of his home for me. It um...it also means a lot to me that you gave it up for him. I know how terrifying it must be for you, and I want you to know that even though I still hate what you put James through, as long as you support him now and be the mother he needs, I welcome you in his life. But anyone who tries to tear him down or undo the confidence he's built up is-"

"I know. You don't have to worry about James' father, he wants nothing to do with either of us at this point. He dismissed me the way he dismissed James and said I'd be hearing from his lawyer. I'm scared he'll have the locks changed while I'm out today, even though when I told him I'd be back for the rest of my stuff tomorrow he said it wasn't his concern. All he cared about was that I didn't take his precious car or touch anything in his office."

"What about James' car?" Kendall asked. "I know he shut off James' phone, so I imagine he wants the car back?"

"No, the car is paid for. He refuses to fund anything from this point forward, but the car was a present for James' birthday and it's paid off, so I'll have to take over paying for the insurance and upkeep on it, but the car belongs to James."

"I know it won't be easy for you," Kendall commented. "I imagine he's cutting you off, too, and I could maybe get a job to help pay for the insurance but-"

"Kendall, stop it. James' car is not your responsibility, it's mine. I'm his parent and I intend to take care of my son. I'm going to speak to a lawyer tomorrow and find out what rights I have to our money, and we've been married long enough that half of what he owns is mine. He won't like that, but the law is on my side. In the meantime, there's my sister to help me, and Stephen has offered as well. He's going to help James and me move our stuff out of the house tomorrow after I take James down to get set up for the tutoring."

"Really? Wow, Stephen's a pretty cool guy. I still can't believe he put away money for James."

Mrs. Diamond smiled softly. "He's always thought of James as a son. We've known each other since we were kids."

"You and Stephen?"

She nodded. "We used to date, before I met James' father. When I got pregnant with James and didn't know what to do, he was there for me. He always has been, even when I shut him out of my life because I had to."

Kendall's mouth dropped slightly as it all started coming together in his mind. "You were in love with him, weren't you? That's why you took James to skate when he was little, why you can't stand to go to the rink now. Because it makes you think of what you might've had if..."

"I did what I had to do, Kendall. I was young and stupid and James' father swept me off my feet, he was new and exciting and all the things Stephen wasn't. I didn't understand then that what I had with Stephen was what most girls dream of. When I got pregnant I was terrified, and even though James' father was, too, he did the right thing and married me. He wasn't always an asshole."

"Wow." Kendall sat back in his chair, still reeling. "So you got pregnant and married young and were just stuck with it."

"I can't say I completely regret it. Every time I look at James I'm glad it happened, because I have a wonderful son who loves me and I wouldn't undo that no matter what. But sometimes I think I should've accepted Stephen's proposal and let him raise-"

"He asked you to marry him? Oh my god, does James know this?"

"No. He doesn't know any of it, because I never wanted him to think I regretted having him. But that's why I couldn't go to the games; the one time I did was torture. Stephen sat with me and we talked and I missed him so much, I knew I couldn't do that again. And I feel horrible about it, because I should've put my son first, not myself, but I couldn't-"

"Do you still love him? He's not married or anything, right?"

"I...Kendall, it's not even worth-"

"Yes, it is! Why didn't he get married? I bet he never stopped loving you. I bet if you asked him right now, he'd marry you."

His determination caused her to laugh before shaking her head. "No wonder James couldn't fight you. I get the feeling you never give up once you get an idea in your head."

"Is that wrong?"

"No, it's just...I'm not even divorced yet. My entire life is up in the air and I don't know what's going to happen or if I'm going to lose my son and the last thing I need to worry about is a man in my life."

"You're not going to lose your son. That much I can guarantee you, okay?" He reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "James won't let you go. And I'm not saying you have to marry Stephen, I'm just saying you don't have to go through all this alone. If your sister can't help you for long, I bet Stephen would let you stay with him."

"He's already offered," she smiled. "This morning."

"See? I bet he's still totally in love with you. Probably has been all these years and waited patiently, hoping one day you'd leave the asshole. It's so romantic," Kendall sighed, then James' voice startled him.

"Wow, I'm worried you're making my mom cry and I come in here to find you holding her hand?"

Kendall spun around and grinned at James. "Dude! Your mom and Stephen used to date!"

"What?" James stopped next to Kendall and frowned at his mother. "You never told me that."

Mrs. Diamond glanced back and forth between them, then sat back after pulling her hand away from Kendall's. "It's a long story."

"I knew you were friends in high school but I didn't know you dated. Why didn't you ever tell me that? Stephen asks about you all the time, Mom. I knew he had a thing for you, but I never knew there was a history there."

"Can we please stop talking about this? There are more important things to discuss, and whatever feelings there may or may not be between Stephen and myself, the priority here is you. Let me get my life back in order before you start pushing men on me, okay?"

Kendall grinned, taking James' hand in his and looking up at him. "Let's give her a week. I bet in that time Stephen can make some moves, then we'll double-team her."

"Mom, do you still have feelings for him?"

"I'm done talking about this, and I'd like to get to know everyone while I'm here. James, we can talk more about it tomorrow if you want."

"Oh, we will." Pulling Kendall up out of the chair, James said, "I came to get you guys because the food's done. If you don't hurry, the kids are gonna eat it all. Carlos said they descend like vultures and leave nothing but crumbs."

They all headed out toward the patio but James held Kendall back. "So you were nice? Didn't yell at her or anything?"

"No, I didn't yell. But I let her know how much it hurt you that she didn't go to your hockey games. Turns out it was because seeing Stephen is too hard on her. She's totally still in love with him, dude."

"Wow. I could tell he had feelings for her by the way he talks about her. I didn't realize it until a few years ago but I used to wonder what it would be like to have him for a dad instead of my own."

"Maybe someday you'll find out," Kendall smirked.

"Yeah, maybe. That would be pretty cool. I guess that's why he treats me like a son."

"James, he asked your mother to marry him when she got pregnant with you. He was gonna help raise you but your dad stepped up. She said he wasn't always such a dick."

"No, I know he wasn't. I remember some good times with him when I was little. He used to be happy."

"What happened?"

"I don't really know. I think he blames her for his life. I always sensed that, that he resented us. Remember I told you I wondered if he was a closet gay?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I think because he got my mom pregnant, he never got to explore that fully. I knew she had me really young and he had dreams of his own, but he had to give them up to get a job and support us. He did that much for us, at least."

"Maybe the reason he hates your gay so much is because he's jealous. Because he never got to experience true happiness."

"No, he actually hates it. Can't even stand to talk about it."

"Yeah," Kendall pointed out, "because it's a reminder of what he couldn't have. Kind of like with your mom, the rink is a reminder of what she gave up when she married your dad. He's a bitter, unhappy man and blames you guys for all of it."

"Doesn't make me hate him any less."

"Me, neither." Kendall lifted his lips for a kiss, sliding his fingers into James' hair. "But we have each other, at least. We're going after what we want, not letting anyone hold us back. If you're ever not happy, tell me. We'll work on it. And if we can't, we'll take it from there. Though I'm warning you now, I'm never letting you go."

"Even if I'm unhappy?"

"No, because I'll do whatever I have to in order to make you happy."

Emotions rose in James' eyes, but he staved them off by joking, "That would probably sound creepy if I didn't feel the same way. But don't forget I'm high maintenance. I might require a rose a day, remember?"

"Then that's what you'll have." Kendall smiled and said, "Anything it takes, James."

"I love you. I still don't know what I did to deserve you, but I love you and I'm keeping you."

Carlos was suddenly there, snapping them out of their trance. "Guys, go get some burgers before they're gone. Logan's really proud of them, so make sure you try them and tell him how good they are."

They grinned at each other. "Carlos," Kendall smirked, "now _you're_ starting to sound like the wife."

"I was thinking more the mom," James commented.

"That's it. I'm going to eat both your burgers and you won't get to taste the amazingness of my genius' cooking."

When Carlos spun on his heel and strutted away, they laughed before James grabbed Kendall's hand and followed.

* * *

><p>A few hours later Kendall returned from the garage, where he'd slaughtered Carlos' little brothers at ping pong. He found James and Heather on the porch swing next to Carlos, who was holding Logan captive on his lap; Logan didn't seem too concerned with it. Kendall whipped out his cell phone and snapped a picture of the four of them.<p>

When James looked up, Kendall showed it to him. "Another pic for your family collection. I already got some of the parents. Our moms hit it off pretty well, didn't they?"

James nodded. "I noticed. Your mom is really trying to make it easier on her. I appreciate that."

To Carlos and Logan, Kendall said, "You guys probably shouldn't be sitting so close. The kids will figure out you're into each other."

"They're all out front," Carlos reasoned. "And they're gonna figure it out eventually. Gotta talk to Mom and see how she wants to handle that."

James pulled Kendall down by the wrist and onto his lap. "That means we can do this, too." He kissed Kendall's cheek while Kendall settled in against him happily. "You kick all their asses?"

"Of course."

"Mom wants to know if we'd be willing to spend the weekends with her once she gets a place of her own. I told her I'd have to talk to you about it first."

"Oh, you mean when she moves in with Stephen?" Kendall grinned.

"She wants her own place for a while. I think that might be good for her."

"Probably. Did she try to get you to move back in with her?"

"Sort of. She said I'm welcome to once she gets settled and that she could demand I live with her but she won't because she knows I'm happy where I am, and as long as I spend some time at her place she won't insist on it. Would you be willing to do that? I know Sunday is our time, but we could head over there after your games and stay until Sunday afternoon. That would still give us some time Sunday night. But only if you're okay with it."

Kendall considered it, then asked, "Could we have date night after?"

"At the rink, you mean?"

"Wherever. Just somewhere alone, with nobody around."

"Of course. _ I_ insist on _that_."

"Then yeah, that's fine," Kendall answered.

Carlos frowned. "But there are some Chargers games coming up I wanted to take you guys to."

"It won't be for a while, Carlos. And besides, I told Mom you guys might come along. I explained to her that we're kind of a package deal and there will probably be sleepovers. She said that's fine, though she's not used to me bringing friends home. It should be interesting," James laughed.

"I feel kind of bad leaving you out, Heather," Logan said apologetically. "You're part of the gang, too."

"It's fine, I've already been informed I'll be having sleepovers at Kendall's house whenever Katie can swing it, and I'm looking forward to our girls' nights. Mrs. Knight told me I'm invited over anytime. It's nice to have a sister to talk to, and I love that I can be there for Katie. Did you know she's been texting an older boy?" At the matching looks of outrage on Kendall's and James' faces, she soothed, "Calm down, I'm on it."

"That kid is bad news," Kendall spat. "If I see him around her-"

Heather squeezed Kendall's arm. "Kendall, I've got it handled. But I need to make sure she trusts me so she'll talk to me about this stuff instead of trying to hide it. One of us needs to be in the loop."

"If that guy hurts her or tries to take any more of her money-"

"Heather's got it covered, babe. Trust me, you don't want to piss her off. That kid has no idea what he's in for. And if we need to step in, we will."

Kendall relaxed at James' words. "Okay. But Heather, you'd better tell us if-" His attention was caught by a rambunctious scream from near the house and they all looked over to see Katie holding court over the kids who had come from the garage. He smiled when Heather stood up to join them. Katie was in her element, and Kendall's eyes roamed over the adults as well. Everyone was laughing and happy, even James' mom. He thought back to his old life in Minnesota, and how he'd been more than satisfied with his life in regards to hockey, but there had always been something missing. He'd come here to find it, to find everything he'd ever need in his new "family" and most importantly, in James. He didn't fool himself into thinking the future would be easy, and he knew there would be a mountain of hard work and even times of separation to get them where they wanted to be, but they would always come back to each other.

Kendall smiled into James' eyes and whispered, "I love you."

"I love you, too," James replied with a soft smile of his own. When Kendall laid his head on James' shoulder, James kissed his hair. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything. You've given me everything I ever wanted."

"Not yet, but you'll get there."

"Even if I don't, Kendall. I have everything that matters. For the first time since I was little, I'm truly happy. I don't even know how to thank you enough for that."

"Oh, you'll think of something," Kendall teased, then kissed James' neck. "But seriously. Every time you say the words and mean them, it's thanks enough. It's so much nicer to hear that than 'I hate you.'"

James laughed. "Definitely. I'm glad we got past that."

"Me, too. And just so you know, I'm happier than I've ever been, too. So thank you."

"Nice that it works out that way."

"Yeah." Kendall sighed in contentment as he listened to Carlos telling Logan for the twentieth time how incredible the burgers were. He had to admit they'd been pretty damn good and filled him up, but they were nothing compared to the satisfaction brought about by James' arms around him and James' lips at his hair. He remembered wondering that first day what it would be like to kiss James, how he'd imagined James had perfected kissing by that point. He'd been so wrong; James had been saving himself for The One. "Hey," Kendall said suddenly.

"Hmm?"

"So was I The One?"

"The One?"

"Yeah. The One."

He felt James blush. "Heather told you about that?"

"Yeah. So was I?"

"No."

"No?" Kendall raised his head with wide eyes. "How am I not The One?"

"Because you're more than that. You're The _Only_ One."

"Oh," Kendall said softly. "That works, too. You're starting to sound like the girlfriend."

James groaned. "That was always you. What have you done to me, Kendall?"

"Made you happy. Showed you that you can have it all. Encouraged you to chase after your dreams."

"Loved me. All of it happened because you loved me. Just make sure you always do that, okay?"

"Obviously I don't have a choice in the matter. I tried not to love you, remember? You were too much to handle."

James grinned. "If you can't stand the heat..."

Kendall laughed. "I can't. But I don't even want to. Your fire is what keeps me burning."

"Oh good, now you're the girlfriend again."

"You love my sap." Kendall lifted James' hand to his lips and kissed it, then reached behind them to pluck a rose from one of the many bushes. He held it to James' cheek and said, "A rose a day."

Kendall could see a retort on James' lips, but instead James smiled and kissed Kendall's hand. That was all the answer he needed.


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Notes:** A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

Huge, massive thank you's to **kathrynew30** and **Aranelle** for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

First things first. I have to be honest and tell you that there may be some errors in here, because I kept getting distracted by Twitter and the emotional rollercoaster of BTR's first night of tour. I'd jump online to research something and an hour later I'm sitting here in tears because I'm so proud of our boys, who are just finishing up their first real headlining show. I can't even begin to tell you how I feel, but I'm sure plenty of you are feeling it, too. There has never been anything like Big Time Rush in my life.

The reason I'm posting this now rather than waiting and giving it the attention it deserves is because I'm leaving tomorrow morning for three days, two of which will be seeing them in concert and I always have this fear when I travel that I might not make it back. So just in case something happens, I want to make sure to get this posted. I know it's ridiculous and possibly morbid, but I worry about that sort of thing. "What if something happened and nobody ever knew how the story turned out?" I'm silly. But whatever, you get the epilogue tonight and I can go with a clear conscience and I should be sleeping right now but WHO CAN SLEEP? OUR BOYS ARE LIVING THEIR DREAM AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND wow I should really shut up now.

Okay. Um. This is it. The final chapter. It's dedicated to** Aranelle** because it was her Christmas present in its original form and she loves this story so much I wanted to give her something she'd enjoy. I did add some stuff to it. I asked what you guys would like to see and most of you said the same thing—SEX. I hate writing sex scenes, but I guess it's my own fault since I built it up so much in the previous chapters. So I hope you like this, it was written in a hurry but hopefully didn't suffer too much for that, and I'm so full of emotions right now I don't even know what I'm rambling about. God, shut me up.

One last time—thank you for reading this and for encouraging me to continue it. There was a point where I wondered if I should, if it was good enough to continue. Your reviews kept me going, and I'm so glad I did. I love you guys so much. Thank you.

* * *

><p><em>Ten Years Later<em>

Kendall winced as he banged his knee on a seat, having to stop and recover for a few seconds. He was past caring for the people behind him, the ones waiting for him to move on so they could get to their own seats. They could fucking wait.

He was jostled by a few, biting his lip to keep from going off as his doctor's words rang in his head. _I strongly suggest you don't fly, Kendall. It'll be a nightmare for you and everyone else involved._

Yeah, well, Logan could say that—Carlos was safe at home where Logan could see him every night, so of course he would think it a bad idea to fly across the world with a mangled leg just to spend a few nights with James.

It was worth it to Kendall, though, who would have flown anywhere to see his boyfriend win Olympic gold. He would have in fact already been there himself, playing for the U.S. Hockey team as he had in the last winter Olympics, except for this injury that was currently killing both his hockey career and his sanity.

The worst part had been James offering to stay home this time, to not compete so he could take care of Kendall. After four years of preparation and training, James was willing to give it all up because he knew it would kill Kendall to miss out himself. What James didn't understand, still to this day, was that for Kendall, it was all about James. Of course he missed hockey, and of course he missed playing for the U.S. team, but what would have killed him more would be to see James sitting at home watching the Olympics on television, wishing he was there and knowing he could've done it this time, won the damn gold medal.

Neither Kendall nor James were spring chickens anymore and they knew this would be their last shot at the Olympics. Kendall had helped the team in a huge way the previous time, taking them to the gold medal and being hailed as what basically amounted to the best player in the world. James had won the silver, only missing the gold by a tenth of a point. He still maintained that the Russian judge had scored him unfairly, wanting his own favorite to win, and Kendall couldn't argue that. James had skated flawlessly in both his long and short programs, the crowd going crazy for him. Kendall remembered sneaking away from practice for each performance, the team's coaches unhappy but Kendall putting his foot down that he was not missing his boyfriend's big moments. Whether James admitted it or not, having Kendall there boosted him up enough to do it. Kendall had missed a few competitions here and there when he was traveling with his own team back home, and while James had managed well enough in those, he skated best when Kendall was there with him.

And this was the big one, the one Kendall could not miss. It was what James had been dreaming of since he was nine years old, and Kendall intended to make it happen for him-even if that meant going against his doctor's wishes and sitting through a thirteen-hour flight in which his leg would cramp up and he'd have to listen to screaming kids for the entire ride. James was worth that, right?

After stowing his carry-on and falling into his seat with sweat matting his hair from the pain he was in, Kendall pulled out his phone and stared at the background, a picture of James on his back after jumping up from behind and surprising Kendall into carrying him like a child wanting a piggyback ride. Carlos had been ready with the ever-present camera. They were both laughing, James' eyes dancing and his open mouth bringing the sound to Kendall's ears even though James was on the other side of the world. James happy and laughing with him was really all he'd ever wanted from the time he'd accepted his feelings way back in high school, when all he and James could ever manage to say to each other was, "I fucking hate you."

Those words had been replaced with the daily mantra of "I love you" and neither of them had ever looked back, not even after James' father had proved to be a bastard and disowned his son. That had been the roughest time of James' life, Kendall holding him as he cried each night for a month, but James had returned from it stronger and ready to forge his own destiny.

He smiled now as he looked at the happiness on James' face from his phone's screen, the sounds around him as well as the pain in his leg fading to a dull throb.

Tipping his seat back, Kendall lost himself in memories. One of his favorites was their first time fucking on the ice. It hadn't been their first time ever, but it had been even better for that because there was no need to be careful or take it slow.

James had been so sweet and gentle the first time they'd had sex; a smile touched his lips when he thought of how they'd laughed through most of it, and while that might seem strange to anyone else it was perfect for them. They'd become comfortable enough with each other that it wasn't awkward in the slightest and Kendall had treated James to a romantic seventeenth birthday dinner beforehand, roses filling the seat next to James.

It had, however, been painful, even more so than Kendall had imagined, and each time James asked if Kendall wanted to stop, Kendall loved him more. He'd kissed James instead, letting himself get used to the feeling before controlling the movements from above, and James' obvious pleasure kept him going even though James continually asked if he was okay. Eventually the pain faded to a dull ache and Kendall increased his movements, loving the way James stroked him each time he moved, and before either of them knew it they were rushing toward their climaxes and it was over. Kendall collapsed onto James but once again they were laughing, euphoric from the feelings running through them.

It was different on the ice, partly because their bodies were more accustomed to sex but mostly because they'd just finished trying to best each other at hockey and were running on the lingering aggression. It was a Friday night, the place was closed, and after slamming each other up against the boards fifty times neither could hold it back anymore. James tore at Kendall's pants, desperate to touch him, and Kendall's mouth possessed James' as he worked to remove James' clothing as well.

"So fucking hot," James groaned, reaching down to stroke Kendall once his pants had been dragged down. Kendall thrusted into the grip, fingers like talons in James' hair.

"Now. The time is _now_," he gasped. "Please, James."

Without a word James spun Kendall around, and they had to be crazy to do this with their skates on but neither wanted to stop long enough to get rid of them. They'd learned that sex was preferable with proper lubrication, but they wouldn't last until they got home and had made do before with saliva, so James didn't hesitate to stretch Kendall with slippery fingers. Kendall groaned and pushed back into it, head falling back onto James' shoulder. "Fuck yes, do it already, James."

James loved it when Kendall was desperate. He smiled and kissed Kendall's neck, sucking hard until Kendall cried out. "Tease," Kendall breathed.

"It's only teasing if you don't follow through," James said into Kendall's ear. He made sure he was braced and pushed into Kendall, pressing Kendall against the boards as he moved in deeper.

"Ah god," Kendall moaned. "So good. Imagined this a thousand times, James, do it, make me scream."

That's what was great about sex at the rink, they could be as loud as they wanted without fear of being overheard or having to force themselves to keep quiet. James dug the blades of his skates into the ice and pushed harder, Kendall's immediate moan spurring him to do it again as Kendall met each thrust.

"Yes, fuck James, so perfect, fuck!"

It was over before either of them wanted it to be, both of them practically screaming as they rushed toward orgasm. Kendall started to slide bonelessly to the ice but James went down with him, cushioning the impact by pulling Kendall onto his lap instead of letting him fall to the coldness beneath.

"If my ass sticks to the ice I'm gonna kill you," James mumbled, nibbling at Kendall's ear while trying to catch his breath.

"It never does when we blow each other, calm down. Fuck, that was hot. Cold, but hot."

"Next time can I be the one shoved up against the boards?" James asked.

"Mmm, sure. This was exactly what I pictured the first time we passed notes about it. Remember that?"

"Always," James answered, hugging Kendall's waist. "Was it as good as you thought it would be?"

"Better. Sex is amazing."

James laughed, kissing Kendall's neck. "With you, it is. I wonder if it's this good with anyone else."

"Do you really want to know, James?"

"Never. I'm freezing, can we get up now?"

They'd stood up and kissed for a while before fixing their pants, and what echoed through Kendall's mind all these years later was James' answer to his question. _Never_. Never would James want to know what it's like with anyone else, and that hadn't changed over the years. To others it seemed strange that they'd never been with other partners (though not to Logan or Carlos, who had also never experienced anyone besides each other), but to them it was just right.

His leg was screaming at him and his head was pounding, but he could hear James' whisper in his mind, the words he heard every night before dropping off to sleep and sometimes in the heat of the moment when his mind was being blown.

_I love you._

Yeah. James was worth it.

* * *

><p>The hardest part of all of this was not letting James or either of their mothers know he was there. He'd arrived at the hotel, showered (that was a scary experience, as Kendall still wasn't at his best on his injured leg and really shouldn't have been off the crutches yet), and passed out for three hours, physically exhausted. He'd managed to text James before that, James frantic because Kendall had "slept" so long that he'd called Logan to check on Kendall. Apparently Logan had assured James that Kendall was fine, that he'd "checked" on him and found him sleeping soundly. The main reason Kendall wanted it to be a surprise was because he knew James would try to convince him to stay home, and James' focus needed to be on his performances, not on his boyfriend. So Kendall had done it all without James knowing, and he couldn't take the chance of either his mother or James' letting something slip so he'd kept the knowledge from them as well.<p>

Upon waking from his nap, Kendall checked his phone to see three missed calls from James and a text from Heather. He clicked open the text and laughed when the smiling faces of two chubby-cheeked blonde girls filled his phone's screen. Her children got cuter every time he saw them, Kendall would swear it. He let her know they were indeed adorable and instructed her to give them hugs, then let her know he'd made it and was about to go see James, who would be doing his short program tonight. While he was getting dressed Heather replied, instructing him to give James a hug as well and promising that she would be at the house Logan and Carlos shared, where everyone was gathering to watch James on television.

He made it into a cab and finally called James, the sound of his boyfriend's voice immediately making the pain go away—even if that voice was freaking out. "Kendall, are you okay? I've been worried sick, you know I hate it when you take those pain meds. I'm afraid you're not gonna wake up."

"Babe, I'm fine. I was in a lot of pain, it's easier to sleep through it. Didn't Logan tell you he checked on me and I was fine?"

"Yes, but you know Logan. He says things just to calm people down. So you're okay?"

"I'm fine, except for missing you. That pain doesn't really go away."

He could imagine James rolling his eyes but smiling anyway, because no matter what James said he loved it when Kendall talked like that. "Such a sap."

"You miss me too, admit it."

"Of course I miss you. I'd give anything to have you here with me."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"Blowjob when you see me again?"

"A thousand blowjobs when I see you again. Oh shit, I keep forgetting where I am. You should've seen those girls' faces as they walked by." James laughed, not really embarrassed for himself but for them.

"You doing okay?"

"Nervous. I want this so bad, Kendall."

"I know. You're gonna get it."

"But you're not here."

"You don't need me there."

"Shut up, we both know I do."

Kendall bit his lip, fighting back a smile because James had actually said it. "I love you."

"I love you, and I wish you could be here playing for the team. It feels weird without you. Remember when we broke the bed in St. Petersburg? I thought they were gonna disqualify us from the competitions."

"Nobody knew about that until after we left, it was fine."

"Yeah, but I was hoping we'd get to break another bed this time."

"Babe, even if I was there right now, I'd be in too much pain to break any beds with you."

"Oh, please. You let me fuck you the first night out of the hospital."

"I didn't have much of a choice, I was bed-ridden and you were horny."

"And you were begging me for it. 'Please, babe, I'll just lay here on my stomach and it'll be fine. It's been three days, I'm going crazy.' I know that had to hurt your leg."

"It was so worth it, though." Kendall sighed in contentment, thinking that after the competition tonight he'd have James in his bed again. Six days apart and he was indeed going crazy. "So you're at the arena?"

"Yeah, the program just started. We did our warm-ups and now I'm just waiting for my turn."

"Shit, already? I thought it wasn't until later!"

"They bumped us up. Aren't you watching this on T.V.? You'd better not miss me! I'll kick your ass."

"I won't. Hang on." Cursing, Kendall leaned forward to ask the driver how much farther, then he realized they were turning into the parking lot. With a sigh of relief, he told James, "I have to go. I love you and you're gonna do great."

"Great? That's all you have to say? Great?"

"Phenomenal. You're going to win that gold and show your dad how amazing you are, the entire world cheering for you. And I'll be so proud, my boyfriend up on that pedestal and the most amazing man in the world."

"Fuck, I love you. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. None of this would be happening. I'd probably be playing hockey and miserable, or sitting at home watching this and wishing it was me. Thank you, Kendall. I don't say it enough. Thank you for loving me and getting me where I am today."

Shoving money into the driver's hand, Kendall had to stop and get control of the tears suddenly threatening to overwhelm. "I do love you. And I'm so proud of you. We all are."

"I know. I wish you were here."

"You'll see me before you know it. Go kill them all."

"For you. I'll do it for you."

"Do it for _you_."

"For us, then."

"That...yeah. That works."

"I love you, Kendall."

Kendall nodded as he stood up, grimacing as his knee screamed at him. "I love you, too."

* * *

><p>Getting clearance into the performers' area was easy for Kendall; he'd called ahead and set it up with Stephen, who had been beyond relieved that Kendall was flying over. He knew as well as the other two that James skated best when Kendall was present and was willing to do whatever it took to make that happen. Kendall texted him and he let Kendall know exactly where they were, begging him to hurry because James was starting to do that freak-out thing he always did before a performance and only Kendall could manage to calm him down.<p>

He heard James from two doors down and grinned.

"Don't tell me to calm down, you have no idea the kind of pressure I'm under and my boyfriend isn't even here with me, he swore he'd always be here with me and it's not his fault, it's nobody's fault but he should be here, it's not right without him and I'm never gonna win, you know I can't do this without him and why the fuck isn't he here right now? I don't know why I'm even bothering, I'm going to be shit when I get out there on the ice, I should just bow out now before I disgrace myself and the rest of the U.S. by my shit performance and fuck this, I'm out of here!"

Kendall blocked the door, holding up six roses to stop James as he approached. "One for every day I missed. Win this and I'll blow you for at least an hour tonight."

James responded with shock and disbelief, then Kendall watched him melt as he realized that Kendall was really here, had really come all this way with a damaged leg and hadn't let it keep him away from James when he needed him most. "Kendall. Holy fuck, what are you doing here?"

"You know what I'm doing here. Did you really think I'd miss this? I'd go through hell to be with you. In fact, I think I just did. That plane ride was no picnic. So make it all worth it and get out there, show them how amazing you are."

"Kendall. Oh my god, Kendall." James reached out and held him tight, shaking as Kendall whispered nonsense to him and pet his hair, kissing his neck and cheek and finally his lips as James attacked him, mouth hot on his as they devoured each other. This was what James needed, the adrenaline channeled into a healthier outlet and even though it killed the nerves in his knee, Kendall allowed James to press him up against the wall and move against him, mouth owning him in the way he'd missed for too many days as the roses fell to the floor.

Stephen breathed a sigh of relief as he left in search of their mothers. James closed the door, then Kendall slipped his hand into the slit he knew was hidden in James' costume and pulled him out, James moaning and rocking into the touch. "So scared, Kendall, what if I fall? What if I can't do this?"

"You can do anything." He dropped to one knee, the other screaming at him for bending it, but he ignored that and took James into his mouth, James crying out and thrusting into the wet heat in a frenzy. "Kendall! Fuck, I love you so much! Can't believe you're here!"

Kendall hummed in agreement, bringing James to a quick orgasm. They both appreciated a good fuck, but with them blowjobs had always been their favorite thing, since their first night together. When James was spent he pulled Kendall up into his arms, kissing him as he tried to breathe. "So amazing, you're always so perfect and I love you so fucking much, Kendall."

"Always here for you. I promised you that years ago, and that's never gonna change. Right here when you need me."

"I need you. I always need you."

"Then get out there and do this. You can do anything, remember?"

"I think it was together. _ Together_ we can do anything."

Kendall smiled. "Then it's a damn good thing I'm here, isn't it?"

"The best," James answered with his own smile. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

><p><em>Four Days Later<em>

Kendall stood at the side of the ice between his mother and James' mother, not even embarrassed by the tears rolling down his face as he watched his boyfriend lifting his gold medal high in the sky, his heart swelling while the crowd cheered James and chanted his name. Years ago Kendall had watched a movie and imagined this very moment for James, imagined himself right here in this place and feeling what he was feeling now.

James met his eyes across the ice. Kendall knew that it hadn't sunk in yet, that James was mostly numb at this point, but still he managed to mouth words that Kendall understood perfectly.

_Thank you. I love you._

Kendall blew him a kiss and nodded, and James' smile was all he'd ever need for the rest of his life. He had a few years of hockey left in him, and James would most likely turn to coaching in the next few years after riding the wave of fame from his win, but none of that really mattered. What mattered was that they would do it together, as they had done everything from the moment James admitted that Kendall was in fact his official boyfriend, and that James would be at his side every day, through all of it. What happened in their lives after this wasn't really important, because whatever it was, together they would make it work.

Together, they could do anything.


End file.
